by Shauna Allen
She stood to go rinse out her glass. As she brushed by me, she leaned down to whisper in my ear. “For what it’s worth, I think you’d be great together.”
I said nothing and sipped my wine as talk turned to Rebekah and Tanner’s wedding plans and what the girls wanted to do for her bachelorette party.
By the time they saw themselves out, I was invited to both as well as Carissa’s baby shower, and I felt like we’d all been friends forever.
I even managed to forget Grace’s comments about me and DeAndre . . . until he showed up at my front door a few hours later, still in his uniform, looking every bit the sex god that I imagined him to be and bringing to mind Grace’s comments about him in bed.
“You okay?” he asked, his eyes raking over my face. “You look flushed.”
Oh, I was flushed alright. “I’m good. Come in.”
And once again, my apartment was filled with the scent of man and air and deliciousness that could only be DeAndre. “So, did you find anything new today?” His voice seemed strained tonight. Something was on his mind.
“Yes and no.”
“What does that mean?”
“Tex and I are making good progress on breaking into Shadeek’s network and we think we’re close on some leads, but we don’t feel it’s enough for you and the teams to run with just yet.” I studied his tired face. “I guess that’s not what you wanted to hear tonight. I’m sorry.”
“I get it.” His eyes darted for the door, but I could see something in him hesitate to leave. Almost pained.
Moving on instinct, I padded over to him, my bare feet bringing me barely to his chin as he stood in his full uniform and boots. His light eyes were wary as he took me in as I approached, but he stood his ground, ever the Marine.
Not breaking my stride, I slid right up until I was a breath away from him. Rising on tiptoes, I cupped his jaw and pressed my lips to his. He tasted of ocean air and mint and a hint of danger that drew me in like nothing else.
God, this man.
I threw myself into the kiss, breathing him in, tasting and absorbing him like he was the light to my darkness.
One long moment of want. Two.
Then I felt him break.
His hands slid around my waist and he yanked me against his body, molding us together, opening his mouth and sliding his tongue along mine in an erotic dance that had me melting and clinging to him for dear life.
My heartbeat matched his.
I needed him.
I needed him.
God, how I needed him.
Don’t ask me how I knew that, I simply knew it deep down in the marrow of my bones and the nucleus of my cells. I needed this man in my life. Now. Tomorrow. Always.
He spun and pressed me against the wall, angling the kiss and our bodies as if we were making love on the vertical surface.
I moaned and clutched the shirt of his uniform, silently begging him to take it off.
He didn’t.
Instead, he raked a hand up my t-shirt, his hot fingertips sliding over the bare flesh of my ribs, my back and spine.
My body was overheating. My brain was firing on every cylinder, yet I couldn’t form a single coherent thought.
“DeAndre,” I murmured against his mouth between kisses. “Please . . . please.”
His lips found my throat for a gentle, tugging suckle before he drew back. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled.
A moment later he stepped away from me, the air between us suddenly cold. Wrong.
“I should go,” he said.
“No.”
His head snapped up at my vehemence.
“No, you shouldn’t go. You should stay and explain what the hell is going on here, DeAndre.” I raked a hand through my hair. “What the hell?”
“Nothing is going on.”
I tilted my head, silently calling him a liar.
He sighed and paced to my couch where he flopped down. “Hell, I don’t know.” Confused eyes met mine. “That’s the God’s honest truth, and it is fucking with my mind, okay?”
“Okay.” That, I could deal with. I moved to sit next to him. “Why does it fuck with your mind?”
It was his turn to tilt his head at me. “Really? Look at our situation, Brianne. On paper, we’re an epic mistake.”
My heart lurched in pain. “On paper?”
“Yes.”
Somehow my hand ended up in his, ivory skin linked and intertwined with dark. It was one of the sexiest things I’d ever seen. “What about not on paper? What about in your heart?”
He was silent a long moment, his thumb tracing along my flesh. “In my heart, you make perfect sense.” Our gazes locked. “I’m just not sure that’s enough right now. I have to be a Marine first and foremost, and I have to put Shadeek down.”
“And you need me to help you do that,” I finished for him.
“Yes.”
“And after that?”
“I can’t focus on that right now. After that will have to take care of itself.”
Marine. Mission. I understood that, but I still longed for him to tell me I was more than just a means to an end. I wanted promises. I wanted him. I wanted it all.
“Right. Okay,” I agreed reluctantly.
He seemed relieved that I understood so I didn’t push the issue. Honestly, what could I say? Instead, I offered him one of the leftover brownies that the girls had brought over and some milk.
As we stood in the kitchen, I tried to imagine what a life with him might be like. Could we make a real life? Would I even know how, after everything I’d been through?
Seriously.
What did I even know about being a girlfriend, much less a possible wife or a mother? And even if I could figure those things out, would he want that? With me?
And what about when he was inevitably called away for another deployment? How would I feel then?
I studied his profile, working harder to imagine this man as my own.
He caught my stare. “What?”
I stumbled over my words, refusing to admit the tangled truth that was in my heart, and blurted the first thing that came to mind from a conversation I’d had with Tex that morning. “So, you don’t usually work with the Navy SEALs?”
