Learning to Love

by Trinity Wood

  Ellie bursts out laughing. I guess I said that out loud.

  My attention is drawn by the bed. It's too small for two people. I try to make light of the situation.

  "So, what's the deal here, do I sleep on top of you? Or on the sofa downstairs with Daisy?"

  She wraps her arms around my neck and presses her body against mine. I can't think straight.

  "I think it's my parents' way of saying we should sleep apart,” she says, “There's a mattress on the floor to the other side."

  I don't like it one bit. I want more of Ellie, not less.

  "Yeah … nah. You sleep on top of me then. I'm heavier."

  We undress and I slip into the bed. She piles in on top of me, and I relish the weight of her and hug her tight. Soon, her breathing slows. She’s asleep, but I’m not following her to dreamland. I can’t close my eyes, worrying about the day ahead, and visiting my parents, and what that means. Christmas Day just became a test for our relationship.

  Chapter 11

  Ellie

  I wake up with a pain in my shoulder after sleeping cramped next to Sam in my bed. Ouch. I try to massage the knot away, but it's of little use.

  It's Christmas morning. And Sam's birthday. We have a big day today. We’ll drive back to Auckland to swap cars, and then be on our way. It’ll take three hours to get to O'Neill's Bay. We’ll be there by lunchtime.

  Sam’s still asleep, and it's quite rare to see him in such a moment of vulnerability. His face looks peaceful, serene. No furrowed brow or bitter set lips. He looks good enough to eat. I can't help myself, and I kiss him softly. He automatically responds to my kiss and pulls me in.

  I kiss his nose. "Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday, my love. This one's going to be super special."

  His tender, calloused hands stroke my face. "Merry Christmas. And thank you. You make it special."

  "We have a long drive ahead of us today. Time to get moving." I get up and head for the shower to the tune of Sam's protests.

  We get ready in a whirlwind, managing to sneak in some more hungry kisses, and by the time we're downstairs, my folks are already pacing.

  "Did you have a good sleep?" My mum asks. I fervently hope there isn't a double meaning there.

  Sam smiles. "Oh yes. Lovely house you have. Very quiet."

  I try to cut the niceties short. "Mum, we'll have breakfast and then be on our way. We need to be in O'Neill's Bay by lunchtime."

  We have some leftover Christmas ham sandwiches for breakfast, a strong coffee, and then we're walking towards the car.

  My sweet Daisy wags her tail next to dad. I bend down and pat her head. "I'll come back soon for you, Daisy. Behave for Nana and Grandpa, alright? I'll bring you treats when I fetch you." Her eyes seem to light up at the word treats, and she gives a short bark. I pat her head one more time, then we're off.

  And the issue of Dorothy the car roars back to life. As soon as Sam sits down, he's full of smartass comments. "Do you think we'll make it to Bella Vista at all? Will we need a rescue helicopter for Christmas Day? I wonder if this car would get towed in Bella Vista?" He's enjoying himself immensely, I can tell.

  "Don't listen to him, Dorothy." I pat the dash. "You've been a trusted companion. You'll retire to a good home."

  By hook or by crook, we get to his house in Bella Vista in an hour. I leave Dorothy the Ford Laser parked outside his house, and we change to his car after we load up more presents and stuff. Sam is visibly more relaxed in his car. It's less likely to break down. In the New Year, I'll look at getting a new-ish car. Maybe a small Toyota Corolla. With my own money.

  "Tell me more about your family. What do they do? Anything I should be wary of?" I ask jokingly.

  Sam tenses instantly. I hit a nerve. I put my hand on his knee, and he seems to relax somewhat.

  "My mum Joan is a nurse,” he says. “Loves kids. My dad Steve is a builder." He smiles fondly. "An unlikely match, you could say, but they work well together."

  "My older brother Tom is the local bank branch manager. He's married to Sophie, a Korean doctor who works at the same hospital as mum. She's lovely. My brother is … well. My brother." He shrugs, but I can sense love there. I wonder why he's so reluctant to go back.

  "Must be a huge thing for them that you're a bit of a celebrity."

