ECSTASY

by KV Rose

  He wraps an arm around me and steers me toward the edge of the pool.

  I hear a splash, see people sitting on the outdoor couches with drinks in their hands.

  I think some people are looking at us, but I’m too drunk to see them clearly. I can barely see the edge of the fucking pool and I’m worried I’m going to drown sooner rather than later.

  I kind of don’t care now.

  Not right now anyway.

  “It’s going to be cold, princess,” Alex warns me.

  Music is playing out here. Limbo by Salem. I love this song. I try to tell Alex that as I stare at the rippling blue surface of the water.

  Alex’s fingers skim up my sides, making me shiver.

  “I love this song, too,” he says softly.

  Yeah. I knew that. We don’t agree on much, but we like the same music.

  “Hey,” I mumble as he keeps rubbing my skin, gazing down at me. All I can hear now is the music, like someone turned it up. Or my brain turned everyone else’s voices down. I speak a little louder, “I shouldn’t do this.”

  He grins at me, grabs my wrist and trails my hand over his chest, diverting my attention. I take in his six-pack, his lean body and tall frame. His skin is smooth, and I trace one of those freckles under his pec, then down across his abs. I have them memorized.

  “Ready?” he asks me, catching my hand again.

  I chew my lip, looking up into his eyes. No.

  But I nod in answer to his question, and he pulls me closer toward the pool. But then we bypass the steps and as I stumble over the concrete, fear starts to creep in past my intoxication.

  “Hey, I told you I—”

  “And I told you I wouldn’t let you get hurt,” he cuts me off as we come to the deep end. Eight feet, if I’m seeing the black number on the edge of the concrete correctly.

  His toes are at the edge and mine are too, my hand still in his.

  “You ready?” he asks me, squeezing my hand.

  I shake my head. “No, you get in first and then you can—”

  “You know how to swim, Zara.” It’s a statement, because he’s taken me to the beach a few times and we’ve jumped the waves together and his parents have a pool and he’s seen me swim completely naked in it that one weekend when they were out of town.

  I nod in agreement but try to pull out of his grip. I don’t think I’m explaining myself properly, or he doesn’t care.

  I think about him breaking that guy’s nose on the field, right after the Caven Camels had won the game. Right before he picked me up from across the fence and spun me in his arms. I’d been high on Addie then too, and his coach had been yelling at him because Nate’s nose was dripping blood and the paramedics were on the field, but Alex didn’t care.

  Alex didn’t care.

  Because Nate was the quarterback for ECU, and I’d fucked him before. I guess he’d been talking shit to Alex during the game and Alex doesn’t like when people talk shit.

  And I guess he really, really doesn’t like when his girlfriend cheats on him because this punishment seems a little…much.

  I swallow as he pulls me closer to the deep end, my toes going over the edge of the concrete. I try to enunciate clearer, but I know I’m just sounding more and more drunk with each word. It’s like trying to speak underwater. My thoughts aren’t coming out right, but I give it another try anyway. “Yes, I can swim, but I’m drunk—”

  “Yeah, here’s the thing, princess.” He leans down close to me, his words against my ear. “You should’ve thought about that before you put Jamal’s dick in your pretty little mouth.”

  He jerks my hand as he jumps.

  I stumble in, too, the water surprisingly warm.

  And that’s all I can focus on. The temperature of the water.

  Chlorine burns my eyes, which are still open, seeing the foggy way the lights shimmer beneath the surface. It burns my nose, too, and I realize Alex is still holding my hand.

  Yanking me all the way down.

  I turn to look at him, and then he lets go.

  I’m at the bottom of the pool.

  I feel my feet on the smooth concrete, my head heavy as I blink underwater. I see some people’s blurry legs, at the shallow end, and I force myself to walk toward them.

  I hear something that sounds like yelling above the surface, and I look up. I can see it. The surface is less than three feet above my head.

  I just have to move my legs. Push up.

