I slipped my hand into his and let him pull me close, tucking me against his side as my pulse raced wildly for this boy.
“Crazy girl,” he murmured against the top of my head before placing a kiss there.
I pushed against his stomach as a smile stole across my face. “Bear.”
Hunter came jogging toward us with Madison bouncing on his back and giggling like crazy. “Y’all are slow as hell,” he called out as he neared us.
“And?” Beau challenged.
“And it’s hot,” Hunter fired back. “Let’s go so we can get in the lake.”
“I gotta go home—”
“No,” Madison said before I could finish talking, drawing out the word. “I thought we were gonna hang out all day and night.”
“We are. Just gotta grab my bag for your place tonight and check in with my mom. Show her I haven’t joined a cult or shaved my head. You know . . . the usual.”
Beau squeezed me a little closer, the apology practically screaming from him even though he remained silent.
Even though our families had become so close that we spent all our free time and holidays with the Dixons, my parents had serious issues with Beau, and he knew it. It was impossible for him not to.
They didn’t exactly hold back their thoughts in front of him.
And even though our families had a deep bond that I was thankful for, my parents didn’t want me with Beau for long unless they were around too. So, if I was hanging out with him, I had to check in every so often to assure them he hadn’t gone and done something crazy—like hit me.
I’d already swung by my house after school, and I’d probably have to check in again before going to Madison’s tonight.
“Well, then we’re getting in the AC until then,” Hunter said as he turned and started down the last stretch toward our driveways.
“See you soon!” Madison called out, already laughing again as Hunter’s jogging started up her bouncing all over again.
“Your dad’s home,” Beau said suddenly.
“What?” I looked toward my house and down the long drive, my chest getting cold and hot all at once when I saw his car. “Guess he got off early,” I whispered, but something about his car in the driveway that early in the afternoon had me worried.
And I wasn’t even sure why.
I’d gotten a near-perfect GPA my first year of high school, and that was all while maintaining dance and cheer. I hadn’t gotten in trouble lately—well, Beau had, and I’d been there. But they already knew about that.
Still, there was a twisting in my stomach like I was about to get caught with my hand in the cookie jar. Except I had no jar. There were no cookies.
I hadn’t even realized I’d starting biting at my thumb nail until Beau moved my hand away and curled his fingers around mine.
“I wasn’t biting it,” I said automatically.
“I know.”
I knew he knew that.
I didn’t bite my nails. I kinda-sorta tapped on them with my teeth. My parents were the ones who couldn’t see the difference. But at the moment, I was freaking out over why my dad would be home so early. I mean, it wasn’t like he never came home early . . . just . . . almost never.
“I’ll come with you,” Beau offered when we stopped in front of my driveway, his dark eyes searching mine like he could feel the ridiculous spiral my mind was going down.
I wanted to say yes.
Beau was everything to me . . . my comfort and safety and happiness. If I could, I would cling to him and never let go. But he and I both knew it would be so, so much worse if he walked into that house with me.
My mom was afraid of Beau even though he’d never so much as said an unkind word to her or my dad. So, if my dad wasn’t around, she tried to bite her tongue around Beau and sometimes succeeded. But when my parents were together, the verbal gloves came off.
Watching Beau take their words like he deserved them before he stormed out because he couldn’t handle anymore . . . trying to run after him only to be stopped by my parents . . . the screaming that followed that always led to me being grounded from very few things because they knew all I wanted was to see him . . .
It just wasn’t worth it.
“No, it’s fine,” I said softly as my stare drifted to my dad’s car again. My stomach clenching tighter and tighter.
Beau’s hands cradled my cheeks, forcing me to look up at him. “You sure?”
“Positive.” I pushed up on my toes to kiss him. “I’ll be over soon.”
He studied me for a while before nodding. “I’ll be waiting for you.”
“You better be,” I teased, a soft laugh sounding in my throat when he pulled me back for another kiss. This one slower. Longer. Making my knees weak and my head spin and drowning out my worries by the time he released me.
A wicked grin crossed his face as if he knew exactly what he did to me as he turned and continued down the road toward his house.
I was smiling like crazy as I walked down my driveway in a Beau-daze. By the time I was walking through my front door, I’d forgotten why I’d been freaking out in the first place.
“Savannah.”
I turned for the living room instead of the kitchen, my smile slipping when I found my parents standing there like they’d been waiting for me. Looking super disappointed. Super angry.
And sitting open on the coffee table in front of them . . . my diary.
We hadn’t gone out to the lake that sat on the back part of our property, near the orchard. We’d gotten ready. But we hadn’t gone.
Because Savannah still hadn’t come over . . . four hours later.
We’d all talked about going to see what she was doing—what was taking so long, but my mom had put a stop to that. Saying Savannah’s parents probably just wanted some time with her.
I’d told Hunter and Madison to go to the lake without me, especially once Sawyer, Leighton, and Emberly decided they were going too, but they’d stayed put. Turning on a movie instead while I paced.
