Lie to Me

by Kaitlin Ward

  “Yeah?” I don’t look at her, like she’s a skittish animal I’m trying not to spook. “What’s that?”

  “I don’t think you’ll be mad about it. But if you are, I think … maybe only because how long I—we—I waited to tell you.”

  I do look at her then, pushing my glasses higher on my nose while she chews aggressively on a thumbnail.

  “Hunter and I are dating.”

  “You … and Hunter. My brother?”

  She nods.

  “For how long?”

  “Since the Fourth of July.”

  “That’s almost four months, Sky! Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “Because it’s weird!” She pulls the sleeves of her shirt over her hands and holds them there in fists, one of her stress habits. “I’m at your house all the time, I felt like I should see him as just, like, a brother or something. And for a long time, I did, I guess. He was just sort of there, like a friendly piece of furniture. But then somewhere along the way I started noticing that he was cute, and I guess he felt the same. But until we knew if it was going to stick, at least for a little while, we didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want it to have a negative effect on our friendship, and … Anyway, that’s what I was going to tell you that day, at the dam. And then after … it was really hard. I can’t tell how you’re taking all this, Amelia, and I just … Neither Hunter nor I wanted to pile on any more crap than you’ve already got happening.”

  “I kind of … wish you had.” I don’t know how I feel about this. It is completely unexpected, and I’m upset she didn’t feel like she could tell me, but I’m also relieved. I’ve been worried about her secret since before my accident, and this explains everything. “Is that why you’ve been so distant? And why both of you were MIA last weekend? You were hanging out?”

  She nods. “And I shouldn’t have ignored your texts all day. But I didn’t want to come up with some lie, either, like I know Hunter did.”

  “A really bad lie. I knew he was hiding something from me when Liam showed up at Roman’s.”

  Sky rolls her eyes. “He is the worst liar, and I told him he shouldn’t try it.”

  “Does anyone else know about you?”

  “Not unless they guessed it, which I doubt. We’ve been pretty good, haven’t we?”

  “Depends how you define good.”

  Sky hooks her arm around mine and looks up at me anxiously. “Are you mad?”

  “No. I’m not mad. I wish you’d told me. I really wish you had. But if you want to date my brother … well, he couldn’t do better.”

  She laughs. “What about me?”

  “You could do better, of course.” I lean my head against hers. “Just keep the PDA to a minimum in my presence, okay?”

  She laughs again. A relieved, cheerful sound. “I think that’s fair.”

  We sit in silence for a long moment after that, and then she asks me, “How are you doing?”

  “Fine. I mean, it’s slightly disturbing that my best friend finds my gross brother attractive enough to date, but—”

  “No, not about that. About, you know, everything. Life postaccident.”

  “Oh, that.” I look at the view before us, the leaves at peak color. It’s beautiful, but it’s death. It’s trees shedding down to the bare minimum to survive winter. Making themselves smaller, emptier, so they can cling on through the tough times ahead. “I feel … shaken. My world is different now, and I don’t want it to be.”

  “I know what you mean. You almost died, and I almost lost my best friend. It’s not something I ever imagined in my wildest nightmares.” She hugs me tight, and my eyes sting with tears. “It was awful when I found you, you know.”

  “I’m sure it was.”

  Sky hasn’t talked about this with me—at all. She hasn’t been talking to me about anything. Maybe she has Hunter for that now, I realize, with a pinch in my gut. She’s known him so long, it was probably easy to slip into a relationship when he was someone she could confide in right away. I’m glad she had that, while I was recovering, but I don’t like the thought that she needs me less because of it.

  She leaves an arm around me and gazes out at the rapidly darkening sky. It’s so quiet up here, there’s no people noise, only the rattle of a gentle breeze through crisp leaves and the rustle of squirrels and mice and whatever else scurrying about. It’s almost funny how I’m sitting here on a ledge in the near dark surrounded by forest and I feel completely unafraid. Wildlife could hurt me, but it doesn’t want to hurt me. A black bear would rather destroy a nice full bird feeder than my skinny body. Animals are just trying to survive. People are the ones who disturb me.

