by GG Anderson
I smiled again, “Yeah, I’ll think about it.”
“Cool. Catch ya later?”
“Maybe.” I watched him walk away. Timidly I glanced back up to the window, silently praying it would be empty.
My prayer was answered.
Leaving the grocery store, I turned toward the edge of campus and decided on another route back. Afterall, why did I need to question if the window was empty again?
Now that I had the room all to myself, I couldn’t find anything to watch to let my brain simply chill. Curiosity continued to tug at the back corner of my mind. Why was I seeing the image in the window? And more importantly, why could I see anything at all?
It started right after mom died, right after moving to Albion. We drove past the abandoned college, The Normal College--as if a place that haunted could ever have been normal. I saw people around campus and for the longest time, and just assumed people lived someplace on campus. Someone actually living, not someone who passed away years before. Not someone who had left this earth.
I asked my grandparents and neither of them seemed to understand the degree of weird the place brought up for me. I felt it every time we went close. Like a magnet pulling me in. A tractor beam of energy pulling at my mind.
Sleep was the worst. The older I got, the worse it became. It expanded from just the college to other historical places in town. Now, not only did students from an abandoned college plague my waking hours, cowboys and outlaws came a calling as the sun fell.
At first, I considered I was simply crazy. I hadn’t heard of anyone else seeing people who were not there, hearing voices of long-gone community members. I also feared if people knew what I was experiencing, I’d be sent away, alone, and never be able to have a normal life.
My grandparents were incredibly loving, caring for me as if I were the most precious thing in the world, and the last thing I wanted was to lose that.
To save my sanity, I began to research things. My town had a library, but barely. Thankfully, it had computers to search on.
Many sites were jokes, but a few helped me take back at least a sliver of my life. The biggest thing was for it to go away. I wished for nothing more than to just be normal.
I learned to push them from my mind. I simply pretended I didn’t see them. Didn’t hear them. Eventually, it did slow to a dull buzz constantly filling my ears. I learned to work around it and ignore it in most normal situations.
And then we went on a road trip. Just to Salt Lake, not a long journey, but I clearly remembered the feeling of stillness that filled my mind. We got out of the car and silence greeted me. Nothing. No voices, no images, just–normal.
I was fourteen. It was the most glorious five days I’d ever experienced since moving to Albion. Five days of totally silent bliss.
I hoped when we returned that the chaos would be gone, but to my dismay everything had waited patiently for me to come back.
I spent four more years ignoring and suffering through the continued buzz of everyday existence.
During those four years, I formulated a plan, I saved, and I worked. I studied and counted down the days until I would be free. Blissful silence was all I longed for.
As I drove away towards my future, I heard nothing. It was if the voices couldn’t run as fast as my truck was driving. I imagined them giving up in my rearview as I continued forward to my new future.
Since stepping foot on campus, the blissful silence I longed for was forever present. I’d escaped.
But then Blachley Hall entered my world. That window, that little face. Not the buzz, but definitely a presence. No longer was I alone. No longer was I normal.
Returning from my reverie, I stared at the screen unaware of what was playing or when it started. Restlessly, I clicked off the TV. The “chill” plan was a no-go. Sighing heavily, I changed into a cuter top, brushed my hair, and put on some mascara. Apparently, I was going to a party.
Chapter Three
The fraternity house was crowded and smelled of stale beer, body odor and something sweet. A combination of colognes and perfumes created a thick pheromone I could easily live without.
By far, I was the most underdressed girl here. My strawberry waves were restricted by a straining elastic haphazardly at the back of my head. My t-shirt fit my curves closely, but honestly, what shirt didn’t? Flat had never been a description of me. My boobs started taking shape when I was only eleven. Would they ever stop? Standing 5’9”, I couldn’t hide, nor could I ever be invisible. I had a butt, I had curves, and overall, I was healthy. My legs looked long and lean in my simple cut-off jeans. They used to be one of my favorites until I gracefully took a tumble and ripped the whole knee out.
Within three steps of the door I already had beer spilled on me. Tight quarters. Too tight for me. The tide of people pushed me forward, so I focused on the back door and knew that would be my destination. After all, I promised myself to try and go to a normal college party, I didn’t promise to stay for long. One pass through would serve the purpose and check the box of attending. I ignored the noises around me, putting one foot in front of the other, very slowly. I tuned out the high-pitched sounds of girls giggling and guys laughing at each other. I locked in on the door, feeling it almost grow farther away with every step.
The air grew cooler as I approached the exit. The heavy stench of too many people thinned slightly, allowing me to breath, and steady my mind. Almost there--just a few more feet.
“Hey, don’t I have you in my chemistry class?” A dark-haired boy blocked my path like a fallen tree. I stopped short, trying to avoid crashing directly into his chest.
“Um no, I don’t think so.” I answered, trying to maneuver around him.
“You sure?” He stepped closer. How was that possible? “I am pretty sure you were in there yesterday.”
His eyes raked my front, down once and back up to meet my eyes.
I instinctively curved my shoulders inward, “No, I am positive. I’m not in chemistry.” I ducked around him, doubling back the other way as he tried to follow. Barely I slipped passed his outstretched hand. I spun my body back towards the beckoning door.
