by Erin Trejo
“What did you do?” I yell at myself while still crying.
How could I have been so stupid? What was I thinking? Why didn’t I just scream for help? I couldn’t fight? I’m weak. Just like they always told me I was. I remember their words. They’re repeating over and over as each one had their way with me. Women are weak. I’m weak.
Chapter 7
Monster
“You ready?” Viking asks as I finish checking my guns. I slide one back into the holster and put the other one into the back of my jeans.
“Yeah. Let’s do this.”
He nods his head and pulls Carnie into his arms. He presses a kiss to her lips. Mason’s doing the same thing to Whit. Grinder grins and slaps a hand on my shoulder.
“You seen enough of this shit?” he asks nodding toward the guys.
“Nah, they’re whipped brother. Nothin’ they can do,” I laugh as we walk out of the door. I grab my bandana and tie it around my face before I look back toward Grinder. “Thought you had an old lady when I first got here?”
“I did. Cheatin’ bitch was fuckin’ one of the guys from Reaper’s Crew. Hell, maybe more than one of the guys.”
“No shit? I thought we were good with them?”
“We are. Which is why I tossed the bitch over to them. Never again Monster. I don’t want a woman that bad,” he answers shaking his head.
I remember the girl. She was cute, small, and petite. She had a look about her that screamed she wouldn’t be tied down. It reminds me of the look Kyza has. I can’t stop thinking about that girl. She has my head in knots, and my cock is even worse.
“What about you? You have a woman back in Cali?”
I shake my head and look away, “Long story there,” I mumble.
“Aren’t they all?” Grinder adds.
“I killed her.”
“What the fuck?”
“She was feedin’ some rivals intel. I found out before my boys did. It would have ended badly for everyone involved if I hadn’t handled it on my own. I couldn’t bring the club or the girls down like that. They never trusted her, so I told them she bolted.”
I’ve never told anyone that, but with Grinder I know it stays between us. Grinder has always been there for me since the moment I stepped foot in the door. He was the first one to step up to me as a real friend and I value that.
“Goddamn, and here I thought I had women problems. Never trust one again.”
“Never.”
And that’s the part that’s bothering me. I trust Kyza regardless if I know her or not. She has that edge to her. She’s almost vulnerable in a way. She locks herself up tightly, but when she looks at me, like she did that night, I know she’s better than she thinks she is. She has more to offer than even she knows.
And I want it. I don’t care how I get it either.
“Heard that. Let’s roll,” Grinder says.
I climb on my bike and rev up the engine as Viking and Mason come out of the building. I wait as they both climb onto their bikes and then follow them out. I know where we’re heading.
Our ride takes us a little over an hour. Heading to Key Largo wasn’t high on my list of things to do today, but it is what it is. I follow behind the guys through the gates at the end of the driveway. Armed guards stand on either side as we make out way up to the mansion and what a fucking mansion it is too.
Viking pulls up and parks and we all follow behind him. I’d been expecting to get a little bloody today, but by the looks of the guards around here I’m thinking if I shoot, it might be my goddamn blood being spilled.
I pull my helmet off and leave it on my seat as I follow the guys toward the steps. I pull my bandana off my face and wrap it around my head. Men eye us as we walk up the steps. We’re ushered toward the side of the house. I keep my eyes open as I’m cautious what might be waiting around that corner. I don’t know this asshole personally, but I’ve heard of him. He’s an over privileged punk that married into this life but that doesn’t make him any less lethal. The son of a bitch killed his wife’s father, forced her to marry him, and took over as king. He took her last name and all.
“Viking it’s good to see you man. I will assume your boys are armed?” Matthew asks as he looks around at us. I don’t like him, his slimy attitude or his slimy ways.
“You would assume correctly. I don’t go to war without weapons,” Viking answers.
Matthew laughs before he reaches for his glass and swallows the contents.
“Please sit. You may keep your weapons because I can assure you that this is not a war.” Vikings sits with Mason while Grinder and I stand behind them. I keep close enough that I can easily hear what’s being said.
“What is this about?” Viking asks. I can tell that he’s on edge.
“I have some issues with my suppliers running through your area. It seems they are having to take the long way around as you aren’t letting them come through your turf.”
The way he says the word turf sets me edge. Of course it’s our territory. No one crosses it without our permission.
“And why is this our problem?” Mason chimes in. I chuckle under my breath and glance over to see Grinder doing the same.
“I need my guns moved in a timelier manner,” Matthew adds.
“Then hire better runners,” Viking says as he shoves out of his chair.
“That’s what you’re here for.”
Viking sits back down reluctantly. I know he’s tired of this shit already and I can’t say that I can blame him. Matthew needs to hurry and get to the point of this meeting. We all know that the sight of a group of bikes lined up at a cartel boss’s house is going to throw up red flags to any agency that might be watching him or us.
“You wanna hurry it up and spit it out Ortega? We do have shit to handle, yeah?”
This is why I like Viking, he’s to the point and doesn’t apologize for a thing. It makes him a strong leader.
