by Ann, Natalie
“Then that is your answer.”
She started to cry even harder and he was at a loss as to the reason. “Let it out. It’s okay. I know this is a strange blow for you. I can take off early and we can go back to my place and just have a quiet night in.”
“I can’t stop crying right now.”
“I know, baby,” he said. “I wish I could get you to stop. Tell me what to do.”
Who would have thought another woman’s tears would hurt his heart so much and make him feel completely helpless?
“Tell me you won’t leave me too.” Wow. He’d never expected those words from her and wondered if she was finally letting him in.
“Never, Ruby. Never. I love you too much to let you go.”
She looked up, the tears running down her cheeks. “You do? No one has ever loved me before. I’m scared.”
* * *
Ruby couldn’t believe she’d voiced what she had to Josh. That she asked him never to leave her.
Hadn’t she told herself for weeks—months, years—never to depend on anyone else? So what does she do? She asks him to not leave her. She put it out there that she needed him.
And she did. She needed his arms around her. His soothing voice calming her. His words telling her it was going to be all right.
Did she think he’d say he loved her? Yeah, she kind of thought he would. Especially when she left the door wide open for him to enter into her heart like a thief in the night to an open vault.
“Don’t be scared,” he said back to her. “Or better yet, let’s be scared together.”
That only made her cry even harder. Why did he always know the right things to say to her?
“I think I love you too,” she said.
“You think?” he asked.
“I’m pretty sure, but it’s so new and so different. And foreign to me. My life and yours, they aren’t the same.”
“Your past and mine have more in common than you think. But this isn’t about our pasts but the present and even the future. People who love each other are there for each other.”
She’d never had anyone be there for her before. Not like Josh. And she’d never been there for anyone either before. Not like she had for him.
It wasn’t just finding his house. That was her job. But it was helping him with it. Working on it. Decorating it. Spending holidays with his family.
All the things she’d never done. Never with anyone she’d been dating before.
Never even a friend.
She spent all holidays alone if she could. She rarely helped people with stuff and maybe it was because no one ever asked her.
Did she shield herself from people that much and never realized it?
Did she hide behind this mask of confidence and strength that maybe she didn’t have but fabricated to save her own heart?
She probably did. And it took Josh for her to see it.
“Yeah. I guess they are,” she said, pulling his head down and giving him a kiss.
26
Ignorance Is Bliss
A week later Ruby had finally worked up the courage to call Matt back and set up a time to meet with her father. She almost snorted when he said she couldn’t go to his parents’ house.
Actually that should have made her change her mind completely.
In the end Josh suggested that her father come to his house. He’d said there was no way he was going to let her do this alone.
Even though it felt odd doing it at his house, she knew it was the right thing. She’d need Josh’s support mentally if not physically.
Talking to Matt at her office was one thing. Going to someone’s house or letting them into hers was completely different. She wasn’t stupid.
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” she asked Josh a few minutes before Matt and her father were supposed to arrive.
“I wouldn’t let you do it alone and you know that.”
“I do. Do you know, I didn’t even ask his name. I wouldn’t have known what it was if you didn’t look into them.”
Josh had confessed last week that he’d looked into Matt and his family. From what he’d said, her father—Carl Clarke—had been married for thirty-four years to his wife Donna. They had three kids, Matt, Molly, and Erica. They lived in the same house the entire time in Albany and Carl had been clean by the looks of it, like Matt had said.
That didn’t make Ruby feel any better.
“What do you think that means?” he asked her.
“That I just want answers. I don’t want to know much about them or their lives. I think I would feel this way if he sought me out to introduce himself under any circumstance. Knowing that he knew about me all along and did nothing. That makes it worse. Makes it wrong in my eyes. I even get when he was using, it wasn’t the time, but afterward? Yeah, he could have sought me out at some point and never did.”
“Then get your answers. You don’t owe him anything. You don’t owe him any peace or a kidney. He made his bed and he can go to sleep in it.”
“You’re damn right. Thanks for understanding. Guess that is why I love you so much.”
A few minutes later the doorbell rang, Josh walking forward to answer it. She’d never seen him look so intimating before, but he answered the door with his badge and gun on. She wanted to giggle when Matt’s eyes went to it but instead kept a straight face.
“Hi,” Matt said. “I’m Matt Clarke and this is my father, Carl. You’re Ruby’s boyfriend.”
“Yes,” Josh said. “Come on in.”
Her asshole father couldn’t even introduce himself, had to have his son do it. She stepped forward. She wasn’t even holding her hand out. This wasn’t a friendly visit. They weren’t coming here thinking she was going to hand over a kidney either. She’d told Matt point blank she wanted answers and answers only.
“You look like your sister Erica,” her father said.
She snorted. “How did it make you feel knowing you had two daughters under your roof and a third on the street?”
Her father had the grace to flush. “I didn’t know your mother died.”
“I’ll buy that. I’ll even buy that for years you couldn’t take care of yourself let alone your family or another child you didn’t want. But what about after you got clean? It never occurred to you to seek me out?”
