Fighting For Life

by Kylie Alyssa Forte

  She looked around uncomfortably as I looked at her. Suddenly, I remembered that we weren’t the only two in the room. I straightened up at once.

  “Sorry, it’s just that you-you’re stunning,” I said, sounding like an idiot.

  “Yeah, he’s right! You look great,” Brandon said, side-hugging her with a smile.

  “Merry Christmas, Aub!” Tom told her quickly and hugged her too.

  “Yeah, um, y’all too.” She blushed and looked down hesitantly at everyone’s compliments.

  It made me smile as I looked at how shy she was. However, my smile quickly faltered when Stephanie came and inserted herself in-between us.

  I was just about done playing nice with the damn girl.

  “Move, Stephanie,” I said harshly.

  “Oh hush, you know that I’m way prettier than her, so stop!” she said sassily and threw a dirty look at Aubry.

  “Look, you little bit—” Aubry started, but my mom cut her off very quickly.

  “Dinner time!”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The Ugly Duckling

  Aubry

  The hot water felt good on my skin, and the scent of Aiden was everywhere in the bathroom. It was intoxicating. I knew I was taking an extremely long time, but I couldn’t help it. I never wanted to get out of the shower. I felt almost at home, more at home than my actual home—well, used-to-be-home, ever felt.

  Finally, after far too long, I decided to drag myself out of the burning hot shower and crept into Briana’s room. I dressed in a pretty dress and assessed myself. It was a beautiful garment, though, it was just slightly too big, but it fit way better than any of my other clothes fit me.

  It was a whole lot more revealing than I was used to as well . . . the open-back framed old scars and my awful-looking bruises that were all over my back. I felt uncomfortable, but it was also too pretty for me not to feel at least slightly better about myself.

  However, when I studied myself closer in the mirror, I could see too many of the ugly scars that I had collected over the years. From the jagged lines that I had received when I was only ten from when Sunny had pushed me too hard, and I fell through a window to the circular cigar burns going down my spine from when my father decided that it was an adequate way of punishing me when I was only seven and crying for my mommy. My eyes traveled over to the long and puffy scar that sat in the middle of my back, caused by a barbed wire fence from when I was running away from another demented friend of my dad’s. I instantly cringed at my awful-looking marred skin.

  My eyes then shifted down to my black, purple, and blue bruises that took up the whole of my mid and lower back. My bruises looked really bad, and I knew that I was going to get a lot of looks and whispers about how ridiculous I looked and how I didn’t belong. It was the truth.

  The dress was beautiful, but I . . . I was not. I was broken and too scarred. There was no way that I could go out there and subject people to that. To me and all of my scars . . . all of my issues.

  I suddenly wanted to rip the pretty garment from my ugly body. Just as I began to take the dress off, I heard a knock at the door.

  “Can I come in? It’s Briana.”

  I pulled the dress back into place at her voice. “Of course, it’s your room!”

  She walked into the room and looked at me with a smile. I felt self conscious but remained still under her gaze. “You look so gorgeous Aubry!”

  I shook my head no and laughed non-humorously. “Look at this,” I paused and pointed at my back, full of all of the bruises and scars. “No one wants to see this.”

  She scoffed at me. “Who cares? I didn’t even notice it until you pointed it out.” She shrugged and stood behind me with a smile. She was quite a bit taller, so she towered over me. “Don’t you remember what you told me?”

  I stared blankly at her for a minute because I had no idea what she was talking about.

  “Your scars don’t make you ugly; your scars show where you’ve been.” I nodded at that reminder. “Look, that got me through a lot. Besides, you will not be the talk of the family today . . . I will be. This will be the first time that I’ve been out in front of them with short sleeves since the accident. So, they will certainly be talking about how psychotic I am, not you.”

  For the first time that day, I took in her appearance. She had on a black high-waisted maxi skirt, a red short sleeved cropped top, and black pumps. Her hair was straightened, and her makeup was festive and warm. The scars on her arms were healing and all scabbed over, making me smile. She looked beautiful and strong . . . I knew that I needed to follow her example.

  “Let’s do your hair and makeup. We’re already running late.”

  She worked easily and effectively, making me look really nice and put together. I glanced in the mirror and gave myself a very slight unpracticed smile. I looked decidedly okay.

  “You ready?” I asked Briana. She smiled, walking out first towards the chaos.

  We walked side by side together into the room. The whole room was practically silent as people began to notice us. Briana had a new wave of confidence surrounding her as she walked ahead of me towards some relatives. The confidence really suited her; she was made to be noticed.

  I, on the other hand, felt like a deer in headlights as I walked through the silent room. I was certainly not made to be noticed. I was supposed to be shoved in the corner and forgotten about. My whole life was a testament to that.

  After Aiden shook his bitch of a step-cousin off of him. He made his way to me. His gaze was penetrating as he stared at me. No words were spoken, just his gaze. I began shifting uncomfortably as his look began to make me feel uncomfortable. Well, not his look exactly, but the rest of his family’s eyes that were on us and taking in our moment together.

  He must’ve sensed my uneasiness and stood a little straighter while finally smiling widely at me. “Sorry, it’s just that you-you’re stunning.”

