by Erin Trejo
“Then tell me. Did he force you? Huh? Did he just take what he wanted from you? Was he your boyfriend?” My tone is low and deadly, but so is the look in her eyes.
“Don’t do this to me,” she begs, but I can see that hardened look in her eyes.
She’s about to snap. I inch even closer as she inches back until her back hits the wall. She looks up and stares into my eyes. Fuck. I think she’s looking into the depths of my soul.
“I’m doin’ it sweetheart. I’m pullin’ that goddamned monster out of you. Show me. Show me what I fuckin’ wanna see.”
I reach up and wrap my hand around her throat quickly. She startles a little before she completely loses control. She fights me. I wasn’t aware of the strength she had until she slams her fist into my ribs. Of course it’s not a fair fight. I’m much bigger than her, but I love the way she reacts. That beast of hers is showing its ugly red eyes right now and that fire in her burns deep.
“I don’t want this. Get the fuck off of me!” She screams as her fists continue to pound against me.
My hand loosens around her throat and she uses that to her advantage. She moves quickly, much quicker than me. In seconds she has the knife from the back of my jeans in her hand and has it plunged into my side. I roar as the pain shoots through my body. She moves back. Her eyes are narrowed to slits as she plans out her next move.
“Do it,” I taunt her.
She looks at me and smirks when those gorgeous red lips of her part.
“You asked for this.”
She comes at me again but this time I’m ready for her. She lunges for me, but I move in time. She circles around and tries again, but I grab her around the waist. She screams, snarls, and hisses. I lift her into my arms and slam her roughly onto the bed. I pull the knife from her hands. The door flies open, but I’m still too fucked up in the head to listen to whoever it is that’s yelling right now. I position the knife to her throat as my body pins hers down. Her chest is heaving with every breath she takes.
“What the fuck Monster?”
I glance over this time and see Viking and Grinder along with a few prospects standing there watching the scene as it unfolds.
“Get the fuck out of here!”
“What in the hell is goin’ on here brother? You kill that girl and we’ve got problems,” Viking adds.
“Get the fuck out!”
This time they actually do leave. They even close the door behind them. When I look back down Kyza is on fire.
“You made a mistake,” she hisses between her clenched teeth.
“Did I?” I ask cocking my head to the side.
I toss the knife to the floor and move quickly, standing up and yank my jeans off. Kyza leaps from the bed. She’s near the door when I catch her.
“You going to rape me too?” I chuckle under my breath and toss her back onto the bed.
“Didn’t rape you before did I?”
I shove her down, but she rolls over onto her back. She peers up at me. I can see anger, fear, and lust all mixing as one in her eyes.
“You can’t do this to me,” she says softer this time.
I climb on the bed and force her thighs open. I settle in before I grab the fabric of her panties and rip them from her body. She gasps, but doesn’t say another word, at least until I plunge inside of her.
Chapter 12
Kyza
Each thrust is more powerful than the last. Each grunt grows louder. Each time he looks at me I can feel myself climbing a little more. I’ve kept my shield in place for years. Years. And here he is ripping it to shreds with his bare hands. Why is he doing this to me? Why am I letting him do this to me?
“Now you know what it feels like to fuck a Monster,” he growls before thrusting even harder.
Each sweet bite of pain clears a little more of the fog from my memories. Each dirty word he speaks brings it all back to the surface.
“You bastard,” I cry and try to push him off of me.
He doesn’t stop and I don’t really want him to. I’m confused. I’m scared and I’m afraid that once I fall apart I won’t be able to pick up the pieces and make myself whole again.
“Say it again,” he growls as he lifts my legs so that he can get even deeper inside of me. His body is solid and I want to grab on and never let go. That isn’t my realty though.
My body bounces with each thrust and so do the memories. Each one shifts and plays out over and over in my head.
So much blood.
All the tears.
So many lies.
It hurts so fucking badly.
“I hate you. I hate what you do to me. I hate that you weren’t there when I needed you. I hate that you pushed me until I couldn’t breathe.”
Each word is meant for the past, but I spit them at Monster as he fucks me into silence. There are no more words to be said, yet there are so many. It’s so frightening.
“Get it out. Get it all out,” he growls before he leans down to bite into the flesh of my neck.
My body isn’t on the same level as my head. My body is someplace else and Monster is there. He’s taking care of all of my needs. The room is spinning as adrenaline and things I’m not familiar with cycle through my body.
“You bastard! How could you let them do that to me? How could you know and not stop it?” I scream as tears spill down my cheeks.
Where am I? Why does this feel so fucking good yet still hurt like hell? Monster is stirring up too many emotions. I haven’t had to deal with these emotions in so long. Why now? Why?
“Tell me. Tell me who let them hurt you Kyza,” Monster says and his voice is calming, almost soothing. His thrusts slow becoming gentler, easier. “Tell me baby.” His lips are near my ear. He’s licking and sucking until I’m dizzy with need. My insides clench and burn and god do I want to let it all go, but I know that I can’t. Why is he pushing me? What does he want from me?
“No,” I cry even harder and wrap my arms around his back.
