The Darkest Canyon

by Roberta Kagan

  All of it was burning as if God had pointed a finger at the Nazis and set their terrible death factory ablaze with the fire and light of righteousness.

  Eli ran from building to building throwing grenades, until a guard caught him by the shoulders, throwing him to the ground. The guard kicked Eli hard in the stomach, flipping his body over. Then came a deafening explosion as the arsenal blew up. The earth trembled. The guard who had been beating him was momentarily paralyzed by fear. Eli looked out in front of him, and he saw men escaping. They were climbing over and through the barbed wire. Under his breath, he said a prayer for them, in hopes that they would survive.

  “You dirty Jew,” the guard said. Then he pulled out his gun.

  Eli held his breath, waiting for the shot that would end his life. But instead he felt the guard fall on top of him. Then Eli saw the gray-striped uniform of one of the prisoners. He had shot the guard, and now he pulled Eli from beneath the dead man.

  “Let’s go, Katz.” It was Wiernik.

  Eli smiled at him and began running beside him. “You still can’t get my name right, can you?” Eli said. “You still call me Katz.” Eli should have felt some fear, as bullets were flying all around him and men were falling. But in the distance, he could see men were escaping, climbing through the barbed wire to freedom. Eli’s feet felt as if they’d taken flight. He glanced over at Wiernik and laughed.

  Wiernik laughed too. “Your name is Katzel or something like that, right?”

  “Yes, right. Thank you for saving me,” Eli said.

  “We did it, Katzel. We did it. Look at all those men running for the forest. God bless ‘em.”

  “Yes, may Hashem bless them with freedom and life. Look, there goes one of the Jewish men from my group. May he bring plenty of healthy, happy Jewish children into the world.”

  “May they all live long and happy lives,” Jankiel said.

  “Yes, oh yes,” Eli replied. He was laughing and crying at the same time. Tears were streaming down his face as he and Jankiel reached the barbed wire at the gate. Eli held the wire open for Wiernik. He felt the sharp wire slicing through the flesh of his hands, and he saw the blood dripping down. Behind him, there was a loud explosion. He never looked back, only forward. And in spite of the pain in his hands, his heart was filled with joy. As Wiernik began to climb through, a bullet found him, and he fell without a sound. Eli dropped to his side.

  “Wiernik,” he said, holding the man’s head in his arms. “I’m going to try and get us through the wire.”

  Wiernik nodded. Blood was pouring out of him. Eli knew Wiernik was dying, but he refused to leave him to die alone. Then as Eli stood up and began to tug at Wiernik’s shirt, trying to pull him through the wire, he felt the hot lead of a bullet soar through him. It was as if his body was ripped apart. He fell forward. And as he did, he saw an ocean of blood surrounding him. I’m dying, he thought. And then as his eyes closed, he whispered these words to Gretchen:

  "Gretchen, my one and only. Please know that I finally found my purpose. I know now why I was born the son of a great rebbe. I finally led my people to a victory. A small victory, but a victory it was because a few men escaped, and they now have a chance at life. I helped to give them that chance. And so, I can go to my rest easily. But know always that my heart is with you. You are never alone, my love. And someday, when it is your time to join me, we will once again be together as one, my twin soul, my bashert. My true love."

  CHAPTER 77

  August 3rd, Ravensbrück

  Gretchen had no way of knowing what happened to Eli on that fateful day in the summer of 1943. But as Eli fell, she felt something change inside her. In the living room of Hilde’s home, Anatol was on the floor playing with a toy truck his father brought home for him. When he looked up at Gretchen, he asked her if she was feeling all right.

  “Yes, sweetheart,” she said, but she didn’t feel well at all. Her heart was beating out of sync and she felt dizzy. Anatol, who had become very close to her, ran over and took her hand.

  “You don’t look well,” Anatol said. “Maybe I should go over to the neighbor's house and ask for help.”

  “No, no, please. Don’t do anything. We have talked about all of this before. I am a prisoner in the camp, remember? The people who are your friends in the neighborhood and at school would not like the fact that you see me as your friend. If they think I am sick, they will take me away from you. I don’t want you to be scared, but you must remember the things I tell you.”

