Who Breaks First: A New Adult Bully Romance (Clearwater University Book 1)

by Eva Ashwood

  “I—I think they’re in love. It’s crazy. I just wish things between me and Trent were more…”

  Shit, what do I say?

  “More?”

  “Calm.”

  “Things seemed calm this past week,” Reese replies, and there’s a dark seriousness in his voice.

  “I guess so.” I grab my basket, looking down at my folded clothes so Reese can’t see my shame.

  I’ve done a good job this week, all things considered. In our Team Six meeting, I tried like hell to keep it from being obvious that anything had happened between me and Trent. I’m determined to pretend that’s the truth—to act as if nothing happened.

  But it’s not as easy as I thought it would be.

  I thought the other shoe would drop as soon as he left my dorm that night. That was why I let myself indulge my craving, going back for more over and over until we were both so exhausted we couldn’t move.

  But something has shifted between us, and it hasn’t gone away. He seems… kinder. Softer. I know it would be idiotic to forgive him, but I have to admit, it’s a relief not to be constantly on edge around him.

  “This is all done,” Reese says, interrupting my thoughts as he throws his laundry into the basket.

  “You’re not going to fold it?” I ask, and he looks at me like I’m a loser.

  “No, Emma Holloway, I’m not going to fold it.”

  “I’m not surprised.”

  “Do you want to fold it for me?”

  “No.” I scoff.

  “Well, in that case, let’s get out of here. You need a lift.”

  My heart jerks in my chest, the easy casualness of our banter fading. Reese said it not as a question, but as a statement.

  “I don’t mind the walk.” I shake my head quickly.

  This is a bad idea. I should just grab my stuff and get out of here. I should walk back to Clearwater’s campus as fast as I can, even if my arms burn from carrying the heavy basket. But the honest truth is, as tense as some moments have been, there’s been something nice about spending the evening with Reese, doing something as mundane as washing our clothes.

  Maybe he can see me wavering. Or maybe he never intended to take no for an answer.

  His hand finds my lower back, and he guides me toward the door. “You need a ride. Come on, Ems.”

  We walk out to Reese’s car, both of us holding our baskets, and he opens the door for me with one hand. Where is the chivalrousness coming from?

  “Thanks.” I don’t look at him as I slide inside.

  As we drive back to campus, I do feel a little spark of gratitude for the lift. It’s fully dark out now, and I always hate walking alone at night. Clearwater is pretty safe, but still.

  I sit up a little straighter as we approach the student lot, but Reese passes the standard student parking and finds another spot, in a little hidden area closer to the dorms.

  “Do you have special parking?” I ask, glancing at our surroundings.

  “Of course I do.” Reese flashes a boyish grin, turning off the car and glancing over at me.

  “You always get what you want, don’t you?” I shake my head with a smile.

  Reese’s face changes in an instant. His self-satisfied grin dissolves into seriousness. “No. Not always.”

  All the air seems to go out of the car.

  He doesn’t have to say anything else for me to grasp what he means.

  Reese is referring to me.

  I can feel it in every cell of my body. The intensity of his gaze makes me feel like my skin is on fire, and I can’t help but remember how he looked at me like this sometimes in high school. He would always look away or change his expression back to an easygoing smile when I caught him staring then. But now, he doesn’t look away.

  He doesn’t move.

  Warmth pools in my lower belly, a sudden ache building in my clit.

  I wanted Reese in high school. I wanted his bright, happy energy, his gorgeous body, and his breathtaking emerald eyes. And he’s only gotten better looking since then, his perfect features taking on a slightly more rugged quality, his golden brown hair a little longer than he kept it in high school.

  Fuck. I wish, wish, wish that my body didn’t react to him like this. That my heart didn’t crave the little hints of the kind-hearted boy I once knew. I wish I hated him.

  “Reese…” I murmur, not even sure what else to say. I don’t know why I spoke at all, except that the silence is driving me mad, making me think about doing things I shouldn’t do.

