The Darkest Canyon

by Roberta Kagan

  “Are you pregnant?” he asked.

  “Yes, I am. I didn’t think you would notice. I thought the table was blocking my big belly.” Hilde tried to smile.

  “It’s not,” he said. “So, are you married?”

  “Of course I am,” Hilde said, looking like she wanted to say something more, but she didn’t.

  “Well, good. I am glad you found someone who makes you happy and are all settled down.”

  “Oh, I wouldn’t say that I am all settled down, like an old hausfrau.” Hilde laughed a nervous laugh.

  But Hann said nothing. His eyes were fixed on Eva, who was slowly sipping her beer, her eyes cast down at the table.

  Gretchen and Eva did not speak. They were allowing Hilde to take charge of the conversation. However, Eva’s silence didn’t detour Hann’s attentions toward her. Gretchen was horrified. She knew what happened to Thea, and she could see Hann’s unrelenting interest in Eva causing them trouble.

  When they were finished with dinner, Hann took several reichsmarks out of his pocket and laid them on the table. “For dinner, because I had such a lovely time.”

  It was more than enough to cover the bill.

  “No, Hann, here take your money . . . please. I am taking everyone out tonight. Isn’t that right, girls?” Hilde asked Eva and Gretchen. They nodded.

  But Hann did not take the money. “A gentleman would never allow a lady to pay a dinner check,” he said. “Please, allow me.”

  “If you insist,” Hilde said, blushing and smiling.

  “I do,” Hann said, then he turned to Eva. “I would like to see you again, Eva. Would you like to have dinner with me?”

  “Oh, I couldn’t. I’m sorry.” Eva stumbled on the words.

  “Please? You wouldn’t make a man beg to have dinner with you, who is fighting for our country, now, would you?”

  “I’m very sorry,” Eva said. “Gretchen, I think I am going to head home now. The three of you should stay and have a few more beers. I just want to get to bed because I have to get up for work before dawn. So, good night.” Eva got up and quickly began walking toward the door.

  “Wait!” It was Hann. He’d come up behind her. “I will not let a beautiful woman walk home alone in the dark.”

  “I’m fine, really.”

  “I insist. I would not be much of a man if I allowed a beautiful, young lady to walk home alone at night, now, would I?”

  CHAPTER 31

  It was a chilly April evening, and the air was moist from the heavy rain that fell earlier in the day. But even in the brisk weather, one could smell the promise of spring in the grass and the trees. The noise of celebration and live music flooded out of the beer halls. Hann walked on the street side of Eva, and for a few minutes neither of them spoke.

  “I just got into town this afternoon. I plan to be here for a week,” Hann said. “I really would like to take you to dinner. Anywhere you want to go . . .”

  “I am flattered, really I am. But I am staying here with my cousin, and if I went out at night and came in late it might disturb her sleep schedule. Besides, I work all day, and I have to get up early because I work in a bakery, so I am sorry, but it’s just not a good idea for me to go out in the evening . . .”

  “You have so many excuses. I’ve known Gretchen for a long time. I will speak to her, if you’d like. I’ll ask her if she would mind if I took you to dinner. I will promise to have you home early if that’s what it takes.” He smiled a fetching smile. “Please, have dinner with me?”

  I am walking beside a man in a Nazi uniform. How is it possible that I could find him attractive? This is insane. I can’t accept a date with him. Gretchen would be furious and rightfully so. But he is such a gentleman, so considerate. I must be mad, but I am thinking what would be the crime? It would only be one evening, one dinner. Then he will be on his way to wherever Hitler is going to send him. And my life will be back to normal. Still, he is my enemy. If he knew who I was, he would have me arrested in a minute. He is only a gentleman because he thinks I am an Aryan. I am no fool, or am I . . .”

  “Would you have me get down on my knees and beg you? I will, if that’s what it would take. You see, Eva, I know what I like and what I am looking for. And, quite frankly, I don’t give up easily. So, before I go and humiliate myself, please, just say yes, you will have dinner with me.”

