“Yes, Oberaufseherin,” the girls answered.
“Good. Here at Ravensbrück, we have two daily roll calls for the prisoners, one in the morning, the other in the evening. This constant counting of heads, so to speak, makes escape almost impossible. You will be expected to be present at each of these roll calls when you are working. Starting today, you will be given a work detail. You will be under one of our experienced high-ranking guards who will be expected to teach you how to supervise a group of working prisoners in order to get the most work out of them. Do you understand?”
“Yes, Oberaufseherin.”
“So I expect each of you to be outside before dawn tomorrow morning, lined up at the roll call for the prisoners. That is where you will be appointed your work detail,” the oberaufseherin concluded. “That’s all for now. Heil Hitler!” She saluted.
“Heil Hitler!”
CHAPTER 16
Ilsa came into the dining room after work the first day and walked over to where Hilde sat at a long table.
“So, how did it go?” Ilsa asked.
“It went well! It’s all very exciting. I’ve been assigned to work in the sewing room.”
“Oh, so you’ll be working under Agna.”
“Yes, I met Agna. I started today.”
“She’s a bit harsh. Was she hard on you?”
“Not so much on me, but on one of the other trainees. She slapped her across the face.”
“Why?”
“Agna demanded that the trainee kick a prisoner with her boot, and the trainee failed to do it. The prisoner fell to her knees crying. The trainee looked like she was going to vomit. To tell you the truth, the trainee was a real mess. I don’t think she has what it takes.”
Ilsa laughed. “Oh, that’s nothing. All of the prisoners are manipulators. Agna only slapped the girl to wake her up. It’s common here for a trainer to hit a new recruit. You’ll get used to seeing it. However, if you don’t want to be the victim of an embarrassing assault, then you must do whatever Agna tells you to do.”
“I don’t want to get on her bad side. She looks like a witch.”
“Poor Agna. You’re right; she is rather ugly. And she thrives on showing the new recruits how much power she has. However, the longer you are here, the more you will realize that we, the women guards, control the prisoners; however, we are also under the thumb of the male SS. There are only a handful of them, but when they come around, they are the controlling force in the camp. They don’t come here very often, but when they do come, they must be obeyed. Even so, they don’t worry me much. After all, they’re men, and in many ways, that makes them easy to control. Of course, that is if you know how. But poor ugly Agna is always trying to make a good impression on them. Sadly, due to her pathetic looks they don’t pay her much attention. Never mind though. While you are working under her, just do what she tells you to do, and you’ll be just fine. But don’t forget that no matter what, you must never appear weak.”
“The men are in control? But they hardly ever come here.”
“Yes, the men might not be here all the time, but they have power over us, so they are the ones to befriend. And just wait until another shipment of new prisoners comes in. The men will be here. You know why?”
“No idea.”
“Because they like to watch when we do our exams on the prisoners. I like to watch it too. It’s fun to see the pretty, rich Jews reduced to the humiliated pieces of shit that they deserve to be.”
“Exams?”
“Yes, private exams. When they first come in. The guards put them on a table. Then we insert a speculum to examine their private parts.”
“Oh?” Hilde tried to keep the shock from her voice. The idea of anything having to do with another woman’s sexual parts did not appeal to her. But she questioned herself as to whether she was just being small-minded. “Do I have to do any of the exams?”
“You are so innocent; you make me smile.” Ilsa touched Hilde’s hair. “No, you won’t have to do them, if you don’t want to.”
“Good, I’d rather not.”
“I have done them. It’s kind of fun. It makes you feel so powerful. It might take you a while before you enjoy the control we have here. However, once you get into the swing of it, I think you will find that you can act more like that Valkyrie of your dreams here at Ravensbrück than you could ever dare to anywhere else but in your fantasies.”
Hilde nodded but she didn’t say a word.
“And on our days off, we guards sometimes go on picnics together or we go boating. You’ll see, it’s a good place to work. And as far as the SS, the men?” She let out a small snicker. “Don’t let them scare you. I find them rather fun and exciting. I have slept with plenty of them. In fact, I have a date tonight with an SS officer. A very handsome one, indeed.”
