Fighting For Life

by Kylie Alyssa Forte

  Turns out, I wasn’t able to go on very long at all, because just then, everything went black at that very moment, and I remembered nothing from then on.

  ***

  I groaned loudly as I tried to struggle my way out of the darkness that was holding me down. I tried to fight my way to consciousness, but each time I tried to get out, more darkness came. It was holding me hostage.

  Luckily, the pain was at a minimum in that darkness. I could feel the hurt from my back and sides, but it was muted. I knew that the second the foggy darkness lifted, the pain would be intense.

  Intense wasn’t even close enough of a strong word. As soon as I finally peeled my eyes open, the pain was astronomical, it was unmeasurable, it was too much. I felt sick as I tried to breathe but breathing just made the pain worse.

  “Aubry?” I heard a deep husky voice say, it made my insides want to melt. “Aubry!”

  “A-Aiden . . .” I tried to say it without whimpering, but I couldn’t even get through his short name.

  “Aubry . . . You need to calm down, my sweet,” Aiden said ever so gently and ran his fingers through my hair soothingly. “Everything is okay . . . just calm down.”

  “W-What’s going on?” I asked, too confused. The last thing I remembered was stabbing Ronnie. Honestly, no regrets.

  “Tommy! She’s awake!” Aiden called as he turned himself slightly towards the door of the training room. Still, he never let go of my good hand or stopped his calming motions on my hair.

  Tommy walked in quickly and smiled warmly at me while trying to keep me calm. “Well . . . if it isn’t the most badass person in the world . . .”

  I laughed slightly at his greeting, but I immediately regretted it. The pain that was radiating through my ribs was back tenfold. I whimpered in pain as I tried to breathe.

  “Yeah . . . I haven’t had a chance to examine those yet,” Tommy said with a wince. Aiden, help flip her over please . . . I need to look at her back. That is where most of the damage was caused.”

  They painfully shifted me over, and I wanted to bawl at the sharp intake of breath that they both took. I knew from that reaction that it was bad. I was so disappointed, I was finally starting to get a little better.

  So much for that.

  “Aubry . . .” Tom’s voice was breaking and hesitant. “I-I . . . this is worse than last time,” he stated firmly.

  His finger barely grazed my skin. I bit my lips to not let a peep out, though I really just wanted to cry. I could feel his eyes looking over my back, but he reframed from touching me. That meant that it was awful.

  “Aubry, you need to go get X-rays. This is bad!” Tommy said, placing some ice on the bruises very gently. “I can’t even touch them this time.”

  “I’m fine Tom. It barely even hurts,” I lied while shifting back over and holding back a scream while doing it.

  Tommy looked at me skeptically as he sighed. He gave me two pills, both of which I dry swallowed. I prayed that it worked quickly.

  “Aubry . . . If you start coughing up blood or something, go straight to the hospital! It could mean you have a punctured lung.” I nodded at his words. “I’m serious, Aub. A punctured lung is fatal if not treated properly. Promise me.”

  “I promise, T . . . I’ll go to the hospital if I start coughing up blood. That won’t happen though.” I shrugged. Tom gave me an unimpressed look at my words. “I’m serious! It won’t happen. Fatal things don’t happen to me.” I nodded animatedly. “Not yet at least,” I murmured. “I’m serious, T . . . It’ll be fine. Painful and unpleasant things might happen to me, but nothing fatal . . . I’m not too lucky.”

  Tommy sighed and rubbed his face exhaustedly at my words. “You are . . . so fucking ridiculous,” Tommy groaned. “Honestly, you and Aiden deserve each other.”

  I started to relax a little as the pain pills began to kick in a bit. “Aubry, please make sure that you’re breathing and coughing normally as well, we don’t need you getting pneumonia.” He sighed again as he gently touched my bandaged hand. “Also . . . no fighting, at least until the stitches come out.”

  My eyes widened at his words. “How long will that be exactly?”

  “Two to three weeks.”

