by Lina Langley
Sean’s body instantly relaxed, despite himself. He was still hurt. He was still upset. But he hadn’t realized just how much he needed that apology. It felt like his body had just released a huge weight, sent it off into the universe, and maybe, for a second, there was a glimmer of hope for him.
He edged his body slightly closer to Knight’s, before he even realized what he was doing.
“The last thing I wanted to do is hurt you. I didn’t want anything to hurt you, and when it did, I couldn’t shake this guilt I felt when I was around you,” Rocky said.
“But I never asked you to be my bodyguard. When it happened, you were being my boyfriend,” Sean said. “I never had a problem separating the two things. Did you?”
Rocky furrowed his brow. “Yeah. I did.”
Sean wanted to say something, but he waited. He knew that he had to let Rocky speak, before he could really say or do anything else.
“I didn’t--we never really had a conversation about what we were to each other. We never talked about what it meant, especially not after you had been kidnapped. We just sort of fell into it, and I felt like I was failing you.”
“Because of Logan?”
“No,” Rocky said. “Because of me. Because I was the one to put you at risk.”
“You never put me at risk, Rocky,” Sean said, sighing. “I’m not a child. If I was ever at risk, it was because of my own doing. You know that I’ve always been a reckless person, so really, it’s sort of a miracle nothing happened before that.”
Rocky laughed bitterly. “Because you always had someone looking after you.”
“That’s the thing, Rocky. I don’t need you to look after me. I just need you to be there for me,” he said, then blinked, fat warm tears sliding down his cheeks. He hated that he was crying, but he couldn’t stop himself. “After I came home, all I needed was for you to be there. You took that away from me.”
“Sean—”
“And I wasn’t using you as a crutch to feel safe,” Sean said as he tried to stop himself from sobbing. “That’s something I’ve talked to my therapist about, you know, just in case? Because I wanted to make sure I wasn’t using you.”
“I didn’t think—”
“But I wasn’t,” Sean said. “I wasn’t. I just wanted to be home, and you took that away from me, because you felt guilty, and I…”
He couldn’t speak after that. He had buried his head in his hands, and he was sobbing. If this was how he had intended to prove that he wasn’t a child, he was certain it had backfired.
He wanted to scream at Knight to get the fuck out of his room and leave him alone—and he was aware that made him seem even more like a kid, which he hated.
It took him a second to process that it was Rocky’s arm around him and he was holding him close. His head was level with Rocky’s chest and Sean could hear how fast his heart was beating.
Even with that, Rocky’s breathing was controlled, and being so close to him made Sean begin to breathe like he was. Slowly and steadily, he stopped sobbing. Tears still fell down his cheeks, but at least it wasn’t uncontrollable anymore.
Rocky kissed the top of his head. “My beautiful boy,” he mumbled into Sean’s hair. “My beautiful, sweet boy, I’m so sorry.”
Sean couldn’t be sure, but he thought Rocky was crying too.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Rocky wasn’t sure when it happened. He wasn’t sure when Sean turned his head over and kissed him on the mouth, and he wasn’t sure when he began to kiss him back. They were both messes, their faces puffy, their cheeks tear-stained, but neither one of them seemed to care about that very much right then.
Rocky grabbed Sean’s face with his hands and moved him away from himself. Sean’s eyes were bloodshot and he was panting, but he looked even more beautiful than Rocky remembered, and fuck, he had always been so beautiful. “Wait,” he said. “Wait.”
Sean looked up at him, his eyes glimmering. “I’ve waited long enough,” he said.
He threaded his fingers through Rocky’s hair and pulled his head back. There was some aggression in there—Rocky was absolutely certain of it—but he still did so slowly, almost gently.
Rocky groaned as Sean closed the space left between them and began to bite down on his skin. He was being possessive of him, and every time Rocky would move away, he would grunt and bring him close to his face again.
He was driving Rocky crazy. He was already rock hard and his erection was pushing against the fabric of his jeans. He didn’t think he had ever felt that uncomfortable in his life, or quite as turned on, and when Sean released him, he felt like he might explode.