“Really? I can’t believe you don’t have a steady boyfriend, or a husband. I mean, you are so pretty.”
“Who said I don’t? I do have a husband. But I have lost interest in him. I don’t even go home to see him anymore. I mean, why would I when, well . . . it’s like a sexual paradise here at Ravensbrück. I mean . . .”
“Paradise?"
“Yes, you have your choice. Men, women . . . prisoners? Anything and everything you could ever imagine. You can date the officers, sleep with the other female guards. What I mean is, there are no limits as to what you can do. No restrictions. Especially with the prisoners. They don’t dare complain, so you can do as you like.”
“Prisoners? You have sexual relations with the prisoners?”
“Of course. I do whatever I feel like doing. We are like queens, and they are our subjects, aren’t they? Yes? So we can make them do whatever suits our fancy.”
“But they are all women,” Hilde said, and again she wondered if she might like the power of controlling these women, of humiliating them.
“Yes, they are. And I find that I have developed a taste for unusual sex games with women.”
“Sex games?”
Ilsa laughed, and her laughter rang out in loud and frightening gulps. She was laughing so hard that she had to bend at the waist to try and catch her breath. “You should see your face. Your expression is priceless. I don’t think you realize it yet, but having absolute power is intoxicating.”
“I have never been sexually interested in other women.”
“Neither did I when I first came here. But then I tried something I found rather exciting. Do you want to know more?”
“I don’t know, I suppose,” Hilde said with uncertainty.
But Ilsa just smiled and said, “I’ll tell you anyway.” Then she added, “Have you ever played the dominant? Or games of sexual sadism?”
“No. I don’t even know what you mean.”
“Well, it’s all about power. And power is fun. You see, I have found that I enjoy a bit of sexual sadism. It’s exciting. Perhaps one day, we will have a little fun together. You and I . . . with a prisoner or two.”
“Sadism? You mean like beatings during sex?” Hilde asked, wondering if she might just find this exciting. The idea of beatings didn’t bother her.
“Beatings and much more. As I said, there is no limit as to what you can do. Here, at beautiful Ravensbrück, you can explore your wildest fantasies.”
“Hmmm,” Hilde said, “so what department do you work in?”
“I work in the beauty salon, of course. That’s the best place here. I keep those girls in line while I get my hair and nails done every day.”
“There’s a beauty salon here?”
“Of course. Plenty of the inmates were beauticians before they were arrested.”
“I had no idea.”
“Once you’re all done with training, you can come and use the salon on your day off. Perhaps you want to brighten up that blonde in your hair. It seems that the color is fading to a mousy dishwater. Not very attractive. But then again, you are a bit of a mouse, aren’t you? Not a mouse, really, more like a little piggy. You are a bi
t too fat, aren’t you?” Ilsa smiled in a mean-spirited way, and her eyes looked like they’d turned to glass.
It felt as if someone had slapped her in the face or punched her in the stomach. She didn’t know what to say. Ilsa’s comment was so unexpected. “I’m going to get ready for the evening. I have to go now,” she stammered.
“Oh, don’t go. I didn’t mean anything. I was just joking. You’re not angry, are you?” Ilsa said. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
Hilde shrugged. “A little hurt, perhaps.”
“Come with me. I want to share a secret with you,” Ilsa said, winking.
Hilde felt she had lost something of value for the few moments it seemed as if Ilsa no longer liked her. And, in spite of her better judgment, she found that she now longed for this woman’s friendship and approval. Perhaps it was the way she’d felt like an accepted member of the group when Ilsa had first introduced her to the others, instead of an outcast, for a change.
“A secret?” Hilde asked.
“Can I trust you?” Ilsa asked.
“Of course,” Hilde said, trying to look as sincere as possible.
“Well, come on, then. I’ll show you my secret.”
Maybe she really does like me, after all, Hilde thought.
CHAPTER 17
Hilde followed Ilsa to a private bedroom behind the hospital. It was much larger than Hilde’s room or any of the rooms in the dorm where Hilde lived. And right adjacent to the bedroom was a private bathroom. “You don’t stay in the guards' barracks with the rest of us?” Hilde asked.
