Heartthrob

by Robin Bielman

  “How much recovery time am I looking at?”

  “Three to four months.”

  I swallow the bile coming up my throat. I’ll miss Opening Day and the Japan series opener. We’re scheduled to kick things off with two games against Oakland at the Tokyo Dome. “If we don’t operate?”

  “You risk improper alignment, which could make it tough to get full strength back in your arm.”

  My mom puts her hand atop mine. I look into each family member’s eyes, not for help with a decision. It sucks, but it’s a no-brainer to go the surgery route. I’m seeking reassurance, that whether or not I walk back onto a baseball field, they won’t think any less of me. Ethan and Drew are rocket scientists in business with the utmost respect from our father. Drew is carrying on in the hotel world, and to an extent, Ethan is too, with restaurants in our families’ hotels in addition to Royal. Not that my dad has ever made me feel inferior because of my calling. It’s just that baseball is my legacy and if I have to cut my career short, where does that leave me?

  “Let’s do it,” I tell Dr. Bell, seeing nothing but respect reflected back at me from my family.

  “Great. I’ll notify the Landsharks of the plan. Make sure we’re on the same page. I’d like you to stay here until then to keep your arm and shoulder isolated as much as possible.”

  “Okay. Thanks.”

  “Knock, knock.” A nurse walks into the room flanked by Josh and Jesse. “These two need to go home but wanted to see you first.”

  “Dad and I have a thing,” Mom says. “We’ll stop back tomorrow.” She kisses my cheek, Dad gives me a warm smile, and then they walk out with Dr. Bell, leaving room for my new visitors.

  “Hi, Finn. Are you okay?” Josh asks.

  “Absolutely. You don’t need to worry about me, not at all.”

  They nod. “Thanks for saving Sammy. You’re like a real-life superhero,” Josh says.

  Drew groans. “Aw man. Seriously? We will never hear the end of that.”

  I give the boys a genuine smile. “Keep taking good care of her, okay?”

  “We will,” Jesse says, then they wave goodbye and follow the nurse out. Once they’re out of eyesight I tell my brothers they don’t need to stay. I don’t like pretending I’m okay when I’m anything but.

  “And let you mope in private? I don’t think so,” Ethan says from an armed chair across the room. He points the remote at the flat-screen TV hanging on the wall.

  “See if they get the E! channel here. There’s a Keeping Up with the Kardashians marathon this weekend,” Drew says, pulling up a chair. “We know that’s Finn’s favorite show.”

  “Don’t you fucking dare,” I say.

  Drew laughs, which pisses me off further. Why are they torturing me like this? You’d do the same thing if one of them were lying in a hospital bed. It’s called brotherly love.

  Fine. I’ll lie here and ignore them. I’ve got better things to think about than worrying about what’s on television. I forgot to ask the doctor what the surgery is like. How long does it take? How long will I be under? When can I go home? Will I be in a sling like last time? I’m guessing yes, but for how long? I need to talk to my coach and management personally before they put me on the injured list. Guarantee them I’ll be back stronger than ever. There’s no other option. Baseball is my life.

  “Hey, so we were able to keep a lid on your…” Ethan trails off until our eyes meet. “Accident. And no one publicly knows you’re here, but is there anyone special you want us to get in touch with?”

  “Like a certain blonde, brown-eyed beauty?” Drew suggests with a know-it-all cock of his eyebrow.

  I glance at the wall clock. It’s midafternoon. Chloe’s home now, and if I’m being honest, nothing would make me happier than to see her. But after two weeks apart, and the lack of communication, she doesn’t need to be made aware of my condition. She’ll no doubt find out from Rena eventually. At that point, we can resume a working relationship. Moving forward, I’ve got to give everything I have to rehab. If I do that, maybe, just maybe, I’ll beat the doctor’s timeline and be on the field for Opening Day.

  “No,” I say.

  “No?” Drew pulls a shocked face before turning his attention to Ethan. “You said they were definitely screwing.”

  Ethan and I lock gazes. “No, I said there was definitely something more going on,” my brother clarifies.

  “So?” Drew asks. “What’s going on?”

