The Reluctant Medium

by GG Anderson

  “We can try now if you want.” I moved closer to the edge of the sofa. “No better time than the present.” I smiled.

  “Sure, I guess. Like what do I do?”

  I stood and moved to the sofa next to him. He turned slightly, and his knee brushed mine. Taking a deep breath, I focused my feet to relax, closing my eyes, and made the imaginary roots grow as I exhaled. Inhaling, I visualized them thickening, strengthening. Exhaling, I pushed them deeper into the ground with my mind.

  I opened my eyes. Tyler’s expression was one of wonder.

  “You ready?” I asked just above a whisper.

  He nodded, and I reached for his hands. I couldn’t be sure if this would work. After all, we had held hands before, and no one appeared. But then again, as my hand tightened around his, the image of the man materialized, standing next to the sofa. His smiling face looked clearer than before. I smiled back and Tyler turned to look at nothing.

  “Grampy?” He asked looking well beyond the image I could see clearly.

  The man’s smile spread, and he nodded.

  “Hey, are you guys meeting someone down here?” The custodian on the stairs broke the connection as Tyler dropped my hands. I snapped back to reality.

  We were two college kids sitting on a sofa in the basement of a building that didn’t have any classes in it.

  Yeah, this probably didn’t look good.

  “We were just talking.” Tyler quickly grabbed his bag, “We just finished our Western Civ final.” He laughed nervously, “We were consoling each other on destroying our GPA first semester!” Tyler stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder.

  “I’ve got practice. Hey thanks Savanah.” His eyes pierced my soul. How did he do that?

  He took the stairs two at a time, breezing past the man and disappearing from site.

  “Can I hang for a minute?” I asked the custodian.

  He shrugged and smiled, “Yeah, you can stay as long as you like. I was just checking if you guys were supposed to meet someone.” He turned back up the stairs. “We’ve got an event in here tonight, and I wasn’t sure if you guys were part of it.” He started up the stairs, “Sorry to bother you, stay as long as you like.”

  I moved my feet, wiggling my toes. The numbness seriously annoyed me. Standing up, I noted I didn’t shake or tremble. I was getting better at this.

  My phone buzzed. “You ok”

  I smiled, scaredy cat. “Yeah, are you”

  “Yeah, sorry. I just kinda bailed”

  I shook my head. Really? I hadn’t noticed. “But are you ok”

  “absolutely-thanks for doing this”

  I was going to type, but then another message came in, “Wanna try again? If not no worries”

  “Anytime.” I meant it. This was the best way I could think of to see what this whole thing really was about. Bottom line, I was curious myself. It also helped that it forced me to spend more time with Tyler, which I didn’t see as a bad thing.

  “Tonight work”

  “Yep”

  “Ok, I’ll text when we are done with the team.”

  Shoving my phone in my pocket, I smiled, and whispered to myself. “It’s a date.”

  Leah was crossing campus as I came out of the auditorium building. “Hey there stranger!” She hollered across the quad. “Where have you been hiding?”

  I walked towards her. “I just saw you in Western Civ like an hour ago.”

  Leah lightly punched my arm, “Yeah, and you took off out of there so fast I didn’t get to chat with you.” She raised her brows and leaned in close, “Did I see you leave with Tyler?”

  I rocked back on my heals, “Yeah, he was thinking he totally bombed one section.”

  “And what were you doing in Jewett?” Leah really didn’t seem this annoying when we first met. I wondered where the switch had happened.

  “Um, I had to go to the bathroom. Tyler was walking over to the weight room, so I popped in to use the toilet.” I sighed. “Any other questions?”

  Leah’s face fell. “I miss you Savanah, you were my first friend when I got here, and we haven’t seen each other at all. Sorry, if I was being nosey.”

  “No, it’s just it feels like that’s all you ever do when we see each other is give me the third degree. I know we don’t hang out much, it’s just with your outdoor friends and me starting to make some other friends, I just don’t have a ton of time.”

  Leah smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I get it. Sorry, life has lifed us.”