  She let out a short laugh. “I’ve never met anyone quite like you,” she said. “And you certainly do go after what you want.”

  “Yes, I do. I promise you that I will continue to pursue you until you say yes. So you might as well accept my invitation now.”

  “I suppose I must,” she said.

  “Then you will? You will have dinner with me?” He suddenly sounded to her like a young boy filled with excitement on Hanukkah. He was so enthused that she had to laugh.

  “Yes, I will,” she said. How can I be thinking of Hanukkah? I am out here posing as a Christian. Planning to have dinner with a German soldier. A Nazi. What am I doing? Hashem, please forgive me. I don’t know how to make sense of all this.

  By the time they arrived at Gretchen’s flat, they had plans to meet for dinner the following evening, April 20th, Adolf Hitler’s birthday. A very special day for all Germans.

  Hilde was silent as she and Gretchen walked back to the apartment, but Gretchen could feel Hilde’s rage. They were almost all the way home before Hilde stopped walking. She stood still for a moment, then she turned to look at Gretchen. “I’ve been waiting to see Hann again for years. I’ve been hoping for a chance meeting him, like this. And finally it happened. There he was, just as handsome as ever. But did he even pay me a bit of attention? No, and that is because of your cousin. Did you see the look in his eyes, when he looked at Eva?”

  “I don’t know what you mean?”

  “He left the restaurant right after she left. I’ll bet he chased her down so he could walk her home,” Hilde said. “I’m sure of it.” She snorted then shook her head. “And you know what really makes me burn? I’ll tell you. Look at Eva. I realize now how much Eva looks like Thea. That man certainly has a type, doesn’t he?”

  “They don’t look anything alike. But Hilde, please don’t be thinking about Hann. You are married now; you have Axel. He loves you, and he’s such a nice fellow. Soon you’ll have a child . . .”

  “You don’t understand how I feel. I told you that I never loved Axel. I’ve been mad about Hann for as long as I can remember. And now that I’ve finally had the opportunity to see him again . . .”

  “Hilde,” Gretchen said, putting her arm around Hilde’s shoulder, “if he is interested in Eva it’s only because he can see that you’re pregnant and married.”

  “That’s not it. Not at all. Eva is pretty. I am ugly. My mother always said I was ugly.” The bitterness in Hilde’s voice scared Gretchen.

  “Don’t say that. You’re a beautiful woman. And Axel loves you. Don’t forget that. Many women never have the kind of love you have from Axel.”

  “Yes, Axel loves me, but he’s the wrong man.”

  “He’s your husband.”

  “Yes, and I would give him up in a second for Hann.” Hilde crossed her arms over her chest and set her mouth in a hard grimace. “Besides, I’ve been thinking about this, and I think that Eva might be a Jew. Are you sure she’s your cousin? How do you know for certain? When did you first meet her? Maybe she isn’t really your cousin at all. Maybe she’s a Jew who stole your cousin’s papers.” Hilde was ranting. “I’ve been around a lot of dirty Jews in the camp. They are sneaky. They do things like this.”

  They walked for a few minutes. Gretchen tried to catch her breath. She had to think of something to say. Something that would convince Hilde that Eva was her cousin and not at all trying to sabotage Hilde. Gretchen squeezed Hilde’s shoulder. “Hilde, I’m your best friend, right?”

  “Of course. You’ve always been my best friend.”

  “I’m begging you to not let this upset you. Eva is my c
ousin. She knows things about my family that only a cousin could know,” Gretchen lied. She was trying to sound as convincing and concerned about Hilde as possible. But inside she was terrified. “And you’re in your seventh month of pregnancy. You need to try and take it easy. Please, for the sake of your child. Hann is nobody to us anymore. He’s just someone from our past. He means nothing in our lives today.”

  “I suppose you’re right,” Hilde said, but she wasn’t convinced. “But it hurts, you know?”

  “Yes, of course, I know. Let’s have a nice cup of tea and one of the chocolates that you brought, when we get home. What do you say, best friend?” Gretchen put her arm around Hilde’s shoulder and squeezed.

