It's Not All Downhill From Here

by Terry McMillan

* * *

  —

  Through the door, I could hear the babies’ cooing, which sounded like they were being tickled. I stood there for a few minutes before deciding against the buzzer, and I tapped on the door. As soon as I did, the cooing stopped. For some reason, this made me remember when I had to put a sock around the doorknob to keep Jackson from turning the lock. I’d found him outside on the front steps in a onesie, apparently trying to decide where he wanted to go. Which reminded me: I needed to firm up the dates for my visit to Tokyo.

  When the door opened, there they were, sitting in their automatic swings rocking back and forth, but I was able to bend down and kiss them on their cheeks, then took them by their little hands and they squeezed. I felt like mush.

  “Hi there, Ms. Pretty and Mr. Handsome!”

  They looked at my face as if to ask: How do you know our names?

  They looked at me even harder, like they were trying to remember me but didn’t, and just started kicking their feet anyway.

  Cinnamon, in paisley leggings, gave me a fast kiss on the cheek and Jonas, who was busy setting the table, stopped to pick up Handsome and gave me a hug while holding him. It felt so good.

  I realized I smelled some kind of seafood cooking when Jonas said, “Grandma, I have prepared the finest halibut for you along with baked sweet potatoes and a salad and brown rice. I hope it satisfies your palate.”

  I ate every piece of the flaky fish and everything else until my plate was clean. The creamy little-people formula that the twins had been served had apparently gone right through them, so Cinnamon had taken them one by one to clean them up, before telling me it was time for their bath because she had to get up early to go to work.

  I wondered who babysat, but I didn’t feel it was appropriate to ask. They had worked it out.

  “So, Grandma,” she yelled even though the bathroom was so close she didn’t need to. “Did you hear the shocking news about Aunt Odessa?”

  “I don’t think so, but I’m all ears.”

  “You tell it, Jonas.”

  “Okay. So, we were in the lobby bringing in groceries and she was getting out of the elevator….”

  And then he just stopped.

  “And?”

  “She was not alone, Grandma.”

  “Was she with a woman?”

  “No. A man!” Cinnamon shouted from the bathroom.

  “What did you just say?”

  “You heard me right, Grandma. She was all dudded up and I didn’t know she even wore makeup, but she looked like she had been busted and then she said, ‘Hello, Cinnamon and Jonas and you little cutie pies! This is my friend Derrick. He’s my handyman.’ And I slipped and said, ‘So nice to meet you, Derrick. Is something broken in the apartment?’ ”

  “No, you didn’t!” I said. This was better than an episode of Empire.

  “And she said, ‘He’s just making some improvements. But I would really appreciate it if you wouldn’t mention any of this to Loretha.’ And I said, ‘Not to worry. Have a nice evening.’ ”

  A date? And what kind of improvements? Oh my. Odessa with a real man. That explained where she was going this evening looking so nice. I decided right then and there that I was going to pretend like I hadn’t heard any of this. I would wait for Odessa to bring it up.

  And out came Handsome in a gray onesie. He looked up and then put his head back down.

  “Don’t mind him, he’s an old soul. He’ll be snoring in a minute. So anyway, did you want to hear the latest about my mom?”

  “Is it good news?”

  “Well, it’s an improvement. She moved to Las Vegas.”

  “What?”

  “She moved to Las Vegas last month with her boyfriend and she’s going to school to learn how to be a blackjack dealer.”

  “You have got to be fucking kidding me? Oh, shit, I’m sorry for swearing.”

  “It’s okay. They don’t know what you’re saying.”

  “When did she tell you this?”

  “Actually it was Aunt Peggy that told me. She said she was glad to get her out of the house, and if Mom managed to finish the eight-week course, she could come back down here and get hired at one of the local casinos. Isn’t that cool?”

  “Only if she doesn’t drink.”

  * * *

  —

  I couldn’t wait until I got home to call Peggy, so I pulled into a parking space at a KFC and left her a voice message.

  “Peggy, this is Loretha. I just heard that Jalecia moved to Vegas last month and I want to know what kind of game you’re playing asking me for money when you knew damn well she wasn’t there. I knew I never liked your ass.”

  I hung up.

  I called Jalecia and, to my surprise, she answered.

  “Hi, Ma. You found me! I take it you’ve heard that me and Jerome are living here in Vegas? I’m learning to be a blackjack dealer. What do you think?”

  “Honestly?”

  “No, lie to me.”

  Which is exactly what I did.

  “I think this is a very smart move, Jalecia. So, tell me, is there a reason you couldn’t let me know you were moving?”

  “I wasn’t comfortable with you knowing yet.”

  “That is so nice to hear. So what does Jerome do for a living?”

  “He’s between jobs right now.”

  “Of course he is.”

  “Ma! See how negative you are? I’m going to hang up now. Things have really turned around for me and I don’t think I want to talk to you until you change your attitude. Bye.”

  And she hung up.