  “What? No. Hell no! I’ll just use my other hand! I don’t think you understand. I have to fight,” I yelled animatedly, making myself get too worked up and whimpering in pain at my movements. There was absolutely no way that I could have sat out for three weeks. I would have been dead by the second week.

  “Aubry, your left hand is your weak hand. It’s just three weeks,” Aiden said gently.

  “I’ll work on my left hand then. I’m not sitting out, end of discussion.” I glared at both boys while daring them to argue.

  “Let me talk to her for a minute, please?” Aiden asked Tom calmly.

  Tommy took his cue to leave the room.

  “Aubry . . .” He sighed in exhaustion.

  He looked very conflicted and just sat there for a long while. Finally, he looked up and scooted a chair right next to me. He glanced at my bandaged hand and then took a deep breath. ”I think that I need to explain the Ronnie situation to you.”

  I instantly perked up.

  “It was a month or two after my dad died. Everyone was really upset; it came as a really big shock to all of us. I found my refuge in girls, still do, in fact. I like losing myself in the physical, so I don’t have to deal with the emotional. I didn’t care about them, about any of them.” He sighed and shook his head violently.

  “Well . . . a girl named Amber came along. She was pretty and blonde, and really into me. We ended up hooking up a couple of times. Each time was weirder than the next, and eventually, I just had to break all contact with her.

  “She didn’t take it too well . . . She became a stalker and crazy after I stopped talking to her. Eventually, we had to get a restraining order on her because she was being so psycho.” He breathed deeply.

  “I should have seen the warning signs; they were all there. However, I ignored all of them and brushed it all off. I knew something was up with her, but I ignored it. But then, come to find out she had several different psychological problems. She had schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, BPD, and OCD among others, but those were the main issues.

  “Anyways, when she realized that I truly wasn’t interested any longer . . . She killed herself. She killed herself because of me.”

  I stayed silent. Though, I was quite confused as to where Ronnie was a part of this. I felt bad for Aiden. He obviously blamed himself, but it wasn’t in his control. We couldn’t control others, no matter how much we all wish that we could.

  “A few weeks later, this is where Ronnie came in. He was cool and really friendly; we became friends fast. A few weeks into the friendship, he asked me permission to court Bri. He seemed to always have a thing for her, and she seemed to like him too. I gave him permission! I thought he was a good guy.”

  I instinctively reached out my hand and grasped at him at his distress. I couldn’t even imagine how that felt to give someone that you trust permission, just for them to betray you in the worst way.

  “The night of their first date was hectic. Mom had picked up an extra shift, Cece was at Pawpaw’s since we lived at our old house at the time, and I, I was out at a party having fun and getting wasted. I was out having fun!” He was shaking when he took a pause.

  I tried to soothe him, but there was really no way to do that. What was done was done.

  “They were alone. He knew that no one was going to be coming home for hours. He had plenty of time to carry out his demented acts.” His voice was ice.

  “Soon enough, he called me after midnight and taunted me. He explained everything. The words still haunt me, ‘It’s your sister for mine, asshole’. I was so confused. The only thing that I knew for sure was that I needed to get to Bri. I needed to get to her!”

  “I ran as fast as I could to our house, but I was too late. When I got home, there she was, my beautifu
l little sister; laying on the ground, naked and battered. I practically delivered my little sister into the hands of a psychopath. All because of me!” He breathed harshly for a few moments, trying to get under control. His grip on my hand was rather harsh, but I didn’t dare move away.

  “When I walked in after my shock over Bri, I realized that he and some of his buddies were still there. I tried. I tried to make him pay, but he’s a good fighter. Plus, he had help.” He sighed deeply. “By the time it was all over, I had this cut on my chest.” He pointed to his shirtless chest and highlighted the discolored scar that ran across it. “And he permanently scarred Bri; not only psychologically, but with a cut across her face.”

  We both stayed silent for a while. I didn’t dare move while he caught his ragged breath.