“Mom.” I glanced meaningfully at the clock once the dinner table was cleared and Leighton had gone home.
“Beau, she probably just couldn’t come back over,” she said gently. “Y’all can go a few hours without seeing each other, you know.”
But Savannah said she’d be there, and she wasn’t.
And it had me feeling all kinds of anxious and restless. Had that dark, steady thrum under my skin waking up to a nauseating rumble.
I hated it.
“Mrs. Dixon,” Madison began, “Savannah’s actually supposed to be spending the night with me tonight, and my parents should be on their way soon.”
“Oh.” Mom looked to the clock the same as I did even though the time hadn’t changed. “Well, that doesn’t sound like them. She would’ve at least called if something had changed,” she mumbled to herself, then faced us again. “Okay, fine. Y’all can go.”
I was already rushing for the door by the time she said fine. Flinging it open and bounding off the porch.
“You gonna wait?” Hunter called after me.
I didn’t respond. I didn’t slow.
I pushed faster.
There had been a ton of times that Savannah hadn’t shown when she was supposed to, but like Mom said, she’d called. Or, at least, her parents had with some bullshit excuse for why they were trying to keep her from me that day.
I hated the times I was expecting her and the phone rang.
The more time had passed that afternoon, the more I’d expected that call. Except it hadn’t come. And as I raced to her house, all I could think about was how worried Savannah had been over her dad being home early.
Wondering what the reason was behind it—if something had happened to her mom or someone else in her family. If something had happened to her dad’s job. If—fuck—if they were moving again.
I knocked quickly on the Rileys’ door, my chest pitching as I waited and silently prayed that the latter wasn’t something we would e
ver have to deal with.
Savannah’s mom opened the door and immediately stepped back when she saw me—putting distance between us the way she had since the day she met me.
“Good evening, ma’am.”
“Jason,” she called out as she took another step back.
My stare darted into the house before focusing on her. “Can I talk to Savannah please?”
“Jason,” she yelled again, this time with a hint of fear I’d learned well throughout my life. It pissed me off almost as much as it made me want to dig a hole for myself.
Mr. Riley came into the doorway and put himself half a step in front of his wife.
“Sir—”
“Savannah isn’t here.”
I jerked back, my stare swinging in the direction of my house before I turned around to look at the end of their driveway. “Uh, she—uh . . .” My head shook as I faced them again. “She never came over.”
“I’m aware.” He folded his arms over his chest and loosed a slow sigh. “Beau, we love your family, you know we do. They’ve become part of our family over the years. But I’m going to tell you right now that if you lose your temper, I have no problem being the next person to call the sheriff on you.”
I went still.
The threat alone had that red haze creeping in.
The reminder of being cuffed and put in the back of a deputy’s car just weeks ago had my hands curling into fists.
“Do we understand each other?”
I nodded, unable to speak with how tightly I was clenching my teeth.
“We have tried,” he began, unfolding one of his arms to gesture to me. “We have tried many times to put an end to this. Beneath all your anger, you’re a fine boy, I’m sure of it. But not for our Savannah. She shouldn’t be around all that hostility.”
My body ached from how still I was trying to hold myself. How fiercely I was shaking from all that hostility he’d just mentioned.
“It’s time you let her go,” he said, pointing at me to emphasize each drawn-out word.
“I can’t. I love her.”
His nostrils flared. “You will. She deserves a life where she isn’t continually cleaning up after a rage-fueled disaster.”
I felt his words like a strike to my chest. The air fleeing from my lungs on a pained wheeze as the truth of them rang in my soul.
“By the way, my daughter is fifteen.” He stepped back and reached for the door, his face turning red as he glared down at me, seething. “If I ever find out that you’ve been touching her again . . .”
Even as my stomach dropped and my mind raced, trying to figure out how they knew what Savannah and I did, my anger rose in response to his. A reaction I had no control over. Hot and sickening and consuming.
“The next time she goes, it won’t just be for the summer,” he finished slowly, his lip curling. “I will not let you ruin my daughter any more than you already have.”
“Summer—wait, where’s Savannah?” I demanded in a tone sharper than I’d ever used with them.
Mrs. Riley stepped back even farther at the sound of it, and I forced myself to do the same, my entire body trembling as I struggled to calm.
“Where’s Savannah?” I nearly begged when Mr. Riley started shutting the door without answering.
“Better cool it, Beau.”
“I’m calm. Just tell me where Savannah is,” I snapped, driving my hands into my hair as I fought every urge coursing through my veins.
Mr. Riley released a sharp, disapproving huff, his stare and tone full of warning when he said, “On a train to her grandparents’ for the summer.”
I bent slightly, feeling like I’d taken a hit to the gut. “What?”
“If a couple months apart doesn’t get you out of her system, I trust you’ll come to your senses and do what’s right for her.”
I staggered back and nearly tripped down the stairs when he shut the door.
My feet were like lead when I slowly started back to my house. Staring straight ahead but not really seeing anything as I battled the threat of red lining my vision. As his words replayed again and again and made me feel worthless. Made me feel exactly like what Mr. Riley had called me . . .
