The Tutor

by Kelsi Clayton

  “Oh no,” Cheol looked stricken. “I forgot, I’m so sorry.”

  He leapt up to get her a glass of water as Claire struggled to swallow the food. She finally got it down and accepted the glass of water from him, drinking it in large gulps. Panting and fanning herself, she tried to reduce the searing on her tongue.

  “I’m so sorry, so so sorry,” He looked genuinely heart-sick at the expression on her face.

  “I’ll be fine,” She tried to assure him. “I just need a minute. Hoooooo……”

  She blew a breath out and wiped her eyes, feeling a laugh bubbling up in her chest. A small giggle escaped, but with the tears it looked more like she had begun to cry, much to Cheol’s horror. More giggles began to escape along with more tears running down her cheeks. Through the blur, she could make out the panicked look on his face. She reached up and cupped his cheeks, pulling his face down to hers. Even through the hiccough like giggles, she managed to solidly lock her lips to his. Her lips still were tingling, but the heat had subsided to a lingering buzz of heat.

  “It’s ok,” She assured him with a sniffling titter.

  “God I’m so sorry,” He wiped away the tears still dripping down her cheeks with his gentle thumbs.

  “I’m fine,” She promised. “I’m laughing, I promise.”

  “Oh my God,” He clasped her hands in his and pressed his forehead to them. “I feel so terrible.”

  “I’m fine,” She told him again. “Let’s try dinner, again, hmm?”

  “That’s all that was spicy, I promise,” He told her, passing her the plate he had made for her.

  She settled against his side and took some slow bites of dinner, hoping that she could taste some of it past the numb of her tongue.

  “Do you want to watch another episode of Moon Lovers while we eat?” Claire offered before taking a bite of one of the wraps on her plate.

  “Yeah, it was good,” He replied from behind his hand, hiding the full bite in his mouth. She put on an episode of the show while they ate and then another while they cuddled a bit, to wait out the rain, as Cheol clarified. Eventually the rain stopped, the clothes were dry, and they were out of excuses. Claire escorted Cheol to the door and promised to talk with him about things next time she came by the dorms that week, reminding him he needed to talk to everyone else some time soon. With a quick kiss to her cheek, he slipped out the door and down the elevator. He decided to take a quick taxi back home in case the rain came back.

  FX and Hyunwoo were in the living room when he got back. FX was absorbed in a game on his handheld console and Hyunwoo was watching something on his phone with a face mask on and a kitty eared headband holding back his hair. They looked up and greeted him with curiosity as he entered, causing three more members to appear from nearby.

  “Oh wow,” Minjun exclaimed as he came out of the kitchen. “What does Claire-ssi live in Busan or something?”

  “I was starting to think I needed to send out a search party or something,” Wonjung piped up, coming from behind Minjun.

  “Why did you walk back with her to begin with?” Hyunwoo asked. “It isn’t like she doesn’t know the way.”

  “Was she okay?” Kitae asked from the hall.

  “Aish, seriously,” Cheol grumbled holding up his hands. “Just...not right now, okay? You can ask me whatever you want later but not tonight.”

  “You okay, bro,” FX asked, putting his console down in his lap as Changho and Jaejin emerged from the hallway of bedrooms. “Something happen?”

  Cheol just shook his head and pushed past them to walk back to his bedroom, closing the door behind him. Everyone in the living room looked at each other wondering just what had happened to put him in that mood.

  “What just happened?” Changho asked the room. “What did you guys say?”

  “Someone want to volunteer to go talk to him?” Wonjung asked the members at large.

  “No way, I have to sleep there tonight,” Jaejin responded, backing further away from the bedrooms.

  “Yeah, I will,” Hyunwoo volunteered. “But I’m gonna give him a little time first.” All of their phones buzzed with a notification of a message in the group chat coming through.

