Break You

by Jennifer Snyder

  “So, he was at least good?” she asked. Her brown eyes glimmered with excitement at the possibility. “I mean, even if he didn’t intend to start up a relationship with you, he did at least know what he was doing?”

  Jesus. Leave it to Paige to put it that way.

  “Yeah, he was, actually,” I said with a large grin, before taking another swig of my wine.

  “At least there’s that.” She shrugged. “It would be horrible if he was shitty in bed and had only been out for a one-nighter.”

  I nodded. “The thing is…I’m not even sure he was out for the one-nighter.”

  “Huh? What makes you think that? Aren’t all guys out for a one-nighter if they can score it?”

  “Most I’m sure, but he didn’t even make the first move… I did,” I admitted. Crap, had I forced myself on him? Oh my God, I was that girl—the one who gets drunk and then practically rapes a guy. Damn it.

  Paige’s lips curled into a smirk. “Are you serious right now? You expect me to believe that prim and proper Blaire Hayes was the one who initiated the first move with Jason freaking Bryant?”

  “Yup, because it’s true. I kissed him first,” I said. The vivid image of me doing so flashed through my mind. “I practically jumped him as soon as he took me down to the river.”

  “He took you down to the river? That’s creepy. I can’t believe you let that happen.”

  “It wasn’t creepy. I think he was trying to give me some time to sober up before we headed home, so I wouldn’t barf all over his Jeep.” I had no clue if that had actually been his intentions or not, but it sounded good. Oh my God, had that been what he’d been doing…and then I’d thrown myself at him! My stomach hardened and my face and neck began to feel incredibly hot.

  “Sure.” Paige rolled her eyes. “All I’m saying is if that had been me and I’d gone down to the river with some guy on a first date, drunk and alone, you’d have flipped a freaking lid.”

  Rubbing my forehead, I realized she was right; maybe that hadn’t been my brightest moment. “You’re right. I know.”

  “But, when you did go down there with him…what happened?” she asked, her attention shifting back to the rest of the evening besides my slip in judgment.

  “I kissed him and practically mauled him to death with my vagina,” I muttered sarcastically. I downed the last of the wine in my glass and reached for the bottle.

  Paige waved my words away. “You did not. I bet he had protection out and on in a flash once you started kissing him.”

  Protection. I’d forgotten that we hadn’t used any. My heart began to race in my chest as shooting spikes of adrenaline shot through me at this thought. How in the hell could I have let myself sleep with someone without using protection?

  “No, not really.” I felt my face scrunch up as the words slid from my mouth. “He didn’t have any on him. He actually tried to stop me a few times, letting me know we didn’t have to go any farther…but I just kept right on going. Hence why I claim to have mauled him with my vagina.”

  “You didn’t use any protection? What!” Paige shrieked. “That is it, you are not allowed to go out without a reminder talk with me on the do’s and don’t’s of casual dating. Rule number one: always use protection, Blaire! Always!”

  I closed my eyes. “I know this, Paige. I just got caught up in the moment, I guess.”

  “Yeah, that’s what they all say and then they pop out a baby in nine months or end up with some disease they can’t wash off in the shower!”

  I flinched at her harsh words of truth and my stomach knotted even more. There was no way I could be pregnant because I was on the pill, but catching something…that was a real possibility. What if Jason never used protection with anyone? Immediately the realization that wine and panic did not go good together for me clicked into place. Hot tears begin to trickle down my cheeks.

  “Oh, I’m sorry!” Paige said. “I was too harsh, wasn’t I? I didn’t mean it, I swear, Blaire. Don’t cry.”

  I laughed at her attempt to rectify the damage she’d done by speaking the truth. “You weren’t too harsh. It’s the truth…and I’m scared. What if I caught something from him? I mean, you saw who he’s with tonight. Obviously he has no standards.”

  Paige wrapped an arm around me and pulled me in close. “No. You’re gonna be fine. I was just trying to prove a point. Everything will be okay.”