  The chlorine starts to burn. In my eyes. My nose.

  My lungs.

  I just need to push up, though. That’s all. Just push up to that shimmering surface a few feet above me.

  I brace myself to do just that, when I see someone splash into the water right in front of me. A cloud of bubbles.

  And then strong arms yank me up and I’m breaking the surface, the air much colder up here.

  I take a deep, gasping breath, my lungs burning.

  But working.

  They’re working.

  Water and mucus pour from my nose, and I take deep, gulping breaths, coughing and spluttering as I do.

  “Zara,” someone says. Someone who’s holding me, my body pressed against theirs. They’re wearing clothes, I feel them against my skin.

  I start to shiver, rubbing my eyes with my fists, my back to whoever is holding me. The coughing is subsiding, but my throat is burning.

  “Zara.” It’s Eli’s voice.

  People are peering at me from the edge of the pool, crowded around with wide eyes. A few of them have cell phones, recording me.

  Eli’s arms tighten around me. He tells them the same thing he told that baby-faced blond that tried to touch me. “Leave.” He doesn’t even raise his voice.

  I don’t think I’ve ever heard Eli raise his voice.

  The crowd around the pool breaks into nervous laughter, but they all disperse.

  “Zara.” Eli again, his voice against my ear.

  I’m still shivering but he spins me in his arm as he hangs onto the edge of the pool with the other.

  My eyes lock on his.

  “What happened?”

  I shake my head, water in my ears. I can hear him, but…my face feels numb. My lips, too.

  God, I’m fucking drunk.

  I lay my head on his shoulder, against his wet shirt. “Alex pulled me in,” I manage to tell him.

  Eli pulls me closer. “He pulled you in?” he repeats, his words almost…clinical.

  I nod against his shirt, letting my eyes fall closed. I’m still shivering, but I’ll be fine. I’ll be fine.

  I’m fine.

  But my heart is still racing and even though my body is tired, my mind…

  “Here.” Another familiar voice interrupts my thoughts. The one that just…

  “You almost drowned me.” I’m not sure I’m speaking the words out loud or just mouthing them as I look up at a soaking wet Alex, hands on his knees and water dripping from his thick bronze hair as he smiles down at me.

  He extends his hand.

  “No.” I shake my head, but I still can’t tell… Am I actually speaking? My jaw is aching again, and Eli’s fingers are splayed on my torso beneath the water. I turn to him.

  He’s glaring up at Alex, but he doesn’t say a word.

  Then someone lifts me from under my arms straight from the pool.

  I reach my hands down toward Eli, but Alex speaks as he pulls me up. “He can’t get to you without pulling you back down, princess.”

  I turn to glare at Alex as he sets me on my feet on the concrete at the edge of the pool, hands on my upper arms. I’m having trouble focusing on his face, but I hear Eli say, “Let her sleep in the guest room. You’re fucking drunk, man.”

  Alex smiles at me but I think he’s talking to Eli when he says, “I’ll take her to the guest room, but she’s not fucking sleeping.” Those words don’t make sense to drunk me, but I don’t have time to ponder them as he picks me up, tossing me over his shoulder. I hang upside do
wn, trying not to throw up as I close my eyes tight, Alex’s hands holding me firmly.

  I hear Eli swear under his breath, but Alex starts moving with me and I have to work very, very hard to keep whatever it is I managed to eat today inside my stomach as he walks inside the house, water dripping wet from the both of us.

  “Yo, she looks like she’s gonna puke!” someone calls from inside the kitchen.

  Alex slaps my ass. “Better not, princess,” he mutters, and then we’re going up the stairs, but I keep my eyes closed, dangling limply over Alex’s back like a doll.

  I want to go to sleep.

  My body is so fucking tired.

  My heart is working overtime.

  My head is spinning.

  And if Alex doesn’t set me down, right now, I’m going to puke.

  My eyes fly open, hand coming to my mouth, stomach convulsing.

  But then he does exactly that.