  The child looked at her with wide eyes older than his years. “Why would you die there? The doctors will help you. When I am sick, my doctor helps me.”

  “No, my little love, the doctors in the camp won’t help me. I am a prisoner. If I get sick, they might kill me.”

  “But why would they do such a terrible thing to you? You are so kind and good to me. You are such a good friend to my mother. I don’t understand all of this.”

  “Your mother, Hilde, is a very good friend of mine. She has made it possible for me to survive in this camp. But we, you and I, must be very careful. We must never trust anyone. We must never tell anyone that I am a friend of your family. They must see me as little more than a housekeeper. Do you understand?”

  Anatol nodded. Then he said, “You should lie down. You are looking so pale. Can I get you anything to eat or drink?”

  “No, I’ll be all right,” Gretchen said. “But I do think I will lie down for a few minutes. You can play until I get up. Then we will do some more of your schoolwork. I want to go over your reading assignment with you.”

  “Yes, Gretchen. I will do as you say. I won’t leave the house. I will just sit here on the floor and wait for you.”

  “That’s a good boy,” she said, and feeling worn out, she went into the bedroom and lay down. Her head ached, and when she closed her eyes, she saw Eli’s face. "Something has happened to Eli," she whispered aloud. Miles away from Ravensbrück, in Poland, life began to leave Eli’s body. Gretchen trembled. She couldn’t explain how she knew at that precise moment Eli had left the earth, but she knew. As death took him under her warm, dark wing, Gretchen felt the other half of her soul leave the planet, taking a piece of her heart with it. She forced herself to get up an hour later to help Anatol with his studies. She only did this because she knew how attached he was to her, and she didn’t want him to be afraid that she was seriously ill. But that night, as she tried to sleep in the terrible cramped quarters, where she shared a bunk with three Jewish women, she wept. Eli, she whispered his name in her mind. I love you. I will always love you. Then she heard his voice in her head. Gretchen, my one and only. Please know that I have finally found my purpose. I know now why I was born the son of a rebbe. I finally led my people to a victory. A small victory, but a victory it was because a few men escaped, and they now have a chance at life. I helped to make that chance happen. And so I can go to my rest easily. But know always that my heart is with you. You are never alone, my love. And someday, when it is your time to join me, we will once again be together as one, my twin soul, my bashert. My true love.

  “Are you all right?” the woman who slept beside her asked.

  “Yes, thank you,” Gretchen said.

  “You were crying.”

  Gretchen nodded.

  The woman did not persist with any more questions. She just gently touched Gretchen’s cheek then turned over and closed her eyes to sleep.

  CHAPTER 78

  January, 1945

  Auschwitz

  It was late at night when Jan arrived at the farmhouse. Quite often, Jan made his visits at night because he wanted to speak to Rebecca while Anke was asleep. This time, he brought a pile of blankets for Rebecca and Anke. The temperature kept dropping, and Anke had been coughing and sneezing for over a week.

  As quietly as he could, he climbed under the floorboards, carrying a single candle. There were never any complaints from the farmer or his wife about his visits. They were even more accommodating than he h
ad hoped, giving him a key to the house, so he could come and go at night when they were both asleep.

  Jan found Rebecca and Anke cuddled together, lost in slumber. Jan took a moment to gaze at Rebecca before awakening her. She looked angelic by the light of the candle. Her golden curls had grown back, framing her lovely face in wisps. Gently, he touched her shoulder, stirring her awake. When she saw him, a sweet smile came over her face. Unwinding herself with gentle care from the child’s arms and legs she stood up and went to the other side of the room, where Jan waited.

  “I brought some extra blankets.”

  “Thank you,” Rebecca said smiling. She took two of the blankets and spread them over Anke, who continued to sleep, snoring softly.

  “I have news,” he said.

  “Bad news?”

  “No, good news. As I have been telling you, Germany has been losing the war. Now it looks as if Hitler is going to surrender very soon.”