“No, I don’t. That’s all part of the secret. Now, you made a promise. You said that I can trust you, isn’t that right?” Ilsa looked into Hilde’s eyes. Once again, as they did earlier, Ilsa’s eyes took on that hard look and when Hilde stared into them they looked dead, like glass. Hilde felt a pang of fear shoot through her.
“Of course,” Hilde said, a little less confident than she’d been earlier. Am I in over my head with this girl? There is something about her that is very unnerving.
“I am having an affair with the doctor who is in charge of the experiments that are being done on the inmates at our camp hospital. He got me this room so that we can meet in secret and no one will ever know. It is very convenient. I don’t care much if my husband finds out what I am doing. I will probably divorce him anyway. But the doctor doesn’t want his wife to know about me, so he has secured this room for me. And look over here.” Ilsa took Hilde’s hand and led her to a small peephole in the wall. “I can look through here and watch when the doctor is doing surgery. He does his operations without any anesthesia. It’s fascinating to watch. I am always curious to see just how much pain a person can take. When a woman comes in, I make a little wager with myself as to how long it will be before this one starts screaming.”
Hilde was excited by all that Ilsa was telling her. There were many layers to Ilsa. More than she could imagine, and each one was thrilling. We are like two Valkyries together, she and I. The more I know her, the more I find her enthralling. Hilde thought.
“So what do you think of my room?” Ilsa said, then she continued. “You’re standing there like a fish with your mouth hanging open.”
“It’s nice. Very private. And you have your own bathroom too,” Hilde said.
“Yes, I do.”
“That must be very nice.”
“And look at these . . .” Ilsa pulled two pairs of silk stockings and several pairs of silk panties out of her dresser drawer. “Gifts from Herr Doctor,” she said, winking.
Hilde touched the beautiful fabric. “They are lovely.”
“Aren’t they? I think they belonged to Jews. I think he stole them.” She laughed. “I don’t care how he got them. They’re mine now.”
“Yes, and they are very nice.”
“Sometimes, if we are very careful not to get caught, we can take things from the belongings of the prisoners when they first arrive. But if you do, make sure no one sees you because it’s considered stealing from the Reich.”
Hilde nodded. She was impressed by the beautiful things she saw as she looked around the small but private room. Ilsa had black leather pumps in the closet and lovely dresses besides her uniform. On top of the dresser she had a tortoiseshell brush and a silver comb to secure her hair when she swept it up and back into a bun. There was a glass bowl with a strand of snow-white pearls with a diamond clasp. Ilsa picked up the pearls and ran them through her fingers like a rosary. Then she dropped them on her bed.
“Would you like a drink? I have a bottle of schnapps,” Ilsa asked.
“Yes, I actually would,” Hilde said.
Ilsa poured her a hefty glass of schnapps. “Enjoy!”
“This is good,” Hilde said after she took a sip.
“I’m glad you like it. Let’s make a toast.”
“All right. What shall we toast to?”
“To our friendship, of course. To two Valkyries together, yah?”
“Yes.” Hilde smiled. It was as if Ilsa had read her thoughts when she referred to the two of them as Valkyries together. And it sent warm feelings through Hilde.
“To our new friendship: may it last and grow,” Ilsa said.
“Prosit!” Hilde said, downing her entire glass.
“Have another?” Ilsa proposed.
“I really should go.” Hilde put her glass down.
“Nonsense, have one more. Indulge me,” Ilsa said as she filled Hilde’s glass, then she emptied her own glass and refilled it. “To your health,” she said.
“To your health,” Hilde answered. They finished three full glasses of schnapps that way, over the next hour. And during that time, the alcohol began to take affect, and Hilde began to calm down and relax. She’d always loved beautiful things. Granted, this place was odd, and some of what she’d been told by Ilsa was repulsive to her; still, there was a lot to be gained by working here at Ravensbrück. The pearls were still lying on the bed. Hilde eyed them and wondered how the pearls would look around her neck. It was as if Ilsa had read her mind.