  Suddenly, he ripped his hand away from me and sat up straight. “He’s not in jail. He never paid for those things he did to my sister. The police supposedly couldn’t find any DNA on her, and apparently, he had a “rock solid” alibi for the whole night.” He shakily ran his hands through his messy hair. “My little sister, my sweet and innocent little sister had to pay for me . . . She almost died because of me. She’s completely messed up now because of me.” He was shaking and holding back emotions. “There was no justice. There was no trial. There were no punishments. There was just my little sister, drowning in misery and pain.”

  He stood up abruptly, almost knocking the chair down when I reached for his hand again.

  “You can’t be near me anymore.” His voice was hard, but his eyes were soft. “You can’t go and fight, you can’t be almost friends with me, we can’t pretend that we don’t like each other . . . You need to protect yourself from him. You need to protect yourself from me. I’m not good. I’m not good for anyone, everyone just needs to stay away,” he said, getting up about to open the door.

  “Aiden, I’m not leaving you alone. We have a deal remember? I—” I started, but he cut me off quickly.

  “I don’t give a damn about our deal! You could have died tonight. He could have raped you and then killed you! J-Just stay away!” he yelled at me.

  “But I didn’t!” I exclaimed back at him with a snarl. “I didn’t die. Stop saying that you’re not good for me or anyone else! You are!”

  He scoffed at my words.

  “Do you know why I didn’t die tonight? Because I fought back! Because . . . for the first time in my life, there is hope; a real and tangible hope!”

  He looked up at me with softened eyes again.

  “Hope that I can go somewhere and be something. Hope that I will live through the things that have happened to me . . .” I paused as he took in my words. “If you hadn’t agreed to our deal, I would be dead by now.”

  His eyebrows shot up in shock.

  “You saved me.” I breathed out.

  He looked at me skeptically.

  “It’s obvious that I am involved in some messed up BS.” He beckoned me to continue. “I owe a crazy amount of money to people that are even worse than Ronnie.”

  His lips went into a thin line.

  “I grew up in a harsh environment on the bad side of town and got sucked into awful things before I even had a chance,” I tried to justify, more for myself than him. “Look, I can’t stop fighting. It’s not an option for me.”

  His face changed drastically into a look that I had never seen before.

  “As for any of this being your fault, you’re wrong,” I stated firmly before he replied to my revelation. “You chose the wrong girl when you were vulnerable. You didn’t make her kill herself. That was all on her own accord.”

  He shook his head.

  “And . . . Briana doesn’t blame you! She loves you. If anything, she thinks that you blame her. She thinks that you hate her for being the one to have that happen to her.” I sighed when his eyebrows furrowed. “It’s human nature to look for someone to blame when tragedy strikes, but you’re blaming the wrong person. Ronnie was the one that did all of this. He did it all out of his own volition.”

  I grabbed his hand firmly when he sat back down next to me. “You and Bri are blaming the wrong person when blaming yourselves. You have it twisted in your mind that each of you is blaming the other and that is hurting both of you to the core.” I squeezed his hand. “Ronnie is the bad guy. Don’t make yourself into one too.”

  “Aiden, Bri needs you right now. She hates herself. She can’t stand what Ronnie did to her and it’s consuming her quickly. You need to talk to her. You need to make her understand that you love her. She needs someone to be there for her unconditionally, so she can start putting the pieces of herself back together. She needs you.”

  He looked at me skeptically.

  “Have you noticed a change in her recently? Has she been crying less? Has she seemed better . . . yet not really?” I asked him slowly.

  His eyes flashed in recognition.

  “She is drowning in sorrow. She isn’t getting better but worse. She is letting the sorrow drag her under. When you let sorrow finally take a hold, it masquerades as numbness for a little while. You finally start to feel a little better, and the negative thing that you’re doing to yourself becomes your lifeline until the numbness gives way to soul-crushing pain, and you can’t take it anymore.”

  “What negative thing?” Aiden asked quietly, but we both already knew the answer to it.