Sean moved away from him. Rocky wanted to reach out and touch him, but he was under Sean’s spell, and he was far too busy watching him as he moved over to where Rocky was and put both legs around him so that he could get on top of Rocky.
His face was level with Rocky’s and Rocky could see the way his eyes were glimmering as he bit down on Rocky’s lower lip again. He moved away from him for a second. “I haven’t been with anyone since being with you,” he said with a sigh.
Rocky hadn’t needed to know that. They hadn’t been together and Sean had every right to be with other people after Knight had dumped him. But he hadn’t been with anyone else, either, because it had felt like too much, because he didn’t think his heart was going to be able to take it.
He’d tried it, too, with a couple of people he’d met at bars, and one he’d met at the gym, but there was nothing there. There was only the absence of Sean, who was now in his arms, kissing him, aching for him.
He wrapped his leg around Sean’s ass to bring him closer. They were grinding into each other, as if they were a couple of teenagers, as if this was simply the thing to do.
Sean pushed him onto the bed so that Knight was on his back. They were both still wearing all their clothes, but Sean’s crotch was right on Knight’s, and every time Sean moved, Knight felt the pleasure-causing friction go from his crotch to the very core of his body.
“I haven’t either,” he said as he looked at Sean. “I couldn’t.”
“I know,” Sean said. He smiled at Rocky—a real, genuine smile, the kind he had been yearning to see—then grabbed the bottom of his shirt and took it off.
Knight took the opportunity to simply look at him. He was so gorgeous, Rocky couldn’t keep his hands to himself anymore. He grabbed Sean by the waist, his hands large and warm against Sean’s lean frame and cool skin.
Their gazes held. “Do you want me?” Rocky asked.
“More than anything,” Sean replied.
Rocky nodded. Still holding onto Sean’s hips, he rolled him over, so that Sean was the one on the bed and Rocky was on top of him. He did it swiftly, quickly enough that it made Sean laugh.
He smiled as he saw him beneath him, throwing his head back and laughing, his chest rising up and down. He kissed Sean on the lips, then began to move down his body. He stopped at his Adam’s apple, then at his nipples, then kept on kissing his chest. Softly, tenderly, he reacted to every whimper, every time Sean thrust himself toward him, every time he moaned or groaned or protested under him.
He got to the waistband of Sean’s jeans and sighed. “Can I take these off?”
“Please,” Sean said.
Knight’s breath caught in his throat. Sean’s speech was restrained, but he could hear the desire in every breath, in every word. Sean lifted his hips to give Rocky access and Rocky threaded his fingertips on his belt loop. Sliding his jeans down his legs wasn’t hard—what was hard was stopping himself from doing it too fast.
He had needed this. He had yearned for this. The moment he had seen Sean again, he had wanted him more than anything else, and he had truly believed it wasn’t going to happen.
But it was, and he would have been more than just a fool to squander it. He wanted to savor every moment, every touch, every smile. He wanted to remember this for the rest of his life.
He had to.
He l
ooked up at Sean, who was looking down at him. His cheeks were red and his mouth was half-open. “I’ve missed you so much,” Knight said as he moved his hands down Sean’s legs. He scratched Sean’s skin, from his inner thighs to his legs. Sean’s body shuddered under him.
“I’ve missed you too,” Sean said.
Knight dropped Sean’s jeans on the floor, then brought his mouth down to kiss the inside of his legs until he had slowly, very slowly, moved up to his crotch. He took a second to press his cheek onto the soft, fleshy part of Sean’s leg, to look at his hardened cock, to look at his tight balls. He was so beautiful, his breathing ragged, his stomach moving up and down with every breath.
He closed his eyes. He could smell the salt on Sean’s skin. He needed to enjoy being there, but every second that passed, Sean’s throbbing cock was tempting him. He was hard and beautiful, and he was so close that Rocky could practically taste him.
“I want you,” Rocky said. “All of you.”