  “Nothing is going on,” I say.

  My brothers know me better than anyone, though, so it’s no surprise when Drew says, “You left off the ‘not anymore’ part.” Then his brows knit together. He studies me. “And the part where that bothers you.”

  I give him a blank look. I don’t want to admit the power Chloe has over me. No woman has ever captured my attention the way she has. Made me willing to compromise my time to be with her, to be what she needed. It never occurred to me to protect myself. That what she wanted from me would end before I was ready.

  “I’m getting over it,” I say, circumspect, hoping that appeases them.

  “It?” Ethan asks.

  “Jesus, can we stop talking already?” I close my eyes, ready to take a nap—or at least fake it.

  “You love her,” Drew says, straight-out, no doubt at all. Perceptive jerk.

  I lift my good arm and give him the finger. He and Ethan laugh and then talk about me like I’m not in the room. I tune them out. It’s not the first time I’ve brushed off their snooping, and it won’t be the last. Brotherly love and all that.

  As I drift off to honest sleep a few minutes later, I am conscious of one thing: the disconcerting truth is I haven’t fooled anyone about my feelings for Chloe. Well, no more. As of right now, any personal sentiments I have toward her are dead and buried.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  #LoveDefinitely

  Chloe

  After basically two weeks away from home, it feels good to know I’m staying put for the foreseeable future. I’m fried from living out of a suitcase, so the first thing I do after I walk through the front door is my laundry. When done, I inhale the ocean-fresh scent from dryer sheets and put all my clothes away. It’s the neatest my closet and dresser have been in months. I’m pretty excited to open a drawer tomorrow morning and get dressed.

  Dad’s watching a basketball game out in the family room while the lasagna he made us for dinner cooks in the oven. A minute ago, he shouted it would be ready in thirty. That gives me time to take a long, hot shower.

  This past week in Sacramento has left me tapped out. Being responsible for the posts MLB and Hayden Clemons shared on various social media outlets took extra brain power. For the MLB accounts because I stressed over every image and accompanying text being perfect. And for Hayden because 1) he’s demanding 2) he’s selfish (although with the kids he was great) and 3) he kept hitting on me. His ego is the size of Australia and he couldn’t understand why I kept turning him down. Umm, because you’re so not my type with a side of jackass? I can’t believe sportscasters continually put him in the same box as Finn. There is no comparison. Not on the field and most definitely not off.

  Finn.

  I stand under the hot spray of water in my small shower. I haven’t been in touch with him all week. He left me a couple of voice messages, but I never got back to him. Guilt ate at me every day, and I started dialing him back at least a dozen times before I chickened out. I listened to his deep, sexy voice over and over again, hating myself for being a jerk, but so unsure about what to say to him that I chose to remain silent. Miss you, his last message had said. God, I missed him, too.

  So much so, that I’ve stalked him online. There’s been nothing since the night I saw him with Hannah Mills. That’s the gorgeous woman’s name. I did a little more digging and discovered besides modeling, she works with Finn’s cousin Meredith. Meaning she and Finn are probably friends. Soooo, maybe I overreacted.

  No maybe, I absolutely did.

 
; Jelly Nellys of the world, raise your hand. I’m officially one of you now, jealousy having invaded my body without my permission.

  Time has set me straight, but the courage to speak to Finn has lagged. Leaving myself vulnerable again is difficult. We can all agree a broken heart is the worst kind of break. But something interesting did happen while I was up north. With each passing day, my heart didn’t feel broken. It felt full. And I realized despite it being trampled on four times, I wasn’t done with love. My gut or intuition or whatever it is people sense deep in their core finally woke up to tell me this time is different. Finn is different. Having time away to feel what it would be like without him helped me see I want it all. The career and the man.

  If he still wants me.

  An unpleasant voice in the back of my mind reminds me I’ve ghosted him the past week, and I may have blown my chance.

  I step out of the shower and throw on black leggings and my new MLB sweatshirt. I’ve still got a few minutes before dinner so I check my emails. I open one from Rena that came in just a few minutes ago.

  The first sentence guts me. It steals every doubt, all my hesitation, and sends my pulse spiraling out of control.