  “What?”

  “Life has lifed us. We are friends whose lives got in the way of our friendship. Life lifed us.” She smiled again, “It’s ok, I just really enjoyed hanging out with you. Well, see ya around.” She turned and walked away.

  I watched stunned as she made her way down the sidewalk. Not that Leah was wrong, but it still felt sad to see the first friendship I had in college fade away. In so many ways, I owed Leah a great deal. She had been my solid ground when I landed here, my first real friend–well-ever, and without her, that first few months would have been miserable. I hadn’t wanted us to grow apart, but again with the trajectories. I looked down and sighed. She was right, life has lifed us.

  I turned toward the dorm.

  If I planned on meeting Tyler later, it meant study time now.

  Textbook after textbook, paper after paper, I wasn’t sure how my neck would ever stay upright. The difficulty expected here was legendary, it wasn’t a secret, but honestly, I thought I wouldn’t be quite as buried. I wasn’t an average student, I had high intelligence, am a super-fast reader, and a decent writer. College was going to be a cake walk.

  Yeah, it wasn’t.

  Each professor had high expectations of what your homework for them would look like. Massive amounts of readying, and hours’ worth of “reflections” were the norm these days. Now cramming for finals, trying to remember all that reflecting I had strung together to form required paper lengths was starting to kill me.

  Finally, looking up I realized that once again, time had gotten away from me. How was it possible I had been at the library for over five hours?

  My phone was on silent, keeping me from being disturbed.

  Yep, there it was, the message from Tyler stating he was done with his meeting.

  And the next one asking if we were still on.

  Finally, the last one stating to just hit him up when I was open.

  Dang it.

  I typed into the screen and hit send. Packing up my books, I shook my head again at the time. Five hours shouldn’t have moved that quickly.

  I’d totally missed dinner. The dining hall had closed almost an hour before. I walked to the student union building to settle for a quick bite from the walk-up café. The sidewalks were empty. Most students were holed away studying for exams. I walked with my head down, making sure I didn’t trip on my own feet. The snow had been cleared, but ice was still a possibility.

  Looking up, just before I turned off the path, I saw her. The little girl in the window. My feet went forward, ignoring the turn. My eyes met the ghost's and pulled me towards the house. Each step, I grew closer to the little girl. Each step my body grew colder.

  I hadn’t grounded, I hadn’t prepared for this. I stood at the bottom step of the house, preparing to climb the steep stairs to finally see what I could learn from the girl.

  My hand gripped the railing and blackness filled my eyes.

  I heard voices, and when I tried to focus my eyes, I saw a brown uniform hovering over me. A shiny badge confused me.

  “Hey, you need to stay put. You took quiet a fall.” The man’s voice came from the brown uniform, but I still couldn’t understand why he was talking. I pushed weakly with my hand, and it was stopped by another.

  “Easy there, we are trying to make sure you are ok. Do you remember what happened?” the second voice came from above my head. I tried to move my neck, but it hurt. I sighed in pain. The sigh made my head pound.

  “Ouch.”
I muttered under my breath.

  The first voice chuckled, “Yeah, I am sure ouch. You hit pretty hard. You’re lucky you don’t need stitches.”

  I reached up, trying to touch the side of my head, but my arm didn’t really work. “Ouch.”

  “Yeah, like I said, you need to stay put, the ambulance is on the way.”

  “What? No, I’m fine. I don’t need an ambulance.” I sat up and immediately felt nauseous.

  “She’s going to vomit.” The first voice said. How did he know?

  They rolled me sideways, carefully, and sure enough I upchucked. My head pounded more. I tried to open my eyes. But even the small exterior lighting of the campus seemed to feel like a knife through my mind. I fought to sit upright.

  “Easy now.” The second voice, coaxed, as he assisted my shoulders.

  “I don’t want an ambulance. Please?”

  “Well you are going to the hospital, one way or another. You have to be checked out.”

  The ER lights were so bright, the constant beeping and dinging alarms made me want to cry. Never had my head hurt like this.