  He sets me down, soaking wet, in the middle of a big bed covered in a white comforter.

  The guest room bed.

  Alex stands in front of me, appraising me. I vaguely register an open, empty closet at Alex’s back, the fan spinning overhead that makes me shiver. I wrap my arms around myself, notice there’s a dim light on behind me, but mainly, I’m just staring at Alex, dripping water all over the dark wooden floors.

  “You feelin’ okay, princess?” he asks me, eyes flashing like he hopes I’m not.

  I bury my head in my hands, shifting on the bed. It’s soaked beneath me, and I’m distantly aware that if the mattress gets wet, they’ll have to replace it but it’s kind of hard to think about furniture with the way my heart is pounding so fucking hard and my head is hurting and—

  “Get out.” My thoughts are interrupted by another voice.

  I look up, dropping my hands as Eli comes into the room, pointing to the door he just walked in through. He’s glaring at Alex, his jaw clenched.

  Alex cocks his head, adjusts his dick through his swim trunks and I notice, not for the first time, it’s…big.

  How it could possibly be that big when it’s cold in here and we’re both soaked and there’s a fan.

  “You’re drunk,” Eli says, like he did at the pool. “You’re going to regret this.”

  I force my gaze from Alex’s dick to Eli’s face. Eli doesn’t anger easily, I don’t think. Truth be told, I haven’t spent much time with him, even though he’s Alex’s best friend. They’re opposites in so many ways.

  Hot. Cold. Loud. Quiet. Light… Dark.

  Alex laughs softly, then glances at me. He runs a hand through his disheveled hair. “We’re not quite done yet.”

  Eli’s eyes narrow into slits. He’s still dressed, but he’s dripping water everywhere too. He doesn’t say anything though. He just stares at Alex like he—I don’t know, actually.

  Eli is always hard to read. Now is no different.

  Alex turns to look at me, a contemplative expression on his face. He scrubs his hand over his jaw. “This isn’t your problem, E,” he says, and his words are a little slurred, too. “She’s a fucking whore. She fucking sucked Jamal’s dick.” There’s real anger in his sloppy words, and I feel my chest grow hot with shame.

  But Eli still doesn’t say anything. He’s not looking at Alex anymore. He’s looking at me.

  My stomach churns. I slide down the bed, knowing I’m leaving a wet puddle behind me. My feet hit the floor and I stand on shaky legs, wrapping my arms back around myself.

  “Yeah,” I mumble, trying to take a deep breath. Willing my heart to slow down. “I’m just gonna go.” I don’t know where. Maybe I can walk this high-gone-wrong off. Maybe I can call my mom. Maybe I can…

  Alex’s laugh cuts me off. He glances at Eli, who looks tense by the door, his hands fisted by his sides, dark hair falling over his brow.

  “I don’t think so, Zara.” Alex’s dark eyes are on me and he’s looking at me like I’m his next fucking meal.

  I shake my head, shivering in my bikini as I step toward the door that Eli’s standing in front of.

  “My girlfriend is a slut, but she’s hot, huh?” Alex presses. “Her skin is so fucking pale I can practically see her veins, and her ass is kind of small, but her pussy is really fucking tight.” He blows out a breath as I stare at Eli, and Eli stares back at me. Alex keeps going: “It’s a shame she’s a druggie fucking whore, but I guess that means we can use her—”

  “Bye,” I mumble, heading straight for the door, arms still wrapped around myself.

  Alex moves so fast, I don’t even know he’s behind me until he yanks me backward, his hand knotted in my hair, the braids having come undone sometime in the past hour since we fought in his room. Has it been an hour?

  What time is it?

  I don’t fucking know.

  I stumble, my feet nearly slipping on the wet floor, but I catch myself, arms shooting out by my sides as I spin around to stare at him.

  He lets go of my hair, but the room is spinning too fast and my breath catches in my throat from the way my heart is pumping so hard in my chest, claiming all of my oxygen.