My nails dig into his flesh and Monster lets out a hiss. I can’t stop. I don’t want him to stop either. I just need him to stay inside of me.
To keep me safe.
Protected.
“Who was it?” he asks again.
His cock is caressing all of the right places inside of me. My vision blurs and more tears fall, but his lips never stop moving over my skin. Bumps form as a shiver races through me.
“Please Monster, don’t,” I sob harder.
He slows his movements, but doesn’t stop. I dig my nails in deeper and listen to the growl as it vibrates through me. He pumps into me a little harder and I feel like I’m flying. I’m soaring just like I did back then.
I was free.
I am free.
No, I’m not. I never will be as long as he’s out there. He let this happen to me.
“Who let this happen to you darlin’?” he whispers once more before he bites my earlobe between his teeth.
I relish the pain and pull him closer. My body trembles. Right before I come, I cry out and lose it.
“My father.”
Monster pulls back and returns to thrusting inside of me. His hips slam into my thighs and I know that I’ll have bruises. There’s no doubt about that. The weight in my chest feels lighter and I feel like I can breathe, but what did I just do?
I’ve just told him one of my secrets I swore I’d never tell anyone. My head is swimming with information. I’m afraid that I’ll lose the only lifeline I have left. I’m going to lose Monster. His cock swells as he comes inside of me. He takes me along with him on the ride. My body trembles and locks up tight around him.
“Fuck!” I scream as spots blast from behind my eyes.
Sweat drops off Monster and onto me. It’s sliding down my skin. My body shudders as I come down from my orgasm, but Monster still lingers over me. He’s still in me. I don’t want him to move. I want him to stay right where he is. This moment, this safety, is all I’ve ever wanted to feel and now I don’t want
it to end. I know that it will, and that’s another reason I need to keep my distance from him.
Monster pulls out of me and drops onto the bed next to me trying to catch his breath. He wipes his hand over his face to clear the sweat off before he looks over at me. I don’t want to look at him. I want to hide what I’ve done. I want to hide who I am. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. I don’t want to, or at least I shouldn’t, but that’s the only time I feel at ease.
“Come here,” he murmurs gently.
I shake my head, but when I look over at the blood I drew from him I see it painted all over his stomach. I gasp and cover my mouth with my hand. I did that to him? I hurt him. For what? For my own sick need?
“It’s not that bad,” he adds.
I shake my head as tears begin to fall. After all of these years of keeping it all bottled up, he shattered the glass, and broke me into a million pieces. He broke me.
“I need to go,” I say while wiping my eyes.
Monster just chuckles and gets out of the bed. He walks around to my side, grabs my hand, and pulls me along with him. He takes us into the bathroom where he starts the shower before dragging me into it with him. He reaches behind me and unhooks my bra, then slides it down my shoulders. I hadn’t even noticed that I still had it on.
“I’m fine Kyza,” he insists once more when my eyes move to the wound I inflicted on him as my chest tightens.
“I stabbed you,” I whisper.
“Yeah. It was kinda sexy as fuck too.”
My eyes jerk to his and I see that sexy smile curve his lips.
“Why do you care?”
He shrugs and grabs the soap putting it on the sponge in his hand.
“I don’t really. I knew I saw somethin’ in you. I just wanted to see it. I had to witness it.”
He moves the sponge to my body and begins washing me slowly.
“Was it everything you expected it to be?”
Monster laughs. It’s a real laugh. He continues to clean me as he’s laughing. When he’s finished he cleans himself, paying close attention to the wound on his stomach. I cringe internally and curse myself for doing that to him, but he pushed me until I couldn’t take any more.
“You shouldn’t hide it,” his voice is soft as he reaches around me to turn the water off.
He steps out and passes me a towel. I climb out behind him and watch as he grabs a first aid kit and puts it on the counter. I move around him and pull it open to take out what we need.
“It probably needs stitches,” I mumble under my breath as he leans against the counter with his towel hanging loosely around his waist.
“It’ll be fine. I just don’t want it bleedin’ all over my shirt.”
I go about cleaning him up and put a patch over the wound when he grabs my wrist. I look up at him and I can see the heat in his gaze.
“Why do you hide who you are?”
“I don’t want to be that person. I don’t want to be someone that can’t control their own anger. I kill. I don’t want to be that girl,” I reply honestly.
Monster pulls my hand to his lips and kisses my knuckles.
“You can’t change who you are.”
“I have to. I’m not that person.”
I shake my head and walk back into his room, Monster follows behind me.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Why can’t you see who you really are Kyza? You aren’t this little girl that needs to hide out in Paul’s clinic. There is so much more to you. Why don’t you put it to use?”
He’s doing it again and he’s pissing me off. I don’t want to be that girl anymore. I was her, and this is where it led me.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“So tell me.”
“I don’t want to tell you Monster. Why can’t you just let this go?”
I’m yelling again. I can’t help it. He’s testing me, and I’m losing. I can’t lose.
“Because I saw it Kyza. I fuckin’ see you.”
“You didn’t see shit. Fuck this. Fuck you!” Monster nods his head and moves over to the dresser. He pulls my clothes out of the drawer and throws them to me.