  “All right.”

  Gretchen smiled and Hilde smiled back. But Gretchen was worried about Eva. She knew how cruel Hilde could be when she felt threatened. When Hilde had set out to ruin Thea, she’d had no limits, no scruples. And the worst part of all was that Eva had a secret. Eva was a Jew. There will be hell to pay for Eva and myself if Hilde ever finds out the truth.

  CHAPTER 32

  Once Hilde was asleep in her room, Gretchen went into the living room and found Eva sitting on the sofa, reading.

  “Turn off the light in case Hilde gets up to go to the bathroom then come into my room. I want to talk to you.”

  Eva nodded and did as Gretchen asked. Once the door was closed, they both spoke in whispers. “Did Hann walk you home?”

  “Yes, he insisted. I tried to discourage him, but I couldn’t.”

  “There is something you must know. Hilde is dangerous. When we were young, she was in love with Hann. But he was never interested in her. He was in love with another girl, Thea. Hilde was so jealous that she caused a terrible scandal that forced Thea’s family to leave Berlin. She started a rumor that Thea’s mother had an affair with a Jewish doctor and that the doctor was Thea’s father making Thea a Jew. It was terrible for Thea. I still doubt the truth of it, but that rumor ruined Thea.”

  “What happened?”

  “The whole town turned against Thea’s family. Her father left her mother. And then Thea and her mother disappeared from Berlin.”

  “Why are you still friends with Hilde if she is such a terrible person.”

  “She had a rough childhood. Her mother was an alcoholic and prostitute. Her father left them when Hilde was very young. Then to make matters even worse, her mother committed suicide. Hilde found her dead. It was very hard on Hilde. She is damaged, and until she met Axel she didn’t have anyone else in the world but me. I just don’t know what to do with her. I have often wanted to distance myself, but I always feel sorry for her. But, quite frankly, right now I am afraid of her. You must never have anything to do with Hann. Do you understand me?”

  “Of course, I understand, and you’re right. But I have to know what happened to Hann when Hilde did this to him and Thea?”

  “He didn’t care if Thea was Jewish or not. He was in love with her. He searched everywhere for Thea, but I don’t think he ever found her. I don’t know for sure. But he left Berlin and went to work somewhere else. Hilde tried to write to him but he didn’t respond. He never had any interest in her. But you are tall and blonde, like Thea, and I can tell that he is very interested in you. You must stay far away from him because Hilde can be dangerous. When she is provoked, she is like a cobra, especially when it comes to Hann. If she ever finds out your real name or who you really are . . .”

  “He made me agree to have dinner with him tomorrow night.”

  “You can’t ever have anything to do with him. You must not. Do you understand me?” Gretchen shook Eva’s shoulders. Then she caught the look in Eva’s eyes. “Please don’t tell me you like him. I can see it all over your face. This is more terrible than you can possibly imagine.”

  Eva bent her head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause all of this. I really didn’t. I tried to discourage him . . .”

  “Is he coming here to pick you up tomorrow night?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll answer the door and tell him you’re not here. He’ll think you stood him up.”

  Eva nodded. “All right.”

  “Oh, Eva, I am so sorry. Are you upset?”

  “Please, don’t worry about me. I understand. I would never put you at risk because of my own selfish feelings. It was nothing, really, with me and Hann. I just found him attractive, that's all. And you’re right. It’s better this way. He’s a Nazi. I’m a Jew.”

  Eva sat on the edge of Gretchen’s bed with her head bent. Gretchen looked at Eva in the semidarkness. With her wispy, wheat-colored hair falling softly on her shoulders, her long legs, her slender waist, and her full breast, Eva was even more beautiful than Thea. She and Hann would have made a lovely couple even though the entire idea is rather absurd. But it is far better this way.

  CHAPTER 33

  The following day was busy at the bakery. The hours flew by as the customers came and went. There was a line of hausfraus buying bread and any sweets that Albert had for sale. Albert told Eva they were all planning special dinners for their families in celebration of the führer’s birthday.

