by Anna White
“C’mon, let’s talk more inside,” she nodded and held my hand in hers. The beauty of our friendship was this. No matter how long it had been between visits she was always the same. She never changed and neither did our friendship.
We both lay on the sofa in my rather warm and cozy living room. She chatted about her plans once she’d finished university next summer. She’d been offered a job working for a logistics company, it was an offer she couldn’t really turn down while she was saving to go on her travels. The only thing that was putting her off was the fact she would have to move back down here. This brought up the memories of her and her older brothers being ridiculously mean to us even when we were small. I frowned and watched as she scrunched her face up too.
“You know what they’re both like, fucking idiots.” She rolled her eyes and I smirked to myself.
“Yup.” It was true. All they had ever been growing up was trouble. Anya was always well behaved and always studied hard. The polar opposite of her were her two elder brothers. I closed my eyes as I got comfortable on the sofa.
“So are you gonna introduce me to your new friends?” She grinned and I blushed almost instantly. My eyes opened slightly as I peered towards her.
“I’ll have to think about it?” I grimaced as she kicked my leg. Her flawless face was now deep set with wrinkles.
“What’s there to think about?!” She exclaimed as she folded her arms with disappointment. I chuckled softly.
“You literally look like a spoilt child,” my laughter took the rest of my sentence off my lips and I watched her grin. Her mouth twisted into a brilliant white smile and her wrinkles disappeared.
I managed to get the final bits of my Christmas shopping done, I grabbed Chlo’s hand as she pulled me onto the packed train. Our bags clattered around us and she grimaced as she accidently hit an older gentleman in the nuts. I bit down on my lip to try and stop a laugh. I loved Christmas, everyone seemed upbeat and happy. I have the best memories sharing my Christmas’s with Nance and Soph in their homes with their families. Mum never wanted me to feel alone around my Birthday and Christmas’s, she had always made a point of being surrounded by people. Anya had admitted that she would be staying with her ‘friend’ whilst she was down here for Christmas. She’d explained that her mum was abroad over in New York on business and she wasn’t staying with her brothers. I glanced over towards Chlo who had managed to find a couple of seats. She offered a weak smile my way and I smirked.
“What did you buy everyone?” Leaning across, her hand touched the side of the bag and I tapped her fingers.
“Never you mind!” I watched her eyes roll and her tongue dart outwards at me. I chuckled and nudged her arm softly. I placed my glasses back on the bridge of my nose and she chuckled at me.
“I didn’t realise you wore glasses.” She pointed towards them, her brown eyes full of wonder and I nodded.
“When I have headaches or when I’m concentrating.” I admitted. She reached across and took them off my face.
“What did you get him?” She asked curiously. Her mouth twisting upwards at the corners.
“Just some bits and bobs.” The truth was I couldn’t afford to buy him anything like he’d brought me. I was a broke uni student without a job.
“Oh Av,” she rolled her eyes at me “he doesn’t want you to buy him a new bloody car and don’t ever feel bad for not being able to return his extravagant gifts,” she wasn’t making me feel any better about this “I think he quite likes spoiling you.” she grinned and I huffed. My heart sunk in my chest. I wanted nothing more than to spoil him too. The train stopped and Chlo scrambled to her feet, grabbing her bags and I followed. She laughed loudly as she bumped into angry commuters and pushed the open button. The train doors flung open and she dived onto the platform. I rolled my eyes and followed her, appologising to the angry commuters she’d just picced off and pushig her arm full of bags.
“Honestly you’re absolutely lethal.” I laughed as her shoulders rose and fell. We trudged towards her Merc that was parked away from all the other cars and threw our bags in the boot.
“He really likes you you know?” I tried my hardest to fight a smile and I shrugged as I blushed.
“Chlo. Please shush.” I rolled my eyes as I finished shoving our things in the tiny boot all whilst trying my best not to squash the designer bags she’d got.
Vens - Monday
She was ignoring me; since she’d been back from her shopping trip she’d ignored me. I placed my hand on Jay’s shoulder and squeezed. His eyes met mine, his expression unreadable. “What’s wrong?” I questioned as he ran his fingers through the top of his thick dark hair. I had a funny feeling I wasn’t going to like his answer.