  Was I being too negative? Should I try to be more supportive? After all, even though I think moving to Vegas to become a blackjack dealer is ridiculous, she thinks she’s making progress. But I’m not buying this. I worry about her. I also don’t know who she is anymore. Or where in the world she’s headed. She is scaring the hell out of me, that much I do know.

  I could smell the fried chicken coming through my vents and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to have a drumstick and a wing on hand for a late-night snack. I wasn’t hungry but I knew I would be in about an hour after the fish wore off. I had already planned to watch another episode of Empire, just to stop thinking about how much I’d really like to kick Jalecia’s and Peggy’s asses.

  I pulled up to the drive-through window and ordered. Then while I waited for my chicken, my cellphone rang and, without even looking at it, I yelled into it: “Peggy, if you have something nasty to say to me keep it to your damn self. I sent you five hundred dollars and my daughter wasn’t even there. What kind of fucking scam is this?”

  “Mama-Lo? This is Kwame. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

  “Oh my Lord, I’m so sorry, Kwame, but someone has made me very angry. I don’t normally use that kind of language. Anyway, please tell me, how is your mama doing? I’ve been waiting to hear from you.”

  “Well, I was calling to tell you that I won’t be coming back to Pasadena until I know my mom is healthy again. Strokes make it hard to move and even talk so she needs my help here.”

  “I totally understand that, Kwame. You know I do.”

  “Thank you. So, would it be okay to keep my car in the garage?”

  “Of course. Is your mom home yet?”

  “Yes, she is. She’s glad I’m here. And guess what, Mama-Lo?”

  “What?”

  “I’m still going to be able to drive with Uber, even though I have to rent a car to do it. Boone said he’d stay at my mom’s during the hours I’m driving. We need some money around here.”

  “Do you need me to send you some?”

  “No! Absolutely not. You’ve done enough. We’ll be fine. But I want you to know that as soon as it feels like she’s doing good, I’m going to come back to Pasadena. I still intend to go to
LACC. You have been very encouraging and I want to make you, my mom, and my dad proud.”

  “We’re already proud of you, Kwame. You take good care of your mom and give her my best, even if she doesn’t know who I am.”

  “Oh, she does.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. She’s known who you were for a long time.”

  “Maybe I’ll meet her one day.”

  “Maybe. Anyway, I need to go brush her teeth. I miss you, Mama-Lo. And tell B. B. King I said to behave!”

  When I got home I shared some of my chicken and a few potato wedges with B. B. King. But not the biscuit.

  Kwame is a wonderful son.

  Which was just one reason why, in the morning, I wired him two thousand dollars from my favorite Western Union at the drugstore, but this time I was first in line.

  I was listening to Kwame’s voicemail thanking me for sending him the money and saying what a lifesaver I was, when B.B. started barking at the front door. Kwame had just said that his mother’s recovery was going to be slow, but she was improving a little bit every day, when I heard the knocking. I hit End.

  I was surprised to see Sadie standing there when I opened the door. Her short platinum hair on her tiny head looked like a French poodle, and she was wearing a lavender dress with puffy sleeves, which was so out of character it was almost funny.

  “What’s wrong, Sadie?”

  “I have to cancel dinner tonight,” she said, and stormed right past me and sat in Carl’s chair, which I didn’t really like. No one sits in that chair but me.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s him. Again.”

  “Not the preacher?”

  “He’s back. He left his wife.”

  “What’s that got to do with dinner tonight?”

  “Do you remember how you felt when you fell in love with Carl, Loretha?”

  “Of course I do. But Carl didn’t have a wife and I also wasn’t a sanctimonious hypocrite.”

  “He left his wife for me.”

  “You know what? I wish you had been a lesbian.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “We always thought you were. Well, I did. And Korynthia did.”

  “What would make you think that?”

  “Because we never once heard you talk about any guy you were with and we never saw you with one.”

  “I was saving myself.”

  “For who?”

  “For the Lord.”

  “Well, you sure found him, didn’t you? But why do you have to cancel dinner?”

  “Because he has no place to stay.”

  “Are you standing here telling me you let that son-of-a-bitch move in with you? Please don’t tell me that, Sadie.”

  “I did.”

  “Well, I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you tell him to go find a church that’s open late and stay there while we have dinner at your apartment. And while he’s there, he can beg his Lord and Savior to forgive him for his sins and for being unworthy of your love and his wife’s love.”

  “I don’t know if he’ll understand.”

  “You are making me want to slap some sense into your ass, you know that? Have you told anybody else your good news?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I’m afraid of what they might say.”

  “Oh, so you came to see me thinking I was going to get all Oprah on you or something? Tell you to live your best life with this man?”

  “Can you just tell them I’m sick?”

  “No. Hell to the no! We are coming over to your apartment for dinner because you promised us you wouldn’t back out this time, so it better be ready when we show up at seven o’clock. And he better not be there when we get there or we will sprinkle his ass with the kind of water that burns.”

  “Lo, please?”

  “No. In fact, hell no!”

  “Okay! I’ll tell him to just stay in the bedroom.”

  “No. That’s too close. He needs to be gone.”

  She just stood there, looking stupid in all that lavender.

