But once he left work and went home, he felt an overwhelming loneliness. Even though he knew how scarce food was, he still managed to bring a bag of crumbs with him from the bakery to feed the birds. Watching them eat gave him a sense of purpose. He would have liked to remarry as soon as possible. He knew that was what his wife would have wanted for him. But he never felt comfortable around any of the women he met. And none of them ever touched his heart the way his wife had, so he filled his time with work.
However, when the girl came into his shop today, the blonde who said her name was Eva, he found himself thanking his lucky stars. She was by far the prettiest girl he’d seen in a very long time, maybe the prettiest he’d ever seen. He was already taken, and he’d just met her. That night, Albert went home to his lonely, sparsely furnished flat, and for the first time in many years he found himself smiling. It was cold outside, but his bed was warm. And there was bread in the bread box, and a block of cheese for his dinner. But most of all, a beautiful, young woman named Eva would come to work at his café tomorrow. She would spend the day beside him. “Eva,” he whispered as he washed his hands and face before eating. “Eva.” Perhaps it is a miracle that she came in looking for a job today, he thought. Perhaps God has finally heard my prayers and sent me a wife, so that I will not be alone forever.
CHAPTER 13
June, Ravensbrück
Hilde arrived at Ravensbrück on a bright sunny day, when the sky was cornflower blue, and the sun was so golden that it was almost blinding. As she walked from the train station to the camp, the warm sun caressed her shoulders and head, leaving her with a feeling of well-being. She’d gone to see Gretchen the night before to say goodbye. But instead of crying and telling Hilde how much she was going to miss her, Gretchen had seemed distant, distracted, and in a hurry for Hilde to leave. This was unlike Gretchen, and it had left Hilde feeling disappointed and sad. She wondered if it was because Gretchen was jealous of her job, or if Gretchen was feeling bad that she was going away. Either way, there was nothing she could do; she had committed herself to taking this job. A warm breeze caressed her hair, and she decided she would bring Gretchen some coffee or sugar, or anything she could get her hands on the next time she returned home.
After her train ride, Hilde arrived at the newly built camp. It was much cleaner than Buchenwald. That was probably because it was new. But when she saw the facilities she felt better about the job.
Once again she was ushered into the administration building and told to wait there. But this time the commandant did not greet her. Instead, a young woman came into the room where Hilde sat. As soon as she entered, Hilde stood up.
“Heil Hitler.” The young woman saluted.
“Heil Hitler.” Hilde saluted too.
“Welcome to Ravensbrück. I’m Ilsa Guhr. You are Hilde Dusel?”
“Yes, that’s right,” Hilde said. This woman is incredibly gorgeous. I don’t trust her already, Hilde thought, as she felt the old familiar jealousy seeping over her.
Ilsa Guhr was a petite girl with perfect features—big blue eyes; high cheekbones; a perky, little nose; and curly, silver-blonde hair like a movie star. A whip made of some sort of clear but strong plastic hung from a belt at her waist. She wore a fitted skirt uniform that showed off her delicate but curvy figure and shapely calves. Ilsa smiled brightly at Hilde. She cautiously returned the smile.
“It’s not so bad here. We do whatever we want. It’s not a hard job. You just have to make sure that you keep control of the prisoners and that no one escapes,” Ilsa said, putting her arm around Hilde’s shoulder as if they had been friends for years. “The women who work here at Ravensbrück are under the direction of the SS, but the SS officers don’t come here very often. And they don’t really care what we do to make the prisoners comply with their rules so long as we keep order.”
Hilde nodded. “It’s very clean. I recently visited my fiancé in Buchenwald, and it was filthy: all lice and disease.”
“Yes, well, this camp is new. Just give those dirty Jews some time, and we’ll be fighting off disease here too. Anyway, follow me. Let me show you to the guard’s barracks where you will be staying.”
CHAPTER 14
On Hilde’s first day of employment at Ravensbrück, Ilsa took her to the administration building to pick up her uniforms. “What size do you wear?” Ilsa asked.