  Finn’s been in some kind of accident and is in the hospital. He’s having surgery on Monday… I don’t bother to read the rest. I couldn’t even if I tried, the words blurring as emotion burns behind my eyelids. Without any uncertainty, I call him. Why didn’t I phone him sooner, or at least the minute I landed? Why did I have to play it safe?

  The call goes to voicemail. I hang up and try again. Same result. Shit. Shit. Shit. I need to talk to him. Need to know he’s okay. Whatever bravado I hid behind this past week vanishes, and an entirely new kind of fear invades my body. I’d trade everything, do anything, to guarantee Finn is whole and healthy and able to run back onto the baseball field when the season starts.

  I stare at my phone—who else can I call? Grandma Rosemary! She’ll know the details and talk me down from this ledge.

  “Hi, Rosemary. It’s Chloe.”

  “Hello, sweetheart. How are you?”

  “Going out of my mind. I was out of town and just heard Finn is in the hospital. He isn’t answering his phone.”

  “No need to worry. He’s in good hands.” She goes on to tell me he saved Sammy from being hit by a car and once again landed the wrong way, only this time the fracture is more serious. I bite down so hard on my bottom lip I’m surprised I don’t draw blood. I’m worried about Finn, but also Josh and Jesse. They must have been terrified. I make a mental note to stop by and see them after I see Finn.

  “He’s grumpier than a grizzly who forgot to hibernate,” Rosemary continues.

  “I’m sure he is.”

  “Maybe you can cheer him up.”

  “I’d like to try.” Mission Make Finn Smile accepted.

  She tells me which hospital he’s in and wishes me luck. My hands shake as we say goodbye, Finn’s circumstances sinking in deeper. Anytime someone is put under anesthesia, it’s a big deal. There are risks no one wants to talk about, but are there nonetheless. What if he has an unknown allergy to one of the medications? What if they operate on the wrong shoulder? What if he wakes up and has amnesia? What if his heart stops beating while he’s on the table?

  I’m freaking out, but love does that to a person.

  I stumble out of my room, hopping and putting on my Vans at the same time. “Dad, I’ve got to run out. Finn’s in the hospital.” I break into a cold sweat as I give him the quick lowdown. This isn’t anything life-threatening, I know that. But I also know Finn, and how hard he’s worked to be the elite athlete he is. And the huge mental toll an injury can take.

  “Want me to go with you?”

  “It’s okay. Keep some lasagna warm for me.”

  “How about I give you some to go. Hospital food is the worst.”

  “Great idea. Thanks.” Finn has to be happy to see me if I come bearing a home-cooked meal. Suddenly, memories wash over me and I have to hold on to the wall for support. Vague recollections of my mom in the hospital and the bland, monotonous food she got zero enjoyment out of. I’d bake her favorite pie and sneak pieces in to her inside my backpack.

  Hospitals are not my favorite places.

  I hug my dad tightly before I go. “You’re feeling good, right?” I ask even though it was the first thing I asked him when I got home. His outward appearance is the best I’ve seen in a while, but he’s excellent at hiding how he feels on the inside.

  “Yes. I promise I’ll tell you otherwise.”

  “Voluntarily?”

  He makes a chuffing sound. “Yes.”

  I kiss his cheek. “Thank you.”

  An hour later with Tupperware in hand, I hurry into the lobby of the hospital. Right away I dislike the smell, not that it’s bad. It’s just so sanitary, and that implies measures haven been taken to guard against disease and infections. It means there are sick people here. Loved ones who are facing much more difficult diagnoses than a fractured clavicle. The furniture is upscale, the décor sparse. I forgot to ask Rosemary what room Finn is in, so I make a beeline for the reception desk.

  “I’m sorry but Mr. Auprince is on the VIP floor and the only visitors allowed are those on the approved list,” a very stern-looking forty-something woman says politely.

  “Do you have the list?”

  “Of course.”

  “I’m sure my name is on it. Chloe Conrad.” Rosemary didn’t mention I’d have any difficulty getting to Finn.

  “I’m sorry. It’s not.”

