Before Now

by Hope E. Davis

  She knows her email will probably go unanswered until Monday, so she skims the rest of the document to make sure everything else is in order. The company has been set to get a four figure tax return from the start, but with the change to the charitable donations amount, they’re now set to get a five figure tax return. She’ll just have to wait.

  She’s so into her work, she doesn’t notice John is in the room until he clears his throat.

  “Morning,” he mumbles, heading straight for the coffee pot. He pours himself a cup, then begins looking around for Remi’s sugar container.

  “Morning,” she replies, quickly noticing he’s encountered the same dilemma she did. “I know, I couldn’t find the sugar either.”

  John’s more desperate than she was, and begins opening all the cupboards. He looks each one up and down before closing it. Remi watches from her place at the table, quickly saving her work and closing her laptop.

  “Ugh,” John groans, obviously giving up his search as he gulps his coffee black. “Yuck.”

  “Black coffee is the worst,” Remi comments as she stands and heads for the fridge. She almost always makes breakfast on Saturday mornings, and today is no exception. Pulling out eggs, bacon, and English muffins, she turns and sets the oven to broil.

  Her boyfriend slouches himself into the spot at the table previously occupied by Daisy, mumbling about how he wants sugar for his coffee.

  Remi rolls her eyes. “I’ll find you some sugar.” She opens the cabinet that holds her baking supplies and begins to shift things around. She doesn’t have any backup coconut sugar in here, but she does have some brown sugar. She grabs the bag and a spoon and places them in front of John.

  “What’s this?” he grumbles, his mind not yet fully awake.

  “Brown sugar,” she calls over her shoulder as she begins to separate and butter the English muffins.

  “Blech,” John replies like a little kid. “I want your coconut sugar.”

  “And just what did you do before you met me? I know you don’t have any coconut sugar at your house.”

  “Before you I got plenty of sleep,” John replies, and they both start laughing. Remi cracks the eggs in the pan as John relents and puts a scoop of brown sugar in his coffee.

  Bacon, eggs, and muffins are Remi’s favorite breakfast, and she’s a pro at cooking all three things at once. So much so, she’s done with the meal in a few minutes. She scoops a massive pile of eggs onto Johns plate, and puts half as much on hers. Each plate gets two strips of bacon and an English muffin.

  She carries the plates over to the table and they both dig in.

  “Did you get your work done?” John asks between bites of bacon.

  She shrugs. “For the most part.” She wants to tell John about the anomalies she found, but once again she keeps her mouth shut. She’s never sure how far these confidentiality contracts reach.

  “Want to go do something fun today?” he asks as he crams the last of his English muffin in his mouth.

  “Sure.” She nods, glancing down at her plate that’s barely been touched. She isn’t as hungry as she initially thought. “Did you have something specific in mind?”

  A Cheshire cat grin spreads across John’s face. “I was thinking someone might want to go…bowling.” He emphasizes the last word, knowing the effect it’ll have.

  “Bowling?” Remi clarifies, her face lighting up like a Christmas tree.

  Bowling is one of Remi’s favorite indoor activites. She isn’t very good, but she loves to give it a shot. And she absolutely adores the snacks.

  “What are we waiting for?” she asks enthusiastically, dumping the rest of her food in the trash and putting both their plates in the sink. “Let’s go!” She’s practically jumping up and down in excitement.

  John smiles. He loves when Remi gets excited about something as simple as bowling. “Put your shoes on, and I’ll go change and we can go,” he says as he turns and heads back to the bedroom.

  Remi heads to the door, sitting down to slip on her pair of socks and her sneakers. She’s on cloud nine.

  John returns shortly, dressed semi-casually in nice jeans and a polo. “Want to go get an early dinner tonight? We can get tapas?” he asks as he slides on his socks and shoes.

  Remi smiles. “Man, you are just spoiling me today!”

  “Anything for my girlfriend,” he replies, opening the door for her to walk through.

  As Remi turns to make sure she has all her essentials, keys, wallet, and phone, she glances around the apartment and her eyes catch on something on top of the cabinets.

