by Erin Trejo
“Are you going to kiss me or just smell me?”
Fire courses through my veins. This girl has blown me off until today, and now she’s asking me to kiss her. She wanted to stay as far away from me as possible before. I felt the same toward her, but not anymore. Now I want her and I don’t give a fuck what I have to do to have her.
“Are you sure?” I ask her.
She nods slowly and I let my lips crash into hers. My tongue forces its way into her mouth and slides against hers. I can feel her need to dominate the kiss, but that’s just not me. I don’t let her, but instead I move my hands down her sides and cup her ass. I lift her up off of the ground. Kyza wraps her legs around my waist and I’d give everything I’ll ever have to fuck her right here and now, but I can’t do that. I break our kiss and we’re both panting and needy. I can see the lust in her big, blue eyes.
“Why did you stop?”
“You don’t want this,” I tell her as I grind myself against her. My boxers are wet with pre-come that has spilled out, but I can’t do this to her. I can’t go any further.
“How do you know what I want?” she asks as she leans in to kiss my neck.
Shivers roll through my body as her fingers graze the back of my neck. She feels so damn right. I can’t handle this though, my mind is working against me and I can’t stop it. I pull back, set her on her feet, and grab her hand.
“Let’s go before I explode,” I tell her as she giggles next to me.
When we get outside I reach for the extra helmet, but she doesn’t take it. Instead she steps into my space and her hands come up to my face. Her soft fingers trail over my scars and my breathing kicks up a notch. I’m scared shitless of what she might say. I’m afraid of her reaction, but even more than that I’m scared to death of how she’s making me feel.
I don’t feel different.
I don’t feel broken.
I’m not a monster with her.
“The strongest souls are those that are scared. I wouldn’t want to die without some kind of scars. They are the proof that shows others that we actually lived.”
I can’t breathe. The air has been sucked out of my lungs. I stand here in complete shock at what she just said. Her fingers are still lingering on my cheeks. I look into her eyes and all I can see is truth; her truth. How does she get me when no one else ever has? How does she see into my soul without me even showing it to her? My body is trembling and I can’t seem to stop it.
She watches me before she lets her fingers slide down the side of my neck. Just like with my face there are scars down the side of my neck. Her hand keeps moving until she’s at the hem of my shirt. She looks into my eyes as if she’s asking for permission and I’m not sure if I want to give it to her or not. She grabs the hem of my shirt and lifts it. With my cut on she can’t get it off my body, but she can see what she wanted to see. Her eyes move down to my stomach burning me with every glance.
“They’re…”
“Hideous? Disgustin’?”
She shakes her head and looks back up at me. Her lips are parted as she says, “Beautiful.” Tears fill her eyes. Tears for me? She leans in and presses her lips to my chest. I shudder beneath her. I drop the helmet and reach around to the back of her neck and pull her away from me.
“I can’t do this,” my voice barely above a whisper.
Releasing her, I move quickly, grab my helmet and slide it on before mounting my bike.
“Monster,” Kyza calls out to me, but I need to go. I have to get away from her.
Chapter 10
Kyza
He did not just drive off on me. How dare he? He came here and asked me out and then just left? I know he’s scared, it’s a feeling I know all too well, but I was slowing letting my guard down for him.
I huff out a breath, pull out a cigarette, and light it up. I walk down the road with my head held high. He wants to play games? I’ll play, but I play to win. I don’t think he knows exactly who he’s fucking with. I get that he’s afraid of me seeing who he is because I feel the same about him seeing who I am. I don’t want Monster to know my past. I don’t want him involved in it, but I’m also tired of hiding in the dark.
Mystery Man has to stop. Everything has to stop. Reality is a hard bitch to swallow, but I’m choking down on it. So what if we both have a past? Everyone has a past, some darker than others. We both harbor our own demons, fighting against them has become second nature to both of us. Isn’t that what makes us who and what we are?
Before I realize how far I’ve walked I’m standing in front of the gates at the clubhouse. I haven’t been back here since that night and I’m not sure it was a very good idea to come here now.
The man at the gate watches me, but doesn’t say a word. He’s probably giving me the opportunity to run as far away as I can, but that’s not going to happen. I take a deep breath and walk up to him plastering a smile on my face.
“Can you call Monster out here for me?”
The guy eyes me up and down. I cross my arms over my chest and cock my hip out to the side as I stare at him.
“Who the hell are you?” he asks and I try to resist the urge to roll my eyes.
“Kyza. Can you tell him I’m here?” I ask trying to remain polite, but with the way he keeps looking at me I’m about to lose my shit. He’s about to find out about my darkness first hand.
“I could do that, but he might be busy,” he replies as he pulls his cigarette from his mouth and flicks it to the ground.
“Prospect what the hell are you doin’?” another man hollers as the gates slowly open. I watch the tall man as he stalks toward us with a beer in his hand.
“Yeah prospect. What the hell do you think you’re doing?” I ask the same question in a sarcastic tone. The other man looks me up and down before he smirks at me.
“What are you doin’ here?”
“Looking for Monster,” repeating myself.
“He know you were comin’?” I shake my head, no. “I’m Viking. Come on,” he says extending his hand to me and shaking his head.
