Cupid’s Quest

by Ann, Natalie

  This time she started to laugh. “Of course you did. But, sweetie, you were going to get something tonight without all this stuff.”

  He winked at her and watched as she lifted the top off the box and then burst into tears. “Oh my God.”

  “Shit. I didn’t think it’d make you cry.”

  “Happy tears.” She lifted out the big stuffed chubby baby wearing a heart-covered diaper with a sash on it that said ‘Cupid’ with a bow and arrow in its hands. The same kind of gift she always dreamed of getting and never told anyone other than Sheri.

  “It’s really okay? I’ve got a theme going here. I just thought.”

  “You thought right,” she said and wrapped her arms around him to give him a kiss.

  When they were done with dinner and diving into their chocolate-covered strawberries Ruby realized that she’d never had a night like this, ever. She wasn’t sure anything could compete either.

  Josh’s phone rang and he picked up. “It’s my grandmother. She is probably calling to wish me Happy Valentine’s Day. She always does.”

  She watched while he answered, then saw his face pale as he stood up fast and said, “I’m on my way.”

  “What’s going on?” she asked, standing up with him.

  “The ambulance just took my grandfather to the hospital. They think he had a heart attack.”

  28

  Get In The Way

  “I’m sorry,” Josh said, turning his head to look at Ruby in the SUV. “This isn’t how I wanted your night to be.”

  She snorted. “It’s not how anyone wants their night to be, but we can’t always get what we want. We both know that.”

  He did. He didn’t want to lose his parents when he was younger. He didn’t want to only be able to keep them alive with memories.

  And the last thing he wanted to do was think about losing his grandfather. The man who’d stepped up to be his father.

  The man who’d made him who he was to this day.

  Maybe he shouldn’t have taken this transfer. Maybe he should have stayed where he was so he could help them out more.

  He’d made sure the neighbors were dealing with the snow and was hoping he could get them to take care of the lawn. If not, then he was hiring a service this summer for them.

  They were too old to be tinkering with stuff like that.

  “No. I need to go down more than once a month and make sure things are getting done around the house.”

  “Josh, every time you are there you fix things for them. You walk around the house checking on anything that needs to be done when they don’t give you a list.”

  He’d done that for years. They took care of him and he was going to take care of them.

  “I should move them in with me. The house is big enough. Maybe I can put an addition on the back, another bedroom and bath so it’s first floor access. What do you think? Can I do that in the development?”

  “You can do anything if you have enough money and get the permits,” she said. “But let’s just get there and see what is going on. You don’t have all the facts.”

  “I know he is in the hospital with chest pains.”

  “But your grandmother said they think it’s a heart attack. They don’t know. Maybe it’s gas.”

  He laughed and turned to her. “It could be. I hope it is. I still should consider moving them closer to me.”

  “Something to talk to them about for sure.”

  “Are you okay with that?” he asked her.

  “Why are you asking me?”

  He was shocked she would question that. “Because we are in a relationship. They could get in the way. You might not want them around.”

  “First off. They are your grandparents. They raised you. I have no say in where they live or where you might want them to live. That is something between you guys to work out. I don’t live with you.”

  “What if you did?” he asked her. “What if you lived with me, would you be okay with them moving in?”

  “Are you asking me to move in with you?” she asked slowly.

  “Would you say yes if I did?”

  “Now isn’t the time to talk about this. Let’s just focus on your grandfather for now.”

  She was right, but it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. He wanted her to say yes, she’d move in with him.

  He supposed he should be happy that she at least admitted she loved him when he knew she was holding back so much. He was just being greedy and wanting it all lately and now he worried he was going to lose something.

  They got to the hospital in record time. The minute they walked into the emergency room he saw his grandmother sitting there wringing her hands and didn’t hesitate to go right to her. “Why are you out here? Why aren’t you with Grandpa?”

  “They are still running tests. Until they determine what is going on, there isn’t much for me to do. I was actually in a room with him but came out here knowing you’d be here soon. We can go back together and wait.”

  Ruby and he followed his grandmother through the doors once they signed in and were given visitor passes, then sat in the chairs and waited.

  Waiting was always the worst.

  An hour later the doctor came back to talk to them and say that his grandfather had a mild heart attack and Josh felt his own heart pitch to the floor and start to roll around. “Is he going to be okay? What caused it?”

  “He is. He should be. We are running more tests, but your quick thinking with the aspirin and calling nine-one-one made a difference,” the doctor said to his grandmother. “It looks like that blood clot broke loose and was traveling up to his heart. You did all the right things and fast, saving his life.”

  “How long will he be here?” his grandmother asked, trying to avoid Josh’s gaze. Blood clot? They’d never told him.

  “I’m going to admit him, then probably another day or so until we know everything,” the doctor said. “He should be out soon and you can talk to him, but try to stay calm. We don’t want him getting all worked up.”