  “Yeah?” His voice is soft, with just a hint of gravel, and embarrassingly, I can feel myself becoming wet. Something about being so close to him, confined together in the small space of this car with the fresh scent of laundry mixing with Reese’s woody, citrus scent.

  “I should go in,” I say quietly, holding back every other word that wants to escape my lips.

  “Go in then.”

  Reese is watching me carefully. He’s not issuing a challenge, I don’t think. He’s offering me an escape. If I try to get out of the car right now, he won’t stop me.

  So why the hell can’t I make my body move?

  My hand is gripping the door handle so hard my knuckles are white, but I’m not moving at all. It’s like I’m trapped in stasis, my body refusing to leave the presence of Reese’s. Like it needs him to live, and it refuses to listen to my brain, which is screaming at it to run to safety.

  When things were good in high school, I always secretly fantasized that Reese would make a move. He used to drive me home a lot because my house was closest to his, and sometimes we’d sit in the car for hours, talking and slowly leaning closer and closer toward each other, resting against the seat backs as we gazed into each other’s shadowy eyes.

  But he never made a move, and neither did I. I was too scared of what it would mean for all of the Icons, and I was determined to keep my relationship with all of them even.

  Only now…

  Now it’s too late for that, isn’t it?

  West took my virginity, and Trent and I had sex last week. If I was really worried about not coming between these three men, it’s way beyond that now.

  So why shouldn’t I do what I want?

  Maybe the truth is, I do need to keep my relationship with all of them even. Maybe if I give in to the craving that’s pulling me toward Reese, I’ll finally break the spell the Icons have over me. Maybe it will exorcise all three of them from my soul.

  Or maybe it’ll only drag you in deeper, the voice in the back of my head whispers. I recognize that voice.

  It’s my self-preservation instinct.

  But tonight, I don’t care about survival. If the ocean throws me against the rocks and I get dragged under, maybe I want to drown.

  “You better go inside, Ems,” Reese mutters hoarsely, and this time it sounds like a warning.

  As though if I don’t get out of the car now, if I don’t run and never look back, he’ll snatch me up.

  And I really might not survive that.

  I still don’t move though, rooted to the spot by the man next to me—the man who has always been a confusing mixture of sweetness and cruelty, of loyalty and betrayal. He doesn’t know it, but I gave him my heart the night I told him my most shameful secret. I handed it to him for safekeeping, because it hurt too much to keep it inside my own chest.

  And he protected it.

  Even when everything went bad, even when my world crumbled into pain, he held onto my heart and protected it.

  I want to hate him for everything else he’s done, but I think a part of me will always love him for that one thing.

  As if that thought spurs me into action, I finally move, breaking out of my frozen reverie. I release the door handle quickly, my hand flying to my seatbelt clasp instead. I press the button to release the belt, and as soon as it’s off, I lean over the center console toward Reese.

  He must’ve moved at the same moment I did, because he’s ready for me. His lips meet mine as min
e seek his, and they collide in a kiss that’s hot and wet and deep. His tongue is licking the seam of my lips, sliding in between them, tracing over my teeth and exploring the inside of my mouth like he’ll never get enough.

  Our position is awkward, and the seatbelt mechanism is digging into my hip as I lean toward him, but I hardly feel it. I don’t care about the discomfort or the logistics. It would take so much more than that to make me stop kissing this man.

  “Fuck, Emma. You’re so sweet,” Reese groans into my mouth, his hands threading through my hair as he angles my head to take the kiss deeper.

  I don’t know if he’s talking about my personality or my actual taste, but the tortured need in his voice makes heat spread through my body. I fumble to reach more of him over the center console that divides us, running my hand over the plane of his abs. I can feel them bunch and contract under my touch, and my breath picks up as I slide my hand lower.

  His cock is straining hard against the confines of his jeans, and when I run my palm over it, he bucks up into my hand, wrenching his lips away from mine. “Oh, shit, Emma. Fuck.”

