Condemned to Love: 

by Davis, Siobhan

  “It was…interesting. Enlightening. Infuriating,” I admit.

  Spotlights embedded in the beige stone path light the way as we stroll. The night air is brisk, but we are wrapped up warm in heavy coats, thick scarves, and leather boots.

  “That sounds about right,” Ben grins. “Angelo is an infuriating bastard at the best of times.”

  “You don’t call him Dad?” I inquire, having noticed this previously. Although, now I’ve met the man and heard some of the backstory, it makes sense. I would be reluctant to call that man Dad too if I was in Ben’s shoes.

  Ben sighs, pulling the collar of his black woolen coat up around his neck as we walk. “Our relationship is complicated.”

  “He told me about Mateo. He also said you have made your mark in a way Mateo never could.”

  Ben quirks a brow, looking at me with respect and surprise. “He said that?” I nod. “Hmm.” His tongue darts out, wetting his lips, and he looks pensive for a few moments before he breaks the silence. “He must like you already. He rarely talks about Mateo. Even to Natalia.”

  “It must have been hard for her when he died.”

  “It was, but she never let it get in the way of our relationship. She welcomed me with open arms.”

  “You love her.”

  “I do. Very much. Outside of Leo, she’s my closest friend.”

  “I like her a lot, and I’m glad she’s here.”

  “She will stay for a week to help you settle in.” He pushes a branch away, clearing a path for me. “I have to return to the city on Sunday night.”

  I detect the guilt in his tone. “It’s okay, Ben. I know you have to work.”

  Tugging on my arm, he pulls me to a stop. “For the first time ever, I have a reason to stay, and I don’t want to return to the city. I will try and wrap things up early one or two nights and either drive or fly here.”

  “That would be great, but I don’t want to add to your stress. I want to make your life easier,” I say, holding my gloved hand to his face.

  “You already do. I’m so happy you are both here.”

  I’m loving how he is opening up to me. This Ben is the one I remember from my childhood, and it’s encouraging to know he hasn’t lost that side of himself. I’m not naïve though. I know he is a different man now. That there is a dark side to him as well. I’m determined to love all sides of him. To understand fully what makes him tick now.

  I’m ready to embrace everything that comes with being with him because living my life without Ben in it is no longer an option. For either Rowan or me. I’m committing to him now with everything that entails.

  The wind picks up, and we hurry back to the house, settling side by side on the couch in front of the roaring fire in our private living room. Ben swirls expensive bourbon in his glass while I sip a glass of fruity red wine. “You wanted to talk, so talk. I’m an open book,” he says, sliding his arm around my shoulders.

  I have so many questions, but starting from the beginning seems the most logical route. “How did you come to leave Chicago? It was after Mateo died, right?”

  Ben bobs his head. “I was leaving the bar where I worked one night when I was accosted by a few men. They forced me at gunpoint into a car, and I was driven to a house in Greenhaven, Rye, on the very outskirts of New York. It’s not too far from here, actually.” He takes a mouthful of his bourbon while I wait for him to continue.

  “They took me to Angelo’s house. That was the first time I met him. He explained he was my father, that he was the don of one of the five New York Italian mafia families, and his eldest son, Mateo, had just been murdered. He told me, point-blank, that I was needed to fulfill my duty as his sole remaining heir.”

  “He strikes me as the type of man who doesn’t hold back.” I turn in his arms, placing my hand on his chest. Heat warms my palm even through his sweater. “That must have been one hell of a shock.”

  “I thought he was joking at first until I googled it. It was only fourteen years ago, but even then, no one gave a rat’s ass what was said online. It was one of the first things I convinced Angelo to let me do after I got over my initial shock and resistance.”

  I’m not surprised to learn Ben is behind the lack of information on the internet, and I suspect his interest in the tech industry stems from his desire to control all that is said about him and his business. “Did you have to initiate or did you get a pass because you were older?”

