“Give her a break; I’m sure Beth told her not to tell me. Am I right?” Bliss nodded against Bart’s chest. “Yeah, that’s what I thought, if she wanted to talk to me she knows my number, but I’m just glad she’s alright. After what went down with Michael and his club, I was worried about her, that there could be backlash on her.” Bliss was biting her lip like she wanted to tell me something, but had clearly promised Beth she wouldn’t. “I won’t ask you details, that’s up to her to tell me, if she ever comes back to me. Did I fuck up so badly by leaving her there? Shit, don’t answer that, she needed time with her new family, and she didn’t need me there for that. Hell, I’m beginning to think she never needed me for much. Ok, now I’m sounding like a damn pussy. You’re right Bart; I need to either get laid or kill something. I think I’ll make a trip out to the hunting cabin this weekend, I’m almost out of all the deer meat from last year.” Bart didn’t seem convinced that my idea was such a good one, but I needed to start moving forward. The best way to do that was to get out of the funk I was in, maybe I’d call some of the guys to go with me. I’d been avoiding the clubhouse since I got back, only going in for our monthly church meeting. I needed to get my head out of my ass.
Beth
No, this can’t be happening, I’m seeing things, that’s what it is, I’m seeing things. There is no way what I’m looking at is accurate. I know for a fact there is no way this is possible, yet there it is mocking me. Laughing at me, is more like it. Maybe if I stare at it long enough it will be a figment of my imagination. Only it wasn’t, and it was most definitely laughing at me mockingly as I sat there staring at it.
You know they say when something tragic happens to you that you go through stages of coping. I was clearly in the denial stage, and I was going to remain that way for as long as possible. Life had been crazy over the last three months. It was probably just stress getting to me, nothing more. See, denial isn’t just a river in Egypt people, it’s a living, breathing thing, and I was completely letting it rule me.
“Hey sunshine, how are you feeling this morning?” Lucian gave me a big hug before following me downstairs to the dining room. I couldn’t help but smile at him; he had this aura about him that made it impossible not to.
“I feel good this morning, that yoga stuff really helps relax you. Is Grandfather home? I know he had business in Italy, but I thought maybe he’d be home by now.” Of course, the only reason he was in Italy had more to do with Michael and his stupid club than actual business over there, but I was hoping he’d finally be coming home.
“He did have business over there, but you know he had to be out of the country while they sorted Michael’s club out. That’s why he left the day before it went down, he couldn’t be tied to it if he wasn’t here.” I got that. He couldn’t afford to be connected to anything to do with Michael and his club when they were taken down. If Gino was out of the country when they got taken down, then he couldn’t be tied to whatever it was Michael’s club was doing. He could claim he didn’t know about their activities, not that any of the investigators had come to the house, not that I knew of anyway.
“Surely now that it’s over he can come back home? I mean Michael is...he’s not a problem anymore right?” Michael was dead, shot during the arrest that would have put him behind bars for a very long time, but maybe it hadn’t just been Michael who could cause problems for Gino. Vinnie was still on life support, but they didn’t look for him to ever wake up from the coma he was in.
“Michael is definitely not a problem anymore sweetheart, come on let’s go eat.” As soon as we rounded the corner of the dining room I saw Gino sitting there smiling at me.
“Glad to hear you were missing me Sunshine; come give an old man a hug.” Rushing over to him, he enveloped me into a hug. “Hey now, what’s with all these tears. You haven’t gone back to him yet, have you? Don’t give me that stubborn look young lady. You already know how I feel about you having him kicked out of my house. I’m not angry, but I was disappointed, he came here because he loves you. You hit return to sender on that love when you had him removed from the house.” Pulling out of his arms, I hugged myself.
“He doesn’t love me, he felt responsible for me. He wanted me to be his ol’ lady for Christ sake, his ol’ lady Grandfather. I deserve more than to be some biker's ol’ lady, don’t you think! Being owned is not my idea of fun, I watched my mother...oh shit I’m sorry. Never mind, I’ll shut up now.” Gino’s cringe made it clear he knew enough about my mother’s situation within Michael’s club to know why I didn’t want that for myself.
