by Shauna Allen
My body felt like it was vibrating, and my breath was coming in choppy pants. “Shouldn’t be?”
He cupped my jaw, the heat of his hand scorching. God, it felt so good. “I shouldn’t want you like this. It makes you a liability.” The confession sounded pained.
“I don’t want to be a liability.” My voice was hoarse. The words ripped from the deepest, most hidden parts of me. “I just want to be wanted.”
My admission seemed to bring something to life in him. He moved even closer, his heat branding me as each of his muscles caressed the front of my body. He dropped his forehead to mine. “Wanting you makes me vulnerable.”
Out of everything he’d given me, this was the most honest thing he’d ever said, and I could already feel him slipping away. I knew I needed to act or risk losing any chance of ever glimpsing heaven.
I cupped his jaw in both hands and dove in. Reckless. Heedless of the cost. I snatched a taste and committed it to memory as if this was going to be my only opportunity. Pressing my lips to his, I drew his full lower lip into my mouth, tracing my tongue along the seam, tasting beer and salt.
He was statue-still for a moment, inhaling my kiss, allowing me to take the lead . . . but he didn’t push me away, and for that, I was grateful.
Then, dear God, then, he dove in with me.
Pressing me back against the warm brick wall, one of his hands forked through my hair, cradling my skull, while the other cupped a hip possessively, nearly grabbing my ass.
Tilting his head to change the angle of the kiss, he sucked my tongue between his lips and began to make love to my mouth—there’s no other way to describe it. The way he moved. The way he made me feel. It was intimacy personified.
I moaned, clutching to him for dear life, sure I could die right then and go out a happy woman.
No, scratch that.
The longer he worked my mouth with his lips and teeth and tongue, the wetter and needier and achier I became, deep in my core. And, still, he made no move to take things further than this mind-blowing kiss. No press of his hard body against mine. No shove of his erection to my throbbing body. No groping hands on my heavy, tender breasts or down my panties. All of which I would’ve welcomed.
No.
Nothing but mind-bending, soul-shattering, world-changing kisses.
He eventually drew back on a shaky breath, and I blinked up at him, amazed at the tenderness I found staring back at me.
“I’m sorry I make you vulnerable.” I blurted the first thing that popped into my head, still a bit dazed from his kiss.
His lips turned up in a half-smile as he tucked some hair behind my ear. “It’s not your fault. I was sunk the moment they put you in that van with me and you batted those big baby blues my way.”
Hope flared in my chest. “Really?”
“Really. And I’m afraid there’s no going back now.”
DeAndre
I made it a practice never to lie—to my men, to my commander, to anyone.
It was simply how my mama raised me.
So, when I told Brianne wanting her like I did—kissing her like I did—made her a liability and made me vulnerable, it was the truth. When I said there was no going back, that was the God’s honest gospel.
That did not make the notion any more agreeable.
Romance and women had not been on my radar, other than the occasional fling, since the day I graduated boot camp. I was content to be married to the Marine Corps just like my old man. So, to have Brianne Kennard—a computer hacker that had been used by Esteban and the Mexican cartel to infiltrate our own networks and terrorize our families no less—somehow under my skin and breaking through my carefully erected defenses was incomprehensible, and frankly, more than a bit irritating.
As I drove down the dark highway away from the bar, my mind swirled with possibilities and big fat warnings bells. Still, it seemed I wouldn’t be able to stop the inevitable pull between us.
I glanced over, curious if she could somehow sense the trajectory of my thoughts, and wondered what was on her mind.
She was drowsy in the passenger seat, oblivious. Her eyes were heavy, her pale skin painted in moonlight.
Was Lucky right? Could I trust her? Could I afford to find out?
She rolled her head on the headrest and faced me. “What?”
“Nothing.”
“Liar. Regretting our kiss already?”
“No.” Like I said, I’m not a liar.
I felt her smile in the air, even though my eyes were back on the road. “Good. Me either.” She shifted and raked a hand through her hair. “Thanks for bringing me tonight. I didn’t realize how much I needed to get out and relax, and it was so nice to see Grace.”
“I’m glad you had a good time.”
“I did. Everyone on both teams and all the women are so nice. I appreciate that they’ve been so welcoming to me despite . . .” She let her words dissipate into the night air, though I knew what she meant. Despite the role she’d played in the cartel, willingly or not, she’d still been a part of tormenting so many of the people who’d so quickly forgiven and embraced her. “You could all hate me, and it would be totally justified.”
I shot her a glance. “We’re not monsters, Brianne. We get what you went through. What you were forced to do by men who held the power of life and death over you . . . over those you loved.” I hesitated, debating how much to divulge, then figured it might make her feel better instead of worse. “We also had every inch of your background fully investigated and vetted before you stepped foot onto a U.S. military installation. We have hearts, but we’re also not stupid, and you checked out. So, no, we don’t hate you.” Though none of that vetting kept me from doubting, just a little bit, how much we could trust her.
How much I could trust her.
Hell, maybe I had trust issues, but I could accept that if it kept me and my team safe.
“Oh,” was all she could manage, but she seemed satisfied with my answer.
I signaled and turned onto the road toward base. “So, when will you be working with Tex again?”