  His sad smile breaks my heart. I'm coming around to the thought that his family must not be supportive, which is shocking for me. If I told my folks that I wanted to be a trapeze artist tomorrow, they'd support me unconditionally.

  "They'd prefer I wasn't. I don't want to burden you with all this stuff. It's Christmas. You won't believe this, but I messaged Tayla to ask her what you want as a present." Sam smoothly changes topic.

  "Oh yeah? And what did you get me in the end?" I can't imagine what Tayla said, whether she genuinely said something I might like, or if she pulled a prank on me.

  He winks. "You'll have to wait and see. Not long left."

  The landscape changes around us and beautiful wildflowers line the roadside. Going down from volcanic formations through hills and gorges, we inch closer to the sea again. When the first sign for O'Neill's Bay comes up, I start feeling nervous. What will his family think?

  Sam takes the turn for the town center, and drives slowly, giving me a quick tour of all the local landmarks.

  "That's the fish and chip shop. They do the best Kumara chips, nice and crunchy. That's the bank where my brother works. The other side of the lake is the hospital my mum and Sophie, my sister in law, work at. And that one right there is the sailing club where I started out."

  It feels like he's showing me his whole world, slowly putting together more pieces of his puzzle. A few minutes later he turns down a driveway. "This is us."

  It's a large house, but not a mansion. Roses adorn one side of the fence. It's so close to the sea, I can smell the salty air. Four cars block the driveway, so Sam has to reverse and park on the street.

  "Full house, I see."

  He doesn't reply, he's so tense.

  "It's okay, babe, whatever will be, will be. If it gets too much in there, we can go out for a walk. Just tell me."

  He nods.

  The moment we get out of the car, the door to the house opens, and Sam's family bursts out.

  His mom wraps her arms around him. "Sammy Boy, come here.” His dad and his brother take turns at squeezing him hard. It's obvious they don't get to see him that often. Sophie, his sister-in-law, gives him a brief hug and a kiss on the cheek.

  Sam gently brings me forward. "This is Ellie, everyone. Ellie, these are my parents, my brother, and sister-in-law."

  Joan, Sam's mum, hugs me tightly, and everyone else shakes my hand.

  "Don't keep Ellie outside, Sam,” Joan says. “Unload the car and come inside." She ushers us inside, while the men bring our bags and lug them upstairs.

  The house is warm and welcoming, as are the people living in it. I take to his family straight away.

  "Let's do presents now, we had to wait until you got here." Tom, Sam's older brother, pouts. They look alike in some ways, the same auburn hair and inquisitive eyes, but Tom looks more approachable, less aloof.

  Sam brings down one bag from upstairs, and we hand out presents. I helped him choose the ones for his family—a spa voucher for his mum, golf vouchers for his dad, wakeboarding lessons for his brother, and a merino shawl for his sister-in-law.

  I wait nervously as he opens his presents. He's very hard to buy for. What do you buy a man who can just buy what he needs without having to save up, like I do? His family joined forces and bought him an iPad Pro, which he seems to enjoy. He holds out the last two, looking surprised.

  "One's a Christmas one, one's a birthday one." I try to hide the emotion in my voice.

  He's taken aback and gives me a lopsided smile. "I don't celebrate birthdays, but this time I'll let you off the hook." Sam unwraps the first one, a small pendant with a wizened saint on it. He looks puzzled.

  "That's St. Brendan,�
�� I explain, “the patron saint of sailors. He's going to protect you so that you come home safe every time." It feels like I've dropped a bomb in the room, and now we're dealing with the aftermath.

  He looks downcast, his mum is discretely wiping a tear from her eye, and everyone else tries to pretend they haven't heard or seen anything.

  Sam clasps the pendant around his neck and offers a weak smile. "That's very thoughtful. Thank you. Let's see what this one is." He shakes the small square package to check whether it makes a noise.

  "I think it's a bicycle." I ease the tension, and everyone laughs.

  Sam opens his present to find a book of ancient sailing maps about how cartography changed through time. He flicks through the pages, fascinated.

  Steve, his dad, chimes in. "Seems you know my boy very well."

  "Too well," adds Tom, and looks away naughtily.