  Way up high, in the area above the cabinet but below the ceiling, is her ceramic hippo bowl. The one that holds the coconut sugar.

  “John,” she asks as she closes the door and they make their way down the stairs. “Why did you put my coconut sugar on top of the cabinets?”

  He looks confused. “Uh, I definitely didn’t. That makes zero sense.”

  “Huh,” Remi replies, confused. She isn’t tall enough to put things there, and definitely wouldn’t store her sugar up there. She makes a mental note to ask Daisy later. For now, she’s too happy about the day ahead to let something stupid like coconut sugar get her down.

  When they reach the ground level, Remi giggles as John holds out his arm for her to grab onto. “M’lady, may I escort you to the metro?”

  “Why yes, sir, you can,” she replies, her accent not nearly as smooth as John’s.

  They head down the road toward the train station, Remi on cloud nine as she considers the day ahead. She can’t imagine how her life could get any better.

  Or worse.

  RAYNA

  BEFORE

  “I really don’t want to go out to dinner tonight,” Rayna says, looking down at the three dresses Zeki has laid out for her.

  “I already promised my buddies that we’d be there,” he replies as he buttons up a white collared shirt.

  Rayna sighs. “I wish you would’ve asked me.”

  Zeki rolls his eyes in annoyance. “I’m sorry I assumed eating dinner with me and my friends wouldn’t be too much to ask.”

  She doesn’t say anything back. She doesn’t feel like going out to dinner tonight, but she especially doesn’t feel like fighting with Zeki.

  It isn’t dinner that’s the problem, it’s that Rayna knows these friends of his. They’re judgmental, and she has a feeling they don’t like her very much. Not only that, but looking down at the dresses Zeki deemed “appropriate” for the evening’s activities, all three are ones she considers uncomfortable. She keeps them in the corner of her closet because she doesn’t want to wear them much.

  “You know, it wouldn’t hurt you to make friends. Jay’s wife is a great person once you get to know her.”

  It’s Rayna’s turn to roll her eyes. “She’s great if you consider liking Starbucks and dogs personality traits.”

  “You love dogs.”

  “But that’s not all I talk about,” Rayna snaps. This evening is already not going as planned. Her hand hovers over the skin-tight blue dress she knows she can’t breathe in, and the black strapless dress she knows she’ll be pulling up all night. She’s already eliminated the red halter that requires a stick-on bra. She doesn’t feel like messing with that. Not tonight.

  It’s been a long day. Daryl messaged her and asked her to come in for a last-minute shoot. Rayna agreed, but the shoot went long, meaning she had to rush home and change into her sweats as quickly as possible before Zeki got home. She had just sat down on the couch with her conveniently opened bag of chips when he walked in the door. And then he immediately demanded she get ready for dinner.

  Rayna hasn’t even had a chance to shower this time, and she feels gross.

  Zeki walks into the bathroom attached to their master bedroom to fix his hair. She lets out a breath she didn’t even realized she’s been holding. Since when has she become such a hermit, she wonders. She used to always love going out.

  “You still haven�
�t decided? You’re going to make me late.” Zeki returns to the bedroom and sits on the bed to put on his nice pair of shoes. Rayna finally picks up the skin-tight blue dress and puts it on.

  It’s a little tighter than she remembers it.

  Zeki must notice, too, because he raises his eyebrows as he watches her inspect herself in the mirror. “Maybe you should go with the black one, babe?”

  Rayna looks down to see her breasts popping out over her dress, and her small stomach pouch, accumulated over the past couple months of sitting on the couch, sticking out. “Nah, I like this one,” she smirks.

  She can tell he’s unhappy with her answer, but with a glance at his watch he apparently decides to let it go. “Alright, well let’s go.”

  “But my makeup.” Rayna points to her face.

  “Do it in the car,” Zeki tosses over his shoulder as he heads down the stairs. She sighs and grabs her makeup bag. He’s insistent tonight.

