It's Not All Downhill From Here

by Terry McMillan

  Nobody laughed.

  “Well, ladies, you all look great. I just want you to know that the seats recline and if you’re uncomfortable at all, just press the call button and I’ll do everything I can to make this six-hour drive as pleasant as possible. The TVs have headphones so you don’t have to disturb your neighbor, and refreshments are available. Are we okay?”

  Everybody said we were.

  “And I can change the lighting to suit your mood. Whatever you like: blue, pink, purple, yellow, and red, which I don’t recommend.”

  “Purple,” I said, and I had no idea why.

  “Well, since this is for your birthday I’ll just keep my mouth shut, but I hope I can sleep,” Lucky said.

  I gave her the finger and just missed touching the back of her head. Korynthia cracked up. Sadie must not have seen me do it.

  * * *

  —

  “What’s that?” Sadie asked after we pulled up in front of the Venetian and saw Poochie gripping both hands on a walker as if she couldn’t stand without it. Tending to her mama had obviously taken a toll on her because Poochie now looked about eighty. Her breasts sloped like two eggplants under that ugly grandma floral dress and she had a beige shawl wrapped around her neck. We didn’t know what to say to one another but were glad the windows in the van were black so she couldn’t see us staring at her.

  Before Billy Dee Williams opened the door, he said, “Happy birthday, Miss Loretha. It has been my pleasure to drive you young ladies. Harold will be your return driver and you will like him, but not as much as me! Don’t pick up any strange men, I hope you all win lots of money, and thank you for your very generous tip. Much appreciated. And much needed.”

  He gave us each a hug after helping us disembark.

  Poochie was waving at us like we had just gotten off the Titanic.

  “I’m so happy to see you girls in the flesh, and please don’t say anything about this,” she said as she pointed to her walker. “It’s necessary. But anyway, give me a hug!”

  And we took turns hugging her.

  “Your rooms are ready and I typed up our itinerary so we know where we’re supposed to be because we have a lot to cover in forty-eight hours.”

  The Venetian never makes me feel like I’m in Venice because Carl and I went to the real Venice. This is an over-the-top imitation, but I’m not going to complain. I do love coming to Las Vegas because people come from all over the world to witness this spectacle. Carl and I used to drive here three or four times a year and pretend like we were eloping.

  “So, who’s sharing a suite?” Poochie asked.

  “Me and Korynthia,” I said.

  Lucky tried not to but failed and gave an Oh, hell look at Sadie.

  “And you better not preach or I’ll cut you,” Lucky said.

  We had to cover our mouths to stop ourselves from laughing out loud.

  As we followed the bellman toward the elevators to head up to our rooms, we oohed and aahed over the gigantic floral arrangements, and after we walked by millionaire-shops row, there on our left was the first set of slot machines and the casino alive behind it. When I heard people jumping up and down screaming and saw red lights flashing, I heard myself say, “I want to play the slots.”

  “Nobody’s going to stop you,” Korynthia said.

  “Right now,” I said.

  “Can’t you wait until we get settled?” Sadie asked.

  “No. Isn’t this my birthday celebration?”

  “You old bitch!” Korynthia said. “I’m down with you! I need some excitement, too!”

  And we both started laughing.

  “Well, here are your keys, ladies,” Poochie said. “Do this: go over our itinerary before you go to sleep, if you sleep that is, and let me know if you’re too rich or too hungover to have breakfast in the morning.”

  “Then, I’ll see you all in the morning,” Lucky said, holding on to the luggage cart. I knew Sadie would follow her up. We all gave Poochie a peck on both cheeks and I gave Sadie mine and Korynthia’s key to put our luggage in. Korynthia and I spent the next four hours winning and losing hundreds of dollars until we realized it was almost four A.M. and we decided to call it a night.

  * * *

  —

  I didn’t know where I was when I woke up and whoever it was banging on the damn door didn’t help. Korynthia wasn’t in her bed, which scared me. I got up and looked through the peephole. It was Sadie, in her thick white bathrobe.

  “I cannot sleep in that room with Lucky. She snores like a pig. Where’s Ko?” she asked when she saw her bed was empty.

  “I don’t know. Wait.” And I picked up the white notepad at the foot of my bed that read: Went to the gym. I need to start my day off right. See you before breakfast.

  “Good for her. Good for her. So, I’ll just take her blanket and lie down there on the sofa.”

  Which she did.

  When I felt Korynthia shaking me, she said, “Get your lazy asses up. And, Sadie, I can only imagine why you left Lucky in there. Anyway, according to Poochie’s itinerary, we’ve got a long, fun day ahead of us and we should be at breakfast in twenty-four minutes. I have already showered. Try it. You’ll like it. Leave now, Sadie.”

  And she did.

  * * *

  —

  Poochie was waiting for us in the restaurant. As was Lucky, who seemed to have an attitude for having been abandoned. We pretended not to notice.

  “I want to go to the mall,” Korynthia said. “I need to shop.”

  “I don’t feel like shopping,” Sadie said.