I take his hand in mine and shake it before he nods for me to follow him.
“Is it bad that he doesn’t know that I’m here?” I ask as we walk closer to the doors.
I see a few girls eyeing me, but the guys seem to be busy doing other stuff. I don’t let my gaze linger on anyone in particular, but I do wonder what’s in those crates.
“It might be. He’s in a mood today for some reason.”
“Shit. I think that might be my fault too,” I mumble. Viking stops walking and looks over at me, tilting his head to the side as if he’s studying me.
“Why is that?”
“He came to find me today and asked me to go out with him.”
“And?”
“And I kinda touched his scars. I think I might have maybe pushed him too far,” I answer feeling bad now that I’ve done it.
“No. I think that’s exactly what he needs. Challenge that son of a bitch. He holds himself hostage when he gets like this. He needs a woman to push his buttons,” Viking says sounding sure of himself.
“Yeah, because you’re not on the receiving end of it.”
“Doesn’t matter. He’d never hurt you. You know that right?”
Viking looks too serious and I want to nod my head in agreement, but I can’t. I don’t actually know that. I see the man that he is in his eyes and I want to believe the he wouldn’t hurt me, but so many have in the past.
“What the fuck are you doin’ here?”
That voice. God I could get used to hearing that voice all the time.
“Oh, you know? Just wandering. I was out, or I was going out until I got stood up. I don’t have anything better to do, so here I am.”
Monster looks from me to his friends who are chuckling next to me.
“You just let some random bitch in?” he asks while looking at Viking.
My mouth falls open and I’m about to say more when Viking moves. His hands slam into Mon
ster which causes him to stumble back a few steps.
“Watch your fuckin’ mouth brother. I’m so fuckin’ tired of you actin’ like this. This isn’t you. Get your damn head together,” Viking snaps before stepping around him and going inside. Monster just stands there and runs his hand through his hair.
“I’ll go. I’m sorry.”
“No. Stay. I’m… fuck, I’m sorry.”
“No I get it. I tapped into a dark spot when I shouldn’t have,” I say looking over my shoulder at him. Monster shakes his head and moves toward me slowly.
“I don’t know exactly what you see in me Kyza. Women don’t look at me the way you do. Club whores do, but real women like you? They don’t.”
I swallow hard and turn to face him. So much pain and hurt is held in Monster’s eyes that it hurts me to look into them.
“Real women like me? I’m nothing special Monster. Like I said before, we all have a past.”
I take a step back and he counters my step. He moves forward and his eyes are dancing in the sunlight.
“You wanna push me? The only time I’m free is in the dark darlin’.” My heart beats faster the closer he gets.
“You can be you anytime you want,” my voice cracking slightly. Monster stops in front of me. He leans down so that his lips are near my ear.
“I’m always in the dark,” he whispers and shivers race over my body. My heart beats even faster. My knees are weak. It’s him. How in the hell did I not know it was him?
“It was you.”
Monster pulls back and stares down at me.
“Are you scared?”
I shake my head no, I’m not scared, I’m confused. I don’t understand why he would do that.
“Why?” I ask as a tear runs down my cheek and my chest rises and falls rapidly. He lied to me. Didn’t he?
“Look at me. What can I offer you like this?” he asks pointing to himself.
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m nothin’ in the light. Nothin’. I walk around bein’ the Monster that they think I am. I do what I do to survive Kyza. This is me.”
“I know that. I know this is you, and I’ll take it.” I catch myself by surprise with my words. Monster doesn’t say anything as he looks at me, his gaze is burning into the depths of my soul.
“You what?”
“I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life Monster. Never. There was always a hole deep inside me and that’s where the dark is. I’ve done things that I regret doing. I’ve hurt people. I’ve run. I’ve hid. Now I’m tired. I’m tired of being in the dark all of the time. Do you have any idea how exhausting all of this is?” I cry as tears spill down my face.
He’s breaking me. I’m letting him fucking break me. I can’t stop now.
“Kyza,” he begins when I cut him off.
“That picture? The one that you saw? I killed him Monster. Do you hear me? I killed him.”
My emotions take over as do my instincts. I turn and run to the gate. I’m banging on it to get out, but it just won’t budge.
“Open this shit up,” I cry loudly.
I see the guy they called prospect moving to open them, but then Monster’s voice booms from behind me, “You open those gates and you’re a dead man prospect.” I spin around and slam my fists into his check. I’m pounding until I can’t breathe any more.
“What are you doing? Why are you doing this to me? I want out Monster.”
He lets me hit him and scream until there isn’t any fight left in me. Slowly my body gives out and Monster lifts me in his arms, cradling me to his chest.
“I’ve killed too. I know what it feels like to want to run from that shit, but you can’t,” he whispers to me softly.
“Does the pain ever go away? God I can’t even bear it some days,” I sob even harder.
“No. It never goes away, but you can come to terms with it.”
“It’s all my fault Monster. If I would have just listened. I never listen,” my voice nothing more than a broken moan.
“It’s okay,” he whispers as he carries me inside.
My body trembles in his arms, but I can’t stop it. I’m fucked up. They were right. My eyes grow heavy as the tears just keep on coming.
