Con Living

by E. M. Foner

  “The Farling uses his stand-in for intelligence work?” Avisia seemed to be contemplating something, and then she shook her head. “No, the girls in my finishing school are too young for that sort of thing.”

  “You didn’t do that badly, Director,” Razood said to the Grenouthian. “How many did you say you recruited? Sixteen?”

  “I would have doubled that easy if I wasn’t so focused on expanding our anime production business,” the Grenouthian grumbled. “Still, I have to admit that some of those Humans who presented short features they created without access to professional studio equipment have real potential. If you’d let me add the new production hires for Flower Studios to my total for new intelligence sources, I’d have won.”

  “Does anybody want to bet on how many different shows Flower has up for awards next year?” Jorb asked. He looked over to the entrance of the alien cafeteria as the third officer entered. “Hey, Lynx. Do you want to get in on our new pool?”

  “Maybe later, but I’m here on business,” the captain’s wife said. “Flower has asked me to conduct an exit interview with all of you who were involved in the con so we can see what needs to be improved for next time around.”

  “We need to work on sending the guests home,” Yaem said immediately. “When I finally got out of bed an hour ago, I stopped down on the con deck to get my coffee mug back from the temporary office. Based on the number of people I saw in costumes, it looks like somebody forgot to tell them that it’s over.”

  “I invited everybody who attended to remain on board,” Flower announced via an overhead speaker. “I thought that some cosplayers would make an interesting addition to the theatre district, and I’m thinking of permanently rebranding it as a con deck. Many of the attendees had to get back to their jobs or families, but the retention rate among the ConAnon members was nearly a hundred percent. Perhaps I’ll start advertising the deck as a residential option for anybody who likes wearing costumes around the clock.”

  “Do you mean like a theme park?” Lynx asked. “You’ll get EarthCent in trouble with the Grenouthians because they’ve already licensed the exclusive rights to human-derived theme parks.”

  “Not a theme park, a permanent con. There should be a better name than that, but I suppose we’ll just have to invent one ourselves. PermaCon? Con Living?”

  “And when did you think would be the right time to spring your new idea on the ship’s officers?” Lynx inquired acerbically.

  “Now seems to be appropriate,” the Dollnick AI responded. “Any other feedback about the con?”

  “We should have arranged with Union Station ahead of time for the exclusive use of the LARPing studios,” Jorb said. “There were some pretty long lines by the mid-afternoon most days, and the professional league play had priority.”

  “Did anybody give up and return before they got a chance to try it?” Yaem asked. “I don’t recall hearing any complaints.”

  “The Stryx provided a kind of sandbox studio where I taught basic use of noodle weapons to keep everybody busy while we were waiting,” Jorb said. “Couldn’t you manage a LARPing studio on board, Flower?”

  “I don’t quite have the spare processing capacity, but I’m looking into upgrading my support network with commercial 3D rendering engines that could do most of the grunt work,” the Dollnick AI said. “I’ll keep you posted.”

  “Do you really think that running a permanent con will serve some sort of a societal purpose for humanity, or are you just looking to fill more cabins?” Lynx asked.

  “Is there a difference?”

  “You mean you’re filling cabins for the greater good?”

  “I like to think that we’re all in this together,” Flower said. “More residents equal greater utilization of my facilities, which translates into higher efficiency and lower operating costs. In addition, a higher population makes us a more attractive destination vacation for visitors at our regular stops, which supports our primary mission. Greater numbers of visitors translates into a better chance for us to recruit people to fill our various needs. It’s win-win-win.”

  “Did you manage to recruit any employees for your shipyard scheme?” Yaem asked. “I heard back from my boss at Sharf Intelligence, and they located the intellectual property owners of the old two-man trader design. The basic tooling is still in mothballs, and the owners are willing to lease it to us, I mean, to you, with the stipulations that the ships you produce are sold exclusively to Humans, and that you buy all of the fuel packs and drive units from Sharf manufacturers.”

  “Excellent. I was able to hire a number of Humans with somewhat relevant design and manufacturing experience during the con, and I hope to be able to start taking orders for new two-man traders when I host the next Rendezvous.”

  “Since when did you talk the Traders Guild into having it here?” Lynx asked. “Would it kill you to keep me in the loop?”

  “It’s not a done deal yet, but I’ve offered them free docking for all comers if they hold Rendezvous on board,” Flower said. “One of the guild’s new council members owes us his life, so I expect it’s in the bag. If I don’t have room for all their ships, I’ll just have to set up an outside parking area and remain in one place for the duration.”

  “Why do I get the sneaking suspicion that all of this has to do with your wanting to join the Conference of Sovereign Human Communities? You’re trying to get in good with the Traders Guild so they’ll support you for CoSHC.”

  “If the Traders Guild wants to express their appreciation for my restarting production of affordable two-man traders by sponsoring our membership bid for CoSHC, that’s just an example of one pair of hands washing the other.”

  “She means it in the singular sense,” Bill said, setting an enormous salad on the table. “I’ll be back with the side dishes in a minute.”

  “I didn’t even see him come in from the kitchen,” the Grenouthian director muttered to Yaem. “Have you been teaching him infiltration and surveillance techniques?”

