Sitting in my car thinking about how to get rid of these damn mood swings, my phone pinged again. The screen lit up with Castor’s name, my brain told me to ignore it, while my heart needed to know what he wanted, fucking hormones.
Castor: “Can we talk?” Now he wanted to fucking talk, not in the hospital over two weeks ago, but now. There was no way I was letting him get away with that shit so easily.
Me: “You had plenty to say to me at the hospital already, I think I’ll pass.” I stuck my tongue out at my phone for good measure. Childish yes, but it made my ass feel better. He didn’t send anything for a little while, and I was about to pull out of the parking lot when his next message came through.
Castor: “Please.” Was he serious? No, I’m sorry, no I was wrong; no can you please forgive me, just please. Well he could shove his please right up his ass.
Me: “Yeah you gotta do better than that.” I didn’t have time to wait for him to respond, so I pulled out of the parking lot and headed home. I was only doing three days a week at the office, so I could have plenty of rest between days, and be able to make all my doctor’s appointments. My phone pinged once, twice, three, then four times. Either he was writing me a book, or I was getting messages from other people. Pulling into my driveway, there was the bane of my existence, sitting on his trike giving me a worried look. Great now he was becoming a stalker, lovely. He still had some fading bruises, but he looked so much better than he did two weeks ago in the hospital. My heart gave a little jump at the sight of him, damn him and his manly self, and damn my hormones.
Deciding to ignore him, I checked my messages first. He could wait, just as I’d been waiting for him.
Castor: “Don’t text and drive, it’s not safe.” What the hell was he talking about, how did he know I was even in my car when he texted me?
Castor: “If you’re texting while driving I’m going to spank your ass!” Again, he was being a dumbass.
Gino: “Call me I’m worried about you.” Finally, someone else who seemed to think I was helpless.
Castor: “I’m at your place see you when you get here.” He didn’t want me texting and driving, but he kept sending me fucking messages. The man knew how to exasperate a woman that was for sure. I started sending Gino a text when Castor startled me by knocking on my window. When I looked up, he motioned for me to roll down my window. I stuck out my tongue at him, continuing to text Gino back. Castor knocked on the window again, and again I stuck my tongue out at him, don’t judge me, it made me feel better.
Me: “I’m fine Grandfather, I just got home.” For an old dude, he was quick to respond.
Gino: “How is the baby? Lucian reminded me of your appointment.” Holding my phone against my chest at the love that old man gave me, made me want to cry again.
Me: “Baby is good; I have my next appointment in four weeks. I’ll call you later. Love you!”
Gino: “Ok, Love you too!”
Castor apparently got fed up, because before I could get the door open he was yanking it open from my hand, anger written all over his face. “Hey asshole, watch it! You almost took my arm off.”
“Who were you messaging? I saw your face, they made you smile.” Jealousy emanated from him like is palpable. Instead of reassuring him, I laughed in his face. Yes, childish, but at the moment, I didn’t give a shit. I was still pissed off at him for being a dick.
“You have enough nerve to pretend to be jealous, weren’t you the one who basically called me a whore in the hospital.” A look of regret passed over his face, and there was a small part of me that felt bad for reminding him about his actions. There was a larger part of me that wanted, no, needed him to squirm. If he was here to apologize, I was going to make sure he did it right the first time. If he wasn’t here to apologize, then I didn’t give two shits about his feelings. He deserved to feel like shit for the way he acted.
Pops
Sitting there watching her smile down at her phone, texting whoever it was she was texting back, almost made me take the door off its hinges. I had no right to feel jealous, I’d let her walk out of my life without fighting for her. Having her ignore me, while texting whoever it was she was texting, flipped a switch inside me. If I had to fight for her I would, but I was afraid I’d already lost, and that shit scared me.
“We need to talk.” She scoffed before stepping out of the car and pushing past me. I won’t lie, I watched her walk away. The sway of her ass made me want to bend her over the nearest solid object and bang the fuck out of her. I had to remember why I was there though; we needed to talk.