  They drive to the restaurant in silence. Both of them feel the tension in the car, but neither of them truly wants to argue. There’ll probably be a big fight when they get home.

  Zeki parks the car in front of a fancy steakhouse, one of Rayna’s least favorite places to visit. For some reason, eating a giant hunk of meat like a caveman just doesn’t appeal to her.

  They walk in arm in arm, a fake smile plastered on each of their faces. The other two couples are already there, and they all introduce themselves and give fake hugs and handshakes. Rayna is sick of these types of meetings.

  There’s Zeki’s friend Jay, and his wife Julie—whom they’ve met and dined with before—then there’s Mark and his wife Katie, who have apparently met Zeki previously, but this is Rayna’s first time meeting them.

  The host leads them to a large semi-private booth in the back of the room. Rayna doesn’t mind being trapped in her seat, so she slides in first. Katie slides in directly across from her, and her husband slides in right next to Katie. He gives Rayna a funny look.

  At least I won’t have to discuss Starbucks and dogs the whole dinner, Rayna thinks smugly to herself. Julie has chosen a seat all the way at the other end of the table. They all look at the menu in silence.

  “So,” Jay speaks up, “how’s the restaurant business these days Rayna?”

  Rayna plasters a fake grin on her face. “I quit, actually.”

  Julie’s ears perk up from all the way at the other end of the table. “Oh, really? Where do you work now?”

  “Nowhere, I’m just staying home.” Back in the day, Rayna would add that she was working on her fashion design career, but that’s no longer the case. Rayna honestly has no idea what she wants to do anymore.

  Zeki elbows her. “Rayna wants to get into fashion design, isn’t that right dear?”

  “Not anymore,” she replies loudly, no longer caring if she embarrasses him. A silence follows.

  “Well,” Katie starts, obviously trying to save the evening that Rayna’s ruining, “I just got a promotion at work, I’m officially the head nurse on my floor!” A round of congratulations follows. Mark is still looking at Rayna with an odd look on his face.

  “Yes?” Rayna asks, making eye contact with Mark.

  He shakes his head. “I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before.”

  Rayna smiles, this sort of thing happens all the time. “You might have, I have a twin sister Remi, and she works in finance.”

  He looks perplexed. “Maybe that’s it. I work in finance as well, at the Peterson firm.”

  “Interesting,” Rayna replies, even though she’s not interested at all.

  Katie is now looking at her funny, too.

  Rayna decides to ignore them and turns to look at Zeki, who’s deep in conversation with Jay.

  The server approaches to take their order.

  Everyone around the table pretty much orders a steak and some sort of potato. Rayna orders the fish, and now everyone’s giving her strange looks. This is why she didn’t want to come to dinner in the first place.

  “I need to go to the bathroom,” Rayna announces rather loudly, sort of embarrassed that she chose to sit on the inside of the booth. But she can’t take everyone ostracizing her anymore. Zeki and Jay stand up so she can climb out.

  In the bathroom, she doesn’t even bother going in a stall, she simply looks in the mirror and plays with her hair.

  She checks her phone. Then she takes a few mirror selfies.

  She must be taking too long, because soon Katie comes into the bathroom.

  “They sent me to look for you,” she announces as she heads into a stall.

  “That’s nice,” Rayna replies. “Well, you found me.”

  Katie doesn’t seem to get her sarcastic humor, because she doesn’t reply, she just flushes and exits the stall to wash her hands.

  “I’ve seen you before too, you know.”

  “It was probably my sister Remi,” Rayna clarifies again. For living in such a big city, this happens a surprising amount.

  “Nope.” Katie pops the ‘p’ as she says it. “It was definitely you. I’d recognize those nails anywhere.” She nods her head toward Rayna’s currently red sparkle nails with diamond accents on the ring fingers.

  “Okay…well sorry I didn’t remember you then.” Rayna is unsure where this conversation is going.

  “Oh, you never met me. I recognize you from your videos.”

  “M-my videos?” Rayna feels her face drain completely of color.