A rage-fueled disaster.
I didn’t notice Hunter and Madison making out against the fence in the spot where you couldn’t be seen by either house until I was walking past them. And then they were stumbling after me and trying to stop me.
“Where’s Savannah?” Madison asked quickly. “Is she not coming to my house?”
My eyelids slowly shut as my fingers curled tight.
“Beau, what happened?” Hunter asked, reaching for my shoulder when I still didn’t respond. “You good?”
I swung.
I didn’t think about it. Didn’t even realize I was doing it until it was already done and I was staring at the two of them. My fist having just missed Hunter’s face because the asshole was fast.
“Don’t touch me.”
He slowly raised his hands but followed after me as soon as I began walking again. “Talk to us—where’s Savannah?”
“She’s fucking gone, Hunter,” I snapped. “Her parents sent her away.”
“But . . . why?” Madison asked softly, almost as if she was talking to herself.
I turned on them, my brows raised as I stared her down. “Really. You really can’t think of any reason why they would send her away?”
“That’s enough,” Hunter said in soft warning.
“That isn’t what I—”
“Me, Madison,” I ground out, cutting her off. “To get her away from me. Hoping a summer apart will be enough for her to be done with me.”
“I didn’t mean why literally,” she yelled. “I just can’t believe they would do this to her.”
I opened my mouth to fire back, but Hunter was suddenly there, hand against my chest and glare full of warning.
“Get away from me,” I said, low and threatening. “Now.”
“You need to take a breath and walk away before this gets worse.” He held my stare, knowing I was already on the edge of worse, and lowered his voice. “Beau, walk.”
I shoved him back and stalked off toward our house, dragging my fingers through my hair and over my face as I fought against the growing anger.
Savannah’s gone.
I hadn’t gone more than a couple days without her since I’d met her. Even then, it had only been if one of us was grounded—usually me. An entire summer, all while knowing it was because of me? Because they wanted us apart that badly?
“Mom,” I said through clenched teeth when I stormed through the front door, narrowed eyes searching for her as I headed for the living room where she was watching shows with my youngest brothers and Emberly. “Mom, did you know?”
“Know wh—” Her eyes widened when she saw me, her stare darting behind me like she was looking for Savannah. “What’s wrong, honey?”
“What’s happened?” Dad asked, following me into the living room.
“Tell me if you knew,” I demanded and then curled my hands tighter as I tried to rein it in.
Mom stood and placed her hands up in front of her stomach as she spoke in a calming tone. “Beau, sweetie, I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”
“Savannah. Her parents sent her away for the summer. To get her away from me—hoping she’ll wanna break up with me. And if she doesn’t, they want me to break up with her.”
Mom’s mouth fell open. “They wouldn’t ever want—”
“They just told me that,” I yelled and then clenched my hands until they ached. “Mom, you know how they feel about me—you know.”
“No, honey, they adore you.”
A sharp laugh ripped from me, filled with pain and frustration.
“But you’re in love with their baby girl. That’s gotta be hard for any parents. And then . . .”
“And then what?” I asked when she didn’t continue. “And then add in the fact that I’m like this?” I
gestured to where I was shaking uncontrollably. “A rage-fueled disaster?”
“You are not.”
“That’s what Mr. Riley just called me,” I shouted, my voice booming in the room. I jerked away from my dad when he came up beside me, chest heaving from my ragged breaths. “Don’t touch me.”
“Don’t give me a reason to,” he said in warning.
A tone that had me on edge worse than I’d already been.
Mom’s stare bounced between us for a moment, her head moving faintly before she said, “Then your father and I are just gonna have to have a talk with them. But, right now, you need to calm down.”
“No, I don’t—no. I don’t need y’all to talk with them,” I bit out. “I already know what they’re saying is true.”
“Now you know it ain’t,” my dad murmured, but I continued.
“What I need is Savannah back.” My jaw trembled with a lethal combination of rage and devastation. “I need—I need . . . to not be like this.” I reeled back a few steps, my hand clawing at my chest as that poisonous need thrummed beneath my skin. “Why am I—what’s wrong with me?” I gritted out.
“Honey, no,” Mom began as Dad said, “Not a damn thing.”
Cayson stood from the couch and scoffed. “Yeah, okay.”
Screaming . . .
That was the next thing I registered as everything came into focus for one brief moment. I was on top of Cayson, and my arm was cocked back. Blood was pooling from his nose.
Blood as red as the rest of my world.
I swung at someone else. I know that.
But that’s all I remembered before my back met the hardwood floor.
“Get the fuck off me,” I roared and fought to remove the people pinning me down.
“Enough,” Dad yelled just as loudly from where he held one side of me down.
“Calm down, Beau, calm down,” Hunter wheezed from where he struggled to help keep me in place. He grunted and slammed my arm back down when I managed to lift him. “Jesus, Beau, stop.”
“Let go,” I seethed.
He glanced at me, head shaking in refusal. Blood was trickling out of the corner of his mouth.
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