  I felt my cheeks go hot immediately.

  B and Tom greeted me as well with hugs and compliments of their own. I was not used to the attention or the compliments, so I stammered out an awkward greeting and tried to hide my blush as much as possible.

  However, the embarrassed flush turned into an angry flush rather quickly with the way that Stephanie began speaking about me. I was sick of people looking at me the way that Stephanie and all the other mean girls looked at me. I was sick of being looked down upon and treated like a lowly animal of sorts. It was what my whole life had consisted of.

  “Look, you little bit—” I started to tell her off, ready to tell her where she can go shove her superiority complex until—

  “Dinner time!” Dana yelled loudly, cutting me off effectively. I could see the small smirk that she had on her face as she looked directly at me.

  I knew that she had done that for my own good. Starting a fight in the middle of Christmas was probably not the greatest idea.

  That time, there were two tables instead of only one like last time. Granted, Christmas seemed to be a much bigger event than the last family gathering. It slightly relaxed me a bit because the tables were obviously split into the “adult” tables and the “kid” tables, so I was fairly certain there the adults wouldn’t be asking us too many questions like the time before.

  All of us awkwardly sat down without talking. The older kids sat on one side while the little ones filled in the other side. Brandon’s little sisters and Cece were the only ones talking up a big storm. Everyone else just looked around uncomfortably.

  Soon enough, our plates were filled, and I began eating the heavenly food. I almost moaned at the taste. It was absolutely delicious.

  I was indulging in my food when I heard a loud scoff from across the table. “You’re such a fat pig.” I heard the screechy voice from across the table say. Surely the comment was directed at me.

  I gripped my fork tighter and chewed slowly trying to ignore the bitch. I just wanted to enjoy my first ever Christmas dinner. Was that too much to
ask for?

  “And you’re an ugly bitch,” Briana said casually with a shrug, making all of us look at her in surprise.

  I supposed that she had never said anything like that to her overly vocal cousin before.

  “Excuse me?” Stephanie asked loudly, completely outraged at the insult.

  I almost started laughing at the way her head looked like it was about to explode.

  “You’re one to talk, deformed ugly mongo,” she fired back.

  My fork clanked onto my plate loudly at her words.

  Aiden stiffened all the way up and growled at her. “You stupid—” he started but was suddenly cut off by Briana.

  “At least I have an excuse for my ugliness. What’s yours?” Briana said, quite loudly and harsh.

  Her words startled all of us even more. I laughed heartily that time, I couldn’t help it.

  “You’re not ugly!” Brandon said firmly to Bri.

  Everyone just laughed openly at Stephanie.

  Stephanie huffed and stood up from the table abruptly, even knocking her chair down, and making all of us look at her like she was a psychopath. “I’m leaving! I don’t have to take this . . . this abuse!” she announced loudly.

  All of the adults looked at our table with widened eyes. They had no idea what was going on.

  Stephanie looked at Briana and then to me with hatred. “I don’t know who the two of you think you are, but let me tell you something. You are both the lowest of the low. The people who no one wants to be.” She sneered at us with anger. “So what?” she scoffed at me. “You got a hot guy’s attention all of a sudden? That’ll end as soon as he gets tired of you. And you . . .” she said, turning to Briana. “…You, all of a sudden got all of this confidence?! That will be squashed in a matter of days when someone says something mean to you or tells you to go kill yourself, then you’ll run away crying like the little bitch you are.”

  “That is quite enough, Stephanie,” Dana said loudly, looking angry.

  Stephanie scoffed, “Whatever! You two enjoy your time right now because it’s all going to come to an abrupt end eventually.”

  “Get out,” Aiden said with a glare.

  “When you finally get done with the ugly duckling, you can call me,” she told him before walking out of the house. Her mother followed after her frantically.

  “Do we even want to know?” Dana asked while trying to hide an amused smile but miserably failing at the task.

  “She’s crazy!”

  Dana let it go with no more questions. I guess she really didn’t care too much.

  Good riddance.

  “Bri, where did this newfound confidence come from?” Aiden asked what we were all wondering.

  She shrugged. “Honestly? I’ve just decided to embrace myself. I have been punishing myself for far too long, so I decided that I am going to embrace myself and not care anymore. Not care about what people think of me, not care of what anyone has to say about me, not care about what people say about what happened. I just want to be happy. I’ve realized that I’ll never be the old me ever again, so it’s time to embrace the new me. I’ve realized that the people who care about me will embrace the new me too.”

  I smiled at her and squeezed her hand in support. “You are so strong, Bri!” I told her.

  I meant it. She was beautiful and so strong. I was so happy for her.

  ***

  Aiden

  I was proud. So proud. My little sister was beginning to see what we all saw in her. I was happy for her. I knew that I just had to love and support her through her journey of self-discovery. I honestly couldn’t thank Aubry enough for pushing me to reconnect with her. Everything was so much better.

  Except . . . I glanced at the empty chair that my dad would have sat at if he were there. Except that he was still gone.

  ***

  After dinner, I found myself outside with Brandon and Tommy. We had started a new tradition the year before; the year that none of us celebrated due to the grief of too many tragedies. That year, we started a new club—the sad and pathetic “no dads” club.