“Somehow I seriously doubt that’s all he wanted from you, I talked to the man. He didn’t seem like the type to want you for his property. Maybe claim you for himself, but never make you his property. There’s a difference, you can love someone so much you want to claim them in front of everyone, that doesn’t mean they want to own you. It means they love you so much that they want everyone else to know it too; I had that with your grandmother. She was stubborn like you, when I told her she was mine, she laughed in my face. Said she belonged to no man, and never would, she owned my heart from the first moment I laid eyes on her. It took her a little longer to realize I owned hers too. I won’t tell you what to do, that’s on you, but I could tell you owned his heart.” Tears were flowing down my face listening to him talk about his wife, about my grandmother. It was clear by the look in his eyes how much he loved her; I wanted that for myself. Was he right? Did Castor really love me like that, or had I just been an object for him to own? I was so confused.
“If what you say is true, it’s been three months. What man is going to wait three months for a woman who kicked him out? Castor has his pride, there’s no way he’s just sitting there waiting for me to show up. What do I do? I can’t believe I’m actually thinking about going to him.” Gino smirked at me, like he knew I needed a little push in the right direction, and he’d been the one to give it.
“What have you been doing since he left? Have you moved on, are you dating anyone I don’t know about? That’s what I thought; take that into consideration when making this decision. You love the man, it’s written all over your face, and you’re miserable without him.” Why did he have to make sense?
“Fine, I’ll go see him; there are some things we need to clear up anyway. It’s better to do that in person. Besides, I miss Bliss and my practice; don’t get me wrong I’ve loved getting to know you all.” I felt like shit for wanting to go back to the life I had before I met them, they just got me back into their lives, and I wanted to leave. What kind of asshole did that make me?
“Stop, you need to get back to your life. We will come down to visit when you are ready, until then, phone calls and video chats. Your office is waiting for your return, completely refurbished and ready to go. Don’t look so shocked, I knew you’d want to go back eventually. You were happy there; I want you to be happy again. Only now, you have us, all of us behind you. We will always be your family Bethy, but your life is there.” I threw my arms around him, hugging him close. He knew exactly what I’d needed to hear.
“Thank you for understanding, just thank you.”
After breakfast, I packed up while Lucian made car arrangements for me. My old car was seen as unfit to drive, so Lucian was getting me one that was more appropriate for me. Dino came and helped take my bags down to the new car, my breath caught as I laid eyes on it. I figured he get me a small sports car or maybe even an econo box, but no, he got me a damn tank. Ok, maybe tank wasn’t the right word, but I was a single woman, what on earth did I need a Suburban for. Don’t get me wrong, it was a beautiful blue with leather interiors, but it was a lot of car for just me.
“Ummmm...you do realize I don’t need something this big, right?” Lucian handed me the keys, grinning like the cat that swallowed the canary.
“Yes you do, we want to make sure you are protected, this will protect you. Now, give your uncle a kiss on the cheek before you go. Make sure you call when you get there,
and you call if you need anything. And I mean anything.” Hugging him, I gave him a kiss on the cheek.
“I promise to call as soon as I get in, please don’t worry.” I hugged Dino before getting in the Suburban to head back home, and it was home to me, I realized. Even though I loved getting to know my new family, I missed what I had back home. I missed my clients, I missed my friends, and I fucking missed Castor. There were things we needed to talk about, questions that needed answered, and hopefully, they would be the right answers, on both sides.
Chapter Thirteen
POPS
“Wanna tell me why we’re out here freezing our asses off old man?” Crusty didn’t beat around the bush.
“Told you, I was almost out of deer meat in the freezer, ain’t that a good enough reason for us to go hunting. And we aren’t freezing our asses off it’s only sixty out, give me a break. When was the last time we did this anyway? A year ago, maybe longer, we’re supposed to be enjoying life, lately it’s been more drama than we can handle.” Crusty looked thoughtful for a moment before giving me his shit-eating grin.
