by Anna White
“It’s lovely to see you again son.” Her icy eyes warmed through when she hugged him and kissed his cheek. “You look well darling.” Her hand cupped his face and I watched as he smiled politely at her.
“Thank you, so do you.” My eyes didn’t leave them and I watched as Juve came rushing through us all.
“Tables ready!” He exclaimed and dragged Chlo by her hand towards where we were being seated. I caught his chuckle. His smile was infectious and he seemed so upbeat. Similar to Buddy. I laughed to myself and watched Haz smirk down at me.
“I can’t believe you spoke to my mother like that.” I frowned at the mention of her and shrugged.
“She spoke to you like shit and me?” He smirked and I shook my head. I felt his hand rest on the bottom of my back. “Will you sit next to me at least?” I murmured at him and watched as he smirked and shrugged.
“What’s in it for me?” I placed myself in one of the chairs at the table and raised my brow at him. He placed both hands behind me on my chair and I pulled his shirt a little so his ear was by my mouth.
“I’ve got no knickers on.” I heard him gulp and closed my legs closer together. I watched him straighten himself out.
“You’re lying.” He wasn’t smiling or smirking, his face was dead straight and I smiled as I shrugged.
“Try me.” I smirked again and watched him take his seat next to me. My eyes followed his hands as he wiped them down his trousers and I grinned before I looked back at the people gathered around the table. I leaned towards Jay as he nudged my arm and smiled softly at him. His big brown eyes were shining.
“You pair need to be more subtle than that.” I pushed his arm softly and smiled as he shook his head. “What did you say to him? He looks like he’s gonna have a heart attack?” I chuckled and shook my head. I examined him carefully and took his hand in mine softly. His eyes met mine and softened. I felt him run his thumb over the back of my hand and closed my eyes when he did it. I loved that feeling.
The atmosphere around the table was tense and though conversation seemed to flow well between everyone else both Haz and I kept quiet. I glanced at Chlo taking pictures of everyone, she caught my eye and tilted her head towards Haz. He was lost in thought by the looks of it and I smiled softly at her. His fingers traced the inside of my thigh slowly and I pressed my lips together before I turned my head to face him. My eyes were wider now as he made his way closer towards where my knickers should have put a barrier between our skin on skin contact but they weren’t there. I involuntarily closed my eyes as he ran his fingers over my slit and heard him clear his throat before he moved his hand away from me. I watched him stand and excuse himself and flushed as he leaned down towards me.
“I can’t fucking believe you’re not wearing any knickers.” He didn’t sound angry, frustrated maybe and I glanced over my shoulder at him.
“They ruined the illusion of my dress?” I fluttered my lashes and watched as he made his way towards the bar. I was sure I heard him groan and glanced over the table towards Buddy who was grinning.
“So if you’re not Jay’s girl but your off limits are you his?” He smirked at me and I shook my head.
“Absolutely not.” I scoffed and watched Jay place his arm over the back of my chair.
“She’s off limits because none of you are good enough for her.” Jay grinned and winked at Buddy and chuckled when his face dropped. Juve sucked in air sharply and laughed. I too laughed and watched as Haz’s eyes traced Jay’s arm draped over the back of my chair.
“So what’s the deal with you then Av? How did you charm him and my brother?” Juve relaxed back in his chair and I watched his father's eyes flit towards where I was sat.
“Sorry, what?” I almost choked on the water than was in my mouth and watched him grin.
“He looks at you like he wants your babies,” he pointed at Haz and I heard Chlo chuckle. It was a proper dirty laugh and I shut my eyes trying my best not to crack a smile “and he looks at you all funny, I haven’t figured out what he thinks of you just yet.” I watched Chlo smack Juve and frowned at him.
“I do not want her babies, thank you very much.” Haz interjects into the conversation and I feel his hand on my thigh. He squeezes softly.
“Mhm, could have fooled me mate.” He wriggled his brow in his direction and I watched as he rolled his eyes at him.
“What do you do Avaya?” His father interrupts the banter between his sons and I felt myself become instantly nervous.