He chugged the last of his milk then rinsed his glass and set it in the sink. “No, not really. This has been a special mission that the Marines and Navy have worked together on, and our commanders have integrated our teams due to the nature of the threat with Esteban and Shadeek because they targeted us all specifically. The SEALs operations are by nature very different than ours. We typically do reconnaissance missions only, but we are special forces, so we can do multiple other mission-essential functions when called upon to do so.”
“Like now.”
“Yes, like now. With the Esteban op and now with Shadeek, we still take point on the recon of intel, but the lines have been blurred a bit for both teams. But the mission is still the mission for all of us, and we know what our jobs are, and we will get it done.”
I had a flash of the night they saved me from Esteban, and a shiver ran through my body. “I don’t doubt you will.”
He leaned against the counter, his face thoughtful. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“The night we met . . .”
My heart jolted behind my ribs. Had he read my thoughts? “What about it?”
“Forgive me for saying it, but you looked like a prisoner of war.”
“I basically was.”
Our gazes locked. Held.
“What’s your question, DeAndre?”
“How bad was it?”
I blinked up at him, his question unlocking memories I’d been working through in therapy and in my nightmares for weeks now. Still, somehow, having him right there in front of me, so strong, his eyes so kind, eased the fear and pain like nothing else. Just like that first night.
I crossed my arms to ward off some of the chill as I thought out my words because none seem
ed to fit. “Let me put it this way . . . if there is such a thing as hell on earth, I survived worse.”
He said nothing, his eyes thankfully never leaving mine and not filling with pity.
“They beat and brutalized me. Threatened and coerced me. Broke my bones. Bruised, crushed, and raped me.” Tears fell unheeded down my cheeks. “But they did not break me. They did not break me. They did not . . .”
Suddenly, I was wrapped up in his embrace, his body warm and comforting like nothing else. “No, they didn’t. No, they didn’t,” he murmured against my hair.
When my tears dried up, he still didn’t let me loose. “I’m sorry I asked, Brianne. That was—”
“No.” I burrowed closer. “I’m glad you asked.” I tipped my head up to look into his eyes. “And I’m glad it was you. That night. In the van.”
He kissed my forehead. “Me, too, baby. Me, too.”
DeAndre
The next two weeks were a whirlwind of days of deciphering intel that was beginning to come in faster than we could process it and intense training for the inevitable op that lie ahead, followed by nights spent with Brianne. Well, at her apartment, going over whatever she had worked on that day with Tex, followed by dinner then other conversation. Maybe a game or TV. I’d given up the pretense of strictly business and allowed a bit of a friendship to sneak in the cracks. We joked and played, but only when it was just us.
I found myself hurrying to get over there in the evening, anxious to see her bright-blue eyes and big smile. To smell her sweet orange and honeysuckle scent. To make her laugh. To hear more about her life and dreams. To share more of mine because she cared enough to ask.
We’d kissed a few more times. She sent out all the right signals that it could’ve gone further, but I’d held back. She was becoming important to me, but she was vital to the mission, and I couldn’t allow anything to screw that up, especially not my wayward dick. I had to think clearly, no matter what my body wanted.
And it definitely did not help matters that my mom and sister were due in that night from Pittsburgh, and they wanted to meet her because I’d let her name slip in a conversation, and now they thought she was somebody special. She was, yet she shouldn’t be. Not yet.
At the base gym that morning, I worked out with Kid and Red, the two expectant fathers. They were as proud as peacocks and talking all sorts of bullshit about what they were going to do when the babies came, as if their women would allow any of it. I just ignored them and continued on with my bench presses and let them live out their little fantasies.
“Think Bubba will want to bring Scarlett and the kids with us to Disney?” Red asked.
I glanced over. “Hell if I know. Why don’t you ask him?”
After a while, Wolf and Dude joined us. “Hey, bro.” Wolf tipped his head in my direction as he sat to do some leg presses.
“Hey.”
“Anything new with Abe’s sister?” Kid asked.
“She’s back stateside and staying with their mom for rehab. She’s doing as good as can be expected,” Wolf said.
I nodded. “That’s good. Glad to hear it.”
Still, we shared a silent look. We would take Shadeek down for her pain and for everything else he’d done.
After our workout, we did some live fire exercises and weapons training then I had a meeting with the commander to debrief him on the latest updates.
As I slid into my truck to head back to my place, my phone pinged with a text.
Brianne: I’m nervous about meeting your mom and sister *green puke face emoji*
I laughed and texted back: Don’t be.
Brianne: I can’t help it. What if they don’t like me?
Me: They’ll love you.
Brianne: What if they don’t?
Me: So what if they don’t?
Brianne: Not funny, DeAndre.
Me: I’m serious. Even if they don’t, it doesn’t matter. Relax. Wear something pretty and we’ll be by to pick you up at 6:30 *heart eyes emoji*
Brianne: *Kissy face emoji*
I grinned down at my phone. We didn’t typically send those types of gooey messages and emojis, but today I would if it made her feel better. I also didn’t typically get dressed up and go to fancy restaurants on the water, but tonight, I was treating the women in my life to something special.