“I’m not sure,” Hilde said, because she’d never looked at the sizes when she stole clothing. She could just tell by looking at something if it would fit.
Ilsa studied her for a few seconds. “You are a solid one, aren’t you? A bit on the hefty side.”
Hilde was appalled at the blatant insult. But she didn’t say a word.
“All right, give me a minute,” Ilsa continued, then she turned and spoke quietly to the guard who was in charge of distributing uniforms to new recruits. Next, Ilsa returned with a smile and handed Hilde a pile of neatly folded clothing, on top of which was a pair of gloves, a field cap and two pairs of high, black leather boots. “You have two complete uniforms here. There is one for summer and one for winter. I think you’ll like them; they are very smart as you can see. You have stockings, two skirts, two blouses. Everything is waterproof and very well made. I trust you will find them to be quite durable,” Ilsa said, turning around in a circle like a model to show Hilde her clothing. Then Ilsa giggled like a child. Hilde found it very strange and out of character, but she said nothing.
“Yes, the uniforms are very nice,” she responded cautiously.
“Of course, we are not permitted to wear the SS insignia, only the imperial eagle because we are women. But the uniforms are very attractive. Don’t you agree?”
“Yes, absolutely,” Hilde said.
“Now, let’s go to the barracks, and I’ll show you to your room.”
“Will you be my roommate?”
“No, you will have your own room. A private room.”
“I have my own room?” Hilde asked. “Really?”
“You do! Our wonderful reichsführer has made this camp very nice for us women guards. Just wait until you see your quarters. I think you’ll be quite impressed.” Ilsa smiled and led the way. They walked through a building with several private rooms. Then Ilsa stopped. She took a key out of her pocket and opened the door.
Hilde gasped when she saw the lovely room with its small bed, pretty bedcovering, a brand new washbasin, and brown wooden dresser.
“There is a bathroom and a kitchen at the end of the hall. We have one on each floor, so you will find they are rarely overcrowded. You might want to go and get washed up after you unpack. Then come and join me and the rest of the guards for dinner.”
“Where are the cleaning products so I can clean the shower and the kitchen after I use them?”
“You are not required to clean at all. We have the prisoners take care of that. In fact, they will clean your room as well. And they do all the cooking. It’s wonderful. We live like royalty here,” Ilsa said. She glanced over at Hilde who was shocked at how nice everything seemed to be. Then Ilsa continued. “I know. At first this is all very shocking, overwhelming even. But after a while you begin to understand that this is our birthright. We are Aryans. We are meant to be served.”
“Thank you so much for showing me around. I am in awe of this place. I just can’t believe the beautiful furniture here . . . and would you just look at this down comforter. I’ve never seen anything so lovely,” Hilde said, touching the comforter.
“Everything that you see here has been confiscated from enemies of the Reich. Jews stole everything they had from Germany in the first place. And let’s face it . . . they always had so much more than anyone else. So it’s about time we Germans took back what is rightfully ours.”
“That’s very true,” Hilde said. “These living quarters are much more than I ever expected them to be when I took this job. I visited my fiancé at Buckenwald and it was not nearly as nice as this.” Hilde was starting to feel comfortable with Ilsa. In
fact, she was even starting to like her in spite of the jab about her being hefty.
“It is nice, isn’t it? Come on, follow me down the hall. Before you go ahead and get settled in, let me introduce you to some of the other girls.” Ilsa brought her into the kitchen on Hilde’s floor, where several of the other female guards were seated, sipping coffee and tea. “I’d like you all to meet our new colleague, and my new friend. This is Hilde.”
The camp doctor happened to be present when Ilsa introduced Hilde to the other guards. He’d been visiting with one of the guards who lived on the same floor. Everyone smiled and welcomed Hilde. She returned their smiles.
“Thank you all for welcoming me. I am happy to be here.” She felt a twinge of pride at being introduced as Ilsa’s friend. After all, Ilsa was the prettiest girl that she’d seen at Ravensbrück so far.