  Hello everyone! The message to the group chat read. I took a look at your set schedules and Tuesday was looking pretty light as far as set commitments, I can come over at about 8 that day to watch something if you think that works. Let me know if it will and I can give you show choices for me to bring over. Sleep well, boys! Keep up the good work and see you soon!

  Kitae and Minjun made sounds of approval and started to type a response on Minjun’s phone, co-oping an answer that was basically an enthusiastic yes. Cheol sent a thumbs up, declining to say anything more than that to her in the group message. Jae Min and Changho replied sure and sounds good as did most of the other members except Seunghoon who explained that he had to prep for the filming of his variety interview show the next day, Next time he added though.

  Thanks for the replies ❤️, she answered back after a few minutes. I’ll give you a few options tomorrow. Don’t forget your assignments this week.

  ***

  Cheol lay on his bed with his headphones on listening to music and staring off into space. He needed to talk to everybody but he had no idea where he was even supposed to start. She didn’t say no, he told himself, trying to focus on the positive. He could still feel how she fit against his side and smell the warm scent of her skin. His lips tingled at the memory of kissing her sweet, soft mouth.

  Frustration burned through him. Maybe it would have been easier if she had just turned him down. At least then he would know that the little taste he’d had of her was all he would ever get. Now the memories teased him as he lay by himself in his room. There were probably things he ought to be doing but he knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate.

  He rolled over on his side and pulled out his phone wanting to message her just to ask her what she was doing. He held it in his hand for a moment as he debated with himself. He didn’t want to bother her, but he wanted to talk to her.

  Cheol got up and turned off his headphones, putting them in the charger before he gathered himself to go out and talk with everyone else. He looked into the rooms as he walked back to the living room, gathering the few members who were in them on the way. With everyone gathered together, Cheol found himself pacing nervously in the space in front of the TV with a knot in his stomach. He went through thirty different ways to begin in his head, none of which seemed to want to come out and none of which seemed right.

  “So, what’s up?” FX finally ask when it seemed like Cheol had been pacing for an eternity, not getting anywhere on whatever was bothering him.

  “You know Claire,” Cheol started, then paused with a huff. “Of course you all do. This is stupid.”

  “Did you get into an argument with her about something?” Minjun asked, giving him a slight glare. “You didn’t make her quit or something stupid.”

  “He wouldn’t do that,” Hyunwoo objected. “She just started, but she seems good at what she does. Plus, she is really nice.”

  “No she hasn’t quit, no I didn’t get into an argument with her,” Cheol responded first to the accusations before continuing. “I...kissed her. I told her I want to see her.” He paused, glancing at the other members to try and gage their reaction so far. Most of them just looked at him with wide eyes but Changho and Minjun were both giving him glares. “She’s worried you wouldn’t want her as your teacher if she was with me and she is worried about what would happen to me and you if people find out. Basically, she won’t see me if all of you aren’t okay with it.”

  “Wait, start over again,” Jaejin shook his head as if it were an etch-a-sketch he were trying to erase. “When you say you kissed her, do you mean like kiss or kiss?” Seunghoon elbowed him and gave him a look that clearly said, you can’t be serious. “Ow, what? Like you weren’t wondering, too.”

  “You do remember our debut contract forbids dating,
right?” Wonjung reminded him, a still, stoic look on his face.

  “Yes, I know, but they won’t know,” Cheol insisted. “They can’t know either way, if she is going to keep working as your tutor, anyway.”

  “What if the fans found out?” FX followed up.

  “Yeah, that’s what she is worried about,” Cheol admitted. “If it came out, there could be a backlash, but how would they find out unless someone said something? She is supposed to be around us, she works with us and it isn’t like we’ll be out flaunting it since the company can’t know.”

  “Is this why you’ve been walking her home?” Changho asked stiffly.

  “I just wanted to spend a little time with her,” Cheol tried to explain, realizing how stupid it sounded. “Look, I know I’ve been stupid but I’ve never asked you for something like this. I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t more than just a crush.”

