Fighting For Life

by Kylie Alyssa Forte

  “Oh, and Aubry, happy birthday,” he whispered to me, making me smile. He remembered.

  With that in my mind, I fell asleep, smiling. The thoughts and the panic attack from before were in the back of my mind. I only wanted to think of Aiden . . . only Aiden.

  ***

  I woke up, feeling refreshed for the first time in . . . I wasn’t even sure if I had ever felt so refreshed ever in my life. His arm was still around me, letting me know that the night before was not a dream. He really did want me to sleep in there with him. Sleep . . . not to have sex, not to inappropriately touch, or makeout and kiss all night long. Sleep. He wanted to make sure that I was truly okay.

  I smiled so hard at that revelation that I let out a weird giggle. It was strange . . . the happiness that I felt in my chest. It was a new feeling that I was sure wasn’t going to last very long, either way, I wasn’t going to question it too hard. I simply just wanted to enjoy it for the time being. Who knew how long it was going to last?

  I turned over slowly, trying to make sure that I didn’t wake Aiden up. However, when I finally shifted all the way over and faced him, his bright blue eyes stared into mine.

  I snorted in amusement, how long had he been up?

  “Well, good morning, gorgeous,” he said with a smile on his lips. That smile was the most stunning thing I had ever seen.

  “Good morning,” I said, returning his smile with a bright one of my own. It felt funny to smile so widely, but it was real.

  His eyes lit up even brighter.

  “Did you sleep better in here last night?” he asked me with a worried expression which ruined his perfect smile.

  “I slept wonderfully,” I said, bringing my hands up to Aiden’s chest and resting them on his pecs.

  “Well,” he said, clearing his throat. “Like I said, my bed is softer.”

  “It wasn’t the bed,” I told him while looking him straight in the eye.

  His smile brightened instantly at my words.

  We stayed in companionable silence for a few minutes as we just laid in bed together lazily.

  “Well,” he said, disrupting our bit of reverie. “It sounds like everyone is up. I guess we should go in there,” he said, removing his hand from my hips and sitting up.

  I followed his lead reluctantly.

  “Just to let you know, get ready to be bombarded with birthday celebrations galore in there. My family makes a big deal about birthdays,” he said sheepishly.

  My heart swelled, I never had a real and true birthday celebration before. I nodded while smiling again. Once again, the action felt weird and unpracticed, but it was still very real.

  He returned the smile once again and moved towards the door. Before he reached out and opened it, he turned to me and took my hand gently.

  I looked up at him and stared into his eyes, wondering what he was doing.

  He quickly enveloped me into a warm hug.

  I breathed in deeply and wrapped my arms around him as well.

  “Happy birthday, my beautiful Aubry,” he whispered intimately into my ear, leaving a lingering kiss right next to my lips.

  I couldn’t form any coherent words to mutter, so I just squeezed him tighter and buried my face in his neck. After a few more seconds, I let him go. He brushed his fingers over my cheek and tucked my hair behind my ear gently.

  “Thank you,” I finally whispered to him. I just hoped that my thanks were perceived as genuinely as it truly was. Because it was, I was truly so thankful to him.

  I followed him out of the room but slowed my pace when I walked through the door all the way. I felt panic rise in me. I felt like I was doing the walk of shame.

  “Aub?” Aiden looked back at me expectantly.

  “I . . . um, I need to go to the restroom,” I stuttered and turned around to the closest restroom. shutting myself in.

  I stayed in there for too long, especially with Aiden so aware of my whereabouts. I knew that he’d come and get me soon enough. Still, I couldn’t get myself to go out. The irrational side of my brain was coming to the forefront and making me nervous.

  What if Dana was not okay with me staying in Aiden’s room? What if she wanted to kick me out because of it?

  “Aub?” Aiden asked skeptically as he knocked on the door after a while. “Aubry, please let me in. I can feel your turmoil even from here.”

  I sighed and finally opened the door shyly.

  “Aubry.” Aiden sighed and pulled me forward to him. “What’s going on?”