  He smirks, and I swat his chest. “Don’t make fun of me! You successfully wiped all information from the web, so I’m forced to rely on romance novels for my intel.”

  “I like hearing that,” he says, and I roll my eyes.

  His expression turns more somber. “I had to initiate, the very next night. I did it under duress, but I wasn’t stupid. I knew I had no choice. To deny him meant death. I initiated and spent a few years training and working as a soldier.”

  “Have you killed a lot of men?” I don’t want an actual number, but I won’t shy away from the truth.

  “I suppose that depends on your definition of ‘a lot.’ But, yes, I have killed men. Tortured them. Stole from them. I’ve done a lot of shit I didn’t want to do, but I had no choice then. I knew the only way I could change things was by doing the dirty work, proving I deserved my place, working my butt off to earn it and the respect of the men and the other families, and when I took power six years ago, I began my program of changes.”

  I take a gulp of my wine before setting it down and turning fully around so I’m facing him. “Tell me about it. I want to know. I remember how shocked and impressed I was when I visited the Caltimore Holdings building. It was not at all what I expected.”

  Ben’s face comes alive as he tells me what he’s been doing during the years of our separation. “Tradition is very important to the Italian mafia. To most mafia organizations, actually. But the whole structure needed modernization. RICO laws have made it tough to continue doing business the same way, if you want to stay out of jail. So, I have focused on legitimizing as much of the business as possible, placing huge focus on developing our construction companies, transforming our clubs and casinos into high-end establishments catering to powerful VIPs, networking with the right people in industry, government, and the judicial system, and buying up strategic IT firms.”

  “I read about that and formed my own assumptions, but I’d like to hear it from you. What exactly is your interest in technology?”

  “First, IT is a very good investment in the current climate. But it also gives us a means of elevating core traditional businesses.”

  I wasn’t expecting him to say that, and I’m not quite sure what he means. “I don’t understand.”

  He puts his glass down, facing me. His entire face exudes passion, and I can tell he genuinely loves what he does. “Racketeering and extortion were how a lot of mafia organizations were built, but the days of sending thugs in suits to shake up bar owners, restaurateurs, and local store owners are gone. Now we offer protection against online fraud, and our customers pay a monthly retainer to avail of those services. Of course, our tech companies also provide regular services to clients, and we have a division that focuses on internal business—investigative work and keeping shit off the net.”

  I mull over my other questions. “So, you don’t sell drugs or guns or sex?”

  “Not guns, but we still sell drugs and sex.”

  I grimace, and nausea swirls in my gut. “Please tell me you aren’t involved in sex trafficking.”

  “I’m not. None of the New York families are.”

  I breathe a sigh of relief. “Thank God.” He cocks his head to one side, curiosity clear in his gaze. “I took an interest in it after what happened in Vegas. I volunteer at a local support center—or I guess I did,” I add, realizing I will have to call the manager and let her know I am no longer available.

  “When things settle down, I am sure you can find another center locally or find other ways to help. It’s something I feel stro
ngly about too.”

  I can tell he means that, and it reassures me. “So, if you’re not involved in trafficking, what kind of sex do you sell?” Bile swirls in my mouth as I remember that seedy club I visited with Tony when I was pregnant.

  Ben takes my hands in his. “High-end sexual services through our network of casinos and clubs. It’s not like that place you stumbled on in Queens. I got rid of all those shitholes. All our clubs are upmarket, and we only cater to the rich and powerful. We don’t have dealers or hookers on streets anymore. We supply high-quality drugs to VIP member clientele who frequent our clubs and casinos. We also use those establishments to wash money. We have a team of women who service our clients either by prior private appointment or at one of our sex clubs.”

  He laughs at the look of shock on my face, and my cheeks heat. “Are you really that shocked?”

  “I hadn’t given it much thought. I see you wearing your designer suit, and sometimes it’s hard to remember you’re not a regular businessman.” On some of the occasions Ben visited Rowan, he had come straight from the office. The sight of him in a suit is enough to set my ovaries on fire. Seriously. The man is a bona fide sex god when dressed in a suit. I squeeze my legs together, ignoring the sudden ache pulsing between my thighs.

