Half-Hours with Jimmieboy

by John Kendrick Bangs

  VIII.

  GIANT THE JACK KILLER.

  Jimmieboy was turning over the pages of his fairy book the other night,trying to refresh his memory concerning the marvelous doings of thefairy-land people by looking at the pictures. His papa was too tired toread to him, and as no one else in the house was willing to undertakethe task, the boy was doing his best to entertain himself, and as ithappened he got more out of his own efforts than he ever derived fromthe efforts of others. He had dallied long over the weird experiences ofCinderella, and had just turned over the pages which lead up to thestory of Jack the Giant Killer, when something in the picture of theGiant's castle seemed to move.

  Looking a little more closely at the picture in a startled sort of way,Jimmieboy saw that the moving thing was the knob of the castle door, andin a jiffy the door itself opened, and a huge homely creature whomJimmieboy recognized at once as an ogre stuck his head out. For a momentthe little fellow felt disposed to cry for help. Surely if the Giantcould open the door in the picture there was no reason why he should notstep out of the book entirely and make a speedy meal of Jimmieboy, who,realizing that he was entirely unarmed, was inclined to run and hidebehind his papa's back. His fast oozing courage was quickly restored,however, by the Giant himself, who winked at him in a genial sort offashion as much as to say: "Nonsense, boy, I wouldn't eat you, if Icould." The wink he followed up at once with a smile, and then he said:

  "That you, Jimmieboy?"

  "Yes, sir," said Jimmieboy, very civilly indeed. "I'm me. Are you you?"

  The Giant laughed.

  "Yes," he replied, "and so, of course, we are ourselves. Are you verybusy?"

  "Not very," said Jimmieboy. "Why?"

  "I want a little advice from you," the Giant answered. "I think it'sabout time the tables were turned on that miserable little ruffianJack. The idea of a big thing like me being killed every day of hislife by a mosquito like Jack is very tiresome, and I want to know if youdon't think it would be fair if I should kill him just once for the sakeof variety. It won't hurt him. He'll come to life again right away justas we Giants do----"

  "Don't you stay dead when Jack kills you?" asked Jimmieboy.

  "You know the answer to that as well as I do," said the Giant. "You'vehad this story read to you every day now for three years, haven't you?"

  "About that," said Jimmieboy.

  "Well, if we staid dead how do you suppose we'd be on hand to be killedagain the next time you had the story read to you?"

  "I never thought of that," said Jimmieboy.

  "Never thought of it?" echoed the ogre. "Why, what kind of thoughts doyou think, anyhow? It's the only thought for a thinker to think I think,don't you think so?"

  "Say that again, will you?" said Jimmieboy.

  "Couldn't possibly," said the ogre. "In fact, I've forgotten it. Butwhat do you think of my scheme? Don't you think it would be wise if Ikilled Jack just once?"

  "Perhaps it would," said the boy. "That is if it wouldn't hurt him."

  "Hurt him? Didn't I tell you it wouldn't hurt him?" said the Giant. "Iwouldn't hurt that boy for all the world. If I did I'd lose my position.Why, all I am I owe to him. The fairy people let me live in thismagnificent castle for nothing. They let me rob them of all theirproperty, and all I have to do in return for this is to be killed byJack whenever any little boy or girl in your world desires to be amusedby a tragedy of that sort. So you see I haven't any hard feelingsagainst him, even if I did call him a miserable little ruffian."

  "Well, I don't exactly like to have Jack killed," said Jimmieboy. "I'vealways rather liked him. What do you suppose he would say to it?"

  "That's just the point. I wouldn't kill him unless he was willing. Thatwould be a violation of my agreement with him, and when he came to hemight sue me for what the lawyers call a breach of contract," said theogre. "Now, it seemed to me that if you were to go to Jack and tell himthat you were getting a little tired of having this story end the way itdoes all the time, and that you thought it only fair to me that Ishould have a chance to celebrate a victory, say once a week--everySaturday night for instance--he'd be willing to do it."

  "Where can I find him?" asked Jimmieboy. "I just as lief ask him."

  "He's in the picture, two pages farther along, sharpening his sword,"said the ogre.