“Now you want to talk. Well what if I don’t want to talk anymore? Huh? You think you can come here and I’ll just swoon at your feet, grateful for your attention again. Well, guess what buddy, I’m not. You said all you needed to say to me back at the hospital, thank you very much.” I deserved her anger, I deserved her hate, but there were still things we needed to talk about.
“Please, Bethy we need to talk.” I pleaded with her, but when she turned toward me before she opened her front door, all I saw was the hurt I’d caused her. I hated myself for hurting her, she deserved better than what I’d given her.
“You have exactly five minutes Castor, if I don’t like what you have to say, you hit the road. We don’t see each other again, unless it’s by accident out in public, got me.” She poked my chest with each word to drive home the point.
“Five minutes isn’t exactly enough, but I’ll take what I can get right now, thank you.” She looked shocked that I’d agreed, almost disappointed. It was my own fault, I hadn’t exactly been mister accommodating with her, either.
Stepping inside, she dropped her purse and phone on the counter. I looked around the room and it looked like a nursery had thrown up all over the living room. Baby stuff was everywhere, from bottles to bibs, you’d think she was having the baby tomorrow with all the stuff she already had. I couldn’t even sit on the couch because of all the boxes of stuff. I gave her a raised eyebrow.
“My family went a little overboard I know, but I can’t seem to get them to understand it’s too much. I thought my aunts would be the worst, but no my uncles and my cousin picked out most of that stuff.” I smiled, she deserved this, every single bit of it, and she deserved it.
She came over to the couch removing some boxes to pile them over in a corner. She might need a whole room just for the kid’s supplies. Pointing to the couch, she sat all the way at the other end, putting distance between us not just physically either.
“Your five minutes’ start now; make it quick.” She looked tired; maybe I should let her rest. Women who were pregnant needed lots of rest. How much sleep had she been getting? Was she working too hard? She needed someone there to lighten her load. I tried to ignore the voice in the back of my head saying “yeah you, dumbass”.
“How are you feeling? I was going to ask if you needed anything, but it appears your family has that taken care of.” She raised her eyebrow at me quizzically.
“You ask to speak to me, and all you got is “how are you feeling?” really? Look, unless you’ve got something interesting to say, just go.” Holding up my hands to placate her, I was screwing this whole thing up. Honesty was probably the best way to go with her at this point.
“I don’t know where to start, but I need you to know I miss you. As soon as you left, it felt like a part of me was missing, here.” I pointed to my heart, because without her it ached. Just being in the same room with her was like a weight was lifted off me.
“What’s changed between now and then? You were pretty clear on what you thought of me that day, what you thought of our child. Stop looking at my stomach like it’s a fucking bomb, there’s a baby in there, your baby.” That remained to be seen, but I missed her enough not to give a shit anymore.
“Whose baby that is, is beside the point for me right now. I’m more concerned with making things work between us. Don’t be angry, but I no longer care who the father is, I want you in my life. No, I n
eed you in my fucking life.” Before I knew what was happening she was throwing pillows off the couch at me. What the hell was wrong with this woman? Hadn’t I just explained that I wanted her no matter what?
“Well how fucking gracious of you! Get out, Castor. Get out, and don’t bother coming back. I, hoped that you had come to realize this baby was yours, but you haven’t. Have you?” She looked close to tears, and that wasn’t what I wanted at all.
“Don’t you realize that I love you? Fuck woman!” She didn’t need to know I was still waiting on the results of my fertility test. That I held out hope in my heart that the baby was, in fact, mine. I wanted her to know I wanted her, no matter what. With or without the baby, I wanted her, didn’t she get that.
“You know what’s sad Castor is; I love you too. That doesn’t matter, because you don’t believe this baby is yours. I don’t have time or patience to prove to you it is, and this baby deserves someone who wants to be in its life. You had your five minutes, when the baby is born we can have a DNA test done, until then I don’t want to see you.” Moving toward the door, she opened it for me to leave. I had fucked things up again, and this time I didn’t know if there was a way to fix it. I decided to go for a last-ditch effort in hopes of that she would understand at least a little.