  “I’m a regular businessman, most of the time. And, to be honest, a lot of ‘regular’ businessmen, with no mafia ties or connections, are more corrupt than me or any of the other dons. You’d be surprised.” A funny look crosses over his face, but before I can probe him on it, he continues talking.

  “My mom was a hooker, and I saw the shit she had to put up with from pimps and johns. I make sure our girls are treated well and with respect. That’s why we have a waiting list a mile long for vacancies. We only hire the best women, and they are carefully vetted, as are the clients. A bodyguard accompanies every one of our girls on private dates, and security is tight at all the clubs. The girls are well paid, attend regular beauty appointments, and have medical checkups every month.”

  A horrid thought enters my mind, and I spew the words out. “Do you fuck those girls?”

  “Never.” He pulls me onto his lap. “I don’t fuck employees. It’s a hard and fast rule that is part of the employment terms and conditions for all staff who works at our clubs. Similarly, staff is not permitted to take drugs, and we run regular drug tests. I run a clean establishment. I have HR departments and teams of people who ensure everything we do is the same as any other professional company.”

  “Wow. You really have made a lot of changes.”

  “It doesn’t stop there. We have a couple of private security firms, and our soldiers make up ninety percent of the employee body. They still undergo initiation. That’s one tradition I will never be able to change. But they attend initial training in one of our high-tech training facilities, and then they move to the security firms to pay their dues.” He chuckles. “I have to laugh when I see some of our guys on camera working charity events and doing security at concerts and gigs and movie premieres.”

  “You have infiltrated every part of society.” A shiver runs up my spine with that acknowledgment.

  “Yes.” He tweaks my nose. “And it’s all legit and above board.” His hand lands on my thigh, and I jump at the unexpected contact. “Do you have any more questions?” he asks, brushing my hair aside and nuzzling my neck. “Or can we retire to bed?” His voice drops a couple of octaves, and the gruff husky tone does funny things to my insides. He drops a slew of drugging kisses up and down my neck, and I’m having trouble breathing.

  “Just one.” I press on his shoulders, urging him to stop. I can’t think clearly when he is touching me, and this is serious. I have already given him my heart, but before I give him my body again—before I hand him control of my pleasure—I need to know I can trust him. That he will be faithful to me.

  He must sense that because he stops kissing my neck and straightens up, eyeballing me. “Shoot.”

  “I want to be with you. I want to have a real relationship, but that will only happen if you are faithful to me. Other women are a deal-breaker, Ben.”

  He cups my face in his palms, peering deep into my eyes. “You are the only woman for me, Sierra. Since Vegas, it has only been you.” His gaze probes mine. “This might surprise you, but I have not been in a relationship since I left Chicago.”

  That does surprise me. “But what about those women in pictures with you on the web? What about Chantel?” I want to get it all off my chest so that we can move forward with a clean slate.

  “None of those women were my girlfriends. It was only ever sex.”

  “And they knew you were only using them for sex?”

  “Yes. I was always up front though it didn’t stop some of them from thinking they could sink their claws in me. They used me too, Firefly. Being on my arm at key society events helped to elevate their status in those circles.”

  I have been raised in a similar world, and I understand that’s how things happen, but it still sickens my stomach. I’m not sure what my expression betrays, but it encourages Ben to go further.

  “None of them meant anything to me.” He brushes his thumb along my lower lip. “None of them stood a chance at ever claiming my heart because I had already given it to you that night in Vegas.”

  “You did?” Disbelief radiates in my tone.

  “I did.” He nods, leaning in to press a brief kiss on my lips. “I didn’t know I’d lost it that night, but it became obvious over time when I couldn’t get you out of my head. Reconnecting with you confirmed everything I had been denying.” My heart is jumping in my chest at the intense way he’s looking at me. “I love you, Sierra. You are the only woman for me. Now and forever.”

