Learning to Love

by Trinity Wood

  We reach the front step of the center, and he turns to me. "How was it?"

  I scan his features for any inkling of what's coming next. After all, this wouldn't be the strangest place I have been dumped. "It went well, the kids really like you."

  He smiles and leans on the wall, blocking the sunshine, his shape silhouetted in the daylight. "What about you?"

  Here it goes. I'm becoming belligerent, and my hands move to my hips like they do when I'm ready for a fight. "What about me?"

  He doesn't flinch or move. "Do you like me?"

  The air from my lungs rushes out and my hands fall to my side. "Of course, I … like you." I shield my eyes with my hand. "You're going to laugh about this."

  "Oh?" Sam is still in arm's reach, so close, yet so far away.

  A mortified laugh escapes me. "I thought … because you told Oscar you have no sweethearts … that you were going to leave me."

  Sam's eyebrows shoot up. "Me? Leave you?"

  "I told you you're going to laugh about this … anyway …" I tuck a loose strand of hair behind my ear and examine my Birkenstocks like they're the most important thing in the world because I don't dare look him in the eye.

  He leans in, and his scent slams my senses like an ocean riptide. "No sweethearts. Only one. You."

  Chapter 6

  Ellie

  A Few Weeks Later

  It's late November and the weather continues to be mild. We've been dating for a couple of months now, and I have a day off work this Wednesday. Sam will bring Corey round to mine and Tayla's in the evening. We'll have some dinner and drinks, and we'll have each other's measure, I'm sure.

  I'm a bit worried, as I have an inkling Corey might not be my number one fan. Tayla hasn't really crossed paths with Sam since that first night, when she implied he may have a small dick. I have a good laugh at the memory.

  Tayla's at work today, visiting schools in her educational psychologist role, and she'll be back around 5:00 p.m.

  I walk Daisy around the neighborhood, then lead her home and go out again to pick up some groceries to prepare dinner. I'm going to make a large lasagna for everyone to share with some garlic bread and salad. The boys are in charge of drinks tonight.

  I'm so excited to see Sam, I've missed him over the past couple of days.

  As I'm waiting for the checkout operator to process my items, my attention is drawn to the flat screen TV in the corner.A picture of a sailing boat, the NZ logo on it flashes across the screen. I squint to see the scrolling text at the bottom of the screen. “Can you turn up the volume?” I ask. The operator does and the news reporter’s voice floats into the air with urgent tones. "We have breaking news. Earlier today, the New Zealand team capsized while training on the Auckland Waitemata harbor."

  I register the TV presenter's words through a fog. I'm fixated by the images showing this huge boat tipped nose down in the water, some of the sailors bobbing along on the surface, boat debris floating, and my Sam, and Corey, hanging on for dear life at the back end of the boat sticking up 30 feet in the air.

  "$70.25 please." The girl looks at me as if I'm crazy. I wave my card for contactless payment, pick up my bags, and run to my car. I dial Sam's number repeatedly, only to be greeted by voicemail. I send him a brief message:

  "Please let me know you're ok."

  I'm sobbing and shaking inconsolably in my car. I could drive down to the dock. Or maybe he's in hospital, but which one? I could start calling all of them, but I'm not next of kin. The phone's vibration jolts me, and I answer without checking who it is. Tayla's concerned voice echoes.

  "Babe, I saw the news. Is everything alright?"

  I let out an uncontrollable sob. "I don't know, he's not answering. He looked hurt."

  "Where are you? Do you need me to come home early?" Tayla is such a good friend. Her voice soothes me.

  "I'm at the supermarket. In my car. I'd bought everything for dinner, and then I saw the news. I feel foolish." I'm crying so hard, I'm hiccupping.

  "You're not foolish. It's normal to care about him. Go home now and keep the phone line clear in case there's news. I'll message you later on. Let me know if you need me back home."

  I quickly end the call and make my way home as fast as I can. My phone remains silent, and nerves dance in my belly for the rest of the afternoon.