  “Is something wrong? You don’t like it?” I murmur, pulling my hand away. I didn’t press that hard. Did I hurt him?

  “No.” He catches my horrified look and lets out a choked laugh. “No to the first part. Not the second. Shit, I think I died for a second and went straight to heaven.”

  Oh, thank fuck.

  “What’s wrong then?” I ask, reaching for him again. I want to feel his hard heat against my palm again, want to make his whole body tense up.

  Reese doesn’t stop me, letting me jack him off through the fabric of his pants with slow strokes. But his jaw muscles clench, and his hands tighten in my hair until he’s gripping the strands almost painfully. I like it though. I like that I can drive him this crazy.

  “Nothing,” he grits out. “That’s fucking incredible.” His breath catches, and he hauls my face toward him to steal a desperate, hot kiss before drawing back and resting his forehead against mine. “But you need to stop, Ems. If you don’t, I’m gonna come right here. And not only would that be embarrassing as fuck for me, I don’t want to risk us getting caught. I know you’re here on a provisional scholarship thing, and I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

  My heart does a funny little stutter in my chest at his words.

  At the concern and tenderness in his tone.

  He’s watching out for me. Protecting me.

  “Have you come here before?” I ask jerking my chin slightly toward the small parking lot outside. It’s in a dark, out-of-the-way spot.

  “Yeah.” I’m still running my hand over his cock, and he seems to have to work to form intelligible words, which makes a thrill of pride and desire flood me. “The guys and I have come here to smoke weed a few times.”

  “And have you ever gotten caught?”

  His green eyes darken in the dim light as he gazes at me. “No.”

  “Has anyone ever walked by and seen you?”

  “No.”

  A small smile tilts my lips. Then, before I can talk myself out of following my reckless impulse, I crawl over the console toward him.

  He catches the movement, and once again, he’s ready for me. Even as I’m maneuvering my way over the center console, he finds the lever on his seat and slides it back as far as it will go, giving me room to climb onto his lap between him and the steering wheel.

  It’s a tight fit, and it’s not exactly the most graceful move, but as soon as I settle onto his lap, my legs straddling him, the hard line of his cock bumps against my sensitive clit—and everything else seems to fade away.

  I want him. And I know if I open the car door, if I let the fresh night air in and the attraction and tension that bubbles between us out, I’ll talk myself out of this. My more sensible, smarter side will take over again, and I’ll go back up to the dorm and probably touch myself until my clit cries for mercy.

  But I don’t want to do that.

  I want Reese to touch me. I want to touch him.

  He’s looking up at me like I’m the best, craziest thing he’s ever seen in his life, and it makes the arousal inside me build even higher. I want to be what he sees, just for tonight.

  My lips find his again, and we kiss until we’re both breathless, gasping into each other’s mouths as our bodies grind against each other. We’re still fully clothed, but the tight confines of the car mean that we’re pressed together so tight I can feel him everywhere.

  His hands slide under my sundress, and I’m so fucking glad I wore it tonight. I almost didn’t—it seemed too nice to wear just for doing laundry, but I decided to throw it on at the last minute.

  And now it gives Reese perfect access as his hands skim over the bare skin of my waist and the soft fabric of my panties.

  His fingers on my skin send sparks dancing through me. I’ve imagined scenarios like this more times than I’d like to admit, but the Reese of my imagination is nowhere as good as this.

  His mouth feasts on mine while our hands travel with wanton impunity over each other’s bodies, touching anywhere and everywhere we can reach. When I start to rock against his hard cock, using it to take the edge off the ache building in my clit, Reese’s eyes fly wide.

  He watches me, his nostrils flaring with every breath, and I’m so far gone, so desperate for relief, that I don’t stop.

  Not that he’s trying to stop me.

  “Are you gonna come, Ems?” he whispers, his voice soft and almost reverent. “Can you come like this? Using my cock to get yourself off?”

  “Uh huh,” I mutter, rocking harder against him, my clit throbbing and my leg muscles burning. I’m having to use muscles that don’t often get called upon to keep my balance and move in this awkward, cramped position. But it’s so worth it.