“I’m at uni, I graduate next year.” I watched him as he smiled fondly and nodded.
“She sings, voice of an angel.” Jay added, I frowned at him and watched Juve tilt his head.
“What do you sing?” I watched as Chlo grinned at me.
“Soul when she’s cleaning.” She winked at me and I laughed a little before I shrugged.
“Anything really, though I suppose Chlo is right I do love some soul.” I smiled at his father who too smiled. His mother didn’t say a word she just sat examining me between Jay and Haz. I felt Haz squeeze my leg softly and Jay looked down at his watch.
“Well it’s been a lovely reunion, but we need to get going.” I rose from my chair, pulling on my dress to make sure I didn’t flash anyone and took my place next to Jay.
“It was nice to meet you all.” I smiled at the faces around the table and followed them both towards Haz’s car. I felt him take my hand in his before I climbed in the back of the car. Jay had already got behind the driver's seat.
“Just don’t run?” His eyes saddened and I reached for his face. I kissed his perfect heart shaped lips and felt him run his hands over my back pulling me closer into him. “Please?” His voice cracked and I shook my head.
“I promise I won’t run.” I ran my nose over his and heard him exhale loudly. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? What the fucking hell are they about to show me?
On the way to wherever they were about to take me I started to debate my decision. I glanced down at the phone in my pocket and note the date
26th November 2019 - We had planned a week away earlier on in the year. Soph’s dad had booked it well in advance and I’d completely forgotten about it, I must make a mental note to text Soph and ask for the dates, I was almost positive it was the middle of December, once we’d broken up from Uni. I ran my hand over his and watched his saddened, fear riddled eyes glance at mine. I exhaled louder than I’d planned too as my chest twisted. I hated seeing him so upset. He squeezed my fingers and kissed them slowly. I slid closer towards him in the back seat and kissed the corner of his mouth. The sound of his breathing made me calmer and my fingers traced over his stubble. I wanted to know the full extent of what they were all involved in but I didn’t want to push him too far. I watched Jay gazed at us through the mirror before we entered the car park. He placed some distance between us as the car came to a halt. His eyes were saddened as his fingers traced over my lips. I kissed them softly.
“Don’t move, don’t breathe if you don’t have to.” I nodded softly, his demeanor had changed instantly as he left the car. His words were an order and not a request.
The both of them pulled their suites and I watched as another car came from almost nowhere out of the pitch black. Rava climbed effortlessly out of the Audi Q7 along with a few of the lads in his little gang. My brow furrowed as he threw a huge bag of white powder towards Haz.
“This needs distributing this week.” I tried my hardest to catch their conversation.
“How was the trip?” Arlo butted into the conversation.
“Good business is growing.” Haz talked about drug distribution as though it was nothing. As though it was legal. I swallowed the lump that was growing in my throat.
“I can’t help but notice your little brunette is staying with Alfie?” Rava’s eyes darkened and my gut twisted. I remembered that night at Alfie’s bar and grimaced. I watched as Haz shifted on his feet, steadied by Jay’s hand on his shoulder.
“She’s not my lit
tle anything.” His voice was low, husky and I watched as he folded his arms when Arlo and Rava both laughed together, the other lads joined in.
“You could have fooled me.” Arlo smirked at Jay who shook his head. My hands were growing clammy as they spoke about me. I didn’t think we’d been anything but discrete. I shook my head and rested my head against my hand.
“You know shipping to Australia is becoming more difficult? So doing this will be tough.” Jay commented and I watched as Rava’s shoulders rose and fell.
“I have every faith that you’ll do it. We need a meeting on borders actually.” He winked at the two elusive brothers before he looked over his shoulder towards a dirty blonde haired girl. I drew in a sharp intake of breath. She looked awful. Weak, she was swaying from side to side. There was no expression on her face, I placed my hand on the window slightly and felt my chest constrict. Jay held onto Haz’s blazer in an attempt to stop him from walking any further towards her.