“I want you and your men to run my guns from New York to Florida. Having to add a middle man at this point won’t hold any value for me. I need those guns moving. Is that something you’d agree to?”
Viking glances at Mason then looks over his shoulder to us. I shrug, because frankly guns I can handle. I ran them back in Cali all the time.
“What exactly are we gettin’ out of it?” Viking asks.
“A few things actually. You will have my protection from anyone looking to harm you or yours in any way.”
“We don’t need that. What else you got?” I snicker again.
“You will be nicely compensated for your job as well as receive a percentage of the guns. Do with them what you will. Does that sound more appealing to you?”
Viking clears his throat and gets down to business as I eye the little piece of ass that’s wandering around. She’s young. She’s probably not even twenty yet. She has long blonde hair like Kyza.
“You would do well to keep your eyes off of my child,” Matthew snaps. I look away from her to grin at him and ask, “You mean to tell me you have a wife?”
“No.”
“Just a kid huh?”
I know that his wife died a few years ago. I just like pushing this asshole’s buttons.
“Is this any of your concern?” Viking clears his throat and I’m not sure if it’s for me or Ortega.
“Not really, I was just curious.”
I turn around and keep an eye on the other assholes he has stationed around here as Viking finishes up with this meeting. Overall I’m a little sad that I didn’t get to shoot anyone in the face today.
Chapter 8
Kyza
The darkness makes my skin crawl. A chill races down my spine as I sit out front of the clinic to smoke a cigarette.
“Smokin’ is bad for you doc,” I hear his deep drawl say. I jump and look up at Monster to see him standing under the street light eyeing me.
“I’m not a doctor.”
He shrugs and says, “You could be although your bedside manner could us
e some work.”
I shake my head and look away not wanting to see him. After that day in his room I’ve kept my distance. I don’t need any more drama in my life. I’ve created just enough drama of my own to deal with until the day I die.
“Paul left already,” I tell him without looking at him.
“I know.”
“Then what do you want?” I ask finally looking back over as he starts walking closer to me.
The air thickens and that zap of electricity crackles through the air between us. Cats are fighting in the alley next to us and a few people are wandering the streets, but aside from that, it’s just us.
“I wanted to tell you that I was sorry for how I acted the other day. I shouldn’t have done that.” I can see by the look in his eye that he means it.
“Which part?”
That question has been nagging at me. I’ve asked myself a million times why he kissed me the way he did. I still haven’t come up with an answer and God how I want one, almost need one.
“What do you mean?”
“Which part are you sorry for?”
“Yellin’ at you. Tryin’ to force you to answer questions you don’t have answers for.”
He looks away as if he’s ashamed and that tugs at my heart. I pull out my cigarettes and hold the pack out to him offering him one. When he looks back over to me he smirks and takes one. I watch as he lights it up and takes a long drag.
“This mean I’m forgiven?” he asks as he moves to lean against the building.
“Nothing to forgive. You reacted to something that’s bothering you. That’s normal.”
“Thanks doc.”
I look up at him and find him smiling down at me. It makes my heart leap and start to beat a little faster. Whatever he’s looking for, he isn’t going to find in me. I’ve thought about telling him that, but what’s the point?
“Can I ask you somethin’?”
I nod.
“You said that you saw the same darkness in me that you see in yourself. What did you mean by that?”
Nope. Not happening. Not a chance in hell will I tell him anything like that.
“Nothing. I didn’t mean a thing by it.”
I toss my cigarette to the ground and stand from the window ledge, brushing my jeans off. As I turn to walk back toward the building I can feel him behind me.
“What are you scared of?”
His question grabs my heart and holds tightly to it.
“Nothing.”
“Liar. You’re afraid of somethin’. What is it?”
“The past.”
He walks even closer and his warmth surrounds me as his hands move around to my waist. He pulls me back into him. God does it feel right. I don’t know how or why, but just feeling him near me calms everything.
“The past is exactly where it should be Kyza. We can’t live in the moment when we’re that scared of the past,” he says before he presses a kiss to the top of my head and releases me.
I hear his boots as he walks away and turn to watch him.
“What scares you?”
Monster stops walking and looks over his shoulder to say, “The future.”
Before I can say anything more he walks away. I watch his shadow as it completely disappears down the road. My chest tightens as I wonder if my mystery man is going to appear.
I head inside and stock things like I always do before I take a shower and head to my room. I run my fingers over the table as the memories of the way he took me take hold again. It’s the same feeling I get with Monster, the heated air and that electric current.
“I wasn’t sure you’d come back,” I whisper softly.
I’m pushed forward onto the bed on my chest again. My heart stammers inside of my chest. The only real emotion I can feel is when I’m with this man. I haven’t felt anything in so long, and now he’s ripping it out of me. I have no idea how to handle it.
In no time clothes are removed and a condom is put on. He thrusts into me roughly while holding my hips tightly with his hands. I want him to mark me. I want him to make me remember anything but what the past had to offer me. With each thrust I close my eyes and just enjoy the feeling of him inside of me. Each new memory of him will help erase the bad that was them. That’s what I keep telling myself, but then I begin to feel guilty.