  I leaned my head against her shoulder and prayed that she was right.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  JASON

  Beyond my control, one week of waiting to ask Blaire out on a second date turned into two. Things had not been in my favor lately. It had rained for two solid weeks straight and I’d found out after the first round of random flash flooding had started that the basement to Gramps’ house leaked like a bitch. I’d had to purchase a pump to get the gallons of nasty water out and then had to repeat the process of pumping it out numerous times. Then came trying to figure out where the freaking leak in the foundation was…which meant I had to fix the leaks that I found. It was a mess and I was well over my head, but toughed it out like a trooper for my mom.

  I’d been so stressed and pissed off about the fucking basement and all the damn rain that I hadn’t had time to worry about when I should send Blaire another message on Facebook and if it should include my number this time. In fact, I hadn’t done anything. I’d been dog-ass tired trying to learn how to do shit properly and then having to learn to fix all the shit I’d broken while trying to fix the first thing the right way.

  Over the last two weeks I’d come to a few conclusions about things: One, I sucked at home repairs. Two, my Gramps’ place was a fucking dump waiting on the right person to look at it close enough to realize this. And three, Sarah seemed pretty damn close to stealing my spot on the lease of mine and Brian’s apartment.

  My life seemed to be in fucking turmoil.

  I switched the channel on the TV in the “media room” of Cross Meadows, putting it on MTV. Some stupid show about teen moms was playing. I left it there, hoping to get a riseout of Gramps. Back in the day he would have never let me put the TV on some garbage show like that. Now, he just sat there and stared blankly at the screen without really seeing what was on it at all. Hell, I wasn’t even sure he realized I’d been here to visit him first thing in the morning every day this week.

  It was sad, really, I was practically watching him wither away to nothing in this place.

  They couldn’t get him to eat much—his food intake apparently had been decreasing over the last few days—and he never talked anymore. It was like he’d given up, like he’d decided that a world without my grandmother in it wasn’t a world worth living in. I admired that, while at the same time despised it.

  I chucked the remote down beside me on the floral sofa they’d obviously had donated by some dearly departed old person’s family and propped my hand up to stare at him. He was dressed in a pair of slacks and a button-up shirt. He looked nice, but his socks didn’t match. I wondered if it was some nurse joke—a way to make him appear more vibrant—or if by the time they got to putting his socks on in the process of dressing him they’d just given up on whether or not he matched and grabbed the first thing they saw. At least he wasn’t still wearing his pajamas like some of the other residents here. That had to just aid in their depression. My eyes traveled to his face; it was drawn into a vacant look—one that said he wasn’t where he wanted to be and didn’t give a shit who noticed.

  “Well, Gramps,” I let out a sigh. “I guess I’m off. I’ll probably not come by this weekend, but I’ll be back again sometime next week.”

  Standing, I squeezed his shoulder and made my way to the exit. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t do a sweep of the hall and the nurses’ station before I walked through the door, searching for Blaire. I had yet to see her here, but I knew that her Facebook said this was where she worked…because I’d checked and rechecked it several times to be sure.

  No Blaire in sig
ht. Again. She must work the night shift or something.

  Checking my phone for the time, I smiled. It was already almost two in the afternoon. I’d never spent the entire day with Gramps before, but the head nurse had called yesterday evening and told Mom she didn’t think Gramps had much of a fight let in him. So I’d decided if that was the case then I needed to spend some time with him, regardless if he was practically a vegetable, because I was facing this head-on. I’d decided it all early on and I wasn’t about to back down now.

  Besides, it had made my mom smile when I’d said I was going to take the day off from fixing Gramps’ house to spend the day with him, and that had been worth it.

  The rain was still coming down in sheets outside. Cramming my hands in the front pockets of my shorts, I headed across the parking lot to my Jeep with my head down. When would it ever stop raining? It was like the freaking sky was broken and no one knew how to seal up the damn hole.

  “Jason?” a familiar voice called to me.

  I knew who it was instantly and a smile came to my face. “Blaire. Hey.”