“Rava and his dad. I’m going to need your help bro.” I rolled my eyes and took my seat next to him, he was shrugging and turned in his chair towards mine before he placed his head in his hands.
“What’s going on?” My tone was low and I didn’t really want to know what was happening. If it was anything to do with Av I would lose it.
“Oh you know the issue with Av? Then Rava is digging around. Oh and your dad’s endeavour to bring our law firm down with his business... ” He looked older when he spoke about business, he looked strained and I shook my head. I wanted to apologise but the truth was I couldn’t control any of those factors. We were in a pretty shitty situation.
“I’ll help where I can, but I can’t talk to Bandoni. He’ll know the second I open my mouth that I’m lying Jay,” I began to speak frantically and watched as he nodded in my direction, holding my arm.
“I know, I know.” He swung his chair back to face his laptop. I watched as he began to type yet more emails and glanced down at my phone. I frowned as my screen went blank. I scrolled through my Facebook to see nothing from her. She was usually online but nothing. Why an Earth was she ignoring me? I huffed and felt his eyes burrowing into the side of my head. I glanced towards him and watched him smirk and shake his head.
“What’s up?” He questioned, typing frantically at his keyboard and not even looking in my direction.
“She’s ignoring me?” I folded my arms as I lay back on the bed.
“You ever thought she’s just trying to give you some time to yourself?” I hadn’t thought about that at all.
“Yeah but she’s literally just ignoring my texts? I haven’t seen her properly since her Birthday?” He just laughed and my frown became deeper.
“Dude, have you heard yourself?” I stroked my forehead and groaned.
“Have you ever been inside her?” The words left my mouth quicker than I could stop them. I felt him punch my arm with some force and hit him back. “Ouch!” I rubbed my arm and watched him roll his eyes.
“You know I haven’t. She that good?” I watched his expression darken and my temper bubbled. I knew that look.
“Shut up, and anyway I didn’t mean it like that. I miss her company.” I rambled as he laughed and clapped his hands together slowly.
“Fucking hell lad you are whipped.” I hit him around the back of his head before I scrambled to my feet and towards the bathroom door. I wasn’t up for a headache if he decided to retaliate. I laughed as he threw a stapler at the bedroom door just as I closed it behind me. I chuckled to myself as I made my way down the stairs. It was the day before Christmas, the lights were up and so were the trees. I fucking hated this time of year. It brought back some pretty shit times. My veins pulsed in my arms and I gripped them softly.
Alfie was leaning against the kitchen side and scratching his head. I placed my hand on his back and he smiled up at me. His blonde hair all tousled. I got the feeling that he was stressing over something. I smiled and glanced towards the tree he had placed in the kitchen. I’m guessing for the meal we were having here.
“I’ll help you Christmas Day if that’s what you’re stressing about? The cooking?” I watched him hold back a small smile and shrug.
“I thought you hated Christmas? Why woul
d you want to help? You usually hide in your room?” It was all true. I did hide, mum and dad came down every two years and I don’t think I’d ever sat and eaten with them. Usually the Christmas decorations never go up because I just can’t stand it. I tried to fight back a memory.
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Holly is stood smiling as she places the last decoration on the tree, glancing down at her stomach she walks towards me and my heart thuds. Her long blonde hair is placed on top of her head. Placing her hands on my shoulders she plants a kiss on my cheek and I bury my head in her neck and squeeze.
“Why do you look so sad?” I roll my eyes and shake my head.
“Nothing Holly. I’m fine.” Tonight Demonte is paying us a visit and I don’t know how this is going to go. I owe him and I owe him big. I glance around the room at our tiny dinghy flat, the only thing that looks decent is the tree she’s just struggled to put up. I move away from her and she places her hand on my shoulder and I turn before frowning at her. She moves her hand quickly and puts it on her little belly. Frowning I exhale.
“Okay then.” She is sad and her eyes are filling. I wish I could tell her what was going to happen. I wish I could tell her that I didn’t mean for any of this, that I’d quit if I could but I can’t. My phone is buzzing in my pocket, I ignore it and place her in my arms.