  “That is very good news.” She breathed deeply.

  “And I have more.”

  “Yes?” she said.

  He took her hand in his. “Remember long ago you asked me to see if I could find out anything about your friend, Gretchen Schmidt?”

  “Yes, of course, I remember.”

  “She’s alive, Rebecca. She’s been at Ravensbrück working as a housekeeper for one of the guards.”

  “Oh!” Tears filled the corners of Rebecca’s eyes. “My sister.”

  “She’s your sister? You never told me that.”

  “Not blood. But close enough.”

  “Once this is all over, we will find her. I promise you.”

  “I would love to see her again.”

  “You said she was your husband’s girlfriend. I thought that was rather strange. But I accepted it. You are a very wonderful but unusual girl.”

  Rebecca smiled. “Gretchen was Eli’s bashert. Anyone could see that when they were together.”

  “Bashert?”

  “That means the one person that is meant for you in this world,” Rebecca said. “I knew from the day I met Eli that he was not my bashert.”

  “No, I don’t believe he was.”

  “And why is that? You never knew him,” she said.

  “Because I am,” he said. “I am your bashert.”

  Rebecca looked into his eyes. They had never kissed before. But she’d thought of kissing him and wondered what it would be like.

  “Yes, I think you might be right. As strange as all of this is, I believe that you are my bashert. And maybe I had to come to Auschwitz so I could find you. God can work in very strange ways.”

  Jan took Rebecca’s face gently into his hands and kissed her lips. “When this is over, I want you to be my wife.”

  “I will,” she said.

  “I will become a Jew if that proves to you that I am not like my father.”

  “Let’s wait and see. I want you to know more about Judaism before you even think about committing to it.”

  “Fair enough,” he said. Then he kissed her again. “As long as I can commit to you.”

  CHAPTER 79

  Ravensbrück

  Hilde came home from work one afternoon, with her hair disheveled. Anatol was sitting next to Gretchen on the sofa. He was reading from his book and she was helping him.

  “Go to your room for a few minutes, please, Anatol. I need to speak to Gretchen,” Hilde said.

  Anatol stood up and walked to his room. He didn’t argue just gazed at her with that wise expression he often had.

  Hilde waited until the door to Anatol’s room had closed. Then in a quiet but desperate voice, she said to Gretchen, “Hitler surrendered. Ilsa ran away last night. She never came to work today. When the SS officer in charge went to her room, it was empty. All of her things were gone. I don’t know where she went, but she told me that if things went sour with the Reich she was going to leave. And now she is gone. Axel and I are planning to run away too. We are going to take Anatol with us. But if we are caught we will be arrested. I would ask you to come with us, but you’ll be better off here. The camp will be liberated soon. The Russians, British, and Americans are storming through and liberating the camps,” Hilde said. Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears. “It’s all over, Gretchen. Our beloved Reich has fallen.”

  “Hilde,” Gretchen said, hesitating for a moment, “perhaps it would be best for Anatol if you left him with me. I mean, if you and Axel are fugitives on the run, wouldn’t it be safer for him if he were here, with me?”

  “Oh, Gretchen!” Hilde said, sighing deeply. “I’ve never been an unselfish person. But I have never loved anyone the way I love that boy. Somehow, he made up for everything that was wrong in my childhood. Not only in my childhood, but in my life. Being a mother fulfilled me. I know it sounds crazy, but it gave me everything I was missing. And I know you’re right. But if I leave him, there’s a very good chance I will never see him again.”

  “I understand. And you do know that I care for Anatol too. I want what’s best for him,” Gretchen said. A thought of Eli and Rebecca raced across her mind, but she pushed it aside for the moment. She didn’t feel the same way as Hilde about the Reich. In fact, she rejoiced that it had fallen. But why tell Hilde that? There was no point in it. Right now, she had to find a way to save Anatol.

  “Do you think they would blame a child for what Axel and I did?”

  “I don’t know what they will do. But if he is with you, he will carry the stigma of being a Nazi. If you leave him with me, I will say he is mine.”