  “Me either,” Lucky said.

  “Well, I do,” I said to Ko. “Wait,” I said looking at the itinerary. “So, O is at seven, but I don’t see the strip club on here.”

  “Good,” Sadie said.

  “I didn’t know you were serious,” Poochie said.

  “Oh, hell yeah, I was!” Korynthia said. “Look, I paid to see penises and bare-chested young men and it’s at ten o’clock so after we leave O we will drink a double-double latte and have our asses in seats four rows from the front. I need this.”

  “I don’t know what I need,” I said. “But I’m due for some excitement and I haven’t seen a penis in over a year.”

  Sadie and Lucky said nothing.

  * * *

  —

  As we stood outside the Bellagio and watched the spectacular water show along with hundreds of other people while Michael Jackson sang “Billie Jean,” I found myself thinking about my daughter as I watched the spray of water do its final dance, skipping across the pond until it came to a halt and the music stopped. I felt a sigh of relief knowing she was safe.

  Even though we’d all seen it before, O was, of course, spectacular. It was a real wet dream. I still don’t understand how you can walk on water and have flickering circles of flames on it, but the costumes combined with acrobatics were what always took my breath away.

  “They’re mostly ex-Olympians,” Sadie said.

  “And French Canadians,” Lucky said. Both were not true but Ko and I just bumped elbows rather than correct them.

  Only forty minutes into the ninety-minute show we heard Poochie and Lucky snoring. I nudged Korynthia, who nudged Lucky, who nudged Sadie, but Poochie, who was right behind us in the handicapped section, didn’t budge until Lucky shook her walker.

  When the show was over, we waited for Lucky and Poochie at the bar and were able to have two drinks before they sauntered over to us.

  “I’m too tired to go to any strip club,” Lucky said.

  “I’m staying at the hotel tonight,” Poochie said. “And I don’t want to look at any penises.”

  “When was the last time you saw one?” Korynthia, who had had two Rusty Nails, asked.

  “Take a wild guess,” Poochie said.


  “So, who’s with your mama?” Lucky asked.

  “Her caregiver is staying over. You want to watch a movie in my room, Lucky?”

  “Sure. As long as there’s no blood in it.”

  Ko and I peered at Sadie as if we dared her to back out.

  She stomped her rubber sole. “I’m going even though it’s against my better judgment,” she said. “But mostly to shut you two up.”

  “Then we will see you ladies tomorrow for more shopping and an early dinner and then I will bid you all farewell before Celine,” Poochie said. “You pack your bags and send them down and your driver will be waiting for you with them outside the lobby entrance after the show.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “I’m not going to see her,” Poochie said.

  “Why not?” Lucky asked.

  “Because I’ve seen her too many times.”

  “Well, I don’t like her voice, but I didn’t want to be a party pooper,” Lucky said.

  We all looked at one another and laughed.

  * * *

  —

  I hadn’t been inside any kind of strip club in at least forty years. I was tired but not too tired for this. Carl was the last shirtless man in briefs I’d seen.

  Sadie looked scared.

  The place was full of women of all ages and quite a few men. When the music started, the dancers came out strutting to the beat, wearing gold neckties, showing off those shimmering chests and strong quads in satin G-strings. By the time they lined up and started swirling and dipping, we could hardly hear the music because everybody was screaming and standing up. When one of them bent down and grabbed Sadie’s hand, she looked like she was about to have a heart attack. At first. And then a smile appeared on what had been an annoyed face and the next thing we knew Sadie was moving to a beat in her seat and we cracked up when we saw her pop her fingers and then slip a twenty inside a fine Asian guy’s G-string. By the time we left, Ko and I were exhausted, but Sadie seemed to still be a little wired. Thank you, Jesus.

  * * *

  —

  We slept in, spent two hours at an amazing outlet, and I did not buy anything because I didn’t need anything. Korynthia bought yet another sexy workout outfit. Lucky had a vanilla shake. Sadie bought a dress on sale that was just like the one she had on but a different color. To kill time, we decided to play a little blackjack and some slots. None of us knew how to play craps, so we just stood there and watched for about twenty minutes until I decided to take a chance and put some chips on a bunch of numbers like everybody else had been doing. When it was my turn to roll the dice I threw them so hard they went over the rim. They let me roll again and this time I rolled an eleven and everybody jumped for joy and so did I when they handed me two hundred dollars’ worth of chips. I rolled again, a wrong number this time, so I cashed in my chips. I did not want to gamble anymore because I couldn’t tell if it was easier to lose or to win.

  * * *

  —

  Poochie just had to bring a cake. I had pleaded with her not to pick a fancy restaurant and she still insisted on four stars.

  “Okay, first of all, I just want to say what a good time I’ve had celebrating my birthday with you all. I would really appreciate it if we could just pretend this is one of our regular catch-up dinners, except I’d like to go around and hear each of you say one thing you are grateful for and, since it’s still New Year’s, one thing you resolve to do to improve the quality of your life so that we can still be doing this for the next fifteen years.”