“Do you remember her?” Rava presented the tiny blonde girl to him. She looked even smaller next to Rava. Her body was the same size as their arms put together. I frowned and watched as Haz shook his head, anger spreading across his face. “Keep her safe, you wouldn’t want her getting into the wrong hands now would you?” Rava’s tone was patronising and I noticed Jay squeezing Haz’s shoulder.
“She’s nothing to worry about, she’s just around.” Jays tone was flat and my head started to spin. Who was that girl?
“Good. Then he has nothing to worry about.” I watched the smirk rise on his face and then watched as he spit in their direction. I grimaced. They all bundled into the car and I watched Rava throw another bag at Haz.
“For recreation.” He laughed loudly and slammed the door shut before their car screeched out of the car park. My breathing hiked as I studied his expression. He was furious, his arms tensed under Jay’s touch and I burned to touch him and comfort him.
“I had no idea they were gonna pull Holly out Haz.” Jay’s voice was low and I watched as Harry’s head lowered. I opened the door and climbed from the car. My back was against the cool door and I watched as his frown deepened. His eyes were ice cold as he looked in mine. My hands were shaking and I couldn’t cope with the lack of words in the air. I stepped forward and he instantly moved back away from me. A gasp escaped my lips and he shook his head.
“No Av.” He placed his hands up in front of him in a manner to stop me moving any closer towards him. Tears instantly appeared in my eyes and I nodded as I stepped backwards towards the car.
“I’m sorry.” I whispered and felt Jay run his cold hand over the skin on my arm.
“C’mon we should get back?” I was scared to look up at him. I was scared of the feeling of rejection returning. I opened the car door and slid along the leather in the back seat. The tears in my eyes finally escaped and flew freely down my cheeks. I needed to know who that poor girl was and why he’d changed so drastically since he saw her.
Vens
Thoughts of Holly and her massive baby bump plagued my awake thoughts on the drive home. Jay turned off the ignition and we both looked towards her asleep in the back of the car. Her thick hair was half covering her face. My heart pounded just looking at her.
“I know how you feel about her,” Jay’s words were quiet “but what are you going to do? You gonna let her go?” I squeezed my eyes tightly shut for a split second. The thought of never touching her again almost too much to bare.
“They know don’t they? You should have told me sooner that she was your new mark?” I pulled my eyes off her sleepy face and looked at Jay. He shook his head.
“I didn’t even know you’d met her when you did Haz.” I shook my head. “You fell for her then, it wouldn’t have mattered when I told you? I have been telling you to stay away from her.” My chest tensed at his words.
“I haven’t fallen for her.” He raised his brow. My words were sharp and I watched him shake his head. “If she was a bitch this would have been easy I’d have taken her to him myself but look at her Jay.” His eyes left mine and focused on her asleep in the car. “She’s the most pure thing I’ve ever seen in my life.” He nodded and cleared his throat.
“What the fuck do they want with her Haz?” I shrugged at his question. She’d got to know what was going on. The reason why we’d been keeping her so guarded.
“I dunno, but she needs to know what’s going on? We can’t keep sharing half our lives with her,” I found my eyes wandering back towards her and watched her face twist in her sleep. “We’re hurting her Jay.” I felt his hand against my shoulder, the pressure of his squeeze making me acknowledge that I was staring at her. His mud brown eyes looked tortured and were most definitely a mirror image of mine.
“She can’t know Haz.” I shook my head and glared at him. “You’ve gotta let her go.” I watched him grimace and make his way out of the car. I knew that this was going to happen but I thought we’d have more time to fix it. I too made my exit from the car and opened the back to see her still sound asleep. Her body though heavy with slumber was still light and I found myself carrying her out of the car towards my room. I wanted to spend whatever time I had left with her alone. I went to release her and felt her grip tighten around my neck.