  “I’m sorry, I know everything was just fine,” I sighed and tried not to sound pathetic. “I . . . I ruin everything. This beautiful and wonderful day that started out so nice . . .”

  “You have nothing to be sorry about, Aub. Quit apologizing. You haven’t ruined anything. Take a breath, and don’t let that anxious self-loathing voice in your head make you believe otherwise. Aub, everything is good. See that. Believe that,” Aiden spoke softly as he gently rubbed soothing circles into my skin. “Look at me.”

  I found his eyes immediately.

  “You are here . . . with me. We are both completely okay, and we are going to have a beautiful day to celebrate your birthday. When that anxiety creeps up on you, tell me. Let me help you. I am more than capable of always giving you the reassurance that you need. I want to be there for you, Aub.”

  “Your mom isn’t mad that we slept in your room together?” I asked softly.

  “No, Aubry. My mom is simply just excited to see you and celebrate your birthday with you. She isn’t mad at all. She might tease us, but she isn’t angry.”

  I sighed in relief and nodded.

  Aiden led me into the kitchen and both Robert and Dana were in there, looking completely relaxed and happy. Dana smiled widely when she saw me.

  “Good morning! Happy birthday, Aubry!” she exclaimed, attacking me with a hug.

  “Good morning, thank you!” I said, feeling my happiness finally returning to me.

  “Happy birthday!” Robert said, looking at me from his chair with an easy smile on his face.

  “Thank you,” I said, walking up behind him and hugging him gently while he stayed seated.

  “Sit Aubry, I’ll bring you my famous birthday pancakes!”

  I looked at Aiden in question, but he just chuckled at my surprised expression and sat me across from his chair.

  A moment later, Dana sat a big stack of sprinkle-filled pancakes in front of me. I couldn’t help the wide smile that grew on my face. However, a lump in my throat formed as well with my swirling emotions. The attention was overwhelming, and I couldn’t believe that everyone actually wanted to celebrate my birthday! It was unheard of for me.

  “Thank you so much!” I finally said gratefully with emotions clogging my throat.

  She nodded slowly, smiling at me and taking a seat next to me.

  We all ate in comfortable silence until Dana finally spoke, “So, I trust you slept well . . .” She took a pause. “In Aiden’s room.”

  I choked on the piece of pancake I was swallowing and took a big swig of water, trying to avoid the question. She just kept staring though, so I had to say something.

  “Yes, it was much better than the panic attack that I was having in the living room,” I said bluntly.

  Dana’s eyes grew wider, and she reached for my hand. She certainly wasn’t expecting that answer. “Are you okay?”

  “Yes ma’am, I am okay. Aiden was able to calm me down.”

  “Well, I am glad that Aiden was there for you.” She smirked playfully which reminded me so much of her son in that moment. “However, I know that you two are teenagers with crazy hormones. Remember to use pro—”

  “No, no, no! It wasn’t like that!” I cut her off frantically. My face felt like fire, and Dana chuckled at my embarrassment.

  She was about to say something else before Aiden face-palmed himself and said, “Mom, nothing happened.”

  “Well, when it does just make sure y’all use pro—”


  “Mom!” Aiden groaned. “You already gave us the sex talk.”

  “Dana, leave the poor kids alone. If Aubry turns any more red, she’ll be confused with a tomato.” Robert chuckled along with Dana, letting me know that she was simply joking the whole time.

  I was halfway through my pancakes when Briana came into the kitchen. “Happy Birthday!” she exclaimed as soon as she saw me.

  “Thank you, Bri!” I said, smiling at her. I was still feeling so touched by everyone’s care shown to me. “What are you up to today?” I asked her, noticing she was fully dressed.

  She opened her mouth to speak, but Cece ran into the kitchen and jumped on me before she could say anything.

  “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Cece yelled at me excitedly, making me laugh.

  “Thank you, sweet girl!” I said, returning her hug. “You look cute in your sweater dress,” I commented.

  She smiled at me as she got down and twirled for me to see her whole outfit. “I put it all together myself,” she commented smugly.