  “You know . . .” I answered him in a whisper.

  His fingers drifted across my self-inflicted scars that were running up and down my arms. He looked me in the eyes. His voice was barely a whisper when he spoke, “She’s hurting herself.”

  ***

  Aiden

  As I looked at her, I could feel a hole forming in my chest. The way she winced as she moved and the way she unconsciously cradled her bandaged hand made me feel absolutely awful.

  I was responsible for everything! I got another girl hurt! It was my fault.

  The way she looked at me, though, wasn’t a look of blame or anger; it was soft and understanding. She wasn’t looking at me with any judgment as I spoke. It was endearing, and that just annoyed me because I wanted to be angry. Not at her per se but at the situation. I needed her to leave me alone. I didn’t want to hurt her.

  I told her of my past. I laid it all out for her to see. I let her in on one of my deepest darkest secrets.

  She needed to know. She needed to understand. It was difficult, but it was necessary. She had to see reason. She had to see me for what I truly was—a messed-up man.

  I couldn’t take any more chances with her . . . with anyone. Everyone needed to stay away from me. I only brought pain upon the people in my life. I could only hurt.

  I knew she didn’t see me that way though. I could see it in her eyes, she never saw me as that guy. She might have seen me as a jerk, as a narcissist, even as a fuckboy, but she never saw me as a bad guy. It comforted me because I knew from the harsh injuries that she showed up with that she had encountered dangerous guys. To know that I wasn’t roped-in with them in her book was amazing.

  Still, it didn’t change anything. She needed to stay away for her own safety. She needed to forget our deal and move on to something else. It wasn’t safe.

  She wouldn’t. I knew she wouldn’t. She was a stubborn girl when it came to certain things, and that was one of those things. She wasn’t going to leave me alone unless I forcibly removed her from my life. I was about ready to do that until she caught me off guard by her words.

  “Do you know why I didn’t die tonight? Because I fought back! Because . . . for the first time in my life, there is hope, real tangible hope!”

  I felt myself soften at her frantic words. I was confused as to how I brought her hope, but it was the sentiment, nonetheless.

  “Hope that I can go somewhere and be something. Hope that I will live through the things that have happened to me. If you hadn’t agreed to our deal, I would be dead by now.”

  I took in a sharp breath at her ominous words. I was confus
ed, but I knew that fire in her beautiful eyes . . . she wasn’t lying.

  She continued talking, saying things about people worse than Ronnie and the money she owed. I desperately wanted to know who it was, but I knew that she would have never told me anyways. I wanted to help her. I wanted to kill the people who had hurt her so greatly. I wanted to hurt the people who messed up her childhood.

  “Look, I can’t stop fighting. It’s not an option for me,” she told me with a determined set of her jaw.

  She was so incredibly beautiful in that moment. The fire that was burning in her eyes was so incredible and bright, it was radiating out of her. I knew that there was no use in arguing with her; she had me wrapped around her finger, and she had no idea of it.

  When I said nothing, she began to talk again. It was kind of cute seeing her be so passionate and stubborn. She wasn’t going to drop any of it until she convinced me that I was a good guy. The things she was saying made sense, but I had been thinking one way for so long that it was hard to tell myself differently.

  “Aiden, Bri needs you right now. She hates herself.” It was those words that instantly caught my attention. Bri had done nothing wrong.

  “She can’t stand what Ronnie did to her, and it’s consuming her quickly. You need to talk to her. You need to make her understand that you love her. She needs someone to be there for her unconditionally, so she can start putting the pieces of herself back together. She needs you.”

  I wasn’t sure if those were words just designed to make me get over myself, or if they were really the truth. Aubry didn’t seem like the type of girl to lie about that though.

  “Have you noticed a change in her recently? Has she been crying less? Has she seemed better . . . yet not really?”

  I had. I could still see the sadness in her though. I could see the hurt. I could see hatred. I hadn’t thought that it was towards herself though I always thought that it was directed at me.