  I can barely speak over the emotional lump in my throat. “I love you too,” I whisper, fighting tears. “I always have.”

  He kisses me again, much harder this time, and I fall into him, wrapping my arms securely around his neck as I squirm on his lap.

  “And to answer your initial question, yes,” he says, trailing his lips down my neck. “I will be faithful to you. Always.” Lifting his head, he peers deep into my eyes. “You can trust me. I will never cheat on you. I could never do that to you, and I have no interest in any other woman, now or ever. You are the only woman I desire in my bed and in my life.”

  His words sink bone-deep, heart-deep, reassuring me and helping to remove the last vestiges of doubt. “Thank you. I needed to hear that.”

  “Any other questions?” he asks, flashing me his signature smirk. “Or can we dispense with talking and move this to the bedroom?” He tugs on my earlobe with his teeth, making me shiver all over.

  “I think that’s enough questions for now,” I pant.

  “Thank fuck.” He jerks his hips forward, pressing his growing erection against the side of my thigh. “I have spent what seems like an eternity dying to have you back in my bed.” His hands wind through my hair, and he tilts my head back, staring at me with a dark intensity that both exhilarates and terrifies me.

  “To sleep or…?” I leave my question open-ended on purpose, even if we both know what will happen when we get to the master suite.

  His hand casually roams the left side of my body. “That is totally up to you,” he purrs, as his fingers brush against the edge of my breast.

  “Oh God,” I moan as heat floods my core.

  “I want to drive my cock inside your tight pussy,” he growls in my ear as his hand reaches my thigh. “I want to fuck this insatiable need for you out of my system, only to begin all over again, because there is no quenching my thirst when it comes to you.”

  His hand slides between my thighs, and he rubs my pussy through my jeans. “But I can wait if you need more time. We can do other things.”

  The friction heightens every nerve ending in that part of my body, and I rock against him, needing his touch more than I need air to breathe. “Take me,” I whisper, locking eyes with him. “Take me and do with me whatever you p
lease. I am yours to command.” I wouldn’t dream of uttering those words to any other man. I have never given anyone else permission to dominate me in the bedroom. But the most intense sexual pleasure I’ve ever had was my night in Vegas with Ben when I willingly handed sole control to him. I have dreamed of a repeat performance plenty of times. Fingered myself to sleep many nights in bed dreaming of his touch and his cock, and both are being offered to me on a platter now.

  Only a fool would say no.

  “Fuck, yes.” He even makes that sound sexy.

  I shriek when he stands abruptly, throwing me over his shoulder and slapping my ass hard. “Buckle up, Firefly, because I’m about to give you the ride of your life.”

  39

  SIERRA

  “Stand there,” Ben says, positioning me over by the small seating area in his bedroom. Nerves prickle my skin, but they’re the good kind. After locking the door, he hooks his cell up to his sound system. “Naughty Girl” by Beyoncé fills the room, but he’s set the volume low so it’s not too loud. He flops down into one of the velvet tub chairs in front of me, spreading his thighs and smirking. “Strip for me, Firefly. Nice and slow. I want to take my time drinking in every inch of your gorgeous body before I devour you with my fingers, my tongue, and my cock.”

  “Holy shit.” I squeeze my legs together as a gush of liquid warmth floods my panties.

  His brows climb to his hairline in question as I stand rooted to the spot. “Is there a problem?” he asks, and I shake my head, snapping out of it and raising trembling fingers to the hem of my sweater. I pull it over my head, dropping it to the ground. Heat flares from his eyes as he stares hungrily at me, his gaze dipping to my breasts. My nipples pebble behind my white and pink lacy bra, and adrenaline courses through my veins, flicking a switch inside me. His ravenous stare is the confidence boost I need to do this. Moving my body to the sultry beats of the song, I sashay my hips, mouthing the lyrics as I lean forward at the waist, offering him a glimpse of my cleavage under my flimsy camisole.