  Now the tears ran down Hilde’s cheeks. She wanted to run to the mirror to ask the Valkyrie what to do. She longed to cloak herself, Axel, and Anatol in a veil of invisibility. But the truth was that she knew none of this was the answer. The only right answer was to leave Anatol with Gretchen, and if she and Axel could find a way to get back, they would come back for him later. “You’re right,” Hilde said, her shoulders slumping. “You’re right. You should take him.”

  Gretchen nodded. “You know that I will care for him as if he were my own. You do know that?”

  “I know you will. Axel and I are leaving tonight.”

  Gretchen took Hilde in her arms and held her for a long time. Then Hilde broke away. “Help me pack?”

  “Of course.”

  Later that afternoon, when Axel returned, Hilde told him what she had decided. He agreed, but he wanted to speak to Gretchen alone. Hilde, who had taken a pill to calm her nerves leaving her too exhausted to question him, allowed it. She called Gretchen into her bedroom and told her that Axel wanted to speak with her. Then Hilde left.

  “There is something you must know about the boy,” Axel said.

  “Go on, tell me, please,” Gretchen said.

  “He wasn’t taken from a Polish family. I took him from the children camp. He was born a Jew. Hilde never knew that I knew he was Jewish. I denied it to her. However, Ilsa told me the truth about the child a while ago. Ilsa said she tried to tell Hilde too, but Hilde refused to believe her. HIlde was afraid that Ilsa would tell the SS and have Anatol taken away. She was desperate for a child when she lost the baby. He was not a baby when we took him. But he was blond and looked Aryan. So Hilde did whatever Ilsa asked of her in order to protect Anatol. Ilsa told me Anatol’s real name. It was Moishe Rabinowitz. His father was Benjamin Rabinowitz; his mother was Lila. Ilsa admitted she killed Anatol’s mother to protect the secret, but I don’t know anything at all about his father. Someday, when he grows up, Anatol might ask you for his story. And now you can tell him if you want to.”

  “Anatol will be safe with me, and that’s all that matters now,” Gretchen said.

  Axel nodded. “Thank you for taking Anatol, Gretchen. It is a comfort to me to know that he will be in your care. Take him and go home to Berlin. Hilde and I have done some terrible things. I don’t know what is in store for us.”

  CHAPTER 80

  January, 1947 Berlin

  Anatol lay with his head on Gretchen’s lap whi
le she was reading to him. She gently ran her hand over his golden hair. He is such a treasure, she thought. But I feel so bad for him. It’s been two years and he still asks if Hilde and Axel are going to return.

  As Gretchen stroked his head, Anatol looked up at her and asked, “What is going to happen to the world now that the war is over?”

  “Well, Anatol, before this terrible nightmare began, I remember my father talking to my uncle. My father said that when Hitler was taking over, he could see that Hitler was causing a small crack in the right-thinking minds of our people, here in Germany.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “It means that people started to lose track of right and wrong. A foundation that had once been firmly in place was now cracked. Then my father said that if the German people allowed that small crack to go unrepaired, it would grow until it would become a dark canyon.”

  “A canyon?”

  “A huge, dark hole. The crack went unrepaired and so it grew, and people forgot what was right and what was wrong. At first, only a few people followed Hitler. But by the time the war ended, many people had lost themselves in his empty promises.

  “Where are my parents, Aunt Gretchen? When are they coming back?”

  “I don’t know,” she lied. How could she tell him that they were arrested and would be standing trial in Nuremberg? If they were found guilty, they would face execution. How does one tell a child that the only parents he can remember might be killed? Or that the people who raised him had his birth mother killed? Gretchen decided he was too young to comprehend all the evil that Axel and Hilde had done. Where do I begin to tell him about the camps and that the people he loved, who were kind to him, were guards—cruel and horrible guards? They were Jew haters. And then if I am going to tell him the truth, should I not tell him the whole truth? Does he not deserve to know that his birth parents were Jews? I don’t know the fate of his father, so when he asks, I will have no answers. He could be dead, or alive.