  ***

  Sam

  It was supposed to be just an ordinary training day in the lead up to the Sanders Cup races next year in December. The wind gusted at about 12 knots, not too fast, not too slow. The guys were pumped after we tried, and succeeded, some tricky maneuvers around the expected course.

  I steered sharply to round a corner on the home straight, thinking that in only a couple of hours I could see Ellie again. My steering took Corey by surprise, and he lost control of the sails in a gust of strong wind.

  As the boat nosedived into the ocean, sending Florian, Jake, Matt and Jay crashing into the waves, several thoughts careened through my head.

  They say that when you're close to death, your whole life flashes before you. I haven't lived that long, and I have so much more left to do and see in this whole wide world.

  I thought of Thea, and how we played as children in the waves. I thought of what she could have become. She was always the better swimmer between us.

  I thought of Ellie, and my heart ached. I can't imagine my life without her in it.

  I thought of my parents, and how would they feel to lose another child.

  I thought of Corey and the boys. If by a miracle we survive this unscathed, what's it going to do to the boat? It's surely ruined. Our hopes of competing next year may be dashed.

  The stronger wind tipped the boat on its side, leaving Corey and I suspended 30 feet in the air, surf thundering around us.

  I'm dangling in a precarious position. Should I just jump in the ocean? There is so much debris, carbon fibre, and boat equipment … I might knock myself unconscious.

  The shore team is radio-ing everyone in. Eight voices reply. Relief washes over me like a gentle wave. We’re going to get out of this one alive.

  A rescue crew is gathering up everyone stranded, and they gently winch our boat back on its hull. Corey and I jump straight out to inspect the damage.

  Corey doesn't say a word to me on the way in, and keeps his silence in the medical bay, too. Scrapes and bruises is the general verdict, and we all look a bit worse for wear. My right hand feels raw from holding on so tightly, so I have it bandaged.

  "Boys, what happened out there?" Coach tries to coax an answer out of us. Corey looks out the window.

  I square my shoulders. "I dropped the ball. Steered too strongly in the jibe. Sails couldn't keep up."

  "You almost fucking killed us, that's what you did." Corey nearly screams at me, his face red with fury. I don't think I've ever seen him so intense. He runs his hands through his wet hair. "And you broke the fucking boat. Millions of dollars down the pan."

  Coach jumps between us, holding out his palms as if he’s ready to break up a fight. "Hey. Hey. It was a mistake. Not like you never make mistakes, Corey. We'll fix the boat, and have it ready to WIN by next year." He points at us. "You need to fix your friendship." He leaves us in the medical bay, and it looks like our friendship, just like the boat, may need more than a sticking plaster.

  Corey gets up from his chair by the window, and walks towards me." Your mind wandered elsewhere. Don't think I haven't noticed your stupid smile when steering. You’re not keeping your eyes on the horizon."

  "I'm sorry. I was thinking about something else. It won't happen again." It's too dangerous to think about Ellie when the lives of seven men depend on me.

  Corey stands close now, and I can see the beginnings of a scar on his cheek. He's not going to be happy about that.

  "Man. Bro. Listen to me. How long have we been sailing together? Fifteen years?"

  I nod. It feels like a lifetime.

  "You and I, we're married to the sea. We go away, we co
me back, and that's how it's always going to be. Let Ellie make a life with someone who's going to be around for her."

  Corey sure does have a way with words. Probably should have been a lawyer. The prick.

  "I can't." The simple truth on my face stops him in his tracks.

  "We're supposed to go to her place for dinner tonight, so you guys can meet, remember?" Feels like eons since we made these plans last week. Today I've probably aged a few years and sprouted some gray hairs.

  Corey shakes his head. "Are you crazy? We just had an accident. Your fault." His eyes narrow. "Mostly."

  "We don't have to do anything. Just turn up with some wine and hold a conversation. You are able to do that, I think." I can't believe I'm managing to crack jokes after being one step away from drowning.

  "Man, making nice with your distraction of a girlfriend and her flatmate is the last thing I want to do right now. But I promised. I keep my promises." With one final fiery glare, Corey leaves me alone.