“This is about her isn’t it? Come on, out with it. I know Holland ran into her at that bust. She’s around somewhere up to her same old shit, I’m fine.” Doing a double take, I’m not exactly sure at first what, or who he is talking about. Then I remembered hearing from Bart that Holland ran into his mother.
“Has she contacted you? Ok, don’t give me that fuck you look; it was a question, nothing more.” I didn’t want to piss my best friend off, but his ex was as much of a piece of work as mine was, if not more. The heartless cunt dropped her kids off with their grandparents and disappeared. Crusty had been deployed at the time, the girls were just babies, and it was a sore subject all the way around.
“I’m more concerned about the girls and Holland, if she gets her claws into any of them. Fuck, I should have told them about her when they got old enough, but I wanted to protect them from the truth. Especially Holland, he wants to believe she was just scared, couldn’t handle being a military spouse. The girls almost didn’t know her at all, so they don’t even think about her too much. Occasionally, when they were teens they’d get pissed and tell me if I hadn’t run their mother off they’d know how to do more.” I was going through my own shit, and had forgotten about my friend. He needed me, and I was so wrapped up in my own shit that I had missed his shit.
“I’m sorry man, but maybe it’s time you told him and the girls what really happened. I know you don’t want them to think badly about their mother, but they deserve the truth. That woman cannot come back into their lives; she’s like a damn curse that won’t go away. I know exactly how you feel.” There were moments that I thought my club had become the single dad club for a while. Between Crusty, myself, and Matt’s dad, Breaker, we were always there for each other. We carpooled together, attended PTO meetings, which were always interesting when you had three bikers involved, and anything our kids were in we were all there to support them. I’d patched up Holland and Matt just as much as Breaker or Crusty patched up Bart. We all had secrets, but Crusty had been keeping his far longer than the rest of us.
“I know it is, but damn it, they don’t deserve that kind of shit fucking with their lives. I want them to be happy Pops, like none of that shit happened, you know. If they knew what she almost did, it could destroy them. Right now they think my career was the problem, at least the girls do. Holland, I’m not so sure anymore. Since he saw her, he’s been trying to find her; I’m praying he won’t have any luck. The things she could say would crush my boy. He’s a good boy, he doesn’t deserve that shit.” He was right, Bart learned the hard way about his mother, and if Crusty didn’t tell his kids, they would too.
“Tell them old man, before they learn the hard way, which is definitely not what you want.” He nodded looking out towards the woods once more. Not that we’d seen a damn deer in the past several hours, but we had taken out a six pack between the two of us. Good thing my hunting cabin wasn’t very far.
“Ok enough sappy shit, you know anything about this hot little redhead Hollands been letting stay with him. That’s what I thought; he ain’t told you shit either. She’s a pretty little thing, but skittish. Wouldn’t even come out to say hi when I stopped by the other day. When I asked him who she was he clammed up tight, so whoever she is mums the word. Maybe he’s going to finally settle down and give me some grandkids.” We sounded like old women sometimes when we got to talking about the kids. I was kind of floating on cloud nine, since Bliss and Bart told me about their little bundle.
“Good luck with that, I’m ready for Bart and Bliss to tie the damn knot already. They refuse to let me pay for anything, but I want to make sure she gets everything she deserves. You’re right though, enough sappy shit, let’s talk about blowing shit up, or killing something please. At least then, I’ll know I haven’t lost my balls somewhere along the way in life.” I’d needed to get away from the drama that was our lives, and all we seemed to be doing was talking about that shit.
“Did you see the grave marker I got Gar? I couldn’t bring myself to make him something serious, he’d probably haunt us for the rest of our days if I did that shit.” He was absolutely right; Gar was always making us laugh. Whether at something he did, or by telling us a joke. The man never took life too seriously.