  “Haven’t had the time,” the Sharf said. “He must have picked that up on his own. The captain gave him a book to study.”

  Razood returned from the mini-bar with a bottle of expensive single malt Scotch and a small tray of shot glasses. “I want to propose a toast for Jorb’s passing his second-level compatibility test,” the Frunge said as he began pouring shots. “Couldn’t have happened to a nicer Drazen.”

  “Do try to use your new influence with Rinka to persuade her to come and teach my girls,” Avisia begged Jorb. “I get a sore throat just trying to sing scales with them. An hour twice a week would be a huge help.”

  “Bring Harry out here,” Lume instructed Bill when the young man returned with the side dishes. “We’re congratulating Jorb on moving one step closer to marriage.”

  Lynx followed Bill back to the kitchen, and asked in a low voice, “How are things progressing with you and Julie?”

  “Almost there, I think,” Bill said. He hesitated, remembering the Stryx librarian’s words, and attempted to stretch himself as an actor. “I want to make the proposal special, so I’m going to ask Flower for help.”

  “Of course I’ll help you,” the Dollnick AI said. “I knew that you and Julie were right for each other as soon as you joined the ship.”

  “Where is Julie now?” Lynx asked. “I should get her feedback about the art show. Is she back to working at the library?”

  “She’s at The Spoon with the Biancas and they just ordered,” Flower replied. “It’s a business lunch, so let the exit interview go until later.”

  “Thanks, Renée,” Julie said, handing the three menus back to the waitress. “How are your classes at the Open University going?”

  “Good, I think. They don’t have tests in the regular sense, but there are competency exams before you can move on to the next level.”

  “Do you mean you could spend a whole year in class and not even know whether you’re passing?”

  “Students who can’
t tell whether or not they understand the material probably don’t,” Sixth said, and the younger Bianca nodded her head in agreement.

  “The competency exams are super practical,” Renée told them. “I already aced the waitressing one for advanced credit in the hospitality program. Speaking of which, I’ll get your orders in and your drinks right out.”

  “I wish there had been an Open University campus on Earth,” Seventh said. “I was lucky that a Verlock magnet academy opened in our city when the children were just old enough to start, but they were so well prepared when they went to college that they found it boring.”

  “They weren’t willing to leave Earth for university?” Julie asked.

  “Both of them finished the magnet academy at sixteen, and I wasn’t comfortable letting them go off on their own at that age,” the younger Bianca said. “That was before I traveled all over the galaxy doing Guest Human spots at cons, so I didn’t know that they would have been safer on a Stryx station or a Verlock open world than on Earth. But they seemed so young to be on their own.”

  “I understand that you went the teacherbot route,” Sixth said to Julie. “I never went to a real school myself, though some of the parents took turns helping us with reading and math.”

  “I thought you—” Julie began, and then clamped her jaw shut.

  “You thought I went through school before the Stryx opened Earth?” Sixth chuckled. “I’m not that old. Seventh went to a private school, and you can see it come through in some of her books.”

  “All that stuff about mean-girl cliques and boys getting pushed into lockers was real?”

  “Unfortunately,” the younger Bianca said. “That’s one reason I jumped at the chance to send my children to the Verlock academy.”

  “Two milks and one coffee,” Renée said, placing the drinks on the table.

  “I ordered coffee too,” Julie and Sixth said at the same time.

  Renée pointed at the ceiling and retreated with her tray.

  “Drink half of your milk and I’ll top you off with the good stuff,” Seventh said to her senior. “Does this mean you went for your physical exam to determine the options for your required team sport?”

  Sixth nodded. “The Farling said that my bone density is too low, and if I didn’t want to pay for the treatment, I should move to a lower gravity deck and drink more milk.”

  “Was the treatment that expensive?”

  “It was cheap. I just don’t go in for a lot of doctoring. But if it means being able to order coffee...”

  “You’re both staying on board?” Julie asked.

  “Her, not me,” the younger Bianca said. “I have public appearance commitments and my daughter is expecting my first grandchild back on Earth. But I’m going to talk to both of my children about moving to Flower. It’s better to plan for the future than to just let it happen.”

  “Which is the perfect segue to what we wanted to discuss with you,” Sixth said to Julie.

  “I’ve only been to the independent living cooperative a few times, though I guess I know a lot about living on Flower in general,” the girl guessed at the older Bianca’s meaning. “You’ll get used to things like the morning calisthenics, and the whole team sport concept is pretty flexible. I started in theatre and ended up with a paid acting job on Everyday Superheroes.”

  “I meant that we want to discuss your future with us, but I’ll let Seventh make the pitch.”

  “How would you like to be my understudy and eventually take over?” the younger Bianca asked Julie. “It would only be part-time for the next few years, doing research, writing scenarios, and learning how to edit for the D’Arc style. After that, I’m hoping to slow down and maybe write the occasional gryphon book, so we’d be splitting the load until I retire.”

  “But I still haven’t finished writing a complete novel on my own,” Julie protested. “What makes you so sure I have any ability?”