“I thought you were being taken care of,” he said.
“Taken care of? By who?” she yelled. “You know what she was. You were just like her. But your kids had another parent to take care of them. Not me. And you knew that.”
“Can we sit down?” Matt said. “My father is a little weak.”
“Let’s go in here,” Josh said, leading them to the formal living room.
“I did know,” Carl said. And he was Carl to her, not her father. “I was wrong. I should have come forward, but I didn’t want to lose what I had. I’ve got no excuse other than that.”
“That’s not good enough,” she said. “Where were you when my mother was locking me in the back room so she could get high and sleep with random men? What were you doing when I broke my arm at ten because one of the foster fathers was in a mood and started to shove one of the boys and he fell into me and I hit the wall? Where were you when I was moving from home to home and hoping in this one I wouldn’t go hungry or I wouldn’t get yelled at for no reason? Slapped maybe? Do you want me to go on?”
“No,” Matt said. “That’s enough. I’ve heard enough. This was a mistake to come here.”
“Maybe it was. Maybe now your father can see what he left behind and think about that.”
“I know you don’t think much of me,” Matt said. “That what I’m asking for is crazy. Maybe it is. I don’t know the man my father was back then. I don’t remember him because you’re right, my mother was there and she protected us. And I’m kind of ill that no one did that for you.”
“Matt,” Carl said. “You don’t know what it’s like.”
“No. I don’t. I guess I do now. Molly and Erica and Mom didn’t wa
nt to get in the middle of this and I can understand that now. Ignorance is bliss. I hope you got your answers, Ruby. But if it were me, it wouldn’t change how I felt about him if I were in your shoes.”
Matt and Carl got up and left and she just stood there staring at the door. She hadn’t expected Matt to come to her defense. Carl hadn’t said much at all. He was pretty much detached through the whole exchange.
“Do you have your closure?” Josh asked her. She felt bad that she sort of forgot he was there. Not that she could. He didn’t say a word, but he was her support system all along.
Her rock.
“I don’t know. I do feel better though. I mean, at least he knows the truth.”
“I have a feeling so much more happened to you than what you said,” he said and pulled her into his arms to kiss her forehead.
“Like you said, it’s in the past. It doesn’t matter anymore. Was it worth ruining Matt’s opinion of his father so I could feel better about myself? Now I have to ask myself that.”
He ran his hand up and down her arm and pulled her over to the sofa and onto his lap. “I think you had every right to do what you did tonight. This isn’t about Matt or his sisters. This was about you and Carl. He came here most likely knowing what was going to happen. Maybe he wanted to hear it.”
“I don’t know why he came here,” she said.
“Maybe he thought it’d give you some kind of healing?”
“You’re trying to make it better and I’m not sure you can. He knows my thoughts on things. I don’t have any idea of his.”
“Do you want to know them?” he asked.
“You know what? I really don’t.”
“Then you got what you wanted and that’s all that matters.”
27
She Was His
Josh planned on giving Ruby the best birthday ever, knowing that she probably never got much of one before.
She’d confessed one night that since she’d been on her own she spent most holidays alone. He had to say that he’d never really felt alone a day in his life.
Even when his parents were killed and he was in the closet hiding, he didn’t feel alone.
He was scared. Terrified. But it was almost as if he knew his parents were still watching out for him.
Hadn’t his father and he watched the show that he’d seen where he should pretend he wasn’t in the house? His father even made a comment, he remembered, and said, “Smart kid to do that.”
Those words stuck with Josh and in that moment it was almost as if his father was telling him what he needed to do.
And as a teen, he still dreamed of his parents. His mother’s loving hands stroking his hair as she often did when she tucked him in at night.
His father’s booming laugh when his mother would pick on him.
The times his grandparents continued to keep those memories alive by talking about his parents nonstop.
Yeah, he’d never been alone a day in his life.
And he was damn well going to make sure Ruby never was either.
So he thought long and hard what he could do for her birthday, what she might enjoy. He wanted to make sure she got to celebrate Valentine’s Day too. Why be screwed out of one holiday since they fell on the same day?
He’d taken the day off of work but hadn’t told Ruby of his plans. Going out to dinner wasn’t appealing to him in the middle of the week knowing that every place would be crowded.
And though he never thought of himself as much of a romantic, he broke his goals down into two things. Her birthday gift, her Valentine’s Day dinner.
If the guys at the barracks could see him now they’d bust a gut laughing, but the truth was, he didn’t care in the least.
All he cared about was that Ruby was pleased. That she was happy. That she was his.
* * *
Ruby pulled into Josh’s garage and parked next to his SUV. With the snow finally stopping and the roads cleared, it was still pretty sloppy and cold out. Once she was in the house, that was where she was staying.
If she was getting used to coming home to him and wanting more of it, she tried to keep it hidden deep like the skeletons in the closet that she rarely let out. But since they’d professed their love for each other it was getting harder and harder to keep a distance.