Sean moaned at that. Rocky kissed the inside of his legs until he reached Sean’s balls. He licked the tight skin on them, then kissed him softly until he moved to his rock-hard cock. He loved looking at Sean’s cock, the veins on his hardened cock, the way his head flared as he got more and more turned on. He held on to the bottom of Sean’s cock and began to stroke him up and down, his mouth just an inch or two away from Sean’s cock. He wanted to suck him off, he wanted to put him in his mouth, he wanted to taste him—but this experience, touching him, feeling the ridges of his skin as he got more and more turned on, as Sean began to thrust his hips again with every stroke, made Rocky’s cock throb, it made his head swim with desire, it made him feel dizzy and dazed.
Sean had practically begun fucking himself with Rocky’s hand, his hips moving back and forth as his hands dug into the quilt under him.
“Wait,” Rocky said.
Sean groaned with frustration, letting his hips drop down to the bed. “Why?”
“Because,” Rocky said. “I want this to last forever.”
For a second, he was aware of how cheesy that had sounded, and he was worried it was going to make Sean laugh. It didn’t. He smiled at Rocky, his eyes glimmering, and Rocky brought his mouth down to Sean’s cock.
He took a second to just taste him, the salty pre-cum covering the head, the earthy, gorgeous way that he always tasted. He didn’t want to work him quite yet, but it was clear that Sean was very excited from how his cock throbbed, from the way that Rocky could feel his pulse just when he pressed down with his tongue.
He looked up, locked gazes with Sean, and took his expression in. The flush on his face had darkened and his breathing had deepened.
“Please,” Sean whimpered under his breath. “Please—”
Rocky would have smiled if it hadn’t been for the cock in his mouth. He began to move up and down, Sean’s cock impressive in his mouth. It felt difficult to move as much as he wanted to, even though his jaw was as loose as it got and he had opened his throat as much as he could.
Then Sean threaded his fingers through Rocky’s hair and began to thrust his hips every time Rocky moved his head. Rocky’s eyes were watering, but he loved the way that Sean’s body moved under him, the heat coming from his skin, the little whimpers every time his cock found its way into the back of Rocky’s mouth.
“I’m going to come,” Sean said. “Please, I—”
Rocky stopped for a second. He looked at Sean, but he never moved his mouth away.
He expected Sean to tell him to move away from him, so that he could fuck him, but he didn’t. “Can I come in your mouth?” he said in a small voice.
Rocky felt his dick throb at that. Already hard, already more turned on than he had been in months, he might have come right then and there just from Sean talking to him.
He tried to nod, but it was hard. “Mhm,” he mumbled into Sean’s cock, which made Sean laugh.
Rocky closed his eyes and swirled his tongue around the edge of Sean’s dick, then tongued the slit. He needed to give his tongue and throat a break, but he couldn’t wait to taste Sean’s seed in his mouth.
He took a deep breath then began to slide his head up and down Sean’s cock again. Sean grabbed the back of his head and helped him along, thrusting into him as he did so, groaning and straining and saying his name. In his mouth, he could feel the way Sean’s cock was throbbing, and then he could taste his come on his tongue, the sweet, salty taste coating all of his mouth.
He opened his mouth slightly, then released him by opening his mouth. He wiped his lips with the back of his hand, then smiled at Sean. “That was amazing,” he said.
Sean groaned. “You’re so good at that. Where did you learn how to do that?”
“Secret Service school,” Rocky replied with a grin.
Sean nudged him with his knee, but he was smiling too. “I’m glad you’re back,” he said. “Come here?”
Rocky did as he was told. He was still wearing all his clothes, but Sean was gloriously naked, and Rocky couldn’t wait to have him by his side. He scooted up to where Sean was and took a deep breath, then kissed him on the cheek. Sean turned to smile at him. “I’m glad you’re back,” he said. “Things feel like they’re going to be better now.”
“Better?” Rocky echoed.
“You know,” Sean said, a little smile on his face. “Easier.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Sean woke up in the middle of the night. He was stark naked and it took him a few seconds to realize that his body was over the quilt and wrapped around Rocky’s own body. The buttons and edges on Rocky’s clothing had dug into Sean’s skin, leaving marks on him.