  “And we’ve got a lot of other things we need to talk about.”

  “Like what?”

  “Should I go down the list?”

  “Yes.”

  “Korynthia’s thinking about selling her house and moving to San Diego, and she’s serious this time. My alcoholic daughter has moved to Vegas with her unemployed boyfriend to become a blackjack dealer.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, should I keep going? Lucky might be getting a divorce. Oh shit, wait: I didn’t mean to say that.”

  “You mean she wants a divorce?”

  “No, Joe does.”

  “Who can blame him? She’s mean-spirited and judgmental, and my prayers for her to change her heart have not been answered.”

  “Keep that to yourself, Sadie. And maybe pray a little harder for yourself while you’re on your knees.”

  She got up from the chair and moved over to the sofa. I didn’t feel any more comfortable.

  “Would you like some coffee?”

  “No,” she said, sinking against the back cushion.

  “Good, because I don’t have any. And even if I did I wouldn’t make you a cup because right now, Sadie, I am so pissed at you I would like to slap you into next week. No, I’m not pissed. I’m embarrassed for you. That you would stoop this low over a man, and a married one at that!”

  “You’ve already made your feelings clear, Loretha.”

  “Wait until everybody else hears this shit.”

  “That’s why I came over. I don’t want you to tell them.”

  “What? You can’t be serious.”

  “Not yet. Please?”

  “I thought you had integrity, Sadie. I thought you were a woman of God. You are a fucking hypocrite. And don’t act like your heart doesn’t know it.”

  “Look. You’ve made your point about a million times. Haven’t you ever done anything stupid?”

  “Of course. But I have never slept with a married man. Let me ask you this: If he’d cheat on his wife of twenty-five years, what would make you think he won’t cheat on you?”

  “There are no guarantees in life.”

  “Fine, I’ll tell everyone we’re having dinner here at my house. You can stay home with your man.”

  “No, I’d still like to come if you don’t mind, Lo. I’m confused and I just need a little time to figure out what I’m going to do.”

  “Well, I guess you better pray on it. Now get out of here and I’ll see you tonight. And if you’re not here at seven we’re all going to storm your apartment and break down your door and drag your ass back over here.”

  “Do you have to swear so much, Loretha?”

  “I guess the hell so,” I said.

  She pushed herself up to a standing position and walked in slow motion to the front door. And for the first time ever, I let her show herself out.

  As soon as she left I called Korynthia, Poochie, and Lucky and told them everything.

  * * *

  —

  It had been so long since I had cooked, I was afraid I’d forgotten how. I wasn’t sure what would be easy and tasty and something that everybody would like, and I wasn’t in any mood to go to the grocery store. Then I remembered that Korynthia had used that Grubhub app so I sat down at my laptop and signed myself up. I could not believe all the restaurants there were to choose from. I knew everybody loved Mexican food, but the thought of beans made my stomach turn. Shit. We just had Chinese at Ko’s last time and I didn’t want to repeat it, so I decided it wouldn’t kill me to cook.

  But as I was staring at all of the beautifully staged fish behind glass at Whole Foods, my cellphone rang. It was Korynthia.r />
  “Lo, I’m on my way back down to San Diego. Bird is on the way to the ER. He left the treatment center a few days after I got home and went straight to his dealer’s, but he may have taken too many. I’m going to strangle his stupid ass as soon as I see him. So, I’m not going to make it tonight. Are you there?”

  “I’m here, Ko. And I’m so sorry to hear this. He’s going to be all right, isn’t he?”

  “I don’t know yet. I’ll call you later. I’m an hour out.”

  And she hung up.

  “Hi, Grandma.” Jonas came out from behind the counter with a wide I’m-so-happy-to-be-working smile. “Are you looking for some of our super-fresh seafood?”

  “What?”

  “Wait. Is something wrong? You look worried. It’s not Jalecia, is it?”

  “No,” I said.

  “Are you all right?”

  “It’s my friend Korynthia’s son. He’s just been taken to the hospital in San Diego. He may have taken too many pills.”

  He went to give me a hug but had on a green rubber apron, so he took off his rubber glove and squeezed my hand.

  “I will pray for him,” he said. “And I’ll tell Cinna and she’ll pray for him, too. You want to go upstairs and sit down for a few minutes, Grandma?”

  “I just might. I need to make a few calls.”

  I took the escalator up to the second floor and walked over to the tables where people ate. I wasn’t sure who to call first, but then my phone rang again and Lucky’s name appeared.

  “Did you talk to Korynthia, Lo?”

  “Yes.”

  “This is fucked up. What should we do?”

  “Let’s wait to hear back from her.”

  “I don’t like this,” she said.

  “I’m scared for Bird. And for Ko. I’m canceling dinner tonight.”

  “Fuck dinner, Lo.”

  “Who can eat?”

  “I’m coming over to your house. And I’m going to call Sadie and tell her to come over, too. If that’s all right?”

  “Come.”

  I left whatever I had put in my cart. I walked out of the store and wanted to keep walking all the way to San Diego to hug my friend, to give her some strength.