“This week sometime. He said he’d call me. I’m working through some files he sent me.”
“Anything promising?”
“Maybe,” she hedged, her voice tight. “It’s too soon to tell, so I don’t want to jump to any conclusions and send up any false alarms.”
“Is it bad?” I glanced over as I slowed to stop at a red light.
She bit her lip. “If I’m right, it could be.”
“How bad?” Alarm snaked along my spinal cord.
“Scale of one to ten? About a twelve.”
“Holy shit.” Someone honked behind me when the light changed to green, but I didn’t move. “You’ll keep me posted?”
“You’re the first number on my speed dial.”
I nodded, satisfied, and hit the gas.
Caribbean blue eyes haunted my dreams.
After tossing and turning half the night, I finally gave up the pretense of sleep, rose before dawn, and angrily yanked on my workout clothes. Might as well do something to work out this need burning through my system like wildfire.
I downed a protein shake then drove to the gym, did a quick warm-up, then pounded the shit out of a punching bag before hitting the weights. Sweat was rolling in rivulets down my temples and chest by the time I was done, but I only felt marginally better, and Brianne was still front and center on my mind.
Why did the woman haunt me? What was it about her? It had to be more than big, blue eyes and supple curves. I’d seen plenty of other women with those before. No. It ran much deeper than that. Elemental. She touched something down deep in my soul that even I couldn’t name. That I didn’t dare acknowledge right now, though I knew I’d have to one day or risk losing something precious.
But not today.
I yanked up a towel and ran it down my face, my mind wandering back to our conversation yesterday . . .
“I’m sorry I make you vulnerable.
”
“You could all hate me, and it would be totally justified.”
I picked up my things and made my way outside, breathing in the sunshine and briny air, my brain chewing on her words. Yes, she made me vulnerable. As much as I might want to hate what she made me feel, I could never hate her.
“Are you single?”
That. That was the rub.
My body hummed like a live wire when she was near. Now, I was certain she felt it too. But we were a bit more complicated than a simple consenting man and woman, free to be together.
Weren’t we?
I roared the truck engine to a start, letting that thought simmer and soak.
Back at my place, I showered and got ready to head to base. My phone pinged with a text from my sister, DeAnna, finally getting back with me: Hey you. I’m fine. Just busy. I’ve been working and helping Mom around the house. How about you? How’s my big brother?
Something tugged deep in my heart as I thought of my mother and sister. We’d always been a tight-knit family, but nothing had been quite the same since my dad passed away last year. It bugged me that I couldn’t see them more, but I was glad DeAnna was there to help Mom pick up the pieces. I swallowed and texted back.
Me: It’s all good here too. Miss you both. Maybe you two can come visit. Mom would love the ocean.
DeAnna: That sounds amazing! I’ll look at how much flights are and let you know.
I frowned and pecked out a reply. No, you won’t. I’ll pay. Just let me know when you can come, and it’s done.
DeAnna: Bossy just like Daddy.
I shot her a frowny face emoji and tucked my phone away, knowing she’d look into the flights, the call of the beach too much to resist.
As I drove to base, I idly wondered what Mom and DeAnna would think of Brianne, then quickly dismissed the thought. Of course, they’d like her, but it didn’t matter because Brianne was an asset and nothing more.
“Are you single?”
“I’m sorry I make you vulnerable.”
I hated liars, and here I was lying to myself.
Still, if she was more than an asset, what was she exactly? I had no idea. So, until I could figure that out, it was best to focus on what I did know, and that was the mission.
I pulled into HQ and loped inside to greet my guys, our commander, as well as Wolf and his team, and their commander.
“Any word on your sister?” I asked Abe.
“She’s recovering well,” he said, his face grim. “They say she may get out of the hospital in a few days. My mom is with her now.”
I nodded. “That’s good to hear, man.”
We huddled around the conference table with the two commanders at the head and settled in for a long briefing on Shadeek.
Two hours later, we were pretty much where we were before, other than Wimbledon was confirmed as his handiwork, and we’d been approved for additional resources for Tex and Brianne to continue to dig into the computer intel. Nothing concrete was being disclosed at this point, but it was clear that something big was on the horizon. We could all smell it, and the threat needed to be eliminated as quickly as humanly possible.
As the teams were dismissed and trickled out for training maneuvers, the commander pulled me aside. “Johnson. A moment.”
“Sir?”
“How are things going with the girl?”
My jaw tightened. “The girl, sir?”
His gaze narrowed, assessing me closely. “Yes. The computer hacker. Is she being helpful to the mission?”
I measured my words carefully, not sure where this was coming from or going to in his mind. “It’s a complicated case, but, yes, I believe so, sir.”
He snapped his aviators out of his pocket. “Good. I’m glad to hear that.” He spun to go then pivoted back. “Just keep a close eye on her, Johnson. Make sure she stays on mission and on point.” He dropped his chin and lasered me with a meaningful stare. “And I mean one hundred percent. Our national security is at stake here, Marine. If you even get a whiff that she’s dirty . . . well, you know what to do.”
My stomach rebelled at the thought, but I nodded. The Marine in me understood fully. “Sir, yes, sir.”