  Bri laughed at her little sister and then answered my question from before, “Brandon is babysitting his little sisters today, so I’m going over to help him. Cece is coming with me to see her friends.” She paused for a second and added, “But don’t worry we’ll still be here for dinner!”

  “Oh-kay?” I said in a questioning tone. I didn’t understand why I was supposed to care if they were home for dinner or not.

  “We have a tradition for birthdays. I make your favorite meal, and the whole family comes over to eat with us,” Dana said, smiling at me.

  My eyes widened . . . the whole family?

  “No, no . . . Don’t worry, not the whole family. Just all of us, Tommy, and Brandon. I know that you don’t like crowds, plus, my family is annoying and apparently don’t know how to be nice,” Aiden explained quickly.

  “Aiden . . .” Dana warned.

  He just shrugged in response.

  “So, what should I make for you tonight?” Dana asked me nicely.

  “Oh no, that’s okay. Breakfast was plenty enough for me. You don’t need to go through all this trouble just for me. You have already done so much.”

  “Spaghetti,” Aiden answered for me after my protest.

  I looked at him with wide eyes when he said my favorite food.

  “And those garlic potatoes that you made for Pawpaw’s birthday. Oh! And don’t forget the double chocolate death cake.”

  We all looked at him bewildered when he finished.

  “How do you know all of that is my favorite?” I asked, astonished.

  “You told me a while back that spaghetti is your favorite, then you practically filled your whole plate with those potatoes at Pawpaw’s birthday, and you were basically drooling over that cake,” he explained.

  Everyone was still staring at him.

  “I mean . . . that is what you want, right?” he asked self-consciously when no one said anything at his explanation.

  I nodded my head, still in disbelief that he knew what I liked. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but to me it was. No one had ever paid attention to me like that before.

  After a while, Bri cleared her throat then asked, “So what are you two doing today?”

  I shrugged,.“Just going to the gym as far as I know.”

  Aiden shook his head at me. “I told you yesterday Aubry, I’m taking you somewhere.” He turned and looked at Briana. “It’s a surprise, so I can’t tell you.”

  “Well you better tell me all about it at dinner tonight!” She paused. “Unless it’s about y’all doing it. You can keep that to yourself,” she said, shuddering.

  “Briana!” Aiden warned, shaking his head.

  “Doing what?” Cece asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

  “Nothing, honey!” Dana said, giving her older daughter a firm look. “You’re going to have loads of fun, Aubry,” Dana said, smiling.

  I was nervous because no one really ever took me anywhere, so I was at a loss. “Okay so, Aiden . . . What do I wear?” I asked, perplexed.

  “Anything you want as long as you wear that pretty smile,” he said smoothly, making me blush scarlet.

  I shook it off quickly and then smiled playfully at him as I put my dish in the sink. “You’re so corny and weird sometimes!” I said with a laugh, making sure he knew that it was a joke.

  “I’m weird? You are calling me weird?” he asked with a smile and stood up.

  I nodded instantly. “Yep, what are you gonna do about it?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

  He lunged for me, but I side-stepped out of the way quickly and then circled around the kitchen island.

  “You forgot that I’m quicker than you!” I exclaimed, laughing at his surprised face.

  His whole family was watching our exchange with amused faces.

  “Yeah . . . Well, I’m stronger than you, so when I do catch you . . . It won’t be pretty!”

  He came around the island, trying to get me, but I took off running out of the kitchen and towards his room. I could feel him on my heels, but I was just out of his reach. I got to his bedroom door and ran in, closing it quickly and locking it behind me with a giggle.

  “Ha!” I called through the door.

  “So, you’re just gonna lock me out of my room like that?!” He laughed playfully.

  “Sure am!” I called, leaning my head on the door. “Thank you, Aiden . . .” I said quietly. “. . . for everything.”

  “Anything for you, Aubry,” Aiden said just as quietly as me.