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” she asked. She stopped walking and stood in front of me beneath an oversized polka-dot umbrella.

  I scurried beneath it with her, not because I cared to be out of the rain, but because I cared to be near her. I felt bad for not calling after that night, even though I hadn’t had a number to call. If that was her way of doing things I didn’t like it. I wasn’t a one-night-stand type person and I still couldn’t get over the fact she apparently was.

  My eyes trailed over her. She was dressed in a pair of light pink scrubs and had a name tag fastened to her chest. Her short hair was pulled back into a ponytail at the base of her neck with a few strands hanging loose around her face. She lifted her hand to tuck them behind her ear.

  “So, how have you been?” I asked. There was a smirk on my face I couldn’t keep off, no matter how hard I tried. It came from simply being in her presence.

  “Good. Same old, same old.” She nodded and shifted her gaze away from me. “So, what are you doing here?”

  “What do you mean what am I doing here?” I asked innocently.

  I cocked my head to the side. My intentions were to make her smile before we both walked away. Hopefully I succeeded and didn’t make myself look like a moron in the process. Then I would ask her out again for that second date, and if the conversation went really well, I’d ask for her phone number too.

  “Umm, this isn’t generally a place to hang out,” she said.

  I shrugged. “I don’t see why not—awesome food, free TV, and the place is overrun with loads of mature, established women.”

  Her blue eyes met mine, searching to see whether I was serious. Our eyes locked for the briefest of moments before she broke out into the smile I’d been hoping for. “What you just said is wrong on so many levels,” she chuckled.

  “Maybe, but it made you laugh,” I pointed out. “Seriously though, my Gramps is here. He’s the reason why I’ve been in and out of town. I came to visit with him on this glorious day.” I motioned toward the rain.

  Blaire glanced at me with a look of utter concern. I could see why she was a nurse now. She cared so deeply for people. It was in her nature. “I had no idea you had family staying here. What’s his name?”

  “Gerald Stilton,” I said. My eyes dropped to the wet ground beneath me. This had not been the way I’d planned on steering the conversation. It was getting all serious and sad.

  “Mr. Stilton! He’s such a sweetheart,” she said as a look of recognition passed across her face. “He’s not on my hall, but I still see him in the media room and stuff.”

  How the hell do I switch this topic around? This was not even close to what I wanted to be talking about with her right now.

  “Yeah, well…” I trailed off. There really was no nice way to shift off the subject, so I figured I’d go with a gradual one. Blaire was perceptive enough, she’d take the hint that I didn’t want to talk about my Gramps anymore. “So, what have you been up to lately?”

  She shrugged, tipping the umbrella up a little more than it was. Water dripped onto my shoulders from it. “Nothing. Work and that’s about it.” Her tone seemed sharp, as though she were pissed about something. “What about you?”

  “I’ve been working on my Gramps’ house, attempting to get it up to par for my mom to sell it.” Damn it, there I go talking about Gramps again.

  Fuck.

  “Sounds fun.” She smiled. “Listen, I really need to head inside, I’m gonna to be late for my shift. I’m sure I’ll see you around sometime.” She started to walk away. It was now or never.

  “All right. Don’t have too much fun.” I started past her. One. Two. Three. Turning around to face her as I walked backward, I called out, “Hey, do you wanna have dinner or something tonight?”

  Blaire stopped midstep and turned to face me cautiously. Damn it, I knew she was going to say no before the words ever left her mouth. Plastering on my best smile, I prayed her tongue didn’t want to cooperate with her brain and that it let a yes slip out instead of the no she obviously was struggling to word nicely.

  “I can pick you up after your shift and we can head to Burger Buns,” I said in the most enticing tone I could muster. Rain continued to pelt my bare arms and slid down my face. “You know they have the best burgers in Coldcreek.”

  The desire to get out of the rain was nearly unbearable as it picked up, but I refused to move until I had an answer from her. Her eyebrows scrunched together and I braced myself for what she was about to say. “I’m sorry, I just don’t think dinner is a good idea.” She turned and walked away.