  “Craft can be learned, and it’s clear from our conversations that you have an excellent imagination,” Sixth said. “Seventh told me that you don’t like talking about your life before you joined Flower, but I dug up an interview you did with the Galactic Free Press. All authors end up mining their pasts for characters and ideas, and putting some of your bad memories to good use may help you exorcise any remaining demons.”

  “I’m not sure it’s ethical to profit from having worked for a drug syndicate.”

  “Knowledge is knowledge. If we all threw out the things we learned from people we didn’t approve of we’d be even more ignorant than all the aliens think we are. Most romance writers I’ve known struggle to write realistic bad men, because at most, they’ve met a few pimps or pushers at parties. You have more real-life experience with the day-to-day operation of organized crime than any paranormal romance writer who’s ever put pen to paper.”

  “I never thought of it that way, but it seems like a really big jump,” Julie said. “If I try this, are you going to be available to help after, uh, Seventh returns to Earth?”

  “You’ve already figured out our nefarious plan,” Sixth said with a laugh.

  Renée brought out salads for the Biancas and a burger with fries for Julie. The two older women looked longingly at the French fries, and Julie moved her plate to the center of the table. Seventh pushed it right back.

  “No,” she said. “I save all of my spare calories for chocolate.”

  “I start the day with chocolate and then see how much room I have left for food,” Sixth said, and then her eyes shifted to something over Julie’s shoulder. “Look what the cat dragged in.”

  “Biancas,” Geoffrey greeted them. “Julie.”

  “We’re planning to make it three Biancas, unless you poach her to write Geoffrey Harstang books.”

  “The space marines genre changes too rapidly for line authorship to be much benefit,” he said, pulling up a chair and helping himself to a couple of Julie’s fries. “May I?”

  “What are you doing here, Geoffrey?”

  “You know I’ve always been a diner fan, and this is the first place I ate after coming on board Flower. I finally arranged to meet with the captain to repay the favor, but it seems that I’m here twenty minutes early.”

  “Which is unbelievable in itself,” Sixth said. “I’m going to have to find the people who ran that hospital where you were locked up and offer to pay their legal expenses. You could be their poster boy for the most improved patient.”

  “Never get on her bad side,” Geoffrey advised Julie in a stage whisper. Then he continued in his normal voice, “Has Lynx done your exit interview yet?”

  “My what?” Julie asked.

  “Flower has her going around asking everybody involved in planning the con how they think it could be improved. She’ll probably be after you too, Seventh.”

  “Already got me,” the younger Bianca said. “I pointed out that only a male would have tried combining Amish and Alien Abduction Romance into one session.”

  “Yaem’s an alien,” Julie pointed out. “How could he know?”

  “Males are all aliens when it comes to romance,” Geoffrey said. “If the females of the galaxy ever decide to unite and take over, all they’d have to do to distribute their plan secretly is to publish it in romance novels.”

  “Maybe we already have,” Sixth said, artfully raising a single eyebrow.

  “What did you tell Lynx in your exit interview?” Seventh asked Geoffrey.

  “That I thought it was all around the best con I’ve ever attended, and if Flower wants me to participate in a more limited manner the next time around, I’ll be honored,” the author said. “But I don’t have the energy I used to, and the colony project that I’ll be collaborating on with Sixth is going to take up all of the time that I don’t spend writing.”

  “And treating me to dinners,” the older Bianca said.

  “You mean the writers colony you were talking about before?” Julie asked.

  “Ach, don’t call it that!” Geo
ffrey said, putting his hands over his ears. “Some writers think there needs to be a possessive apostrophe hanging on after the ‘S’ and it makes me crazy. I’ve rewritten whole books to avoid adding possessive apostrophes to plural words that any fool would understand in context.”

  “He’s exaggerating, as usual,” Sixth said.

  Julie and Seventh finished their meals before Sixth made it halfway through her salad, thanks to the unending banter the two older authors kept up. The younger Bianca eventually gave Julie a wink and a nod that they should leave the pair of former lovers alone. Seventh insisted on paying the check and invited Julie to head over to the con offices to go over the D’Arc understudy contract on their tabs.

  “I have bots breaking down the offices as we speak,” Flower said over Julie’s implant. “I suggest the library instead.”

  “Flower says the con offices are gone and we should try the library,” Julie told the younger Bianca.

  “I may sound old-fashioned, but isn’t talking discouraged in libraries?”

  “The reading room has audio suppression fields over all of the tables. It’s become the preferred place for our local Galactic Free Press reporter to do interviews.”

  “Then the library it is.”

  Bea was at the main desk when they entered, and to Julie’s surprise, the head librarian rushed out to meet them with a hardcover copy of Bianca’s latest release.

  “I picked it up after your session since you didn’t bring books to sell,” Bea explained. “I wondered if you would mind…”

  “I’m happy to sign it,” Bianca said, setting the book on the checkout desk. “If everything goes right, soon you’ll be asking Julie to inscribe D’Arc books.”

  The head librarian gasped and grabbed Julie’s hand. “You’re going to apprentice to Bianca? You have to let me proofread for you.”

  “We’re about to look over the contract. I don’t see how I can turn it down.”

  “Flower will be so pleased,” Bea said. “Now we’ll have two of the top romance line authors living on board.”