“Don’t let me go.” My heart stopped as I placed her on the bed. It was almost as though she knew what I was about to do. I let myself lay next to her. Her arms still wrapped around me in a sleepy slumber. I let my fingers trace her beautiful slightly flushed cheeks. I couldn’t turn her into what Holly had become. I would never have taken her there if I’d have known he was going to pull her out of that car. I shook away the thoughts of a memory of her many years ago and felt her arms squeeze me slightly more. She pushed her chest against mine and my hand fell to her hip. Her sleepy eyes opened, still slightly hooded but still that beautiful vibrant green. I ran my thumb over the material of her dress which had slid up revealing more of her skin. I watched her smile and the sensation of her fingers tracing my stubble made it hard for me to breathe.
“I’m so sorry Avay,” I began to talk but found myself stopping. I needed her and I couldn’t have her.
“Don’t be, we all have a past.” Her voice was calm and it soothed me.
“But I’m dealing drugs now Av?” Her eyebrow lifted and she placed her lips against mine. I fought the temptation to give into her “I’m not the guy you’ve painted me to be in your head,” she stayed silent and there was no sign of distress anywhere on her expression “I’m not meant to be your knight in shining armour. I hurt people. For a living that’s what I do.” She pulled herself up slightly and sat upright, the straps on her dress were hanging over her shoulders and her hair was all messy and wild.
“You really need to stop assuming your a bad guy.” She shook her head and her hair swirled around her face. I watched as she made her way towards me. I was pinned underneath her, her dress hiked as she sat across my lap. I sat up on my forearms and my eyes traced her fingers unbuttoning my white shirt. Fuck sake Av not now, don’t do this. “I’m old enough to make my own choices, I don’t need a knight in shining armour.” Her sleepy voice was sexy and I felt her lean down so now her lips were against mine. “Stop leaving me in the dark and just tell me what I’ve got myself into?” I gulped and took her face in my hands softly.
“You’d want to run screaming if you knew.” I whispered. My voice shocked me, it was low and domineering. I heard her suppress a moan. The feeling of my erection against her through trousers wasn’t good enough. “Av, I really don’t think this is a good idea.” I cleared my throat and closed my eyes. When I opened them again she had knocked the straps of her dress off her shoulders, I’d been dying to get her like this earlier in the night. That fact she’d been naked underneath that navy dress had been killing me and now I needed her to stop. Before it was too late. “Avaya.” I warned and ran my hands up her thighs. Her eyes were burning. I knew that look, she pressed herself lightly against my erection and I squeezed
her legs as I took a deep breath.
“Tell me you don’t want me and I’ll stop.” How the fuck was I supposed to tell you that? Desire burned through me. My eyes wandered over her body as I watched her pull her dress over her head. The only thing covering her skin was her hair. I growled and sat up pulling her head close to my mouth.
“For fuck sake Avaya,” I heard her whimper as I gripped the back of her hair and invaded her mouth with my tounge. The taste of her overwhelmed me. I saw nothing but her. The pressure of her lay me back down, we were still kissing and felt our kiss stop when she pulled away from me. Her lips traced my neck slowly, across my chest and down my stomach. She tugged lightly on my trousers and I helped her to get them down. My erection sprug free from my boxers and I glanced down at her. She had a dark expression on her face. I watched as she examined my length and moaned as she took it in her mouth. I gripped the sheets between my hands and almost hissed. Does this girl not have a gag reflex? I closed my eyes briefly before I watched her move her head up and down my length. I bit down on my lip to hold in a groan and released myself inside her mouth. She didn’t flinch, her gaze was hot as she swallowed and released me from her mouth. Fucking hell shes hot. She sat on my chest and kissed my forehead softly before she climbed off me to go towards the bathroom. I sat up swiftly and grabbed her hand in mine, completely in awe of her, hot for her and partially heart broken.
“What?” She lifted her eyebrow in my direction and I shook my head slowly.
“Where are you going?” I fired my question back at her. My eyes danced over the silhouette of her body, her breasts were perfectly perky and her stomach was washboard flat. I reached to run my fingers down her navel and watched her head tilt backwards slightly. “Fuck me Av you’re beautiful.” I whispered as I took her in and she stilled beneath my light touch.