  Eva’s back ached and her legs were sore. She and Albert had been working nonstop since early morning. They had not even had a moment for lunch.

  There was no denying that Hann was handsome in his uniform, as he walked into the bakery in search of Eva. The eyes of the female customers, both young and old, betrayed their appreciation of his blatant good looks. Many of them knew him. They’d grown up in this neighborhood as had he. “Hann? How are you?” one hausfrau asked. She was holding the hand of her child.

  “Fine.”

  “You look well,” said another woman, with her dark brown hair in a twist.

  “Thank you.”

  But he didn’t turn to even acknowledge them. He only had eyes for Eva. He walked up to the counter.

  “Eva.”

  “How did you find me?” she asked, her hands trembling. She wished he would go away and never come back. Warning lights were going off in her head. Danger!

  “You said you worked in a bakery, didn’t you? I’ve been to every bakery in Berlin looking for you. I know we have plans for tonight, but I just wanted to see you for a few minutes. I wanted to look at you.”

  “Hann, I am busy, but I do need to speak to you,” Eva said.

  In the corner of her eye, Eva could see Albert watching her. She felt sorry for him. “Eva,” he said. He must have overheard her because he added, “It’s all right. I can handle the customers if you would like to go outside and speak to him.” Albert was jealous, but he would not restrict Eva from speaking to this man if she needed to.

  “Are you sure, Albert?”

  “Of course. Go on,” he said.

  Albert is such a good, kind man. It’s a shame I can’t be attracted to him, instead of Hann. But my feelings don’t really matter. I can’t have dinner with Hann. I can never see or speak to him again. This ends here and now, Eva thought as she walked outside. It was a little past three in the afternoon, and the hot sun blazed on the sidewalk. Before she had a chance to say a word, Hann grabbed her hand and pulled her on the side of the building where the women could not look out the bakery window and watch them. Then he quickly kissed her.

  “Oh! You must not do that ever again,” she said, feeling her face flush. “Never, do you hear me?” Her voice was raised.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. Please, don’t be angry.”

  “Hann. I have a boyfriend. A serious boyfriend whom I am in love with. I don’t have any feelings for you. I don’t want to have dinner with you.”

  “I don’t believe you. If you do have a boyfriend, you should break up with him. Because no man would want to be involved with a woman who could look at me the way you do. I can tell by your eyes that you feel the same about me as I do about you.”

  “You’re wrong. I don’t.”

  “Lie to someone else, Eva. From the first moment
I glanced across the room and saw you, I was hooked. You are everything I have been searching for.”

  “Aren’t you in love with a girl named Thea?”

  “Oh, so you know that story about Thea?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Thea was a childhood crush. That was years ago. There is something very special about you.”

  “How can you say that, when you don’t know me?”

  “But I want to.”

  “Just forget we ever met. Go away and forget me, please. Get out of my life. Go.”

  “Is it Hilde? Are you pushing me away because of her? Because I never had any feelings for her. There was nothing ever between us. At least not on my part.”

  “It’s not Hilde, it’s me. I can’t do this. I told you I have a boyfriend . . .”

  He wiped a bit of flour from the shoulder of her dress. She backed away, almost cringing.

  “Please, don’t be afraid of me. I would never hurt you.”

  “I am not available. Go away and don’t come back.” Eva turned away and walked back into the bakery, picked up her apron, and headed behind the counter.

  CHAPTER 34

  Hilde didn’t believe that Eva and Hann were not meeting secretly. She was certain that Eva was out to steal her boyfriend the same way Thea had done so many years ago. Once Gretchen had gone to work leaving Hilde alone in the apartment. She went to the mirror to ask the Valkyrie what to do.

  “She is trying to take Hann away from me,” Hilde said. “He’s finally come back after all these years, and she is trying to steal him. She’s probably a Jew just like Thea.”

  Thea wasn’t a real Jew, remember? We made up that rumor, you and I, so that we could force her and her family to leave Berlin.