  Once the doctor left, the three of them sat down, his grandmother starting to wipe her eyes. He jumped up fast and pulled her into his arms. “It’s okay. I’ll stay here and take care of everything. We’ll figure it out. Ruby and I were just—”

  “Not now,” Ruby told him, giving him the stink eye to shut the hell up. He was ready to start planning his grandparents’ lives but realized maybe now wasn’t the time.

  “You don’t need to stay,” his grandmother said. “You need to work. You need to bring Ruby back. She has work too.”

  “I can rearrange things,” Ruby said. “I’m not going anywhere. If Josh is here, then so am I.”

  He pulled Ruby into his arms after releasing his grandmother. “And that’s why I love you.”

  “When it’s meant to be, you just know,” his grandmother said. “Sorry to ruin your first Valentine’s Day as a couple. Your grandfather and I always have a special night. Guess that is out this year.”

  He didn’t want to know what their special night was, but Ruby didn’t hesitate to ask. “Do you cook him a nice meal? Josh made me your lasagna tonight.”

  “Oh, every Valentine’s Day since our first year of marriage I’ve cooked Bob’s dinner, whatever he wants, then we take it upstairs and finish the evening off the proper way.”

  “Watching TV, right, Grandma?” Josh asked, the idea of his grandparents in bed together making him slightly ill now. At least this was taking his mind off of the fact his grandparents didn’t tell him about his grandfather’s blood clot. Once they were back home he was going to find out why.

  Ruby and his grandmother both laughed. “Yeah, that’s what we do, Josh. Watch TV.”

  * * *

  The next day Ruby and Josh went back to the hospital to check on his grandfather. They’d gotten home late and Josh wasn’t about to let his grandmother sleep in a chair, so he convinced her to come home, saying his grandfather needed to rest anyway.

  Ruby thought that wa
s sweet of him and realized everything about Josh was sweet.

  She’d never realized someone like him could exist before and the more she thought of it the more it was scaring her silly.

  “Josh you really don’t need to stay here,” his grandmother said. “You’ve got work to do and so does Ruby.”

  “It’s fine,” Ruby said. She’d canceled everything this morning for now. Thankfully she didn’t have too much planned for tomorrow, but they were trying to schedule a closing and she might have to get home to get everything ready. She didn’t even have her computer here.

  “It’s not, sweetie,” Theresa said. “And Bob is going to be just fine. You see him. He’s demanding my food, aren’t you, Bob?”

  She looked over at Bob and saw him roll his eyes at Josh. “The doctor was here this morning and said that I could be released today once he gets the last of my tests back. He thought it’d only be another hour or so.”

  “Then we are staying,” Ruby said. Even though another hour hospital time was probably more like five.

  “I’d like to,” Josh said. “I can help get Grandpa home and set up comfortably.”

  Last night he’d had words with his grandmother about them not revealing Bob’s blot clot. Theresa insisted it wasn’t a big deal and Bob was taking his medication and they didn’t want to worry Josh.

  Josh wasn’t so happy about hearing those words coming back with, “It was a bigger deal since we are here now for that reason.”

  The two of them talked it out. Josh not happy, she saw, but he was wise enough to not make too many waves.

  “You are wearing the same clothes,” Theresa said. “You can’t stay another day.”

  “If Grandpa is getting released today then we’ll stay,” Josh said, “and then leave after. If he isn’t getting released, I’ll bring Ruby home and come back tomorrow. I’m not leaving until I know everything that is going on and I talk to the doctor myself.”

  She wasn’t going to argue and was happy he’d made that suggestion. As much as she wanted to be here for him and his grandparents she was feeling out of place too.

  29

  Panic Attacks

  A week later Ruby was in her office getting ready to go to the lawyer’s for a closing.

  Bob had indeed been discharged a few hours after, having only spent the one night, she and Josh went back and made sure he was comfortable, did anything that needed to be done and left.

  Josh had gone back for the weekend, but she stayed home. There was so much she had to do and she felt she’d be in the way. Josh and his grandparents had things they needed to work out and it was best she wasn’t around.

  Not only that, she was starting to have mild panic attacks over her and Josh’s relationship.

  What she always thought she’d want or would be nice to have she was realizing might not actually be for her.

  She liked coming and going when she wanted and not worrying about having a boyfriend that might want to make plans and she couldn’t give him enough time.

  Or thinking that he’d gone overboard on his special birthday and Valentine Day dinner and how she was going to live up to that.

  Did he want things like that from her? She wasn’t sure she even had it in her.

  Not just the time but the imagination.

  She put so much of her effort into her job and her life and she wasn’t sure what she had left for someone else.

  Her goal had always been to find other people their forever home, thinking she could never have it herself. Now that she was being shown it was possible, she was scared to grab hold.