To keep from fully letting her guard down.
Work was still slow, but she kept busy. The good thing was it allowed her to have early nights like this.
She actually had gotten someone who called and asked for a showing tonight, but she did the one thing she’d never done before. She lied and said that she was booked.
Never before had she cared if she worked on her birthday. Most people didn’t even know it was her birthday and it’s not like she shared that information.
But Josh knew and he’d been coy and secretive all week even though he thought he wasn’t being that way.
She opened the door to the mudroom and the first thing she was hit with were some blue and green strings hanging in front of her face. Looking up, she saw two big balloons that said Happy Birthday on them. One had a little note attached telling her to go to the dining room.
This was interesting, as they’d never eaten in the dining room before. This was getting good.
All she knew was the house smelled delicious. Like Italian. Her favorite.
“Well, hello,” she said, walking up to Josh as he was lighting long white candles. “What is this?”
“This is your Valentine’s Day dinner. I’m separating the night for you.”
She was slightly confused by that. “Separating?”
“Yep. You got birthday balloons when you came in. I’m going to give you a kiss right now and walk you into the kitchen and give you your birthday gift. Then once that is out of the way, we are going to celebrate Valentine’s Day.”
She laughed. “That is absurd. Why can’t it be both?”
“Because that isn’t fair and I don’t want you to think you got less because they fell on the same day. It’s like a kid whose birthday is at Christmas; they will always wonder if maybe they got fewer Christmas gifts because one is marked for their birthday.”
She shook her head. “I’ve never had to worry about that. Or worry I was getting less. Half the time I was just happy to get anything as a kid. Now, I don’t care at all.”
“I want you to care,” he said. He grabbed her hand and pulled her along. “To the kitchen.”
“Why have me walk in here if you were going to make me backtrack?”
“All part of my plan,” he said.
Once they were in the kitchen she noticed a white bakery box on the counter. He walked over and pushed it in front of her. She lifted the lid and saw two cupcakes with little birthday signs on them. “This is cute. Much better than a whole cake. Do we eat them before dinner?”
“We do,” he said. “Dinner is cooking and will be another thirty minutes easily in the oven and then it has to rest.”
She walked over and opened it up to see a big pan of lasagna. “That’s your grandmother’s dish. You cheated.”
“I’m not ashamed to admit that either. We’ll both be happier eating her food than mine. But I did put together a salad and got some bread. Does that count?”
“It sure does.” She pulled out the cupcake and opened it up, taking a huge bite. “Yummy. Chocolate. Go on, eat yours.”
She was smiling at him over the frosting on her dessert. “Happy Birthday. You look happy.”
“This is awesome,” she said. “Everyone always wants dessert before dinner as a kid. I can now say I did that.”
“As an adult you can do whatever you want, when you want,” he told her.
“I can and do.” She picked up a napkin and wiped her mouth when she was done.
“Now it’s time for your gift,” he said and opened a drawer, then pulled out a long slim box to set in front of her. Oh man jewelry. No one had ever given her jewelry before.
She picked up the silver-wrapped
gift, ripped the paper off, then lifted the lid on the box to see a beautiful gold bracelet laid out with small rubies on it. “Wow,” she said. “This is over the top and kind of too much.”
“It’s never too much,” he said. “It’s perfect for you. I’d say it suits you, name and all.”
“Will you be shocked to know I’ve never owned a ruby before?”
He shook his head. “No, but now you can say you do. So that’s two things you did for the first time tonight.”
“It is. It’s already shaping up and we haven’t even gotten to the Valentine Day part of the night.”
“Now is our time,” he said, taking her hand and pulling her into the formal living room. This time she saw five heart-shaped balloons floating on the ceiling.
“You really covered your bases. You know, you’re setting yourself up to beat this every year,” she said with a big grin.
“I’m up for it.”
“I’m just kidding,” she said, poking him in the stomach. She’d never want someone to do this much each year, but she was damn well going to treasure it this year.
“I’m not.” He walked over behind the couch and pulled out a dozen red roses in a vase and brought them to the dining room and set them down.
“Okay. We’ve got balloons, flowers, and candles. You’ve thought of it all.”
“You haven’t seen it all yet,” he said.
“What more could there be?”
“Chocolate-covered strawberries for dessert. And your gift.”
“My gift?” she said. “This is all a gift. The dinner, the flowers, the balloons. Not to mention the bracelet.” Her head was spinning. Every Valentine’s Day cliché gift was here for her.
“That was your birthday gift. Separate them,” he said.
Good Lord, he was grinning like a kid on Christmas just waiting to see what Santa brought him, yet he was giving everything to her.
“Okay, they are separated in my mind.”
“Good. Hang on.” She stood in the dining room while he ran up the stairs and then came back down with a box in his hand. “Here you go. Your last gift. Well, not the last one. I’ve also gotten you a little something to put on for me later. I mean I had to get something out of this too.”