The crisp fall air filled my lungs. I inhaled deeply, allowing myself to calm. Too many people. Who knew there were even that many people on campus?
“Hey, don’t I have you in chemistry class?” The voice came from beside me.
I turned, ready to finally put a stop to this madness.
“Relax, I am only joking.” Tyler’s dimples disarmed my defenses. “Sorry, I couldn’t help it. KC was really trying back there.”
“KC? You know him?”
Tyler shrugged, “He’s a football player. Kinda, he’s cool.”
I shook my head. Of course, Tyler would know him. “I thought you were a freshman.”
“I am.”
“Then how do you know everyone?”
Tyler wrinkled his brow. “How do you not? The gym, practice, class, the caf. How do you not know everyone? It isn’t like the school is that big.”
“How big was your high school?”
Tyler gave me a half smile. “A few thousand.”
“Thousand?” I felt my chest close just thinking about that many people. “Wow.”
“It wasn’t like we knew everyone, but we knew most people. Maybe it was just a Washington thing.” Tyler rocked back on his heels. “You must be from a small town?”
“Yeah, we had a few hundred.” I smiled, looking up with a small giggle. “In the whole school.”
“So, you pretty much just walked through your entire high school!” he laughed. “You don’t like crowds do you.” It wasn’t a question; it was an observation.
I blushed deeply, “Not particularly. I mean, it isn’t like I can’t handle people, but super loud groups make me crazy.” I tucked a small piece of hair that escaped my pony behind my ear. “Is it obvious?”
“Only if you pay attention.” He smiled again. “Did you wanna get out of here?”
I stiffened slightly.
“Relax, would you? I just meant I am walking back to campus if you want company. Geez, chill.” He put his hands up in front of him. “Honestly, I don’t know what has you so spooked, but I promise I am not THAT guy.”
“That would be great. Thank you.’’ I pulled my pony loose, letting my hair fall to my shoulders. “I can’t take this anymore, sorry it is gonna be wild.” I ran my fingers through the uncontrollable fluff. All the while, Tyler’s eyes never left my face.
“I like it better. Feels more natural. More you.” We headed back to campus, chatting lightly. Tyler was easy to talk to. He wasn’t as thick as some athletes, and honestly seemed to genuinely care about my life. It helped that he had that light brown hair that curled naturally, peeking out of his baseball cap.
“Why here? I mean, if you are from Washington, why would you even come to Idaho?”
Tyler chuckled, “It is a really good school, Savannah.”
I rolled my eyes, “I know, but there are a lot of good schools. Why this one?”
“I’m planning to go to med school.” He shrugged, looking down at the ground, “This school is gonna give me a better shot at heading straight there after college.”
“Medicine? I thought you were like a superstar jock; I just didn’t realize you-well…” I stumbled on my words.
Tyler stopped and laughed, squaring his shoulders towards me. “Wow. Ok, I see how it is.” He shook his head slowly. “You think I’m dumb. Thanks, Savanah. Did you want to give me directions? I might not be smart enough to find campus on my own.”
I blushed deeply. “That isn’t what I meant. I just meant- well- I don’t know. I just, never mind.” I slumped my shoulders and started walking away.
His hand caught my shoulder, “Wait, I am just messing with you. Damn, girl, you are like the easiest person on the planet to screw with.”
I stood frozen as I caught a glimpse of an old man standing directly behind him. my face paled, and my breath shuddered. This didn’t happen very often. I rarely got the contact hit when someone touched me.
“Savanah? You feel ok?” Tyler let his hand drop, focusing instead on my face. “You look like you are going to pass out. Here let me help you.” He reached to grab my elbow, and I jerked away.
“I’m fine. Sorry, I just,” I looked behind him and there was nothing. “I just thought I saw something. It was just a shadow from the security lights. I’m sorry.”
Tyler smiled lightly, but it didn’t reach his green eyes this time. “It’s cool. Let’s get you home. We don’t want any more shadows to get you.”
I blushed again. Awesome. Now he thinks I’m a freak too. GREAT. Exactly what I wanted.
We continued walking, but silence fell heavily between us. Our feet crunched in time through the leaves and I fought tears welling in my eyes. All I wanted was to be normal, and that wasn’t going to happen. Here a nice guy asked to walk me home, and god forbid I just make casual conversation, without appearing to be a head case.
“So, are ya still with me?” Tyler lightly bumped my arm.
“I’m sorry. You probably think I’m a super freak.” I didn’t dare look up, my eyes were glassy, fighting back the tears, and I couldn’t be sure it wouldn’t show.
“Nah. Look, Savanah I think you’ve got stuff.” He shrugged, kicking a leaf. “We’ve all got stuff. It’s college. We come to college partially to get away from our stuff and become who we really want to be. Leave who we were and become who we should be. I think you are more normal than you realize.”
Laughter bubbled out, boisterous and loud. I couldn’t control the snort that followed.
“Ok, so maybe you’re not so normal.” Tyler chuckled with me as we continued walking home.