Brianne
I let myself back into my small base apartment after my appointment with the psychologist. I’d had regular visits since I arrived, and while I knew I’d never forget the trauma I endured in my childhood, and especially at the hands of Esteban and the cartel, I was learning to cope and that I could live a healthy—and most importantly—happy life. I was hopeful that once they caught Shadeek, that would go a long way in helping me feel a sense of security, and maybe I’d feel safe enough to move off base and start a new life for myself.
What that might look like, I had no idea . . .
Would it include DeAndre? After our kiss, I desperately wanted it to, but that might be entirely too much to hope for.
“Wanting you makes me vulnerable.”
I just couldn’t picture DeAndre as vulnerable. Big, strong, competent, virile, sexy . . . yes. Weak or vulnerable in any way . . . absolutely not. And because of me? The thought was mind-blowing.
I pushed all of those thoughts aside and got back to work. Tex had been by earlier that morning, and we’d sorted through some of the intel files as well as worked some more on breaking through the wormhole I’d left behind in Shadeek’s network. We made good progress.
It was the intel that was niggling us both, though we were hesitant to raise too many red flags too early without the right information. It was clear Shadeek was up to something big—the arms and purchases of parts for bombs was a clear indication. So was the chatter from other sources that he wouldn’t target another embassy, and that his radicals were mobilizing for a jihad unlike the world had ever seen. It all rang very authentic, yet we couldn’t pinpoint anything for the military to run with, so we were forced to keep digging. Which was exactly what I was doing later that afternoon when someone knocked at my door.
I glanced up and realized that my eyes were blurry, and my stomach was growling—I’d been sitting way too long without a break.
“Bri!”
My heart leapt, and an automatic smile lit my face at Grace’s voice. I raced to the door and threw it open to find her, as well as Rebekah, Scarlett, Danielle, and a very pregnant Carissa in tow.
Grace smiled at my confused expression. “We came to save you from working yourself to death.” She lifted a bottle of wine. “Girl time.”
Carissa raised a tray of brownies. “We come bearing gifts of chocolate.”
“Hope you don’t mind,” Danielle added.
“I know I could use a break while the boys are in school and the baby is with the sitter,” Scarlett said with a grin.
“I . . .” I finally moved back and opened the door wider. “Okay. Come on in.”
“Thanks,” Rebekah said as she brushed by, bag of chips in hand.
I glanced outside then shut the door and followed them to my small kitchen, stopping quickly to save my work on the computer and turn off the screen.
Grace was already pouring wine into some of my mismatched glasses and handing it out, while Carissa and Danielle had brought their own club soda.
Grace smiled at me and raised her glass. “To friends, new and old.”
Something inside of me relaxed just a tad. The intel could wait for a few minutes. “To friends.”
We clinked glasses and sipped then Danielle broke out the brownies. “I swear, I know I’m like a minute pregnant, but I’m already craving the strangest stuff.” She took a huge bite. “The other night, I sent Drew out for a jar of pepperoncini peppers, and I ate them all in one sitting.”
Carissa just smiled and nodded like she’d been there, her hand cupping her round belly with love. “Cody is well acquainted with the Baskin-Robbins folks, and them with him.”
Scarlett, the new mom in the group, lifted a brow. “What’s your flavor of choice?”
“Chocolate chip cookie dough.�
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Scarlett took a big sip of her wine. “I was a classic chocolate girl myself, though that is a good one.”
I simply sat back and enjoyed the banter, happy that these women seemed to have embraced me, though they didn’t have to, given my past. In my life, friends had been seldom, and this was such a blessed change.
Before I knew it, half the brownies were gone, and Grace was refilling my wine glass. Conversation turned from ice cream to babies to men.
“So, did your sex drive go crazy when you got pregnant?” Danielle asked Carissa, her cheeks flushed as she hid behind another brownie.
Carissa giggled. Scarlett belted out a laugh. “Yes!” They both admitted.
I exchanged glances with Grace and took another long swallow of my wine.
“Well, it doesn’t hurt that sex is amazing,” Danielle said.
“Is there something we should know about Drew?” Grace teased.
Danielle threw a wadded-up napkin her way. “Not unless there’s something you want to share about Lucas.”
“What do you want to know?” Grace challenged.
“Oh, Lord.” Scarlett stood and grabbed a handful of chips.
“How about we just say all Special Forces Marines are probably very, um . . . gifted in bed, and leave it at that?” Rebekah offered with a grin.
Grace, being, well, Grace, kicked back with a saucy smile. “True.” Dark, sparkling eyes flicked my way. “Kinda makes you wonder about our lone Tito, doesn’t it?”
“I always have,” Rebekah said. “I’ve never known him to have a girlfriend, but he’s such an amazing guy.”
“And I’m sure he’s just as amazing in bed,” Grace added, not letting up, making me wonder just what she was aiming at. “Don’t you think, girls?”
They dissolved into a fit of giggles while she just stared me down with a knowing smile. I was so busted by my best friend. I hadn’t confessed my obsession with DeAndre to her, trying to keep it as professional as possible, but she’d apparently seen right through me, and was letting me know the gig was up.