“Would you like to try them on?” Ilsa asked smiling.
“Yes, would you mind?” Hilde asked.
“Not at all. Here, let me help you.” The pearls caught the light as Ilsa lifted them out of the bowl and put them around Hilde’s neck. She fastened them and then stood up and took a mirror out of her drawer. “Have a look.”
“Oh my!” Hilde’s breath caught in her throat. They were simply beautiful.
“Lovely, aren’t they?”
“Yes, very.” Hilde nodded. Then Ilsa touched Hilde’s hair, and her other hand caressed Hilde’s breast. “Oh,” Hilde gasped, shivering. She was afraid of Ilsa, afraid to anger her, afraid to reject her. But also afraid of what was coming next. “I don’t know about this . . .”
“Here, have another drink,” Ilsa said.
“Thank you.” Hilde took the glass and drank the contents quickly.
Ilsa smiled. “Just relax. You’re going to like this. This is going to be fun.”
CHAPTER 18
Much later that same night, when Hilde returned to her room, she leaned on the door after she locked it and tried to catch her breath. She was unhinged. Her hands were trembling and she felt nauseated. The numbing effect of the alcohol had worn off. The mirror. I need to talk to the Valkyrie in the mirror, she thought. But the bathroom was at the end of the hall. She took her compact out of her handbag, sat down on the bed, and stared at her reflection. She winced when she saw her disheveled hair and smeared lipstick. What did I do tonight? Why did I let her convince me to do it?
“Come to me, Valkyrie. I need you,” she said in a whisper to the image in the mirror. Within seconds, her own face disappeared and in its place was the Valkyrie.
Ilsa scares you. I know she does, doesn’t she?
“She is perverse. I did things with her tonight purely because I was afraid to say no to her.”
You are absolutely right; she is perverse. However, she is powe
rful; she has influential friends, so you did the right thing. You don’t dare alienate her. Keep her friendship even though you are repulsed by everything about her. You may find that you need her someday. Keep her as an ally.
“Yes, as always, you’re right,” Hilde agreed.
Don’t be afraid; I am here with you. I know what you did tonight and I was repulsed. But I understood your fear of saying no to her. She’s a dangerous person. I’ll help you. If we find that we have to destroy her, then we’ll find a way to do it together. Just like we found a way to get rid of your mother.
“Yes . . .” Hilde whispered. “You always make me feel better. I think I will be able to sleep now.”
The following morning, just as the sun was peeking through the dark sky, Hilde was awakened by a loud bell. She jumped out of bed.
That must be the roll call. That woman said it was going to be early, but I certainly didn’t think it would be four in the morning, Hilde thought as she glanced at the clock on the wall. She’d only had two hours of sleep. Her head ached from the excessive drinking she’d done the night before. In the pale light of day, what she’d done with Ilsa the night before made her shiver. It seemed obscene and unnatural. That can never happen again. I just had too much to drink. If I have to get rid of Ilsa to keep her quiet about last night, I can count on the Valkyrie to help me.
Hilde ran down the hall to the bathroom and splashed her face with cold water, brushed her teeth, and peed. Then she ran back to her room and put on her uniform. She donned the gray culottes skirt, white blouse, and gray wool jacket she’d been given the day before. Quickly, she ran outside so as not to be late. The new recruits were being led to an area where the prisoners were already lined up for roll call. Even outside in the fresh air, there was a nauseating odor of filth and despair that hovered over the camp. Hilde felt bile rise in her throat but she forced it back down. The rapportführer, the roll-call leader, nodded to the recruits. Then she began calling out the numbers of the prisoners. Hilde found it hard to believe that the inmates were so painfully thin. Their heads were bald where their hair had been shaved. But despite everything that had been done to them, some of them were still pretty. And these were the ones that the rapportführer was the hardest on. One young, delicately boned girl who appeared to be about seventeen answered quickly when her number was called. Even though the girl did what was expected of her, the rapportführer walked over to her and shoved her to the ground. Then she began kicking her with her boot. The prisoner let out a cry of pain and fear.
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