“Hol, I wish I could change what’s going to happen but I can’t.” She is shaking her head and is cupping my face.
“What are you talking about?” I shake my head and kiss her cheek.
“Just be ready for this.” I place my hand under her chin and she simply smiles. I love how innocent she is, how much she tries…
*************************************************
Shaking my head out of my flashback I looked at Alfie who was no longer smiling.
“I do hate it. I’m trying to make the best out of something so bad.” The anniversary of Holly being taken by Bandoni and Rava and her losing the baby was tonight. My jaw clenched. I needed to be close to Av before I did something I regretted. I made my way to try and find her, the urge to jack up again was so strong and I needed to find her to stop it. She seemed to be the only thing that stopped my rampage.
She was hiding in her old room, well the spare room that she’d stayed in when she first slept here. She leant over the bed, wrapping gifts and I couldn’t help but admire the way her little frame was meticulously wrapping things. I instantly felt easier. How did she manage to do that? Even Holly didn’t ever manage to stop the feeling that she does.
“You avoiding me Holt?” I smirked. She jumped and scrambled to cover the gifts on the bed.
“Shit! Haz close your eyes!” I did as she asked and pictured the look on her face. I stood for what seemed like hours with my eyes closed in her doorway. The feeling of her lips against mine made my heart pound slightly. I wrapped my hands in her hair and kept my eyes closed. I kissed her slowly and felt her move from my kiss before she stroked my face softly.
“Not avoiding you. I’m just trying to give you a little space.” Her voice was soft in tone and I took a small intake of breath. I didn’t want her to give me any space. Putting space between us wasn’t a good idea. I was weak without her close.
“I don’t want space away from you Avaya. Believe me, you leaving me alone now will be the worst thing you could do.” She placed her head against my shoulder, the scent of her perfume surrounded me. It was comforting beyond words. I closed my eyes slowly and ran my fingers through her hair.
“Okay then. I won’t leave you alone.” She whispered, sending shivers down my spine. I opened my eyes and took her hand in mine.
“Good.” I ran my thumb over her jawline and smiled to myself at her reaction. I pulled on her arm softly as I stepped back and sat on her bed. It dipped from my weight and watched as she climbed on my lap. She was quiet and sort of awkward. Almost as if she was hiding something.
“Why don’t you want me to leave you alone?” Her voice was small. I smirked and examined the look in her eyes. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to tell her about Holly, about the baby I so very nearly had and the reason we were lurking around her in the first place but I couldn’t.
“Because I don’t?” I smiled and kissed her head softly letting my lips linger against it for a short moment. Her hands made their way to my cheeks and she smiled as she planted a kiss against my lips.
“I don’t mind that at all.” Her voice was still quiet and I found myself cradling her. She looked tired as she placed herself next to me on the bed. I watched her turn on the television, she looked disinterested in whatever shitty Christmas movie was playing on the tele and I reached for my phone. She was now scrolling through her social media’s, and sighing. I smirked. She was pouting slightly without knowing. I started taking pictures of her and grinned to myself. Surely to god nobody would realise it was her if I were to post something on my story? I pressed the record button on my phone and zoomed in on her face, her mouth all plump from her pout and as I zoomed out I chuckled, her head turned towards me and she smiled before dropping her phone and holding her hands out to cover the camera. “Haz!” She called and I laughed before I stopped filming and she frowned. “Oh god don’t put that anywhere I look terrible.” She moaned as she took my iphone in her hand and watched the video. It was sweet, her tanned skin looked even more tanned in her long sleeved cream t-shirt. I snatched my phone from her hands and she rolled her eyes. “How come you’re allowed to post videos of me but I can’t do the same to you?” I watched her eyebrows raise and smirked at her. She picked her phone up again and continued to look through it. I shrugged and started to add text to the short video clip.
“Because,” I started to defend myself but in my laps of madness I’d ignored the fact that Rava would probably see this video and know she was with me. “I can.” I smirked as I wrote out.