“I love this shade of rouge, and it would look just magnificent on you with those lovely eyes of yours,” Ilsa said, handing Hilde a half-used rouge as they walked back toward Hilde’s room.
“You really think I have nice eyes?”
“Of course. They’re beautiful.”
Hilde smiled then blushed. Coming from someone who looked like Ilsa, that was quite a compliment. “Thank you,” she said simply.
“Oh, come on and try it,” Ilsa said, spreading a thin line of rouge on each of Hilde’s cheeks then rubbing it in until it left a natural looking glow. “Pretty, no?” she said, pulling a compact with a mirror out of her pocket and showing Hilde how the rouge looked on her cheeks.
“Yes,” Hilde said. “Yes.” She was almost in tears. Does Ilsa see the girl that lives inside of me? The one who looks back at me from the mirror? Is it possible that Ilsa looks at me and sees the beautiful Valkyrie whom every man longs to kiss? In Ilsa’s compact, the Valkyrie was there staring back at her. She winked and Hilde quickly closed the mirror.
“What is it, dear? Don’t cry,” Ilsa said.
“Nothing. It’s just that when I was a child my mother always told me I was ugly. So I created a fictitious Hilde. She was a beautiful blonde Valkyrie who rode a white horse. I see her in my mirror.”
“Every child has fantasies. I had them too. Mine were a little different than yours. Perhaps a little darker,” she said then adding, “Someday, when we become good friends, I might just share them with you.” Ilsa let out an unnatural-sounding laugh. It was high pitched and harsh. And, for one moment, Hilde was worried about sharing her secret with Ilsa because she felt there was something unnerving about her. “Anyway,” Ilsa added, “you know what?”
“What?”
“You’re an adult now, and you have grown into a beautiful woman, so you don’t need to invent an imaginary self anymore. Your real life is about to unfold.”
Hilde smiled and wiped a tear that spilled down her thick cheek. “Thank you,” she said. “Do you really think I’m beautiful?”
Ilsa let out a laugh, then she patted Hilde’s shoulder. “Go and get yourself ready for dinner. Your training will start tomorrow. That’s when you’ll meet our oberaufseherin, Anne Zimmer, the chief wardress. She can be tough. And I can tell you right now that the training here is quite demanding. That’s because Ravensbrück is sited to be the training camp for the female guards at all of the camps. So you’ll need to be on your toes if you want to succeed here. It’s very important that you make a good impression tomorrow.”
“I want you to know that I appreciate everything you did for me today,” Hilde said
“Of course. We are friends, aren’t we?”
“Yes, we are friends,” Hilde said as a broad, open smile came over her face.
Once Hilde was alone in her room, she hummed softly to herself as she hung the mirror, she’d brought with her, on the wall next to her bed. But when she caught a glimpse of her reflection it was not Hilde that she saw, but the Valkyrie who stood angrily next to her white horse.
What are you so happy about? the Valkyrie demanded.
“Ilsa! She likes me. I feel like I could actually belong here. I believe she is one of us, another beautiful Valkyrie.”
The Valkyrie shook her head. Fool! How can you be so trusting? Are you an idiot? You don’t even know her.
“You’re angry because she told me to give up on childish fantasies. And that would be you, my glorious, brave Valkyrie, wouldn’t it?”
There is no me. There is only us, Hilde. Us! You and me. We are one.
“Perhaps we are not. Perhaps Ilsa is right, and I don’t need you anymore.”
You are dumber than I thought. And you’re right; I am angry. I’m angry because you are letting your guard down too soon. You are trusting her instead of us. You will regret this.
“I want her to be my friend.”
And so put all of your trust into a stranger, like a silly child.
“Just look at her. She is beautiful and so powerful. When she walks into a room she commands respect from everyone. And I can’t believe that someone like her would accept me as a friend.”
You are acting naïve. You are in awe of a dangerous woman. Be careful, Hilde, that she doesn’t hurt you like everyone else always has. That is, of course . . . except for Gretchen. She is the only real friend we have, the Valkyrie said, and then she disappeared, leaving only Hilde’s sad reflection in the mirror.