“I’m weak,” I whisper before the exhaustion takes me.
Chapter 11
Monster
My feet are kicked up on the edge of the bed as I drink myself into a stupor. She came here looking for me. She knows it was me coming to her in the dark of the night. It was the only place I felt whole, but then she dropped that bomb on me. Why would she want someone like me? Maybe she thinks I’m the best she can get? She’s wrong, so fucking wrong. That little piece of heaven lying asleep in my bed could find so much more in someone else. She needs someone that isn’t so messed up in the head.
I tip the bottle up to my lips and take another long pull of beer when she stirs. I’ve let her sleep. I couldn’t fall asleep after what she said to me. She killed that man in the picture and now I want to know why. I want to know what happened to her that made her kill him. I want to know if that dark part of her still lingers inside.
“What time is it?” she groans as she rolls over and looks at me. Her makeup is smudged and smeared all over her face. Even looking a mess, I think she’s fucking heaven.
“About six in the mornin’,” I tell her as I take another pull. She yawns and sits up to look at me.
“You always drink this early?”
“Only when I don’t sleep.”
She narrows her eyes and her brows pinch together.
“Why didn’t you sleep?”
For a girl that has wanted to keep her distance from me she sure is chatty today. I don’t mind it. In fact, I love hearing her voice. It also makes me wonder though. What is she hiding from or who for that matter?
“You said you killed him. Why?”
She shakes her head. Her eyes never leave mine.
“You don’t get that part. Thank you for letting me sleep off that mess, but I’m not giving you that,” she says and climbs off of my bed.
She’s in nothing but her underwear seeing as I stripped her out of her clothes when she passed out. She looks around the room trying to find her clothes, but she won’t. She won’t find shit until I get the answers to my questions.
“You won’t find them. Now answer me,” I growl.
She turns to me. Her big, blue eyes are taking me in. With my shirt off she can see everything. She can see every single mark that litters my skin. The burn was bad. I can still remember the fire and the way it felt as it licked up the side of my body. It hurt like hell.
“I can still smell the scent of burnin’ flesh,” I tell her as her eyes move over every inch of me.
“How far down does it go?” she asks looking at my stomach.
I shake my head and smirk at her.
“You don’t get that part,” I say throwing her words back at her. It might be a childish move, but I don’t care. She better think twice about pushing my buttons today.
“Well, since sharing time is over give me my clothes,” she snaps as she crosses her arms over her chest and glares at me.
I smirk right back at her. I’m half drunk and I’ve not slept, she better think again about pushing my buttons right now.
“They’re gone until I get my answers,” I say as I stand and take another pull.
She watches me closely; observing me. She isn’t going to let me slip inside of her without a fight. Lucky for her I’m in the fighting kind of mood right now.
“You can’t keep me here,” she snarls.
I set the bottle down on the table and move toward her slowly. Each step is calculated as I think of the many, many things I want to do to her. I tilt my head to the side and watch her eyes. I’m looking for any signs of fear that might be dancing in them, but mainly I’m looking for her darkness. I want to see it. I want her to feel like a cornered, wild animal. I want her to unleash her fury on me because since I’ve m
et her I knew there was something else lingering inside of her. I knew there was more to her than just being a little lost girl working for Paul. No, there is so much more that she hasn’t let me see yet and I fucking want it all.
“I can do whatever the fuck I want to do. Did you forget who the fuck I am?”
She watches me and each step closer to her makes my cock even harder. She’s a goddamn drug and I want more of it. I knew from the first night I was inside her that her demons could play well with mine. It was something I’ve never felt before.
“You don’t know me Monster. Please don’t fucking push me,” she grits her teeth and that makes me smile.
Right there, it’s just below the surface, that animal that hides inside of her. It looks a lot like mine, but she’s obviously better at keeping hers caged. I’m nearly to her when her eyes spark. I can see the rage simmering in those blue oceans.
“Why not? You gonna break? You gonna snap and let that beast loose? Huh?” I taunt her.
God I need this. I need to see it, feel it, play with it. The air is so fucking thick around us that I can barely breathe, but this, this is what I fucking need from her. Kyza swallows hard; body trembling.
“Monster stop.”
I’m not stopping. There is not damn chance I can stop this now. She’s like a volcano about to erupt and I stand in awe of her. Her eyes are wild. She’s looking around the room for something, anything she can use against me. She won’t find anything. I made sure of that by removing anything that could be used as a weapon while she slept.
“Did he hurt you? Did he keep you trapped in a room like a caged fuckin’ animal?” I ask when we are nearly toe to toe.
She doesn’t take her eyes off of me now and that’s ripping me to shreds. We’re so close, and yet somehow deep inside of her is the Kyza that I don’t even know yet. I see a girl that had something so bad happen to her that she turned into a monster herself.
“You don’t know shit,” she hisses and my cock strains against my jeans trying to get to her.
I reach down and adjust that fucker, but I never lose eye contact with her. She wants to look away, but I can’t let her. Not right now. I’m so fucking close that I can taste it on the tip of my tongue. The intensity between us is insane and I’ve never felt this kind of power before.