The Reluctant Medium

by GG Anderson

  To Kristine for being the best cheerleader a writer could ask for.

  To my Cheer Book Club, for your belief in me.

  To The Book Club Bitches for always having my back ALWAYS and FOREVER.

  Finally, to Samantha thank you for letting me steal from your world.

  To the moon and back angel princess-you will never be normal.

  Crisp air filled the cab of the truck. My feet tapped the floor to the rhythm of the music rolling out of the cracked speakers. Freedom vibrated through my blood, allowing me to feel weightless.

  My red loose curls blew untamed in the wind. This marked the whole new beginning for me. This would be the truth of my future.

  My destination was only five short hours away, but this would be the beginning I’d always wanted.

  Chapter One

  I closed the truck door stepping onto the campus of my home for the next four years. Breathing in the air, I trying to commit to memory the feel of the energy pulsing through me.

  College.

  I’d waited for this. I’d worked weekends and applied for every scholarship I could possibly find to make this happen.

  I had arrived.

  I walked toward the dorm, smiling at everyone as I passed.

  “Hi, what’s your name?” a sweet, perky blonde asked from behind a table.

  “Savanah Mills.”

  “Yep, here you are. You are in room 231. Second floor.” He stood and pointed down the hall. “It is easiest if you go down this way and then up. Those stairs are a bit wider to carry stuff in. Did you need help loading in?” He looked behind me.

  “Nope, I can manage. I’m an original minimalist.”

  He smiled, handing me forms to fill out and bring back to him to get my key.

  The door opened with not a creak. Sighing slightly, I somehow expected lights and a music intro. My roommates hadn’t made it yet, so I claimed my bed and headed back down to the truck.

  My final trip brought the first introduction of Crystel. She obviously was an athlete. The muscles that rippled on her back and shoulders glowed under her sun-tanned skin. This wasn’t a spray on. This was all outdoor activities. “Hey.” Crystel dropped her large duffle bag and walked out.

  “Hi,” I whispered under my breath.

  The next two roommates arrived as I finished carefully unpacking my things. I didn’t bring much, mostly because I didn’t have much. I’d always gotten by on a little less. Besides everything I’d need could just as easily be acquired at a thrift store here, as back home.

  Camryn took the top bunk above mine. She was built like she could throw a punch and based on the duffle she tossed on the floor; I suspected another athlete.

  Secretly, I prayed for a nice little emo girl, or even a peppy cheerleader type to walk in the door.

  Alas, the gods were against me. The last to arrive was Cassidy. Yup, no guesses needed. Cassidy stood about 6 feet easy and wore a state basketball champions sweatshirt. Awesome--three athletes and me. Cassidy, Crystel, Camryn and Savanah. Which one doesn’t go? I closed my drawer and slipped out of the room as one of the triple C’s parents walked in.

  “Nope. My day is going to be great. This is what I have worked so hard for. This is it!” I repeated over and over in my mind.

  I walked around the campus, keeping the smile firmly on my face. Nothing could pull me down. Noting the people prattling on, excitedly chatting with friends; parents greeting other parents, I realized for the first time I seemed to be the only one without someone. Grandma would have come if she didn’t have therapy. Hip replacement meant PT two times a week. Someone had to driver her, so grandpa couldn’t come, so honestly it had to be a solo mission.

  It didn’t bother me in the slightest. I enjoyed the drive and felt this needed to be my journey. My grandparents had done more than anyone should have done for me. Without them, I’d have been sent to live with crazy Aunt Susan in New Jersey. That is, if she would have taken in a gangly 10-year-old girl.

  “Hi, I am Leah. Are you alone too?” A dark-haired mousey girl with glasses asked. Ahh, the words I hated more than nails on a chalk board. The words I only ever seemed to have the same answer for.

  “Yep, just me.” I added a smile to keep the flippant tone from my voice.

  “Well, do you mind? I hate being the little lonely orphan all alone.”

  My expression reflected something in her eyes. “I’m sorry, I just meant that we don’t have family here with us.” She looked down at her fingers, picking at her recently chewed nails.

  “No, it’s fine. I hate being all alone too.” Come, on. It was time to bring that positive energy from my drive back out again.

  I plastered a smile on my face, “I guess we are all a little nervous, huh?”

  Leah instantly relaxed. “Which dorm are you in? I’m in Anderson.” Pointing to the opposite side of campus.

  “Hamman.” I pointed over my shoulder.

  “Do you know your roommates?”

  “Um, yeah, met them about four minutes ago. I think they had a team deal.” I lightly scanned the crowd, not really looking. “You?”

  “No, she is an international student. I think they had a thing too.”

  So, there it was. Two little lost girls on a campus.

  The Welcome Week activities started, and people began funneling into lecture halls and auditoriums, moving about with the perma-grin upon their faces. All the while, Leah and I traveled side by side, committed to being with each other, and avoiding the lonely feeling of exclusion.

  I was no stranger to exclusion. I felt it my entire life. From a young age, I fell into the odd duck category. I didn’t fit in the normal boxes and struggled with joining in and being just like other girls. It only became worse when mom died. That’s when things really changed. I began to really notice things that the rest of the world didn’t. See things. Feel things. These oddities belonged only to me and began to seep into my daily routine.