CHAPTER 15
The following morning at breakfast, Hilde sat at a table with a group of women who were all new recruits. They were chatting nervously about the upcoming training.
“What do you think will be expected of us?” one girl with curly chestnut hair asked.
“I don’t know, but whatever they ask, I will do it,” another answered, then she went on. “It’s nice to be able to get away from home, earn a decent salary, and live in such a nice place.”
“That it is,” Hilde agreed. “And just taste this delicious coffee. It’s the real thing.”
“Yes,” one of the girls giggled. “And the jam is delicious too.”
“I love the uniform,” a tall, pretty, blonde woman said. “Look at the quality of the wool.”
“It’s quite flattering, really—”
“Enough talking. Your training is about to start.” A higher-ranking guard interrupted their chatter as she stood up. “Finish quickly and then come outside to begin. You have about five minutes. Mach schnell.”
The girls quickly cleaned up their trays and reported outside. Hilde was nervous and shivering. She had never wanted to please anyone as much as she wanted to please the oberaufseherin. So far, this seemed like a dream job, and she wanted it to work out.
Then one of the trainers hit the handle of her whip on the side of the building. It made a sharp sound that silenced the new guards. “Get in a line,” she ordered.
The girls lined up and waited for further instruction. A woman, with dark hair pulled into a twist at the back of her neck, a slender face, and severe features, came walking across the compound. She had an angry look on her face. Then she stopped in front of the girls and was silent for a few moments. Hilde felt a chill run up the back of her neck.
The dark-haired woman slowly eyed the lineup of new recruits. She nodded and saluted. “Heil Hitler!”
“Heil Hitler!” the recruits, including Hilde, answered enthusiastically, and saluted.
The woman nodded again, tapping her whip against her thigh.
“For those of you who don’t know me yet, my name is Emma Anne Zimmer. I am the oberaufseherin of this camp. From today forward, you will answer to me for everything that you do. This is a hard job, but the rewards are good. However, if you are weak, you might as well leave now. If you do not have the courage to do what must be done, no matter how distasteful, leave now. You must be strong here at Ravensbrück; you will become even stronger. Indulging the prisoner is a sign of weakness. And, let me tell you this, weakness will cost you. You do not have the luxury of trusting these people. They are devious. Look what they did to Germany before our führer stepped in to save us. If you s
hould even be so stupid as to and treat them as if they were human, you will find that these rats will walk all over you. They are cunning. And once they see that they can get the better of you, they will never stop. So you must maintain control over them at all times. If this seems difficult for you, then you are not cut out to be here. Over the next several months you will learn how to detect prisoners who are trying to sabotage the camp’s operations. Quite often they do this by slowing down their work. These actions must be punished immediately. You are to have no tolerance for this. And you will be taught how to punish effectively. The prisoners here, at Ravensbrück, are the filthiest and most abhorrent of women. There are some Jews and Gypsies, and there are also political prisoners, prostitutes, sexual deviants, and criminals of all kinds. These despicable women flourished during the Weimar Republic, and they tarnished our beloved fatherland. But now our needs our help, so he has put them in our hands. We must see to it that their destruction of our country is stopped forever. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Oberaufseherin,” the girls yelled in unison.
“I can’t hear you. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Oberaufseherin,” the girls yelled louder.
“Good. And so we begin. Now, why the prisoners are here. It is rather simple. If you will take a look, you find that they are all wearing a colored triangle on their shirts, with the exception of the Jews. The Jews are easy to spot; they wear a yellow star. And Jews who are also political prisoners will wear a star that is one red triangle and one yellow triangle forming the star. If there is a letter inside the star, it will tell you where the prisoner came from. Now, on those who are not Jews, red triangles symbolize political prisoners. Common criminals will wear a green triangle. Lesbians, prostitutes, Gypsies wear black. The Jehovah’s Witnesses, purple. Memorize these. You will need to know them at a glance. Do you understand?”
The Darkest Canyon Page 6