  They put me in a room separate from most of the noise and dimmed the lights.

  Much better.

  “How are we feeling?” Someone asked by my ear. Why couldn’t they let me sleep?

  I wrinkled my face and tightened my eyes more. “Tired.” I croaked, realizing how dry my throat was.

  “I am sure you are. Here, take a few sips of water. We don’t want you to get dehydrated.”

  I pulled on the straw as the nurse praised me. “Ok, the doctor will be in to chat with you in just a minute. If you need me, just push this button.” The nurse put a remote thing in my hand, and I nodded my head in hopes she would go away.

  I needed to rest. My mind hurt just trying to remember what happened. My thoughts were running through glue. Nothing was clear, and everything hurt. I just wanted to sleep.

  “Hi, can you tell me your name?”

  I wrinkled my brow, why did people insist on talking to me? “Savanah.”

  “And can you tell me your last name?”

  “Mills.”

  And can you tell me where you live?”

  “C of I.”

  “Ok. Can you tell me what happened?”

  My mind let the memory surface. I was walking toward the house; I remembered my temperature getting colder. The little voice in my head tried to tell me it was a bad idea, but I just had to keep going. I needed to talk to the girl. The ghost girl. “No.”

  “Can you remember what you were doing today?”

  Today, that seemed so long ago. “Studying.”

  “Ok and what were you doing after studying?”

  “Heading to get food.” My stomach lurched at the thought. Nope, not hungry anymore.

  “And then what happened.”

  I saw a ghost girl, who I have seen several times before, but had been avoiding at all costs, only this time I decided to go see if she wanted to visit.

  “Not really sure.” My mind was starting to clear. It still pounded relentlessly, but at least ideas were bobbing up to the surface.

  “That’s ok, we’ll get you all fixed up.”

  The doctor left the room, and I closed my eyes again, just wanting to rest.

  Voices broke through my mind. Was that Camryn?

  “Yes, I will make sure she isn’t alone. It’s not a problem.” Another voice muttered something I couldn’t make out, and Cam answered, “Yep, I understand. I won’t let her use it.”

  More muttering. Geeze, couldn’t they speak up a bit, if not take it to another room so I can just go back to sleep.

  “Thank you, doctor.” Camryn sounded so responsible. Another woman’s voice was in the background. It sounded familiar, but I gave up. And tried to tune it all out.

  “Hey there Han. How’s it going?” Camryn squeezed my hand.

  I smiled but kept my eyes closed. “I’m tired.”

  “Ok, go ahead and rest.” Camryn kept ahold of my hand. I drifted, ignoring the beeps and sounds from outside the room. My eyes felt so heavy. Memories of the girl taking one step towards me. The overwhelming blackness.

  I knew better. I should have never gone without preparing. My mind pounded as proof for my poor choice.

  “You ready to get out of here?” Camryn had dropped my hand at some point. Her words came from the other side of the bed.

  “Yeah, but I’m still tired.”

  Camryn laughed. “We will let you rest more when we get you home.”

  We? My brain tried to remember if I was supposed to know who ‘we’ referred to. It was too foggy. Dang it, why couldn’t I think straight?

  Camryn’s arm came around my back. “Ok, here we go.” Another arm wrapped around my waist.

  “Got her?” I was lowered into a wheelchair. “Thank you, we will keep an eye on her.”

  We wheeled down the bright hallway. My head pounded and I squeezed my eyes tight to try to block out the light.

  We were outside, and I felt the change in the air, felt nature around me.

  “Hey, let me help you.”

  Oh shit, I knew that voice.

  “Here ya go.” He leaned in, buckling me into the back seat.

  Damn it. I was a hot mess, and the last thing I wanted is for Tyler to see me. The door slammed and the sound amplified. I scrunched my face tightly trying make the echo in my brain stop.

  “Thanks for being here Ty, I know she appreciates it.” Camryn’s voice spoke softly in the front seat.

  “Of course. Do they know what happened?”