  “Tell me about it,” I request. “Tell me about that day. Like, all of it. I mean, I don’t even know what made you decide to tell me then, finally.”

  “Well, I …” She bites her lip. This must be difficult for her, but I need to hear it. “It was hard, keeping it from you. I hated it. It made sense at first, but then it started to feel weird and wrong, and Hunter was being such a ball of panic about it. The longer it went, the more worried he was that you were going to be mad. I think he figured I would break up with him if you didn’t like the idea, or if you were hurt that we didn’t tell you or whatever. Finally, I just decided screw it, and I texted you that Friday and asked if we could meet at our spot the next afternoon. You were working on that group chemistry project after school, so I caught Hunter before practice and told him what I’d decided. We had a big fight. Well, a quiet fight because we didn’t want anyone to hear us, but, like, furious whispering at the top of the swimming pool stairwell. He was mad that I’d decided without him, and he wanted to participate. I told him this was a conversation for you and me, and that if he didn’t respect that, there would be nothing to tell you at all because we wouldn’t be together anymore. He accepted it, but we, like, weren’t speaking that night, and I’m not sure how long our silent treatment would have lasted if you hadn’t, well, you know.”

  “You’re welcome,” I say, in a terrible attempt to lighten the mood.

  “I almost chickened out. I didn’t really want to tell you about it while I was so mad at him, you know, like, ‘Hey, I’m dating your brother but at the moment I kind of hate him so what do you think about that?’ ” She laughs a little, and so do I. “But I went, and I saw that your car was parked at the beach, so I parked next to you and walked back behind the dam, and you … weren’t there. I went farther along the road to see if maybe you were, like, walking around while you waited for me, but you weren’t around the bend anywhere either, so I went back to our usual spot. And that’s when …”

  She swallows hard, and her voice is softer when she continues. “I saw some broken branches and then I saw … I saw you, crumpled, partway down the bank. All I could really see was your sweater, but I’ve seen you wear that purple sweater so many times. I called to you, and you didn’t say anything. I screamed, and still nothing. I stood there for probably like a full entire minute just … totally panicking before I took off, ran back to my car, and drove partway up the hill to that spot where there’s service. I called 911, and once I knew they were on their way, I went back. I paced in front of that guardrail, looking at the broken branches and your purple sweater and—” Her voice breaks. “See, this is why I haven’t talked about this. I’m getting upset, and I shouldn’t be upset. I’m not the one who got hurt.”

  I lean my head on her shoulder. “You didn’t get hurt the same way I did, but you did get hurt. I’m so sorry you had to see that. It must have been so— I can’t imagine if our roles had been reversed, how I would have felt. What I would have done.”

  “The worst part was that I couldn’t go down there. I knew if I tried to get to you, I’d end up falling. And then watching the paramedics … I was so scared they would drop you, and I had no idea if you were dead or alive. None of us did, until they got you back up the hill. But at the same time they were talking about how quick they had to be because if you woke up,
you could have startled yourself and fallen the rest of the way. It was so … I hate it. I hate that this happened to you.”

  I feel numb inside. Not an empty numbness but the kind where whatever emotion I’m feeling is too much for me so instead I feel nothing.

  “Let’s not dwell on this,” I tell her, and I jump to my feet. My brain and my still-sore ribs protest the sudden movement. “Let’s take the RZR and drive around the mountain for a while and just, like, feel alive.”

  I reach out my hand and pull Sky up. Her eyes shine with unshed tears, but I can tell she wants to stop thinking about this, too, and just feel alive for a little while.

  So that’s exactly what we do.

  * * *

  It’s pitch-black when we get home, though it’s only nine o’clock. Mom’s unimpressed, but we’re fine, so she doesn’t say much. I eat the leftover steak and potatoes she offers me and then go up to my room and pull my notebook out of my backpack. My head throbs with a dull headache from bouncing around in the ATV, and the numbness from earlier lingers in my heart.