  "Oi, you. Don't scare her off," Sam barks.

  I love to see the banter between Sam and Tom. "I'm not scared that easily." I raise one eyebrow at them.

  I start to open my present from Sam. It's the size of a large shoe box. I shake it, and it rattles. I can’t even begin to guess what Tayla told him to buy me. The box contains another box, to everyone's delight. I pretend huff and open that box, only to find a smaller box. Everyone's laughing out loud now, and Sam is looking at me with a challenge in his eyes, daring me to continue.

  I open the small box, and inside is the most beautiful bracelet I've ever seen. A wave of apprehension hits me. "Are these stones real? I can't possibly accept this, Sam. It's too much."

  "It's vintage." He silences my concerns in one go.

  Joan stands and approaches, eyeing the bracelet. “Truly lovely,” she says with a warm smile. She claps her hands together and turns toward the dining room. “Presents are over. Let’s eat!”

  Sam and I sit next to each other, and he squeezes my hand under the table.

  Joan weaves her fingers together and closes her eyes. "We give thanks today for this meal, for family being together, for new additions to the family, and we think of the ones we love who are lost to us." After Joan's words, everyone holds a moment of silence, then we start eating. There's some traditional Kiwi Christmas fare, like Champagne Ham, but there are also some Korean dishes, like Bulgogi, prepared by Sophie.

  Tom starts the grilling. "So Ellie, tell us more about yourself. How did you end up with Sam?"

  I knew there would be plenty of that involved, like I knew they would compare me to Laura, Sam's ex-fiancée. An Olympian. I swallow the lump in my throat and hold my head high. "I'm a daycare teacher on the North Shore, born and bred in Auckland. My parents have a small winery, Ako Wines, up North by Matakana."

  "We're having some of their wine now, actually," Sam helpfully points out.

  "I love it." Steve's already on his second glass, and we all laugh.

  "How did you guys meet?" Sophie, the sister-in-law, has been quiet until now, but she's engrossed in the story. Sam and I look at each other.

  "How about you tell the story,” I suggest, “and I'll pipe up if you're falling on the wayside?"

  Everyone's attention focuses on Sam.

  He smiles. "We met at some mutual friends' house. We liked each other … maybe a bit more. I didn't call." He picks up my hand.

  Tom mock gasps. "You ratbag. My younger brother, the player, ladies and gentlemen." Everyone laughs, because it's obvious Sam is anything but a player.

  He puts his arm around my shoulder. "But then I saw sense, and here we are." He pulls me closer and places a small kiss on my forehead.

  Tom leans across the table, tapping his knife against his plate. "How about we go diving for some Kai Moana tomorrow, Sam? You, me, and dad on the boat, like the old times."

  Sam looks at me, checking if Tom’s plan is alright.

  I nod. "You guys go, I'll stay behind with Joan and Sophie. Maybe have a look around. Looking forward to some yummy scallops and mussels tomorrow. I love seafood."

  Sam seems relieved.

  We finish the food, and help Joan with the tidy up, then I see Sam getting fidgety. I move close to him and whisper. "I've eaten too much delicious food, I think. It's time to walk it off a bit."

  Sam grabs my hand and starts walking so fast, I can barely keep up with him. Once we're past the corner, and his pace still hasn't let up, it dawns on me he's more wound up than I realized.

  I pull on his arm, trying to slow him down. "Hey. Hey. I love you."

  He stops in his tracks. "I'm sorry. I love you too. It was getting too much in there." He wraps his arms around me and kisses me in full view of the street.

  "That's ok. We're a team, you and I. No man left behind." He laughs at my sailing joke.

  "You and I should go out on a boat together at some point." He raises an eyebrow, knowing what I'm thinking. "No, the ferry to Waiheke Island for half an hour doesn't count. A sailboat." He pulls me closer as we walk together around the block and back towards his parents' house.

  "You can see the wind on the ocean, did you know that?" Sam's voice seems to come from far away.

  "I had no idea. Is it in the waves or how the boat moves?" I sense this is one of his sailing secrets.

  "I can't explain it, but some of us see it, and some of us don't." His gray eyes look at me intently.