  "Very well, I'll go see him at once," said Jimmieboy. Then he saidgood-by to the Giant, and turned over the pages until he came to thepictures showing how Jack sharpened his sword on the soles of the shoesof another giant, whom he had bound and strapped to the floor.

  At first Jimmieboy did not know how to address him. He had often spokento the figures in the pictures, but they had never replied to anythinghe had said. However, he made a beginning.

  "Ahem!" he said.

  The effect was pleasing, for as he said this Jack stopped sharpening hisblade and turned to see who had spoken.

  "Ah, Jimmieboy!" said the small warrior. "Howdy do. Haven't seen much ofyou this week. You've been paying more attention to Hop o' My Thumb thanto me lately."

  "Well, I love you just the same," said Jimmieboy. "I've just seen theGiant that lives up in the castle with the dragon on the front stoop."

  "He's a good fellow," said Jack. "I'm very fond of him. He never givesme any trouble, and dies just as easy as if he were falling off a log,and out of business hours we're great chums. He's had something on hismind lately, though, that I don't understand. He says being killed everyday is getting monotonous."

  "That's what he said to me," said Jimmieboy.

  "Well, I hope he doesn't resign his position," said Jack, thoughtfully."I know it isn't in every way a pleasant one, but he might go fartherand fare worse. The way I kill him is painless, but if he got into thatBean-stalk boy's hands he'd be all bruised up. You can't fall a milewithout getting hurt, you know, and I like the old fellow too well tohave him go over to that Bean-stalk cousin of mine."

  "He likes you, too," said Jimmieboy, pleased to find that there was somuch good feeling between the two creatures. "But he thinks he ought toget a chance to win once in a while. He said if he could arrange it withyou to have him kill you once a week--Saturday nights, forinstance--he'd be perfectly contented."

  "That's reasonable enough," said Jack, nodding his head approvingly."Did he say how he would like to do it?"

  "No, only that he'd kill you tenderly, so that you wouldn't suffer,"said Jimmieboy.

  "Oh, I know that!" said Jack, softly. "He's too tender-hearted to hurtanybody. I'm very much inclined to agree to the proposition, but he mustlet me choose the manner of the killing. He hasn't had much practicekilling people, and if he were to do it by hitting me on the head with astick of wood I'd be likely to wake up with a headache next day; neithershould I like to be smothered because while that doesn't bruise one orbreak any bones its awfully stuffy, and if there's one thing I like itis fresh air."

  "Perhaps he might eat you," suggested Jimmieboy.

  "He isn't big enough to do that comfortably," said Jack, shaking hishead. "He'd have to cut me up and chew me, because his throat isn'tlarge enough for him to swallow me at one gulp. But I'll tell you whatyou can do. You go back to him, and tell him that I'll agree to hisproposition, if he'll have me cooked in a plum-pudding four hundred feetin circumference. I'm very fond of plum-pudding, and while he is eatingit from the outside I could be eating it from the inside, and, ofcourse, I shouldn't be burned in the cooking, because in the middle of apudding of that size the heat never could reach me."

  "But when he reached you," said Jimmieboy, "you'd have the same troubleyou said you'd have if he ate you up. He'd have to cut you to pieces andchew you."

  "Ah!" said Jack, "don't you see my point? By the time he reached me hewould have eaten so much plum-pudding that he wouldn't have room for me,so I'd escape."

  "But, then, you wouldn't be killed," said Jimmieboy.

  "That wouldn't make any difference," said Jack. "We'd stop the storybefore I escaped and everybody would think I'd been eaten up,
and that'sall he wants. He just wants to seem to win once. He doesn't really careabout killing me dead. Don't you see."

  "Yes, I think I do," said Jimmieboy, "and I'll go back and tell him whatyou say."

  "Thank you," said Jack. "And while you are there give him my love, andtell him I'll be around to kill him as usual after tea."

  All of which Jimmieboy did and the Giant readily agreeing to theplum-pudding scheme, said good-night to his little visitor, and retiredinto the castle, closing the door after him.

  Then Jimmieboy went to bed in a great hurry, because he knew how sleepmade time seem shorter than it really was, and he was very anxious tohave Saturday night come around so that he could see how the new endingto the story of Jack the Giant Killer worked.

  As yet that Saturday night has not turned up, so that I really cannottell you whether or not the arrangement was a success.