“I saw a doctor last week, a fertility doctor. I’m still waiting for the results. Coming here before I got the results was to prove to you that even if the baby wasn’t mine I still wanted you. I never wanted you to think the only reason I wanted you was because of that baby, I want you because I love you. Because you make me feel whole, and I fucking miss that.” She looked shocked, not sure how to react to my confession, it left me with a sliver of hope she understood why I came.
“What will you do when you get the test results if it proves you can father children? Will it make me more, right when you get the results than when I told you that the baby is in fact yours? You say you love me, but you don’t trust me, without trust we could never be together for long. Don’t get me wrong the sex is totally worth being with you, but I need someone who trusts me, completely. What your ex did to you was wrong, but I’m not her, and I deserve your trust. Maybe someday you will see that, feel it even, but until then we can never be.” With that, she closed the door in my face, without even waiting for a response. I could hear her cry on the other side of the door, and I wanted to rip the door down to get to her. She was right, she had never given me a reason not to trust her, but everything from my past said not to. Leaning my forehead against the door, I wished she’d open the door and let me comfort her, but I knew she wouldn’t let me. No matter how much she wanted me to.
Turning to leave, my phone began to ring; I didn’t recognize the number, so I let it go to voicemail. I figured it if was important they’d leave a message. By the time I got on my bike to leave, my phone pinged letting me know I had a new voicemail. Listening to the voicemail, it’s my fertility doctor’s office telling me I need to make an appointment to come listen to my results. My hands shook a little as I dialed the office number, almost instantly a pert little female voice came on the other end.
“Dr. Gregor's office, this is Sally, how may I help you.” After I explain who I am, she gets me in to see the doctor later in the day for my results. “You’re lucky, we just had a cancellation for two this afternoon, if you can make it in time he can see you then.”
“Can’t you just give me the results over the phone?” I could hear her tapping away at her keyboard. If I could get the answers before even leaving Beth’s house I might be able to fix my earlier fuck up, but it wasn’t to be.
“Oh no Mr. Stone, there’s a lot that goes into explaining everything. The doctor should really be the one to explain everything to you. So, I have you down Mr. Stone, we’ll see you in a few hours.” I couldn’t help thinking that maybe he just wanted more money from me, but I needed the results too badly to argue.
“Alright, see you then, thank you.” My palms started to sweat, and my hands were a little shaky as I left Beth’s house. Everything could change for me in a few short hours, but then I thought, hadn’t everything changed the day I met Bethy. She had turned my world upside down but had made it better in every damn way imaginable. How could I not give her my trust, my heart, and my love? I was such a fucking idiot, I just hoped like hell when I went back groveling on my knees she would at least talk to me.
Chapter Seventeen
BETH
If ever there was a man who knew how to push my buttons, both good and bad, it was Castor Stone. Just when I had hope that he changed his mind, that he came to apologize, to beg for my forgiveness, what does he do. He breaks my heart again, he doesn’t apologize, and he basically says he still doesn’t believe the baby is his. I’m broken, I didn’t think he could hurt me anymore than he did in the hospital, but I was so wrong.
The pain inside my chest had me curling into a ball on the floor, in hopes of easing it, even if just a little. It wasn’t to be though, so there I lay on the floor broken by the man I loved. I don’t even know how long it was I lay there curled into a ball, crying myself to sleep. Waking up, my eyes felt like I had sand in them, and my body ached all over. I knew I couldn’t stay like that forever, but my heart wanted me to.
Getting off the floor, I walked into the bathroom turning on the shower; a hot shower was just what I needed to wash away the hurt. Turning on my radio, I crank the volume up, to drown out the rest of the world. Glancing at the mirror, I noticed my little bump was getting bigger by the day, soon I’d feel the baby kick. I was equal parts thrilled and scared at the same time. Things always seemed better after a cleansing hot shower. It cleared my mind and allowed me to focus on what was important.