#Imustbereallyboring across the video and published it to my instagram story. I wanted nothing more than to tag her but I couldn’t bring myself to go that far. I pulled against her shoulder softly and made her lay next to me. I loved just being next to her. I’d never tire of this.
I could hear her whispering in my ear softly and nudging me gently. I ran my nose over hers and smiled before I opened my eyes. I must have fallen asleep.
“You fell asleep?” She was smiling. Her fingers running tiny circles around my chest.
“I did?” She continued to trace figures with her fingers against my chest. “I love you Avaya.” Her face was riddled with shock as I cuddled her tighter. She stood from where I was laying and leant over me to place a kiss against my lips.
“I love you too. I have to go and wrap your gifts though?” I nodded slowly and released her from my grip. There was a knock on the door and as she opened it I spotted Jay. He was smiling down at Avay. She smiled up at him and he gave her a strange look. I watched as she awkwardly squeezed past him and followed her out with my eyes.
“What’s going on?” I ran my fingers through the front of my hair, I barely recognised my own husky voice and sat up slightly.
“I’m sorry to spoil your night in but we’ve got a drop to do.” The harsh reality of what we do made yet another appearance. I didn’t want to do it anymore. I wanted a normal life. I shook my head and placed my jaw together tightly.
“Jay,” I began. His big mud brown eyes saddened. “The day I’ve had I really don’t want to go and do that drop. Not for him of all people.” I admitted. It was the truth. I’d had nightmare after nightmare. His expression twisted from sadness to something else as he raised his eyebrow at me.
“Oh shit yeah Holly’s date it’s nearly here isn’t it?” I nodded and grimaced all at the same time. He placed his large hand on my shoulder and rubbed it softly. “You know I’m here this time. That’s not going to happen. Not with her?” I shrugged. How can he be so sure?
“I’ll come but know I’m not happy about it.” He nodded and offered me half a smile. I’ve never feared losi
ng someone as much as I feared losing her. I shoved my coat over my shoulders and made my way from the house, hoping that she didn’t notice I was gone and praying that she may fall asleep before I got home.
Holt
It had been a strange night. I wrapped his last gift, I placed them under the tree and looked at Buddy who was cuddling Chlo. I smiled at them and threw myself between them both. They both started to laugh and I couldn't help but join them. Chlo nudged me off her slightly before she flicked my forehead softly.
“Ouch!” Her face was a picture and I laughed. Buddy was smiling at us both as he moved over.
“I’m sorry!” She chuckled as she handed me a glass of wine. My life was beginning to become unrecognisable. I didn't know why I had a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach but I did. Something was going to happen soon and it would more than likely have something to do with Rava.
“Do you know that Juve is coming down with mum and dad tomorrow?” I shook my head and huffed.
“Are you kidding?” He laughed and shook his head.
“Unfortunately not.” I smiled at his little chubby face, that was actual thinning. My first thought was that he was trying to slim down or buff out to impress someone: probably Chloe. I smiled as I reached to squeeze his cheeks.
“You’re so cute Buddy!” I smiled widely as his brow furrowed.
"Fuck off Av." He flashed me a cheeky grin and I chuckled as I heard the doorbell ring. Nobody moved as it rang again.
"I'll get it then shall I?" I shot them all a look before I hauled myself up off the sofa and made my way towards the front door. I pulled it open and noticed Juve stood smiling at me.
“Hey Av?” I smiled as he pulled me in for a hug.
“Hi,” I mumbled. I heard small feet come clattering through the hallway before she threw her arms around him. I examined them in an embrace and couldn’t help but smile. Where is he?
Tuesday 25th December
Christmas Day swung around quicker than I thought it would. Yesterday was kind of awkward, Haz didn’t come back until 9pm, leaving me in the company of Juve who may I add was as high as a kite. All day… Not drugs high but high on life. I rolled my eyes as I showered, I was still slightly pissed that Haz didn’t come home. I woke up to an empty bed. There was a tap on the door and I shouted to whoever it was as I gripped the towel around my body. Everybody was coming to Alfie’s for dinner. Which meant that this would be the first time that both our families had met. A feeling of dread threatened to consume me. My train of thought was interrupted by Chlo who was smiling at me through the mirror.