  Maybe it was Josh asking her to move in. That had to be it. Way too much commitment right now.

  They’d only been dating a few months and would she lose her freedom if she lived there? Freedom was something she’d worked hard to have.

  To be dependent on no one. To be answerable to just herself.

  Trying to make dinner plans each night or weekend plans...yeah, it was making her head spin just thinking of it.

  When her phone went off and she saw it was a text from Josh asking about dinner tonight, she just ignored it. She’d been doing that a lot the past few days.

  Giving them some space. Trying to figure out what the future could hold for them.

  For her, she just wasn’t sure when he seemed so sure of everything in his life.

  All she knew at this moment was that she was going to help some young couple sign their life away for their starter home. Not everyone got the forever home right away, but starting was a good step.

  And when her new homeowners walked out of the lawyer’s office giggling and holding hands, she congratulated herself on a job well done.

  She was just getting in her car when her phone went off again. She expected it might be from Josh since she hadn’t replied back to him, but it wasn’t. It was just another client.

  Did she want Josh to bug her? That made no sense when she was telling herself they needed space.

  She was so confused she didn’t know what she wanted anymore.

  * * *

  Josh knocked on Ruby’s door at seven that night. He hadn’t seen her since they returned from his grandparents’ house.

  He had no idea what was going on with her, but it was something.

  She was distant when she never had been before.

  Sure, she was always busy, he knew that and he gave her space for it. But she always at least talked to him or replied back at some point. Or wanted to get together every few days.

  It’d been a full week since they returned and he hadn’t seen her. It was time to confront what was going on so he didn’t even bother to tell her he was coming. Once she said she was home relaxing, that was enough for him to make the drive over.

  “Josh,” she said, opening the door. She was wearing leggings, a big sweatshirt, and had a glass of wine in her hand. He rarely saw her drinking at night. “What are you doing here?”

  “I thought we should talk.”

  She hesitated and then opened the door. “About what?”

  He snorted. “The fact you are brushing me off. Or trying to do it right now. You’re drinking wine during the week when you don’t normally and you look...off.”

  “It’s just been a long day,” she said, but she wouldn’t make eye contact with him.

  “We all have them. Anything you want to talk about?”

  “No. Nothing new. How is Bob?”

  “Driving my grandmother nuts. I didn’t expect any differently. He scared me. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him. Just like I’m wondering if I’m going to lose you.”

  She looked away from him and he felt sick to his stomach. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because you didn’t just tell me I was nuts for bringing it up. What’s going on? Am I moving too fast?”

  He figured that asking her to move in might have been a mistake. Then he talked about wanting his grandparents in with him and it was probably too much.

  But he wouldn’t leave his grandparents hanging or taking care of themselves. Of course he mentioned to them about moving in with him and they both laughed him out of the room.

  He was starting to think no one wanted him at the moment and it was completely foreign to him.

  “It’s not fast. I mean I don’t know. You’re busy with your grandparents. And my job is non-traditional hours. Your new house and all the work you need to do. Maybe we just need to take a few steps back.”

  “I’ve never been demanding of your time. I understand your job just as much as you understand mine. I get called in or work late all the time.”

  “I know,” she said. “That isn’t what I meant.”

  “Then what do you mean?” he asked. “How can you tell me you love me and then want space? I’m just trying to understand it all.”

  “I care for you,” she said.

  “Stop right there. I don’t need the pity speech. Just be honest with me.”

  He’d be damned if he was going to stand there an
d listen to the whole “it’s not you it’s me,” bullshit.

  “Then, yes. We are moving too fast,” she said. “I’m not used to this. To any of it. I need to take a few steps back and breathe. I like to come and go when I want. I like to have my freedom.”

  She’d lifted her chin when she said that. Like she needed to show some bravado.

  He turned and walked to the door. He wasn’t going to beg anyone. “I don’t recall asking to take any of your freedom from you. You know where I am if you decide you can get over your issues.”

  “What does that mean?” she asked.

  “Ruby. I’m not stupid. You can’t commit. I’ve known it all along. This is about you, not me, but I don’t need to hear it come from your mouth either.”

  He walked out the door and into the winter night. When he entered the mudroom of his home, he realized how empty it felt inside.

  He’d bought this place for him. It called to him the minute he walked in.

  It wasn’t just a place anymore. It was his home. A home he’d hoped to have with Ruby but now realized that might never happen.

  30

  Unicorns And Rainbows

  Ruby slowly shuffled her feet into the living room the next morning, caught sight of the red stain on her wall where she’d thrown her wine glass and burst into tears after Josh had left. She didn’t know how it was possible to have any tears left to shed at this point.

  She’d never been wishy washy a day in her life and it seemed like that was all she was now.

  She’d been putting space between her and Josh and he called her out on it. Called her out for the reason too and, as annoyed as she was over that, she wasn’t surprised he’d figured it out.