  With a small, satisfied smile, I draw a heavy line through two names on my list: Skylar Stewart and Hunter Stern.

  And then the dam breaks on my emotional numbness, and a potent blend of sorrow and loss and joy and relief and pain and guilt and rage floods my veins. It burns in my heart, and I am overwhelmed. I let myself sit with the feeling, something I haven’t done since I left the hospital. Even when I think about what happened, I haven’t let myself truly feel what happened, and I need to. I need to let the pain cut me so I can get past this. I sit for a long, long while, just living in my emotion.

  And, finally, I start to cry.

  I am not really a costume person. I like the spirit of Halloween—ghosts and monsters and bugs and gore—but costumes I’m just not good at. I never won the costume contest at the town hall as a little kid, and, to be honest, I never tried. Sky, on the other hand, always came up with something creative and homemade, and she often won.

  The party tonight will be the first time everyone sees Sky and Hunter together as a couple, so it’s a big deal for her. And weird for me.

  Sky insisted that I wear a costume that I can only describe as a sexy corpse witch, complete with pale foundation to make me look even whiter than normal (who knew that was possible!) and heavy black shadow around my eyes. She and my brother are both zombies, decorated in grotesque fake wounds and horrifying makeup.

  I have to admit, I enjoyed watching my brother grumble and give in about the makeup and the wounds. He’s about as ambitious as I am when it comes to costumes, usually.

  “I don’t think it’s fair that you get to wear shapeless rags and I have to wear a dress,” I complain when we approach Alec’s driveway.

  “You’ll thank me later,” she says deviously. “I think … certain people at the party will like it.”

  Hunter’s eyes meet mine in the rearview mirror and narrow. “What people?”

  “You don’t need to worry about that, now do you?” Sky pats his arm.

  “Yeah, I’ll let you know when I need you to activate protective-big-brother mode. Till then, chill.”

  “We’ll see,” he says, but doesn’t press.

  “I’m just happy Sky convinced you to come as something other than a Fortnite character,” I say, scrambling for a subject change.

  Hunter laughs. “Next year.”

  Sky says something in response, but I don’t hear it because I’ve been overcome with that weird feeling again like I had after Liam laughed in the library. The intense suspicion that while I was falling, someone was laughing. Hunter’s unlikely to spend Halloween with us next year; he’ll be away at college. Thinking about his impending departure always puts me in a bad place. It’s yet another thing about my life that’s changing, and I’ve had a harder time with it since my accident.

  Knowing this makes me wonder if the memory of laughter is even real or if it’s just something my brain’s doing to compensate for all its confusion.

  “Still with us back there?” Hunter asks.

  “Oh, yeah, sorry.” I smile weakly, but I’m glad when he pulls to a stop and we get out of the car.

  We have to park at the bottom of the very long driveway because there are already so many people here. I’m glad my parents have their own Halloween party, because I think it would be weird to go to one together with them that was at someone else’s house.

  Tera, Roman, and Grace meet us partway up the driveway. Tera and Roman are dressed as scarecrows, and Grace is a skeleton. Full face paint and skintight skeleton suit and all. I can’t even bring myself to look directly at her, which is all I need to say about how well she’s pulling off such a daring outfit.

  “Thank God,” she says, looping her arm through mine. “Third wheels unite.”

  I laugh.

  “Your costume looks great, by the way,” she adds.

  “So does yours. Did you do your own face paint? It’s amazing.”

  She beams. “Listen, you don’t get this good at Halloween overnight. I’ve been practicing for years.”

  “True, but you still have to have more artistic skill than I possess to get it right, I think.”

  “You did fine.” She pauses, scrutinizing my face. “Liam will definitely be interested.”

  I swallow against a sensation of disappointment. I don’t mind anyone else pushing me toward Liam, but I do seem to mind it with her. “Thanks,” I say softly. “I hope so.”