  “Then do it. Use me, baby. Come on my cock. I want to feel you fall apart.”

  His voice is hot and soothing all at once, and I find that strangely, in this moment, I trust him. I trust him to take care of me. I trust that when I do fall apart, he’ll be there to pick up the pieces.

  “Reese…”

  The word is a keening groan, the only response I can muster up as I do what he instructed, moving harder against him, chasing my pleasure as he shudders beneath me. His cock feels like a steel rod, and even through the fabric that separates us, I can tell how big he is, how thick.

  “Watch me, Ems. I want to see. Please, let me see.”

  My eyes have been rolling up in my head as pleasure overtakes me, but I force my gaze to focus, finding Reese’s face in the darkness. His features are contorted, and he looks like he’s almost in pain. I realize he must be struggling to keep himself from coming, wanting to see me find my release. Wanting to let me keep using him.

  But I don’t want that. I want him to come too. I want to see and feel him come undone, just as much as he wants to watch me.

  I’m about to tell him that when his hands glide up under the loose fabric of my sundress and palm my breasts. Then the fingers and thumb of each hand pinch and tweak my nipples, tugging on them gently, just enough to send a bite of pleasure and pain zinging down to my clit.

  And I come.

  My head tips back, and the noise that falls from my lips doesn’t even sound like me as my body shakes and shudders on top of him. I grind down against him even as I arch my back, pressing my breasts harder into his touch, giving him more of myself.

  As the high slowly fades, he releases my nipple. One hand extricates itself from my sundress and palms the back of my head, bringing me in for a scorching kiss.

  When we finally break apart, Reese gives me a dazed, satisfied smile, even though I know he didn’t come. I would’ve felt it, I’m sure of it. And his cock is still throbbing against my core, pressing angrily against his pants.

  “That was…” He shakes his head. “That was fucking incredible.”

  “Did you come?” I gasp out breathlessly.

  Another headshake. “N
o. But that was just as g—”

  I cut him off before he can even finish that sentence. I don’t care if he’s willing to make me come and call it a night. I’m not.

  Reaching between us, I shift backward as far as I can until the steering wheel stops me, giving me just enough room to work his button and fly. I unzip him with one hand while fumbling for his button with the other, and Reese hisses out a breath.

  I feel high. Or maybe drunk. I haven’t had a drop of alcohol though, and I know it’s just endorphins flooding my system as I raise up a little and work his pants down just enough to free his cock.

  “Fucking hell,” he murmurs when I sink back down and slide my pussy lips over the length of his shaft. “If you’re serious about this, Ems…”

  “I am,” I gasp, lowering my head to kiss him again. There’s hardly any room to move, but we find just enough space to get the friction we need.

  “Then get on my dick.”

  His desperate plea makes me smile against his lips. Just like everything else about him, he’s got two conflicting halves when it comes to sex too. He’s part gentleman, part caveman, and I fucking love it.

  I don’t wait to put him out of his misery. My legs tremble as I rise up, and when I sink back down, impaling myself on him, I feel Reese’s entire body go rigid.

  “God, Emma. You’re so fucking tight.”

  I want to ride him hard, but there’s not enough space to get that kind of momentum. But as frustrating as being confined like this is, there’s something fucking hot about it too. Reese’s thrusts are short and choppy—he doesn’t have the room to pull out all the way, so I never lose that feeling of perfect fullness as our bodies find a rhythm together.

  And after letting me use his cock, after holding off for so long, I can tell he’s teetering on the edge already.

  His lips collide with mine, and he sucks my tongue into his mouth, devouring me hungrily as he fucks me from below.

  Then his arms band around me, and he pulls me down hard on his dick—so hard it’s almost painful—grunting and burying his face in my hair as he comes hard. His cock jerks hard inside of me, and I can feel come leaking out as he thrusts shallowly a few more times, milking out every last drop of his release.