  Katie smiles, knowing she has the upper hand. “Oh yes, Mark and I thoroughly enjoyed that one you did with Mondo.” She winks.

  Rayna stands there open mouthed. She doesn’t know what to say. This is her worst nightmare coming true.

  “Zeki is a lucky guy. But I’m sure he already knows that.” Katie dries her hands and holds open the door. “Shall we?”

  Rayna heads mutely towards the door, turning to Katie the minute they were out. “Please don’t tell Zeki about the videos.”

  “Oh, he doesn’t know?” Katie seems flabbergasted.

  “Uh, not yet.” And hopefully not ever, Rayna adds in her mind.

  “Sure honey, your secret is safe with me.” The two of them begin walking back to the table. Just before they’re in earshot of their friends she turns to Rayna and whispers, “but my silence is going to cost you.”

  Rayna gulps. Cost her what?

  Before she can ask, everyone notices them approaching and begins to stand up so they can slide back in. The appetizers Zeki ordered for the table have arrived.

  Rayna feels too sick to eat.

  “You okay?” Zeki whispers in her ear when he notices her empty plate.

  “I’m fine, just not feeling a hundred percent,” she whispers back, noticing that across the table Mark and Katie are having a whisper session of their own. She grimaces as she considers what it could be about.

  “Well, we already ordered so we have to stay for dinner, but we won’t linger long, okay?” Zeki promises, placing a hand on her thigh.

  Rayna nods. It’s times like these when Zeki is sweet and gentle with her that she wonders how she could possibly have done what she did. Is doing.

  When she looks up she notices both Katie and Mark staring at her with dumb grins on their faces. Great. Now Mark knows.

  Rayna pulls out her phone under the table, keying up Remi’s number in the text message app. She begins typing a message before she pauses, then back-spaces the entire thing. She wants to tell her sister what’s going on, but how can she? Remi would be so ashamed. Rayna closes her text message app and slides her phone back in her purse.

  She’s on her own this time.

  RAYNA

  NOW

  Rayna leads the detectives up the front walk and to her front door. It’s locked, so Zeki probably isn’t home yet.

  She pulls out her key and slides it into the door. “Zeki?” she calls out as she pushes the door inward. “Zeki? Babe?” she tries again.

  There’s no response.

  �
��I don’t think he’s home,” she says over her shoulder to the detectives as they step through the door behind her.

  “Did you call him?” Grady asks as she flips on the lights and surveys the living room.

  Rayna nods. “Yes, but it went straight to voicemail.”

  “Did you guys have a fight this morning?” Detective Brown asks as the two of them begin poking around. Rayna feels nervous about having her things examined, but she has nothing to hide. Well, besides the fact she just discovered her boyfriend is a drug dealer this morning.

  Suddenly, she has a moment of panic. Why did she let the detectives come over? What if they find his stash? He would kill her. What if the detectives think it’s her stash? Perspiration breaks out across her forehead.

  She doesn’t know what to do. It’s obviously too late to tell the detectives they can’t look at the room Remi was staying in, but Zeki…

  Who matters more? Remi or Zeki? her subconscious asks her.

  “Remi,” she answers, not realizing she says it out loud until both cops turn to look at her.

  Oops.

  “I mean,” she tries to correct, “yes, we argued, but it was very minor, a normal couple argument.” Rayna isn’t very good at brushing things off. “Remi was staying in the room upstairs.” She turns and leads them to the guest room. When she pushes open the door and flips on the lights, she winces as she realizes it’s worse than she remembers it. The room looks like a hurricane blew through.

  Grady lets out a low whistle. “What happened here?”

  “This isn’t all from Remi,” Rayna tells her. “When I woke up this morning Zeki was tossing the room looking for something he lost. We argued because he thought I moved it.”

  “And just what was he looking for?” Brown asks as he slides on a pair of latex gloves.

  Rayna thinks fast. “A picture his mom sent him of the family when he was little.” She mentally pats herself on the back for that one. “There’s no digital copy,” she adds for good measure.