  “Are you sure?” Seunghoon questioned.

  “Yes,” He answered simply.

  “She makes you smile,” Hyunwoo observed as he hugged one of the throw pillows on the couch, looking up at his leader.

  “She does,” A soft smile spread across Cheol’s face. “I can’t explain it. Being around her...it just makes me happy.”

  “You barely know her,” Wonjung pointed out.

  “Maybe, but I want to know everything about her,” Cheol sighed. “I don’t expect you to make a decision now. Just think about it.” He turned and walked out, leaving the other members to think about all of this without him. Claire had told him if everyone said no, they just had to accept it and the thought of that was like a weight on his chest. As he made his way back to his room, he pulled out his phone to let Claire know he had told them and asked them to think about it. He looked at the chat and saw that his message had been received and read but there was no reply. He put his phone down on his desk and pulled out his laptop to find some work to distract him.

  Hours later when Changho and Jaejin came back, they found him there, sitting in the dim light of the desk lamp. Seeing them come in, he closed his laptop and began to pack up the few things he had around him. Changho opened his mouth to say something but Cheol pushed past him and out of the room before he had the chance. The pair looked at each other with wide eyes, surprised by the brusk reception. It was probably best to let him be for now, they decided, getting into bed but leaving the light on for Cheol, whenever he decided to come to bed.

  Sunday morning came and Cheol had obviously not come back to the room to sleep when Jaejin got up. He got up and went out to scrounge some breakfast, hoping to find his friend exhausted from working all night at the kitchen table. It had happened before when there was a crunch time and he hadn’t wanted to work at the KXO studios all night. But he wasn’t there. Jaejin grabbed a little food from the cabinet and decided to wander around the dorm and see if he couldn’t figure out just where Cheol was hiding. After checking the gym, he made his way to the small study space off the living room, normally used by the younger members to study and do homework. He found Cheol inside, slumped over beside his laptop, having fallen asleep while working on something on his laptop. Taking a seat in the second chair, Jaejin gave his friend’s shoulder a light shake.

  “Hey, if you are going to sleep, that’s what beds are for,” Jaejin joked as Cheol groggily opened his eyes.

  “I didn’t mean to fall asleep here, sorry,” He said as he sat up.

  “Bro, sorry about the joke yesterday,” Jaejin began as he watched his friend started to gather himself. “You know how I am, I didn’t mean anything by it. She seems nice and cute. I get what you see in her, it’s just…”

  “I know, I get it,” Cheol nodded, not meeting his eyes. “You can say no and I’ll accept it like she told me to, but you can’t expect me to just act like I’m fine. Just give me time to get over it.”

  “Hey, I never said I objected,” Jaejin protested. “I haven’t gotten to know her well and I didn’t think you had really either. I was mostly surprised. But you can’t be mad at everyone if someone does.”

  “I’m not mad, Jaejin-a,” His shoulders slumped. “I don’t know what I’ll do if the answer is no. I think I’ve already messed everything up. I can’t avoid her completely and still let her do her job but when I think about having to see her...it’s so stupid, but I feel like I can’t breathe.”

  “You’ve got it bad, bro,” His friend reached out to give his friend a reassuring hug. “It will all be alright. You’ll figure it out.”

  “Of course,” Cheol tried to give him a smile. “I just need some time.”

  “Sure, sure,” His friend nodded. He watched silently as Cheol gathered himself together again and packed away his things and left the room.

  Jaejin followed him after a moment, wanting to give his friend his space. Taking a seat in the living room, he took a few more bites of his breakfast but found that he didn’t have the appetite he’d had a half an hour ago.

  Cheol showered and got dressed before most of the rest of the members got up and made his way to KXO. He could put some more into the work he had started on last night using one of the real studios at the office. With a new album due out before the tour in six months, there was plenty to work on, as always.