Guilty for what? Because I’m having some of the most amazing sex of my life with an unknown man? Guilty that I feel some strange connection to Monster the same way I do to this man? What kind of mess is my head?
His lips come to rest on my shoulder as he slowly licks and sucks my skin into his warm mouth. My body shivers and my nipples grow even harder. All I want is for him to stay inside of me like this.
“Please don’t stop,” I beg him as heat coils inside of my body.
My blood is boiling and my need to come is overwhelming me. Tears are leaking down my cheeks as he grunts and groans. His cock is swelling inside of me, I clench my eyes shut as I explode around him and he fills me.
He pulls out of me and I try turn over to look at him, but this time he moves even quicker. He presses me back to the bed and makes a growling noise in his throat. I don’t move, but it isn’t from fear. It’s almost out of respect for him, which is completely insane. I don’t even know him. I’m slowly losing my grip on reality and that terrifies me. What if I let my guard down and they find a way to get to me? What if my past is slowly chasing me down? That thought makes me cry even harder because I know what will happen if I’m ever found.
Just like last time as the tears are falling down my face my mystery man disappears into the night. Once again I’m left alone to my own humiliation. I pull my shorts back up and walk back to my room. I fall onto my bed and grab the box next to it. I open the lid and look at my demons.
“I didn’t want to do it! I didn’t know what else to do. You have to know that,” I scream at the photo.
The one picture of the man that changed everything in my world. I used to think so highly of that man.
“I didn’t know what to do.” Tears spill down my cheeks and land on the photo in my hands.
I lie down and curl onto my side while holding the picture closer to my heart. If I had’ve had more time I could have come up with something. I could have saved him. I could’ve done something more, but I was just too weak.
Just like the others told me I was. I was fucking weak.
Chapter 9
Monster
I’ve stalked around the back door of the clinic for the last three hours. It’s eleven in the morning and she still hasn’t come outside yet. It’s a Sunday and I know Paul isn’t here today. I flick my cigarette to the ground and fiddle around in my pocket for my tools. Popping the back door open is easier than it should be considering the side of town we’re on. I make a mental note to tell Paul to get a better security system in place.
I stalk through the building and veer off into the room I know she stays in and find her curled up and sound asleep. I debate leaving, but something is in her hand and it intrigues me. I walk over, bend down, and pull it from her hand gently. I look at the photo and see that it’s a picture of a man. I wonder who the hell he is? For some reason this stirs my anger. I lay the photo back on the bed next to her and turn to leave when she speaks.
“He’s the past,” she says softly.
“Is that why your eyes are all puffy and red?”
Kyza shifts on the bed, sits up, and looks over at me.
“The past hurts sometimes. Doesn’t the past ever bother you?”
I swallow the lump in my throat and nod.
“I think you saw that first hand that night.”
“What are you doing here?” she asks as she pulls the blanket up to her chest.
“I was gonna see if you wanted to ride with me today. I need to get away and clear my head for a bit,” I tell her.
Kyza watches me closely not sure of my intentions. Quite frankly, I don’t know either. In the light of the day I’m the monster
that others fear, but in the darkness of the night I’m free. I’m me and I can be whoever the hell she wants me to be. Taking her out with me today would show her what it’s really like to walk around with scars the that mar my body and the way others react to them. It will show her why I am the way I am, and I’m not sure she’s ready for that.
“Why?” she asks softly.
I shake my head, run my hand through my hair, and turn on my heel. I can’t do this. I can’t let her in. What the hell was I thinking?
“Don’t leave.”
Her words stop me in my tracks. I turn to look at her as she climbs out of the bed. Her little shirt is hiked up and I can see her toned stomach underneath. She follows my gaze and quickly pulls her shirt down. I just smirk at her.
“Where are we going?” she asks moving around the room while grabbing clothes and shoes.
“I don’t know yet, I just wanna ride. You good with that?”
She smiles at me and nods her head before she moves past me to the bathroom.
“Give me a few minutes.”
I walk back over and sit on the edge of her bed. I lift her pillow up to my nose and inhale her scent wondering if she can feel this pull between us the way I can. I don’t want to try to explain it, but I can feel it and I want to know more about it. I want to know more about her. I want her history. I want to know who the hell the man in the picture is that made her cry. I want it all and I can’t for the life of me figure out why. She walks out a few minutes later and smirks at me.
“What are you doing with my pillow?”
I drop it back onto the bed not realizing I was still holding it. Standing up I move towards her and reply, “It smells like you. I’ve missed that smell.”
What the hell am I doing? I need to touch her. I need to see that she isn’t afraid of me. I need to fucking feel whatever it is that she throws out because that’s the only time I ever feel at peace. I’m slowly losing my mind over this girl and I need to know why.
My hand comes up to cup her cheek and her lashes flutter closed. I swallow hard and lean down with my lips mere inches away from hers. I can smell her, taste her, feel her. God I want her.