  “Not really. She said she doesn’t remember.”

  “Hmm.” He added, “She was outside of Blachley?”

  “That’s where campus safety said they found her.”

  “Why was she there?” Tyler pressed. “I thought she didn’t like that building.”

  Camryn remained quiet for a minute. “You know it’s probably easier if you just drop us off at the basketball court. I’ll get her upstairs.”

  The click of the blinker pounded away. Camryn was unbuckling me this time. I stood on my own, although it was shaky.

  “Thanks guys.” I whispered leaning on Camryn’s shoulder.

  “Yeah, thanks Tyler. I really appreciate it. I’ll let you know how she’s doing later.” She scanned her ID at the door, and we were inside climbing the echoing steps. Each footfall resonated through my skull. Today I was never more thankful to only be on the second floor.

  We stepped into the hall and before I knew it, I was laying on my soft bed. I pulled the pillow over my head tightly. “Thanks Cam.” I said not far above a whisper, hoping she heard it. My brain needed rest, and I couldn’t fall asleep fast enough.

  The next morning, I woke to Camryn right above my head. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

  Honestly, I felt drugged. It seemed like my brain was scrambled a bit, and I still really hated whoever invented florescent lights. What was so wrong with candles anyway? “I think I’m better.” I tried to move a little, and honestly my brain slapped a sharp pain that radiated through my whole skull. “Umm, maybe not that better.” I tightened my eyes again. “Yeah, I don’t think I am going anywhere today.”

  Camryn chuckled, “No you are definitely not. Look, Campus Safety has the accident report. I’m going to drop your papers from the ER off to Campus Disabilities and Learning Department. I am sure she is going to need stuff from you, but for now-just rest. They can chill.” She patted my leg.

  “You are seriously the best, Cam.” I flopped back down on the bed and pulled the pillow back over my face. Sleep seemed ridiculous when I’d been sleeping for so long, but honestly, it overtook my conscious mind quickly.

  I woke up seriously needing to use the bathroom. It was dark and the whole room was empty. I had slept the entire day away.

  When I got back to the room, I grabbed some crackers, feeling like food may be important. Crackers tasted good, so I went for a Pop Tart. I crawled back into my bed an
d tried to rest again.

  The door cracked and it was Camryn. She dropped her track bag and grabbed her shower stuff.

  “Hey, thank you.”

  She smiled at me and walked closer. “You’re awake. How are you feeling now?”

  “Pretty groggy, but I don’t want to sleep anymore. I know I can’t really do anything can I?”

  She shook her head. “Nope, no TV, no phone, no reading, no computers.” She made her way back to her shower caddy and her towel. “But right now, I have to shower. I smell terrible. We ran bleachers today, way more than I thought it would be.” She shook her head, “It was stupid. Anyway, when I get back, we can talk a bit if you want. I did my homework before practice. I didn’t want to be in here.”

  “That was so nice. Where’s everyone else?”

  She shrugged, “I told them you needed to rest, and they had a million other places to be for one day. They were cool with it.” She reached the door. “I’ll be back.” She ducked out, and the door closed again.

  So, my room mates all were cool with giving up their room for the entire day so that I could rest. Hmm, maybe athletes were way cooler than I was giving them credit for.

  I laid back down waiting for Camryn to come back. Somehow, I drifted off, and woke up to the door opening.

  Camryn held a to go box of food from the cafeteria. “Hey, sorry I was trying to be quiet. Are you hungry?”

  “Did you shower?”

  “Yes, then I came back, and you were asleep again. So, I went and grabbed food. They said you should eat, and I should try to make you eat a little if you didn’t want to on your own.”

  “I am a little hungry. I had some crackers a while ago.” I looked around, realizing I had no idea how long ago it was. “Oh, and I had a Pop Tart.”

  Camryn laughed, “Well, that is a feast.” She turned on the little lamp over one of the other girls’ desks. “Is this light ok?”

  My eyes were still really sensitive, but it was much better than the fluorescent ones. “Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom.”