I rushed home to shower and shave and put on my best dark-gray suit and mint-green silk tie. I splashed on the cologne I reserved for special occasions, grabbed the dozen pink roses I’d bought for today, and headed to the airport.
I hadn’t seen my family in almost nine months, so when I finally saw my mom’s face amongst the crowd, I had to blink back the hot rush of tears.
She rushed past my sister and jumped into my arms, crushing her flowers. “My baby!”
“Hi, Mama.”
Behind her, my sister smiled up at me with tears in her eyes as well. “Hey, big brother.”
“Hey, yourself.” I set my mother back on her feet, and without letting her go, collected DeAnna into a group hug as emotion filled my chest at seeing them again.
DeAnna stood back and took in my suit. “Wow. You got all dressed up just to pick us up?”
I laughed as we headed toward the baggage claim, my mother’s arm linked through mine. “No. I’m taking you ladies out for dinner.”
“Ooh,” Mama exclaimed. “Dinner?”
“Where?” DeAnna asked.
“Someplace nice.” I kissed my mother’s temple. “Don’t worry. I’ll give you ladies time to clean up and change at your hotel.” It still grated that they’d turned down my offer to stay with me, but my place was small, and ultimately, I’d paid for their suite at the hotel on the beach, so I guess they got the best end of this deal.
“You don’t have to do that,” Mama said.
“I know. I want to.”
“Is your lady friend coming?” she asked.
“Brianne will be joining us, yes.”
DeAnna just grinned, and I grinned back.
Brianne was stunning in a simple pale-lavender dress that fit her like a glove, minimal makeup, and her long, platinum hair loose in curls down her back. She was a goddess, and for a few short moments, I was lost in the fantasy that she could be mine.
She also had no reason to worry. My mom and sister adored her. I think they loved her more than they loved me, and it was immediate. From the moment she joined us in the truck, they chatted like long-lost friends, and it didn’t stop, all the way down to the restaurant.
Over appetizers and a dinner of seafood and steaks, my sister did all the typical sisterly things—asked about her family, her past boyfriends, her favorite things.
My mom listened intently, adding to the conversation and chastising DeAnna when she got too personal.
Neither of them probed into the nature of our work together, if they’d gathered any hint of it at all. I hadn’t said, they hadn’t asked, Brianne hadn’t offered. We pretended it was a normal friendship, and my family clearly wanted it to be more.
“So, you’re dating?” DeAnna finally got to the point over dessert.
Brianne blushed from her ears to her breasts. “Um . . .” Her baby blues zipped to me. “No. Um, we . . .”
“We’re friends, and we work together,” I clarified. “There is nothing romantic between us.” I nearly choked on my words.
“Bull hockey,” my mother spat, making all of us snap around.
I lifted a brow. “Ma’am?”
“You heard me, young man. That is a load of horse manure, and every one of us at this table knows it.” She reached over and clasped Brianne’s hand. “Sweet girl, I don’t know what’s going on between you and my boy, but I surely do hope he treats you right, because I can tell you have a fragile heart of gold under there.” She looked to me, steel in her eyes. “And you can fool a lot of people, maybe even yourself, but you cannot fool your mama. You have feelings for this girl that are more than professional, and definitely more than friendly, so don
’t disrespect any of us here by trying to say otherwise. It’s unbecoming and surely not how your daddy and I raised you.”
I cleared my throat. I’d been firmly put into my place by my mother, but somehow, I couldn’t find it in me to be embarrassed or angry. She was absolutely right. I met Brianne’s eyes. “Yes, ma’am.”
The waiter appeared with the bill—thank goodness—killing that uncomfortable conversation. I paid the tab, and we stepped outside into the salty beach breeze. “Would you ladies like to walk by the water a little bit?”
“Yes, please,” my mother said, the sparkle back in her gaze as she eyed the moonlight hitting the ocean.
We strolled on the sidewalk for a while then she and my sister slid off their shoes to walk in the sand while Brianne and I stayed on the walkway.
I felt her shiver next to me, so I offered her my jacket. She slid it on, and it engulfed her. She clung to my arm as well while we moved aimlessly. “Thank you for dinner,” she said.
“You’re welcome.”
“Your family is amazing.” Her voice was wistful, and it tugged at my heart as I recalled everything she’d told me about her family.
“I know.”
“Your dad was too, I’ll bet.”
“He was.”
“And he’s the reason you’re a Marine.” It wasn’t a question. She’d heard about him at dinner.
“He is.”
“If you’re anything like him, he had to have been the best.”
Warmth filled my chest, and I put an arm around her shoulders. In the distance, my mom and sister strolled along the shore, their laughter clear.
We walked a bit farther, the sounds of a group of young teenagers playing basketball on a beachside court growing louder as we neared a small park area. They were loud and rowdy, but it was all in good fun. The ball rolled off the court and headed our way. I stopped and picked it up just as a black kid in red shorts who looked about fourteen or so came bounding up, panting and bright-eyed.