  My heart sinks. “Could you check again, please?”

  She gives me a withering look, but takes a second glance at her computer screen. “It’s not here.”

  I think about pleading with her. Promising her I’d be welcome and this is just some sort of oversight. Instead, I spin around and walk out the sliding glass door into the cool fresh evening air. The entry is flanked by beautiful flowering shrubs and inviting wooden benches. I sit on one. There are two reasons why my name isn’t on that list. The first is Finn doesn’t want to see me. The thought kills me, mostly because it’s my own fault. I kept my distance this past week and that wasn’t very nice of me. The second is Finn doesn’t want to see anyone and there is no list outside of his immediate family. That possibility is almost worse. It means he’s hurting and pushing away the people who love him.

  “Chloe?”

  I startle at the deep male voice and lift my head to see Finn’s brother walking out of the hospital. “Drew. Hi.”

  “Hi. Are you here to see Finn?” Surprise flavors his low-pitched question.

  “I was hoping to, yes, but my name isn’t on the magic list.”

  Drew runs a hand over his jaw. “Yeah. Sorry about that. Privacy is always an issue we have to be careful with.”

  “I understand, but do you think…” I trail off, not sure I have the right to ask for his help.

  “You want me to take you up to see him.” It’s a guarded statement and the reticence stings.

  I jump to my feet. It’s time to show everyone I’m here to love Finn with nothing less than everything I have. He’s stitched in my heart, my soul, my future. “I would love that.”

  Drew regards me, his hand holding his chin. “But do you love him?”

  I want Finn to be the first person I say the actual words to, so I respond with, “I promise,” hoping that earns me Drew’s trust.

  “That’s good enough for me. Come on. The guy is being a complete ass. If the sight of you doesn’t cheer him up then nothing will.”

  My cheeks heat. “Finn’s talked to you about me?” We pass the reception desk where a man is getting a visitors’ pass, but I guess I don’t need one with Drew as an escort.

  “Sort of.” Drew leads me past the main elevators, around a corner to a smaller lift and presses a code into the waist-high numbered panel. The door slides open. “Is that lasagna?” He nods to the Tupperware while pushing the button for the sixteenth floor
.

  “Homemade,” I say cheerily, wondering what he meant by ‘sort of.’

  Crazy appealing light blue eyes observe me. Drew is gorgeous—almost as hot as Finn. “You know,” he says playfully, “I’m a lot more fun than Finn. How about I steal you for a night to show you.”

  I laugh. “You try and steal all your brother’s girl…” I cut off since I’m not his girlfriend. I’m a girl. And his friend. And we’ve had sex. And laughed together. Had fun together. Learned from each other. Spent a lot of time together. Had amazing sex together. (That bears repeating.)

  “He’s never had anyone to steal before.”

  “Oh. Right.”

  “He had a serious girlfriend in high school, but back then I was the little brother and not half as charming as I am now.” He winks at me.

  Finn’s high school girlfriend. The girl who crushed his heart with cruel words to her friends, making Finn feel used and unintelligent. My unexplained silence while I was in Sacramento was unkind, too, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to him.

  The elevator door glides open. Drew puts his arm out to hold it in place. “It’s not too late,” he says around a smile. “Cranky Finn or Lovable Drew. I know which option gets my vote.” His teasing is cute.

  I step into the hallway. “I’m kind of head over heels for Cranky,” I tell him, saving the L word for Finn, but putting my feelings out into the universe. A giant hell hole doesn’t swallow me. The ceiling doesn’t crash down. All good signs my renewed confidence is leading me down a safe path.

  “Make sure you tell him that.”

  “I thought I’d fill him in now.”

  “Excellent plan.” He pulls his arm back, the elevator shutting him inside for the ride back to the first floor. “Welcome to the family.”

  Family. How I’ve longed for more of that. “Oh hey! Which room?”

  “Two,” he says right before he disappears and I’m staring at the steel door.

  My heart pounds as I walk down the swanky corridor. Wood-paneled walls, fancy tiled floor, the smell like fresh air rather than disinfectant. I pause outside Finn’s room to take a deep breath before I step inside.