  Leah tugged at my shoulder, pulling my mind back to the present. “I think we should skip this part.” she whispered in hushed tones. “I totally have no desire to be part of any club. So why would we need to go to a club fair?” Leah smiled mischievously and started veering us away from the masses. We picked up the pace as we broke free from the pack.

  Both of us burst out into giggles, and I reveled in the feeling. We slowed and the giggles subsided, returning to a casual stroll. “Do you want to see my dorm?” Leah asked hopefully.

  “Absolutely!”

  “It’s just up here.” We veered off the main sidewalk, and past an old historical home. I admired the strong pillars and solid rock construction. The top windows were lit, and I caught a small reflection of a young girl peering out.

  “Savanah come on." Leah coaxed.

  I turned, following my new friend into the dorms.

  “This is the quiet hall.” she whispered, as we approached her door.

  Leah’s room was much smaller than mine, but she only shared with one person, which kind of balanced it out. Her side was simple and yet adorable at the same time. She had a picture of her mom and her, a moose, who apparently was a neighborhood wanderer, and her dog. Little frames perched on a shelf above her small desk. Her bed displayed nothing too fancy, more like a simple handmade quilt. “So, what do ya think?” She asked plopping down on her bed with a little bounce.

  “I love it!” I looked at the other side. “So, how’s your floor so far?”

  Leah shrugged, “Fine. I don’t really know them yet. They have a ton of international students here, so they have a bunch of programs and stuff. I haven’t really gotten to know anyone yet. Of course, I just moved in today. “So, your roommates are all athletes?”

  “Yeah, I think so. They a
ll seemed to have that vibe.”

  “Did you do sports in high school?”

  “Not at all. My school was so small. Basically, we had football and basketball. Really nothing besides that. It wasn’t like I was missing out; I would never have played even if they did offer a bunch.”

  “My school was pretty big actually.” She smiled, “I know, people all think Alaska is so sparse. We had all the sports, but I had no desire to play any. Mom always wanted me to try dance, or cheer, or something but I just couldn’t imagine being in the center of a field or a court and having people stare at me. No way!” Her fingers twiddled with a loose thread on the quilt. “I just never wanted that life.” Her eyes reflected that being only half truth. I caught a tiny glimmer of maybe regret, but it disappeared before I could be sure. “So, Savanah, what about you?” Leah asked, imitating a formal interviewer.

  I looked away, “What about me? I am about as boring as they come.” Or at least I planned on trying to be. Blending was my key word. New start, new school, and a natural blender, that was my goal.

  “Come one!” A pillow hurdled towards my head. “There has to be something. Tell me your deepest darkest secret.”

  Nope.

  “There is so little. I lived with my grandparents after my mom died. Drunk driver, swerved. I never really knew my dad, he died in the army long before I could remember.”

  Leah’s face took on the so familiar feel I’d witnessed so many times before. “Oh, I am so, so sorry.”

  I repressed the eye roll that threatened to come out. “It’s ok. It was a really long time ago.”

  Leah struggled with a subject change. Not wanting to make it about her, but also not wanting to devalue the news she just heard. “Where are you from? I forgot to ask that.”

  “Albion, Idaho. It is the tiniest town in the world, but it’s cool.” I smiled, appreciating the subject change. “My school was in another town, we only had like two hundred people in ours, so after 5th grade, we bussed into the bigger one.”

  Leah laughed. “Two hundred in the whole school? Did you have to go outside to go to the bathroom? My gosh, that sounds like you lived on the prairie!”

  I rolled my eyes, “It wasn’t that bad, really. As long as you are ok with everyone knowing everything about everyone.”

  “So, it was riddled with gossip?” Leah leaned in.

  I shook my head. “No, I wouldn’t say gossip, it was more everyone just knew. It was like you didn’t even have to be told.”

  “What that would be like? We had to work hard for our news. You had to really pay attention.” She pushed her hair back. “But we had over 1500 students. There was a lot to keep track of.”

  “Yeah, we didn’t have nearly that problem. Our entire high school had like three hundred people in it.”

  “I can see some advantages for sure.”

  I shrugged. Maybe if you were not me.

  The rumble in Leah’s’ stomach made us check the clock, and realize we were already late for dinner. Walking back towards the dining hall, I couldn’t help but glance up at the small girls’ window. The light was off. We came around the front of the ancient home and I paused as something caught my eye in the small window near the door.

  “Whose house is that?” I asked as I sped up to catch Leah.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t really been able to figure out campus yet. I like, know where my dorm is, and basically that’s it.”

  I nodded and continued to walk into the dining hall.

  Welcome activities kept our focus on our new school, and our new world. We felt exhausted and yet energized at the same time. The evening ended, and the next would lead us to a school tradition of heading to the mountains for a freshman class retreat.

  The bus ride was long, but we were happy to have each other. Everything new was easier with a friend.