  We all had no dads. What a freaking bonding point, yeah? Mine died, Tom’s died, and B’s left a long, long time ago. We all had no dads in our lives to teach us and raise us. It was a bit sad really, so the year before, we had decided that on every Christmas, we’d all get together and share a drink in honor of our tragic fathers. We’d all dedicate a drink to our absent dads.

  “Hey, um . . . Don’t you think that maybe we should include Briana in this? I mean . . . She doesn’t have a dad either,” Brandon said as we stood together on the back porch with a bottle in his hands.

  “I mean . . . Maybe we should ask Aubry to join us too then?” I commented with a shrug.

  “She has a dad though.”

  “You’re right,” I agreed. I just felt bad for leaving Aubry without us in there.“ Okay, well . . . go get Briana then.”

  A few moments later, Bri and Brandon emerged from the house.

  “What’s up?” she asked curiously.

  “This is the “no dads” club, wanna join?” I asked, holding a plastic cup out to her filled with a shot of whiskey that we had swiped.

  She shrugged nonchalantly and grabbed the cup from my hand. “Sure, finally a club that I can be a part of.” She grimaced at her statement.

  I poured the rest of the us cups and shrugged while holding mine up. “Well . . . Cheers. To no fathers to guide us.”

  “To no fathers!” Tommy echoed.

  We all downed our shots quickly.

  I refilled all the cups, and we stood out in the cold, telling stories of our absent fathers. There were some tears, there were some laughs, but most of all, we bonded. No dads, but great friends.

  I knew it had been a while before I finally decided to go back inside. I felt like a dick for leaving Aubry by herself in there. I just hoped that my family wasn’t eating her alive. I even knew she had already been uncomfortable. I was a dick for leaving her there. Why was I like that?

  “I’ll catch you guys later; I’m going to go inside,” I said nonchalantly and filled a cup with at least a couple of shots full of whiskey. I hoped that it was enough of an apology to her for leaving her there.

  I had to have taken at least a few shots, so I was feeling a little bit more relaxed as I wandered around my people-filled house. I wasn’t drunk or even tipsy really, but I did feel a bit better. I wasn’t so overwhelmed.

  I searched for Aubry for a while. Though, she was seemingly nowhere to be found. She wasn’t in the kitchen or the dining room. She wasn’t with the rest of the family in the living room either. Surely, she wouldn’t have gone home without saying goodbye. Although, I wouldn’t have blamed her. I left her there without an explanation. I probably would have left if the roles would have been reversed.

  What a dick move.

  I finally turned down the hallway with all of our rooms and heard her voice coming from Bri and Cece’s room. I breathed a ridiculous sigh of relief at the realization that she was still there.

  I walked towards the room quickly and heard her voice again—except that time, it was higher pitch and funny-sounding. There was laughter from the little girls in there with her that followed after she finished the sentence. I smiled at my little sister’s laugh.

  I finally made my way to the door and poked my head inside. No one noticed me, the girls were too engrossed by the book that Aubry was reading to them. I stood there and watched the scene unfold in front of me. It took a lot for me not to laugh at Aubry’s silly character voices. She was too cute.

  Soon enough, the book was over, and the girls were happy. They all thanked her profusely when she stood up.

  Aubry turned to the door with a soft smile on her face. Though, it dropped in surprise as soon as she saw me leaning on the doorframe.

  “My favorite was the silly walrus’s voice,” I said, with a soft chuckle.

  She rolled her eyes at me and tried to hide her blush. “Well, I ha
d to find something to do since everyone ditched me.” She walked around me and closed the door behind her, forcing me out into the hallway. She then looked at me with an annoyed expression and walked around me again.

  I gently grabbed her small waist with my free hand, and softly pinned her to the wall that was behind her. Although, she easily could have gotten away if she wanted to, especially with me only having one hand on her. She didn’t fight my grasp though.

  I stared at her for a second and then sighed. “I know . . .” I shook my head, disappointed with myself. I held the cup of whiskey out for her and she took it with no hesitance. “I’m sorry . . . We all just needed a moment,” I said sheepishly.

  She drank all of the contents in the cup in one gulp.

  “You understand, right?” I was genuinely worried that she was mad at me. She should have been mad at me.

  Her face softened and she nodded quickly. “Of course, I understand!” she told me immediately. “I mean, you do have a life outside of me. I don’t expect you to only have me in mind all the time,” she simply said.

  She was completely unaware that she was pretty much all I could think about in most instances.

  I nodded and smiled at her gratefully. I then let her go, but I didn’t dare to look away from her pretty face. Completely unaware of my admirance of her, she turned and began walking away from me to the living room.

  I couldn’t help but to study her form as she walked away. However, my eyes got stuck on her beat-up back. It was the first time that I had really ever been able to study it without her noticing and being on edge about it.

  I don’t know what possessed me to do it. I blame the alcohol. But whatever it was, it gave me the courage to reach out to her before she was too far out of my grasp and trace one of her scars.

  She stopped at once and inhaled sharply when she felt my fingers on her skin.