  Shot down. Again. If you counted the Facebook message, which I did.

  What the hell had I done on that date to make her so skittish when it came to going out with me a second time? From where I stood, the entire date had been awesome. What would make a woman act the way she was?

  And then it hit me—was Blaire embarrassed or ashamed of what had happened between the two of us? Did she think that was all I expected now?

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  BLAIRE

  Leaving Jason standing in the rain without a good excuse as to why I wouldn’t go out with him a second time was not my best moment. What else should I have said, though, that I wasn’t into the whole “casual dating thing,” that it wasn’t me? Fat chance he’d believe me now.

  All I knew was that there was no way I could go out with him a second time, because things were too awkward now. I’d slept with him without protection and desperately wanted to know if he had any STDs—not a conversation starter at all! Not to mention, I’d seen him gripping the town slut’s ass while she sat in his lap and kissed him the very next night.

  No. Jason Bryant might be able to add me to his belt of women he’d slept with, but I’d be damned if he added my number into his little black book designated for booty calls. My mind buzzed with the possibility of being added to that book though. To get a call in the middle of the night from him, saying he was thinking about me and wanted me to meet him someplace, maybe even for him to talk dirty to me just a little… Dear God that seemed exciting.

  But no. I was not becoming that girl. Ever.

  Shaking the water off my umbrella, I closed it and shoved it into the umbrella holder beside the door with a little more force than necessary. I prayed someone pulled the fire alarm tonight and this place became a chaotic mess, because that would be the type of distraction I needed.

  * * * *

  I ignored every single one of Jason’s Facebook messages and avoided him at Cross Meadows like he was a resident with MRSA for the next two weeks. He was not going to get that second date, regardless if every test I’d had done at the health center had come back clean of STDs. The amount of time I’d spent in the waiting room, freaking out with Lauren by my side while waiting for my turn to be poked and prodded at in order to get tested, just pissed me off even thinking about it. Not that it had been
all his fault, because it takes two to tango, but because of who I’d seen him with the very next night. Standards. That was the key to my anger issue.

  Jason Bryant obviously didn’t have any.

  Lugging my groceries to the apartment, I paused halfway there and shook off the anger building inside me due to his actions. Everything had happened weeks ago, I should be over this all by now. God, I’d have to check my tampon supply, because there was no denying my period was about to start any day now. Inhaling, I found my key. Music blared from my apartment—Paige must be in a great mood or else she was entertaining Craig. It was three o’clock in the afternoon, if I walked in on her and him going at it I was going to be pissed.

  Thankfully all I saw was Lauren when I walked through the door.

  “Hey, chick, where have you been?” she asked.

  “At the store,” I snapped. I closed the front door with my foot and carried all the bags in my hands to the kitchen. “We have no food and I think I might be coming down with something. I haven’t felt right for a few days now.”

  “You always think you’re sick,” Paige scoffed. She was sitting in the recliner, filing her nails. “That’s what you get for working around sick old people all the time.”

  “At least I work,” I said with way more harshness than I’d intended.

  “Yikes, someone’s in a bad mood. And I do work, thank you very much,” Paige insisted. I didn’t have the strength to argue with her. “I think you need some love, come here.” She held out her arms.

  I laughed, but honestly the gesture nearly brought me to tears. My entire body hurt and my emotions were way out of control today. Jesus, I needed to take a freaking happy pill or something. “I’m fine, really,” I said.

  I started to unload the groceries that I’d bought into the fridge. A rancid scent floated to my nose as soon as I opened the door. There was something rotten in here. I’d never been one to have smells get the best of me and force me to gag—I worked in a nursing home and changed old people’s diapers, for crying out loud—but there was something horribly disgusting in there.

  Pushing around what little we did have in the fridge, I found the stinky culprit—a moldy block of white cheese covered in Saran Wrap and sitting in its own juices on a plate. Plugging my nose, I pulled it out, being cautious to not spill any of the juices.