He was cold. He went to put his clothes on, but the moment he left the bed, he heard Rocky moving around. “Sean?”
“Hey,” Sean said. “Just getting some pajamas, babe.”
Rocky groaned. Sean could see his eyes in the dark. “Don’t go too far.”
Sean sighed. He went to his closet, grabbed his folded pajamas, and put them on. He looked at Rocky, who was now sitting up on his bed, staring at him.
“You can’t do this,” Sean said as he walked over to where Rocky was.
Rocky cocked his head. “Do what?”
“This,” Sean said. “You can’t always be watching me.”
“Why?”
Sean shook his head, then put his hands on Rocky’s. “Because I don’t need you to,” he said.
Rocky swallowed. Sean could see his throat working as he did. “But—”
“That was a fluke,” Sean said. “And I would have found a way to give the Secret Service the slip anyway. You know that.”
“But you were with me,” Rocky said, his voice shaky.
“Yeah,” Sean replied. “Because I wanted to be. That was about being happy, not about being safe.”
“Those things seem related,” Rocky replied, closing his eyes.
“And they are,” Sean said. “But my safety isn’t your responsibility. Neither is my happiness, really. I just—I want to have you around. I love having you around. Being with you, it makes me feel like everything is going to be okay.”
“Even after what happened?”
“Especially after what happened,” Sean said, furrowing his brow. “I think you remember abandoning me, but I remember when you came for me. I remember the way you looked at me when you were rescuing me, and I remember what it felt like to be in your arms as you carried me out of that house.”
“Sean…” Rocky said, his voice small. Sean waited for him to say something else, but he didn’t.
He edged closer to Rocky and smiled. “Listen,” he said. “Because I’ve thought about this a lot. I don’t think I was able to tell you how I felt before because I was still a little shocked from being kidnapped and everything, but I seriously, seriously, just want to be with you.”
Rocky closed his eyes. “I’ve been such an idiot,” he said. “All I cared about was how I felt, or how I thought I made you feel, but not—not about you. Not about
what you thought.”
“I mean,” Sean said with a smile. “You still see me as a kid sometimes.”
Rocky nodded. “It’s hard to get over that,” he said. “I’ve been responsible for your well-being for so long, it’s hard to reframe that. You’ve become this amazing man and I’ve been—”
“An idiot?”
“I was going to say oblivious,” Rocky said, smiling back at Sean. “But an idiot works.”
Sean exhaled. “I love you, Rocky Knight,” he said, as he put his forehead on Rocky’s. “I think I have since the moment I understood what love was.”
Rocky’s eyes were tightly shut. He opened them when Sean said that and kissed him on the mouth, softly at first, then more and more firmly, until the only thing that Sean could hear or focus on was his own quickened breathing mixed and Rocky’s heaving sighs.
He moved away from Rocky for a second, to catch his breath, to look at him. “Are you okay?” Sean asked him.
“More than okay,” Rocky replied. “Better than I’ve ever been.”
Sean closed his eyes, then kissed him again. He lost himself in his scent, in the way that his lips felt when pressed up against Sean’s own, in his firm hand against the back of Sean’s head.
Rocky moved away from him and smiled. He traced the outline of Sean’s face with his fingers. Sean leaned into his touch and closed his eyes. He felt Rocky trace his bottom lip with his thumb, then the outline of his jaw.
They were staring at each other, closer than they might have ever been before, and Sean could see the lines around Rocky’s eyes, the pores on his nose.
Rocky bit down on his lower lip as they gazed into each other’s eyes. “Why did you have to go put pants on? You were perfect as you were before.”
Sean smiled at him. “Do you want me to take them off?”
“More than anything,” Rocky said.
“That hardly seems fair,” Sean replied, furrowing his brow. “You’re still wearing all your clothes.”
Rocky laughed quietly. “That does seem unfair,” he said. “We better take care of it.”