  “Then, why don’t you start since it’s your birthday,” Poochie said.

  “Well, I’m grateful we’re still friends after more than fifty years. I intend to start taking my diabetes more seriously and I’m going to try to be nicer to my sister and listen to everything my mother has to say. And I’m going to go to Tokyo in June to see my son and grandkids. I know that’s about four or five things, but this is my damn birthday party!”

  I got applause.

  Poochie went next: “First, I just want to say how grateful I am that you all understood why this wasn’t a good time to see my mom. But I’m also pleased to announce I’ve booked our cruise for late May, so schedule everything around that time since I know your social lives are so busy. My biggest goal to improve my life is to have one or both orthopedic surgeries so I’ll be healthy by then.”

  We all nodded.

  Korynthia said: “I’ll be grateful when this grief I’ve been feeling will begin to ease. And I hope to learn how to have fun again, like we’ve had here in Vegas.”

  She got fist pumps.

  “I just want to stop being so goddamn mean and lose some of this fucking weight.” Classic Lucky. “What am I grateful for? This will surprise you, but I am grateful for my husband, who I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I hope he still loves me.”

  We were not surprised, which was why she got fist pumps, nods, and tears.

  Sadie said, “I’m grateful for a loving God, who I hope will forgive me for sleeping with someone else’s husband. I’ve also been thinking about going back to work at the library. But this time I don’t want to be paid for it.”

  And then Poochie lit the candles and I blew them out.

  And I did not eat any of the cake.

  We hugged and kissed Poochie goodbye then thanked her for all that she’d done to arrange the weekend and told her we would pray that her mama’s suffering eased soon.

  * * *

  —

  In the sold-out Colosseum at Caesars Palace, our seats were so close we were able to see the perspiration on Celine’s forehead. She was still as skinny now as she was before she had those kids. And she sounded as good in person as she did on her CDs, even though Lucky said she was probably lip-synching. Celine sang every song I ever loved and Lucky sat there like she was watching the hands on a clock move, but when Celine belted out “My Heart Will Go On” and everybody gave her a standing ovation, Lucky didn’t get up because she was sitting there crying like a baby.

  Anyone watching would’ve sworn I’d been gone for years by the way B. B. King jumped a whopping six or seven inches off the ground when I went to pick him up at the doggie hotel. But apparently, he hadn’t been all that lonely. The attendant introduced me to his new friend Molly, a much younger schnauzer who wore a yellow bow in her black Jheri curl. She wagged her tail at about 45 rpms and when the attendant handed me B.B.’s leash and we headed toward the exit, he acted like he didn’t want to leave. When I opened the door, he actually turned around to blow Molly what appeared to be a kiss and the look in his eyes made it clear he was telling her he couldn’t wait to see her again.

  “You should’ve gotten her number,” I said after Mr. King took his sweet time getting in the back seat. I could tell he hadn’t heard a word I said because he was too busy looking out the back window! And then I heard him flop down on the seat and moan. It was then that I realized B. B. King had fallen in love. Lucky for him.

  * * *

  —

  Before we got inside the door my cellphone rang and when I saw the blocked call I just said, “Yes, Peggy.”

  “Have you seen or heard from Jalecia in the past forty-eight hours?”

  “No, I haven’t. Why, what’s going on?”

  “If I knew that, I wouldn’t be calling you.”

  I thought about hanging up on her right then.

  “Well, I’m not high on her call list, as you very well know.”

  “You don’t even sound like you’re concerned.”

  “You’ve got a lot of nerve saying that to me, Peggy.”

  “I apologize. She usually checks in, that’s all. And I’m worried. But she’s not back with Loser #10 and she’s not in jail, so I’m just stressing that she might be on a binge.”

  Just then, a call came in on the other line. I saw Jal
ecia’s name appear and I just said, “That’s her calling me now. I’ll call you back.”

  And I clicked over.

  My heart was beating so hard I could almost hear it.

  “Jalecia? Hello?” I said.

  “Hi, Ma. How are you?”

  “I’m doing okay, I guess.”

  “Sorry I missed your birthday.”

  “It’s okay. How are you doing? Peggy just called asking if I’d seen you.”

  “I’m not surprised.”

  “Are you on something? Your voice sounds sluggish.”

  “I’ve been in a very bad way, which is why Aunt Peggy kicked me out.”

  “What do you mean she kicked you out?”

  “She asked me to leave until I sobered up.”

  “Well, where are you?”

  “You don’t want to know.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “I’m in line to register at a shelter.”

  I wanted to scream out: A shelter? Are you crazy? But I didn’t. Instead I composed myself and said, “Would you like me to come get you?”

  “Would you?”

  “Give me the address and I’ll get there as fast as I can.”

  “I don’t know the address.”

  “Please ask somebody, Jalecia.”

  “Hold on. A lot of these people in here are stoned out of their minds.”

  I waited.

  And I waited some more.

  And then she came back on and told me the address.

  “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Don’t go anywhere, Jalecia.”

  “I’ll be standing outside,” she said, slurring.

  I was there in ten minutes.