“Thanks.” I stopped in front of the dorm. “I appreciate you not thinking I’m a freak.”
He kept his hands securely in his pockets. “I never said that. You are definitely a freak.” He bumped my arm again. “Just a normal freak.”
I smiled up, and noticed his smile reached his eyes again. Maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe he didn’t think I was psycho. “Thanks for walking me home. Are you in Haman?”
“Nope, Simplot.” He pointed back where we came from.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. We literally walked right by it.”
“It’s no stress. I wasn’t gonna let you walk alone. Not when those shadow monsters are out.” He laughed lightly. “Well, goodnight, Savanah.”
“Goodnight and thank you again.” I stepped back towards the door as he walked back down the path.
“Hey, Savanah.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m glad you decided against Netflix.” He turned away, and I stood there staring after him.
So, this is what it feels like when a guy flirts with you? I walked through the door with a bit more of a bounce in my step.
Chapter Four
Western Civ became my favorite class overnight. Tyler moved to sit near me, and every day we walked out together just talking. I giggled with Leah about silly things, completely crushing on Tyler. I was just a normal college girl.
Almost.
I had work study, and after finally getting a couple interviews scheduled, I couldn’t wait when it looked like I had a position in the admissions office. I smiled as I walked to the front of the admissions building.
Something caught my eye and I automatically looked.
Of course, I did.
The window faced the admissions entrance, and there the child sat, intensely staring at me. I tested it, looking away and then looking back. Sure enough, the child still appeared in the window, only this time it hesitantly waved at me.
I tried to stop my hand, but it just mimicked the movement back at the small face in the window. I shook my head and turned toward the door as quickly as I could. This was not happening again. I was normal. I was no longer the freak, the crazy girl who saw things that were never there.
When I left the welcome desk at the admissions office, I discovered the back door became my little savior. It allowed me to leave and never pass the window.
I really liked the back door.
I shifted my entire routine to avoid the window as much as possible. When no other options were available, I intentionally wouldn’t look at anything but the ground.
“I really do feel like you would love them. They are such great people. Anyway, are you sure you don’t want to come?” Leah had talked about nothing other than the weekend trip she was headed off to. Another school outing opportunity.
“No, like I said, I don’t really hike.”
“Come on, it isn’t like we are just going to trudge up hills. I mean not really, the hike is for all levels, and it is going to be fun. We hike in, make dinner from what we find, and then hike back. I can’t wait.”
I sighed, “It’s fine, really. I have so much stats homework that I don’t think I will ever get it done. I am not leaving the library until I am dead.”
Another excursion. Didn’t anyone just stay at school? Geeze, was it possible to not forage for leaves and berries to eat? The cafeteria was so much more convenient. “Besides,” I added, noting her disappointed face, “I really don’t know any of those people.”
Leah punched me in the shoulder, “That is the point! You still don’t know anyone! I should have forced you to go to Wyoming. This group is just the coolest. And like six of them are international students, so they have such fresh perspectives. Savanah, there are so many new people to get to know here!”
I glanced over at Leah, just as we were passing the window. I shifted my eyes quickly. “Yeah, I think I’m good.”
“No, no you’re so not.”
“Hey, are we meeting later to go over Western Civ? I really have no idea what he is talking about.” On cue, Tyler walked towards us, “Please? You are my only hope.”
I smiled and blushed slightly, “I am out of work study at four, do you want to meet for an hour before dinner?”
/> “It’s a date.” He called walking backwards away from us.
Leah’s eyebrows raised and a smirk overtook her expression. “OHHHH, I get it. You have to study.” She grinned a knowing look at my beat red face.
“Stop. It is nothing like that. He just needs tutor help.” I pulled the door open, happily headed to our next class. “You heard him; he is totally lost.”
“Savanah you are obtuse and blind. I am pretty sure you couldn’t see anything unless it was taped to your face.”
Oh, if that was only true.
Work study kept me busy. Several bright-eyed young students taking tours of the campus filled with excitement and possibilities. I was really digging my work study job.
I left the admissions building a little late, so I took the most direct approach to the library- the front door. It was as if a magnetic force was desperately trying to get me to turn around. I fought it with all my might, but the farther I walked from the window, the stronger it became. Finally, I stopped and pivoted on my heel. My breath caught in my throat. The window was empty. The hair on my arms stood up, I physically began to tremble. Although the window was empty, the child now stood on the steps, staring directly at me.
Forcing my lungs to fill with air, I met the child’s eyes. “Please. I don’t want this anymore. I really, really want you to leave me alone. Let me be normal.” Although my words were barely above a whisper, I knew from experience the child would hear me. I just hoped it would listen.
I pulled my shaking limbs from their frozen state and headed back toward the library.
We met on the 3rd floor. It was the standard place. The end without the coffee shop. Less people, and a bit quieter to think and actually study.
Tyler had his notebook open when I spotted him. I sighed deeply, feeling a sense of normalcy return to me. He looked up and grinned widely, showing off those dimples again. “I thought you were standing me up!” He joked as I approached the table, but his face fell when he noted my obviously shaken appearance. “Whoa, what happened?”