  He locked himself in the studio until it was time for the group practice early in the afternoon. Everyone trickled into the dance studio, coming from singing practice, the gym, or whatever they had needed to work on in the hours prior. Cheol made his way there last, coming in the door just before they were scheduled to begin the practice, not joining in the typically boisterous conversation that always filled the room. He acknowledged the greetings of the members with a barely visible nod before setting up the music for the practice as he always did.

  He gave them all a curt list of the three songs they would be concentrating on for the day, working on a few they hadn’t performed in recently, but would be performing at stops on their mini tour. His corrections were terse and to the point, leaving aside any niceties even if they weren’t actually unfriendly. They repeated the choreography until everyone seemed satisfied and Cheol didn’t see anything worth a correction. They moved on to one of their more recent songs, something they knew well, but still had the occasional hiccup with in performances. The members went through it while Cheol watched from the side, looking for mistakes and problems in timing that had been a problem for them.

  “Kitae you are late in moving for your center in the second bridge and it throws off people around you,” Cheol interrupted, pausing the music. “You need to hit your mark better.”

  The youngest member nodded, his face blank to hide his discomfort at being called out on his mistake. Starting over, Cheol watched them go through the dance again, his eyes scanning the members. He shouted a correction to Seunghoon over the sound of the music and their steps. Seunghoon, hearing himself being called out, stumbled slightly and bumped into Hyunwoo beside him.

  Cheol stopped the music, asking FX to step out and be the eyes so that he could practice the choreography himself. FX stepped out and started the music again when everyone was in their starting positions. FX watched, taking mental notes as he looked at each of the members in turn. He gave a few comments to Wonjung and Cheol as well as the whole group, then watched again, moving around the group to view it from more than just one perspective. He again noticed Cheol make a misstep in the choreography near the end of the song.

  “Cheol--” He began.

  “I know, I did it again,” Their leader interrupted sharply. “I’ll work on it on my own to get the timing right.” Walking out of the group, he grabbed his towel and bag from the side of the room. The practice time was nearly over and he didn’t feel like it was doing him any good in the mood he was in. Frankly, he didn’t want to take it out on them any more than he already had and decided it was best for him to step out rather than make things worse.

  He headed to the changing room on the floor and quickly stripped off his sweaty practice outfit before stepping into
one of the stalls and turning on the water. The burst of water that came from the pipes was cold, causing him to suck in a breath at the hit. It was like jumping into a pool of cold water, giving him that bracing shock to the system. The water quickly warmed up and Cheol stood under the water, letting it cascade over him from head to toe. The water muted the sound of the room and let him block out the turmoil for just a moment. When the peace of the water had brought down his anxiety a couple of notches, he let himself move on to actually getting himself clean enough for the rest of the day.

  He stepped out of the shower and got dried off as the other members started coming in from the practice. A few of them greeted him but most decided it would be best to let him be, given how he had been in the dance studio. FX took a seat on the same bench as Cheol as he started removing his own practice clothes.

  “Hey, man, you doing okay?” FX asked quietly.

  “No,” Cheol answered brusquely. “And I don’t mean to take it out on you guys, but I need time.”

  “You know, no one has said they object yet,” FX pointed out.

  “Why not?” Cheol gave a hopeless laugh that turned into a sniffle. “Why wouldn’t you? You get a risk with no reward. I’m being selfish, I know, and I hate it but I still want her.”

  “I haven’t seen you have a crush like this before,” His friend admitted. “This doesn’t seem like some trivial thing to you.”

  “I feel stupid when I think it even,” He admitted, swallowing past a lump in his throat. “But it feels different than anything before. I’ve had crushes on people, on other trainees and classmates when I was in school. I even went out with someone a few times when we were both trainees here. It never went anywhere and I barely cared at the time. It didn’t seem important compared to everything else I was doing.”

  “Yeah, if you were that easy to distract,” FX observed. “You never would have made it this far.”

  “So then why does the possibility of losing her seem so hard to take?” Cheol implored.