  Friends. That definitely described what had been built so quickly between us. Over the first few weeks of school Leah explained that her dad worked offshore, so he wasn’t around much. She shared how she and her mom had always been like super tight, but now her dad was going to be home after being offered a different position stateside. This was the reason Leah decided it was time to leave Alaska. “They needed a chance to be a couple again, and I needed a chance to be me, whoever that may be.” she giggled over coffee one day at the library.

  “I just needed a change. There are schools that are closer to home, but honestly, I wanted to go away.” I spoke from the heart. “I needed to be in a new place without the history of home.”

  “I get it. I could have stayed in Alaska but coming down to the lower 48 just felt right.”

  If only she really did get it. If only the reality of what my crazy town was could possibly be gotten by anyone in the real world. “I looked at other colleges, but I liked the size of this one, and it was far enough away without being too far. My grandma had hip replacement recently, and I don’t like to be too far from home. You know just in case they need me.”

  Fall began to move into the small campus, filling the sidewalks with beautiful leaves ending their summer with a final feather float to the ground. With class and homework, Leah and I had been able to squeeze in some football games, but barely. We spent many days working in the library, away from our dormmates and distractions of the continued hall activities.

  Fall break started in two days, and although many kids were making their way home or to a group get away, I decided I’d hang here. I didn’t want to spend the money on gas to drive home for a couple days. Thanksgiving would be coming soon enough and that would suffice.

  Leah had been asked to join in a trek to Wyoming for the week. One of her classes offered it as an enrichment. Leah was a geology major, with an anthropology minor, so she had prattled on about nothing since she signed up.

  Selfishly, I looked forward to a bit more alone time. Not that I didn’t love Leah, but at times she could be a bit overwhelming. Now that we’d gotten to know each other, the quiet exterior had fallen away revealing a very chatty Cathy. This suited me fine for the most part since I could just sit and listen without having to participate too much. But now, I longed for a bit of quiet time just for me.

  We ate dinner at the dining hall the night before Leah left. “I feel so bad you are going to be all alone!” Leah said with her fork filled with another bite of salad. She jammed it into her mouth with a protesting expression. “Not fair.”

  “No really, it's completely good. I am going to try and catch up on my class reading. It feels like I have so much to do, I won’t even have time to miss you. There are a lot of kids sticking around. It isn’t like I will be completely alone.” I set my phone down after dismissing a notification. “Besides, I have no doubt you will keep me updated!”

  “Oh, that is a given!”

  Students had thinned significantly, and after Friday evening, it seemed the dorms were almost a morgue. The only people left in their rooms were those that either were getting ready for the party that night or had practice the next day. I discovered my dorm room consisted of one track player, one softball player and a basketball player. Pretty much someone was getting up at the crack of dawn for something every day of the week. Tonight however, it seemed they were all getting ready to go out, practice be damned. The room felt overcrowded as they tried on different clothes and primped in the mirrors.

  This left me as the odd man out. Honestly, though, all I really wanted was some veg time with my Netflix account. I grabbed my wallet and headed out, deciding on walking to the local grocery store, hoping it would kill enough time that the room would be empty when I got back.

  The breeze made the leaves twirl and spin in little tornados whirling in front of me. They danced and swayed, then faded away as quickly as they came to be. Smiling, I watched the leaves. My eye caught the upstairs window of the looming grey house. Again, a small girl peeked out at me. I looked away, it had to be my mind playing tricks on me. Or maybe it was one of the employee’s children working late? I�
�d learned the beautiful home once had been the house of the president. It was built by a very wealthy family, who then donated the home to the college, where it housed the music department, among other things. At last it was converted into offices for special events and catering.

  Hence no one lived there. At all.

  My blood ran cold when I learned this, because if the child in the window wasn’t the child of an employee, it meant only one thing. I hadn’t escaped anything--it had followed me. This glitch in my mind that allowed them to talk to me, to see me and most importantly, me to see them.

  Chapter Two

  “Hey Savanah!” A voice broke my concentration, and I exhaled with a stutter. “You ok?” The super tall guy from my Western Civilization class stood like everything was completely normal.

  I glanced back up at the window, and back to him. “Um, yeah. Just thought I saw something.”

  Tyler smiled shaking his head. “Yeah, they say this building is haunted.” He kicked a leaf, “I’m not convinced it isn’t just kids screwing around this time of year.”

  I nervously laughed, “Not a believer, huh?”

  “Hell no! This isn’t any more haunted than my hometown!” He rocked back on his heels, “Which is not, FYI.” He looked up again at the house, “What about you? Do you believe in that crap?”

  My eyes followed his, “Umm, I don’t know. I don’t think it’s completely crazy.” glancing down, desperate for a subject change, “Where you headed?”

  “Oh, just hitting the gym. I’m meeting Bryce there. You?”

  “Walking to the grocery store. Gonna Netflix it tonight.”

  He raised his brows, “Sounds good. Anyone I know?”

  I blushed deeply, “No, that’s not what I meant. I’m gonna just hang in my room and binge on junk food and chick flicks.”

  His smile curled a bit, accenting his dimples. “You get bored, The Sigs are having a little get together. You should come by.”