  Back at my locker, I turn my phone on, and I'm greeted with a deluge of missed calls, voicemails and messages. Oh shit. The boat capsize must have made the news. I bet everyone is worried sick.

  I call mum, assure her I'm okay and that I'm definitely coming down for Christmas. I message everyone else, from my brother to Paddy.

  I leave the most important call until last. Ellie's voice is trembling.

  Instantly, I feel the need to see her, hold her, tell her everything will be fine. "Hey you. I'm sorry I couldn't answer sooner … I'm okay, could be worse … Are we still on for tonight? Yes, we're both coming. See you soon."

  After I hang up, I get ready to face the media. They'll have a million questions about what happened and what caused it. I just need to hold on while the storm rages.

  Chapter 7

  Ellie

  I lay, a sobbing blob in the middle of the couch, my arms wrapped around a sympathetic Daisy. Knowing he's okay, knowing he'll be here soon … it doesn't seem to matter. Seeing him on the five o'clock news, bruised and battered, broke my heart into tiny pieces, and I don't seem to be able to glue those pieces back together.

  Tayla lounges in a nearby armchair. "Why couldn't you have found a yoga teacher? Or a chess player? Or a real estate agent?" Even through my shocked state she manages to cheer me up. "Anyway, we'll see what condition they're in when they walk through that door. I can't believe they're still coming, to be honest."

  After I got Sam's call earlier, I started frantically preparing the dinner in advance. Everything was ready. It just needed to be reheated.

  I see Tayla's made an effort, wearing a colorful strappy summer dress, showing off her tan and pink hair. I wonder what Corey will think of her. More importantly, I wonder what Corey will think of me. I've decided to stay casual in some denim shorts and a loose blouse.

  The Spaceship pulls into our driveway. The boys get out of the car and walk towards our front door.

  Corey is only just slightly shorter than Sam with dark hair and sharp features. He's wearing a short sleeve shirt, shorts, and flip flops. He's taking in the street and houses with a wistful look. Daisy lets out a friendly bark.

  I can't wait for them to knock, so I open the door as they're climbing the front stairs. The sight floors me. I saw them earlier on the news, and I thought I'd be prepared for the extent of their injuries, but this is something else. My heart aches just looking at them.

  My Sam’s right hand is bandaged. He's trying to cover his arm by wearing a long sleeve shirt. He's got a cut across his left eyebrow. His eyes are feverish, maybe from exhaustion, adrenaline, or both.

  Corey has a mark on his left cheek, like he's just been on the losing end in a fight. More so, the dynamic between the two men is strange. They're refusing to look at each other. Corey's hands-in-pockets stance and lack of smile makes me think I'm dealing with some of the toddlers at the daycare, not some thirty something year old men.

  Tayla steps forwards with purpose. "You guys look like you've come straight from a boxing match."

  Corey picks up the gauntlet. "Sea punched us good today. I'm up for a rematch." Daisy goes straight to him and wags her tail. He pats her on her back, gives her a few rubs, and she sighs contentedly. It looks like he's made another conquest.

  I hug Sam hard. There are no words to express what I feel right now. The couple of hours when he was out of reach have been hell. His lips touch my forehead, then he kisses me slow and sensuously on the lips. Feels like time stands still, and it's just him and I for a short while.

  Corey clears his throat pointedly.

  Sam pulls away from our kiss, a smug grin on his lips. "Ladies, this is Corey. Corey, this is Ellie and her flatmate Tayla." Sam makes the introductions without breaking eye contact with me.

  I slip out of Sam's embrace and shake Corey's hand. Tayla, a shade braver than me, kisses him on the cheek.

  Tayla gestures towards the empty wine glasses. "Don't let the wine warm up, will you? We're parched."

  Corey takes a hint and pours just the right amount of the New Zealand Pinot Noir.

  I step away from the group and toward the back deck. "Let's eat outside. More room to breathe. It's such a nice evening." I lead them to our deck table, which is much more spacious than our kitchen table. We spent ages choosing the right tableware and serviettes to go with the occasion. But the sight that opens before us is perfectly curated to set the right mood.