  Alec’s parents have gone all out on the decor. The lawn in front of their big log cabin is decorated with all manner of animatronics—corpses rising from coffins, ghosts hovering, cackling witches, even a cocooned corpse. Their wraparound porch features flashing orange and black lights woven between rails and bats and spiders hanging from the eaves. Their windows are all coated with spooky window hangings, and the word beware drips across the front door in fake blood.

  “This. Is. Amazing.” Grace pulls out her phone to photograph the scene. “Even my mom will be impressed.”

  She starts typing, I assume sending the pictures in a text to her mom.

  “Is your whole family into Halloween?”

  “My dad could take it or leave it, but my mom is worse than me.” She holds out her phone to show me a picture of a beautiful adult version of herself wearing a very elaborate spider costume. “This is her costume tonight.”

  “No offense, but this is my new favorite costume.”

  “I thought you might feel that way. She actually loves bugs, just like you.”

  “Really?” There are so many things I don’t know about Grace’s family and her life. Because I’ve only ever known her here and it’s so easy to forget that she has this whole other world she’s part of. “Do you miss them when you’re at school?”

  “Yeah. But I’m glad I’m here. I’m definitely a city girl, don’t get me wrong, but it’s nice to be in the country, too. It’s good to remember that not everyone has everything they want right at their fingertips all the time, and that there’s nothing wrong with that. Plus it’s so pretty here, of course.” She smiles wryly. “They were very smug when I told them they were right to send me to the academy, though. I fought it pretty hard at first.”

  “I can imagine.” I push open the door to the house, and we are met with a burst of music and laughter and voices. “You went from New York City to the complete middle of nowhere, and it’s full of the very whitest people.”

  She throws back her head and laughs. I admire the skeleton makeup that continues down her throat and lines up perfectly with her costume, stark white against her dark skin.

  She catches me staring, and for a moment we’re awkward again.

  But then Liam appears.

  “Hey,” he says, smiling. “I was wondering if you were actually going to show up or not.”

  “Oh, yeah, we’re a little late. Sky insisted on doing my makeup.”

  “It looks good.”

  I blush, but luckily the lighting is d
im for ambience.

  “Hey, I’m going to go mingle, okay?” Grace winds an arm briefly around my waist. “There are more girls here than I expected, so I’m gonna go try my luck.”

  “I would wish you good luck, but you won’t need it.”

  I watch her walk away, and then realize I’m doing it and pull my attention back to Liam. He’s wearing a Jedi costume, which isn’t the most creative, but it works. It makes me feel better about my costume, which looks great and all but isn’t on par with the things my friends wore.

  “So how long have you been here?” I ask.

  “Half hour, maybe? Long enough to eat some crackers and cheese, and that’s about it.”

  I look around, overwhelmed by how much there is to see. There’s so many people wearing masks, I can’t even tell who’s my age and who’s an adult.

  “Are you hungry or anything?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “I ate before I came. Something about everyone else digging around in buffet-style food just doesn’t appeal to me.”

  “That surprises me, coming from you. Spiders, yes, but buffet, no?”

  A smile curves my lips. “I am a mystery.”

  “Yeah.” He takes a sip from the soda he’s holding. “You are.”

  Alec approaches us. He’s a senior, and he’s friends with my brother, but, honestly, he’s not one of my favorites. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with him; he’s just one of those overly extroverted people who think all conversations live and die with them.

  “Hi, Amelia,” he says. “How’s the cast?”

  “Oh, it’s great. I wish I could keep it forever,” I say dryly.

  “Liam, wouldn’t have expected to see you here,” Alec says, his tone distinctly less light.

  “You did invite me, didn’t you?” Liam’s tone is just as unfriendly.

  “I did invite the whole team, yeah.”

  I narrow my eyes. The implication that Liam isn’t welcome despite being invited is pretty rude. Neither of them notices me, though. They’re too busy glaring at each other.

  Alec breaks the eye contact first, turning his attention back to me. “Hunter must be here somewhere, too, I’m guessing?”