The baby needed me to keep moving forward though, somehow being responsible for the tiny life inside me allowed me to focus on the good instead of the sad. There would be time to deal with Castor later. The baby needed me now. It had to be my priority; men would always come second to my child, including its father. Running my hand over my slight bump, I couldn’t help but imagine what our child would look like. Would it be a girl with dark brown hair, and his blue eyes, or a boy with my golden-brown eyes and his jet-black hair, even though it was turning to grey? Whatever the case may be, our child would be perfect in every way imaginable. At least until he or she were a teenager, then they’ll be the devil spawn that I’ll totally blame on his or her father. I can’t help but laugh, thinking of our child as a teen. If Bliss and Bart were any indication of what things would be like. I was in so much trouble.
“You will be perfect, won’t you little peanut.” Let me have my lies, while I still can, soon enough my dreams will be turned to reality.
Picking out my sexiest dress and red heels, I decide not to sit around the house a minute longer waiting on a man to come to his senses. I deserved to let loose, to relax, and to have some fun. Calling Bliss, I hoped she knew a good place I could go.
“Well duh, go to Matt’s place, The Dirty Monkey! Hang tight, I’ll be there in a few to pick you up. We’ll make it a girl’s night; I’ll grab Jesse on the way. Unless she’s already there like usual, she doesn’t leave Matt’s side very often lately, come to think of it. Anyway, I’ll see if she wants to come with us, and be there in a few.” The girl must be desperate to get out if she was in such a hurry to go out with me. It seemed like in no time flat I was opening my door to her and Bart, ok so much for girl’s night.
“Oh my GOD Beth, look at all that hotness woman! We are going to be beating men off you with a stick.” Looking behind her at Bart, I gave her a questioning look. “Don’t mind him, he’s overprotective. He’s coming, but he’ll be watching us, to make sure we don’t get into any trouble. Ok, so I don’t get into any trouble.” Bart rolled his eyes at her but, didn’t seem disgruntled about going with us.
“Where’s Jesse, didn’t she want to come, or are we picking her up on the way?” Barely noticeable, Bart’s jaw ticked just a little at Jesse’s name. Something w
as up, but clearly it was not something I needed to know.
“Oh, like I said she was already there hanging with Matt, they are like attached at the hip, even though they both say they aren’t together. Jesse swears they haven’t had sex, but they live with each other now. Considering Jesse wouldn’t even live with Holland once she found out he wasn’t gay. I’m very skeptical that they live together and aren’t bumping uglies. Hey, what was that for?” Bart had swatted her on her ass when she started talking about Jesse and Matt’s apparently non-existent sex life.
“We gotta get going, don’t want you staying out late, you and the baby need sleep.” I couldn’t help smiling at their intimacy, after everything Bliss had been through it was amazing to see. She could have easily allowed the actions of a few evil men to crush her ability to trust and love, but she was such a strong person for not giving up. Instead, she fought each and, every day to put those actions behind her, to live her happily ever after. Damn it, if I wasn’t just a little jealous of her for getting it.
Heading out the door, I changed the subject to something I hoped was a more pleasant subject. “So, have you decided on when the big day is yet? Are you going to wait ‘til the baby is born, or will you go ahead and get married before?” Bliss glowered at Bart’s back as we made our way to the truck. Alright maybe that was not a safe subject after all.
“I want to wait, but grumpy ass wants us to get married sooner rather than later.” She stuck her tongue out at Bart’s back.
“I know you’re sticking your tongue out at me woman, and you know why I want us to marry before the baby is born.” He opened the truck door for us, letting me get in the back, while he helped Bliss up in the front seat holding her just a little longer to kiss her. “I don’t want our child to be born without me listed as your husband on the birth certificate. You don’t think I know it’s a little thing, but it’s important to me.” He kissed her again before closing the door to walk to the other side.
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