  I'm really proud of our outdoor space. It's only a rental property, but Tayla and I have put our heart and soul into this place. We have an avocado tree, which is great because we're both avo fiends. In one corner we keep some seasonal flowers, but it's mostly a veggie garden. Saves on costs, and it's good for the environment.

  Corey looks around with an impenetrable smile. "I was telling Sam on the way here, this area, and this sort of house, reminds me of my nana's house up North."

  Sam picks up my hand and kisses it. "Ellie is from up North."

  "I wouldn't go as far as to say that. Matakana is still in Auckland."

  They all burst out laughing at my quip, but it's all in good spirit. I'm used to this type of reaction, because even though Matakana is over an hour away from Central Auckland, it's still part of the greater Auckland area.

  "So you're a country girl." Corey takes a sip out of his glass of red wine.

  "Nah, not so much. I grew up in Auckland, then my parents bought up there, and we moved when I turned fourteen. I moved back for university."

  Tayla senses I'm getting uncomfortable, and she intervenes. "And that's where we met!"

  Corey's attention moves to her, which I'm thankful for. Sam continues stroking and kissing my hand from time to time, as if to show support.

  Corey lifts his chin in Tayla’s direction. "What's your story?"

  Tayla puts her drink down, clearly interested in his question. "My story? I'm from Christchurch originally, but then I moved to Dunedin with my aunt. I came to Auckland for university and never left. Ellie and I studied child psychology together, but we chose different career paths. She's a daycare teacher, I'm an educational psychologist visiting various schools across Auckland."

  Corey looks suitably impressed.

  Now's my cue. "You guys must be starving after such an eventful day. Let's eat!" I get up and turn down Sam's offer of help because his right hand is bandaged up. Tayla joins me, and we leave the boys behind, while we pick up the goods from the kitchen. Daisy stays behind by Sam and Corey's side, like the traitor she is.

  "So, what do you think?" I quiz Tayla as soon as we're out of earshot.

  "Your guy … he's not much of a talker, is he?" We both laugh because she couldn't be more true. Sam isn't a man of many words, which is why it's always odd seeing him on TV or watching old interviews.

  "No, he isn't. He's a man of action." We laugh again. It could be the wine, or just the relief that they made it out alive. "What about Corey? I think we've made a good impression so far, and by we I mean you."

  Tayla see
ms to find this hilarious. She's always had bad luck with guys. They've mostly been players or just not ready to commit to a stable relationship, which is what I think she'd be into.

  "Let's go back before they send a search and rescue party for us." I pick up the lasagna, and Tayla juggles the salad bowl and garlic bread.

  The moment we step outside I sense a change in mood. It's gone from lively to below freezing. Sam's jaw is set in angry lines, and Corey has a mutinous look about him, keeping his arms crossed as if to keep the world at bay. Even Daisy is unsettled, moving between the men, whining softly. If I didn't know better, I would have thought they were two toddlers arguing. Again.

  Oh boy. Tayla and I exchange glances. What happened? What could they have possibly argued about after everything seemed to go so smoothly?

  We place the food on the table, and I try to sound cheerful. "Bon appetit! Serve yourself. Have as much as you like."

  Corey goes first and puts a chunk of lasagna on his plate, changes his mind, and adds a bit more.

  I help Sam, aware of his bandaged right hand.

  We eat in silence for a short while, but Tayla's brow furrows by the minute, and I think she's about to implode.

  She takes a sip of her wine and grabs the bull by the horns. "So, what did you guys talk about, while we were getting the food? It seems like you're in a bad mood."

  Sam finishes chewing, swallows and takes a sip of his wine. Corey looks into the distance, as if he’s wishing to be as far away from this place as possible.

  But Sam’s right here, right now, and he’s furious. "Corey was talking shit, yet again, about my relationship with Ellie. I won't have it, more so not in your house."

  Sam's words make me feel small. Corey is such an important part of his life. Most weeks he sees him more than me. On one hand, I would hate to be the reason he'd lose a friend and sailing partner. On the other hand, what if Corey's planting doubts in Sam's mind about me, about us?