  I sucked in a breath and stood still for a minute with my forehead still on the door. “So . . . When you say to wear whatever, what exactly does that mean? Jeans? Sweatpants? A dress? help me out here . . .” I said, looking around the room.

  “Just put on sweatpants and a t-shirt!” he said in exasperation as he grumbled about girls.

  I giggled and did as he said. I walked back out to the kitchen after readying myself and smiled at him triumphantly.

  “Ready! Even though I’m a girl and we obviously like to complicate ‘simple’ things,” I said, mocking his grumbling from before and sticking my tongue out at him.

  Aiden rolled his eyes playfully as he went to go get ready himself.

  Dana stood there, smiling at me as it was just us two left in the room.

  “What did I do?” I asked, looking around since she was staring.

  “Nothing, but be you,” she answered sweetly and walked forward to me. “I’ve never seen Aiden so happy. I’m so grateful to you for that,” she said, coming forward and hugging me tightly. “Thank you, Aub.”

  “Ready?” Aiden asked, coming into the kitchen dressed similarly as me and holding a backpack.

  Dana let me go and grinned. “ You’ll have so much fun. Happy birthday!”

  With those parting words, Aiden led me to his truck with a grin.

  “Ready?” he asked when we both got into the truck.

  ***

  Aiden

  “Absolutely,” she answered with no hesitation.

  “What if I was taking you somewhere awful?”

  “I’d be ready to go anywhere with you,” she countered back.

  I couldn’t stop the wide smile that worked its way onto my face at her answer. I started my truck and began our route to our destination to distract myself.

  I was painfully aware that she was continuously looking at me during our ride. I was trying my best to pretend that it wasn’t affecting me. However, I was feeling self-conscious, only Aubry could do that to me.

  “Aiden, can I ask you some questions?” she asked me finally.

  “Only if I can ask you some too.”

  She nodded stiffly and then began her questions, “Have you ever had a panic attack before?”

  My smile vanished, and I stayed quiet for a moment. I had never told anyone about them before, so it was kind of sensitive.

  I took a deep breath and nodded. “After my dad died, I got them sometimes. I would just be sitting around doing noth
ing in particular and out of nowhere, I felt like I couldn’t breathe anymore. My chest felt like it was going to explode, and my mind would just berate me over trivial things. It was terrifying,” I answered, remembering the pain in my chest.

  “So, that was how you knew how to help me? Someone did that for you?” she asked quietly.

  “No . . . I’ve never told anyone about my panic attacks before. I mean, you’re the first one, now.”

  Her eyes widened at my answer. “Then how’d you know how to help me last night?” she asked curiously.

  I shrugged and looked away. “I always wished that someone would do that for me when I was having one . . . No one was ever there for mine. I mean, it was my own fault . . . I pushed everyone away after my dad died,” I answered.

  She took off her seat belt and scooted across the bench seat to be next to me before she lightly put her hand on my thigh.

  I sucked in a deep breath at her small hand which caused so much warmth on my leg.

  She studied me for a few seconds, looking at my profile intently. “I wish that I could have been there for you back then,” she whispered in my ear.

  Chills instantly erupted all over my body. I stopped at a stop sign and turned to her. We both stared at each other intensely. Her green eyes, bright with her inner fire, were begging me to get closer and closer to her.

  “You’re here now,” I whispered to her.

  My hand was on her cheek, and I buried the other one in her hair. That was what I needed her, I needed her.

  She leaned into me, and I was leaning into her. We were only inches away from each other and still growing closer.

  Honk! Honk!

  The car behind us beeped loudly, making me painfully aware of my surroundings once again. I shook my head and stomped on the gas. I was pissed off that we were interrupted again.

  Aubry scooted back to her seat and cleared her throat awkwardly.

  A few moments of silence passed between us.

  “Have you ever had a panic attack? Before last night, I mean . . .” I asked, trying to avoid the awkwardness.

  She sighed and nodded. “Yeah, especially after Kelsey left. I don’t think I’ve ever had one as bad as last night, though. If you weren’t there, I-I don’t know if I would have ever calmed down.” Her voice was weak as she spoke.