  "It's good you can see it. It means you can go faster than those who don't." I wink at him, and he seems pleased. "If you'd lived 400 years ago, you'd be Captain Samuel Northcroft, going round the world exploring for five years at a time, and I'd be left at home, weaving and raising the children."

  He looks towards the rose bushes. “Five years away from you. You know, some sailors are still gone for long stretches of time. You’d be surprised. I’ve never done it, but … I did enter a Round the World race. Would be gone for a year. It’s not five years, but …” He shakes his head. “Haven’t been selected yet.”

  What?

  I must have said it in my head, because he’s still looking away. Damn right I’m surprised. And delighted it didn’t come to pass.

  Sam turns towards me again, picking up my hand and squeezing it. "Just like that, in a few minutes, you took away all the anxiety of being home. What am I going to do without you?"

  That’s a strange thing to say, and I don’t grasp the meaning. I file it away for later and lead him towards the door of his childhood home. "You don't need to do anything. I'm not going anywhere." I kiss him quickly before we enter, and he pulls me closer, deepening the kiss.

  He pulls away from the kiss too soon and we enter the house. Tom calls us into the living room. "You're in time for a treat, some board games, followed by Die Hard on TV." Tom knows how to keep the party going.

  We play board games for a couple of hours, have some leftovers from lunch for dinner, then we settle on the sofas to watch Die Hard. Sam pulls me closer in an embrace, and I rest my head on his shoulder for a while.

  Half-an-hour into the movie, Tom and Sophie excuse themselves. "We've got a big day tomorrow on the boat, need to get my energy levels up." Tom teases.

  Sam rolls his eyes.

  Joan waves them goodbye. "We don't mind, love. See you tomorrow."

  "In that case, we're going as well. See you tomorrow, mum. Dad." Sam makes a beeline to escape, holding my hand.

  "These young'uns, eh, Joan?"

  On the way out I see Steve and Joan hug. They seem like a lovely couple, and they love their children very much. Will Sam and I grow old together and host Christmas at our house one day? Or will our time together be short? Sam asked what he’d do without me? I hope he never has to find out.

  Chapter 12

  Sam

  It feels strange being back home with Ellie. This is the house where I grew up. This is the house where I came back every day after sailing practice. This is the house where I came back without Thea that day.

  Ellie moves around, chatting to everyone like she belongs. That's one of the things that fascinates me about her. In any si
tuation, with anyone, she'd find something to talk about, a way to connect to the person she’s talking with. When I’m nervous I just drone on, and labor a point to death. Ellie puts everyone at ease. In some ways, her and Corey are alike, gliding through life like a catamaran through smooth waters. Me, I’m more of a dinghy fighting against the strong open ocean currents.

  Earlier, as I saw Ellie with my family, charming each and every one of them, no matter how much of a dick my brother was, I wondered whether she would stick around after she finds out about Thea. Nobody has mentioned anything so far, but it’s hanging over us like an invisible spider web we can’t quite dust away.

  When Tom bailed early during Die Hard, I knew I had to seize the opportunity to have Ellie to myself just for a little while, so I excused us even though it wasn’t even 8:00 p.m. As we walk towards my room, I feel apprehensive. How will she feel about it? I think back to her room and start laughing.

  She shoots me an odd look.

  “Just thinking back to your room and that single bed. My shoulder still aches from being squeezed in. Plus … I’m a bit nervous about what you’ll think about my room.” We stop in front of a closed door. “Ready?”

  She smiles, as I open the door. I haven’t been here for such a long time, but somehow it all looks the same. Ellie is instantly drawn to the prize wall. A panel full of medals, cups, prizes and diplomas covers half of the wall, the biggest feature in the room.

  “Wow. Are these all yours? I mean, of course they’re yours. They’re in your room.” She covers her mouth. I can’t tell if she’s pleased or surprised or upset.

  “Is it a bit much? I could always move it somewhere, a cupboard, or under the house.” I don’t mention that it’s only a part of them. There are more floating around in various places.

  “No way. These are your achievements. I’m very proud and happy for you. I just didn’t think there would be so many.” She smiles broadly.