“Yeah man, he’d like it. The giant sun is a bit over the top, but fuck it, he deserved the best. To Gar!” We clinked our beers together, before taking a swig just for our buddy. We spent the next several hours bullshitting about the good old days. About how everything was different from when we were kids, and of course how discipline isn't what it used to be. Damn it, if we didn’t sound like two old fucks, but at least we weren’t talking about the drama for a little while.
But just like all good things, it came to an end because five minutes after walking through the hunting cabin’s door Crusty’s phone went off. I only got his half of the conversation, but from what I could gather it was Holland and he’d found his mom.
“I gotta go man, fuck, if she fucks with his head I’ll kill her, I swear to Christ I will.” I didn’t get a chance to tell him to calm down before he was grabbing his gear and rushing out without a backwards glance. Hopefully, Holland didn’t take anything that woman said at face value. If not there was going to be a world of hurt in store for the kid, and I was afraid of what Crusty might do if that happened. He loved his kids. Hell, he’d give his left nut for his kids, but that woman, she wouldn’t even spit on them if they were on fire, and that scared the shit out of me. It made me want to call Bart to see how he and Bliss were doing. As soon as he answered the phone, I knew something was up, he was too happy to hear from me. Usually he gave me shit, calling me an old woman, but this time he was more than happy to tell me how he and Bliss were doing.
“Are you sure everything is alright?” I think I asked for like the millionth time, getting the same “everything is fine” response was grating on my nerves, because I was sure nothing was fine. “Alright well I’ll be home tomorrow, Crusty had some shit come up so he had to leave, I’m... cutting this trip short.” Silence greeted me; yeah sure nothing is going on that I need to know about, kids.
“Sounds good Pops, see you tomorrow then. We love you!” It sounded like he was laughing there at the end, but he was definitely hiding something from me. I was tempted to head home already, but I needed some sleep after dragging Crusty at the ass crack of dawn to go hunting and drinking. I’d deal with whatever trouble the children had gotten into come morning.
Beth
“You should have told him I was here; he might have decided not to come back so soon.” Bart and Bliss both looked at me like I had three heads, before busting out laughing at me.
“You’re kidding me right? You aren’t? Seriously, you think he doesn’t want to see you, if anything he’d be home faster if he knew you were here. Beth, he’s been a beast since he got back, grumpy all the time, even I’m having a hard time getting a
long with him, and I’m his son. I’m hoping you two can work your shit out so he can stop being such an asshole.” I felt guilt wash over me, it was my fault he was in a foul mood, his friends and family didn’t deserve that shit. The thought that he missed me gave me warm fuzzies, but I shook that off. He was a man with a big ego; I’d clearly given it a good beating when I had him thrown out of the house, which caused him to take it out on those around him. What a fucking jerk! Anger quickly replaced my feeling of guilt, making me wish he was already here so I could give him what for.
“I knew it would be a blow to his ego, but I figured he’d get over it by now. Well I’m back, and I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. I’ve already got my practice set to open back up, and I expect you to be back in my office as soon as you’re ready Bliss. I’m sorry I just left without a word sweetie, but I’m glad to see you didn’t fall backwards. I’m proud of you.” I watched her face light up with my praise, which made me feel like shit again for leaving her. She’d needed me, not just as a therapist, but as a friend, and I’d left her without both.
“Bart and I have been doing the techniques you taught us when a panic attack hits. I’ve been having fewer nightmares and fewer panic attacks. You had shit you had to take care of. I can’t expect for you to be my crutch for the rest of my life, although I wouldn’t complain if you were.” She started rubbing her belly giving me a knowing smile. I looked from her to Bart and back again, like a ping-pong ball. “Are you?” The question shouldn’t make me feel like a panic attack was coming on for me, but I was worried for Bliss. She’d always been scared to become a mom.
“Yes, but it’s still early, we just told Pops before he left to go hunting. He gave Bart a hard time for not marrying me yet, then we showed him the ring and he calmed down a little. I swear you’d think he’d realize we wouldn’t do things in the right order, it’s not like we have up ‘til now.” She looked so happy; there was no way I was going to bring up her previous fears. That wouldn’t be fair to her.
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