“You wanna act like I don’t know my own fuckin’ kind? Go for it. You wanna play the victim and cry the rest of your life? Have at it. You wanna pretend that the real you isn’t in there? Fuck you Kyza. You know what? You’re right. You’re fuckin’ weak.”
Chapter 13
Monster
I don’t regret a lot of things in my life. I’m just me, and that’s the best I can do. Shit happens and there’s nothing I can do about it. Why should I even try? Why should I care? The one thing I do regret is telling Kyza that she was weak. Something flared in her eyes when I told her that. It was deep and painful. I crossed a line with her that night, and I’ve kept my distance ever since.
I still watch her at night of course. I couldn’t let her go that easily. She has a hold on me, and there isn’t a damned thing I can do about it.
“Here,” Grinder says passing me a joint.
I take it and bring it to my lips. I take a long, slow inhale and look around the table when Viking walks in. He doesn’t look very happy and Mason isn’t too far behind. The rest of the guys are already sitting here waiting.
“Got a problem. The shipment from New York was stopped in Georgia,” Viking states looking around the room at each of us.
“Fuck,” the majority of us grumble.
“Didn’t we use one of the box trucks?” I question, looking to Viking for the answer.
“No. We didn’t have time to send it up and there wasn’t enough space in it anyways. These shipments aren’t small,” he answers me.
I nod my head a little pissed off that they got picked up and even more so that they didn’t use one of the trucks Reaper fixed up. False walls were his idea and it was fucking epic. We’ve made so many runs with them and have never had a problem before.
“We need to send someone up there to see what we can do,” Mason adds.
“Who got picked up?” Grinder asks.
“Bones and a few of the prospects. We’ve got the lawyer callin’ about bail. I’m gussin’ that isn’t happenin’ with the amount they were haulin’.”
I shake my head and let out a small breath.
“They get all of it?” Viking chuckles when I ask.
“Fuck no. Bones is smart. He only had half of the shipment on that truck. The other half is waitin’ at the Regency MC. One of Bones’ boys was loadin’ it into a van. Figured splitin’ the shipment was the best idea.”
“Ortega okay with that?”
“Fuck no. That’s the other issue,” Viking adds. “Whoever is goin’ up is gonna have to relay that information to Ortega when they get there.”
“Who’s it gonna be boys?” Mason asks with a chuckle.
He shoves out of his chair, grabs a pack of cigarettes, and lights one up. He glances around, but no one says a fucking word. No one wants to fuck with Ortega.
“I’ll do it.”
The other guys grunt knowing damn well that they don’t want the job. Fuck Ortega. I can’t stand his ass anyhow.
“Fine. It’s on you Monster. It’ll take you a few days to get there and get shit squared away. I’ll be in touch with the lawyer to see what we can work out. Don’t know how much pull we have in that part of Georgia. Guess we’ll find out soon enough,” Viking adds.
“That’s all we’ve got for now. Grinder, I need you to get in touch with Berk about that coke shipment yeah? Monster you can go ahead and get ready. We’re gonna be in some shit for the shipment bein’ late and on top of that now half of it is gone.”
“That comin’ out of our asses?”
Viking looks to Mason before looking back to me and nodding, “Yeah, I’m hopin’ he takes it from our cut and not your ass.”
I know he’s joking, but I can still see the underlying concern in his statement. Ortega wouldn’t touch me, but he sure as hell would have his
men on my ass.
“Thanks for the pep talk,” I throw back giving him a salute.
They laugh and Viking calls it. I push out of my chair, but Viking and Mason stay back watching me.
“What?”
“Sit back down,” Mason says.
I sit back in the chair and wonder what the hell it is that I did this time. When the guys all leave Viking walks over and closes the door.
“What’s this?”
“This shit with the girl. What is it?” Mason asks as he eyes me. I reach forward to grab my beer and bring it up to my lips.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, come on. We all saw that shit. She fuckin’ stabbed you brother. You really gonna sit there and fuck with me on this shit?”
I smirk and shake my head then set the bottle down to replace it with a cigarette.
“What it is, is none of your goddamned business. I don’t question who you fuck,” I remind both of them.
“She was screamin’ like you were killin’ her,” Viking states.
“She has a past. We all do. Shit got a little heated. That’s all.”
They look between each other and shrug.
“Look, I get your issues brother. I do, but draggin’ some girl down into that mess with you isn’t right.”
“Thanks dad. I can handle her.”
I’m short. Snappy. I don’t want to fight with them on this.
“This fucks you over and it’s on you Monster.”
I nod my head and stand from the chair. I head to my room. I have a new plan that I’m about to embark on. My trip to Georgia just got a little more fun than I had originally planned on. Too bad she doesn’t know that yet. I stuff my bag then pull out my cell to call Paul.
“Did you get shot again?” he asks which makes me smile.
“No. I’m goin’ out of town and I’m takin’ Kyza with me,” I inform him.
“She know that yet?”
“Nope. Figured I’d give you fair warnin’ that she wasn’t gonna be there for a few days though.”