  Alex smiles at me, cocking his head. “You’re not just drunk, princess. You’re high on something. And it’s not just the molly, is it? Whose dick are you gonna suck to fix that now, huh?”

  My eyes widen and I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. My heart is still stuttering in my chest, and I press a hand over it, willing it to calm down.

  I need to leave.

  I turn and run toward the door, but shocking me, Eli tosses me back, right into Alex’s arms. Eli shuts the door and Alex holds me tight. I open my mouth to scream but Eli is there, clamping a hand over my mouth, both of them on either side of me.

  “Eli…” His name is a plea on my mouth, muffled and low, and I’m not even sure I said it out loud. What is he doing? Is he going to hurt me, too?

  “We don’t want to hurt you, baby.” Alex’s voice echoes my thoughts, his breath against my cheek. “We wanna make you feel good.”

  I shake my head, eyes pleading with Eli’s green ones. Don’t do this. And I thought he was… I thought he was fucking around with Rihanna Martinson? Why is he even here?

  He stares at me a second then looks up at Alex.

  “This isn’t a good idea.” The words are almost detached from what he’s saying. Like he knows it’s not a good idea, but he doesn’t really care.

  Even still, relief makes me sag in Alex’s arms. But his grip only tightens.

  He laughs coolly. “Come on, Eli. I know you wanna fuck my girlfriend. You think I haven’t seen you staring at her? Checking her out when she’s in the pool?”

  My face flushes. Has he? I never noticed.

  Eli drops his hand from my mouth, and he swallows, looking back at me.

  I feel Alex’s cock against my back. His warm, wet skin against mine.

  Eli steps back, his eyes hard as he looks at Alex. “I think you’ve done enough.”

  “Let. Me. Go!” I try to elbow Alex, but he just tightens his hold on me, not letting go.

  “Your heart is racing,” he says softly. “You’re shaking. Shh, just relax. I won’t hurt you, Zara.”

  “You said that about the pool—”

  “I didn’t hurt you then, did I, baby?”

  Panic rises, a sour taste in my mouth. My fingers are shaking, my knees trembling. There’s a dull roar in my ears and I’m worried I’m going to have a fucking stroke and these boys aren’t going to help me. They’re going to… “You’re going to kill me.”

  “Don’t be fucking stupid.” Alex loosens his hold on me for a moment, shifts behind me. Before I can think to spring free, he holds up a white, oblong pill in front of me. I have no idea where the fuck he got it from, but I. Need. It.

  “This is what you want isn’t it, Princess?”

  I don’t take my eyes off the pill, resisting the urge to grab it. No. No. “You think you can…you think you can blackmail me into fucking you again with fuc
king—”

  “You want it?”

  I can’t breathe. The panic is bubbling up in my chest, my vision blurring, making me see double the Xanax Alex is holding out in front of me, taunting me like I’m a dog and he’s got a treat.

  I see Eli, eyes flicking from me to Alex.

  I still in Alex’s arms, no longer fighting.

  “Tell Eli you want it,” he instructs me.

  Eli doesn’t say a word. He just stares at me.

  “Zara. If you want me to help you, tell Eli you want it. Be a good little slut.”

  I lock eyes with Eli. His jaw is clenched, and I can see he’s breathing hard. “Eli.” My voice is hoarse. “I…”

  “Alex.” But Eli’s voice doesn’t sound angry. It sounds…strained.

  “I want it!” I shriek, my face growing hot at the shrillness of my own voice, the desperation in it.

  Eli doesn’t move.

  Alex brings the pill to my lips, rubbing it over them softly. “You want it now, princess?”

  “I’m not your—”

  He pushes the pill past my lips. I taste the bitterness of it on my tongue and he spins me around, hands around my waist, our nearly naked bodies brushing up against one another.

  “Swallow it.”

  I want to spit it out onto the floor to spite him. But I know what it is. I know what it’ll do for me right now. It could be fake, but I doubt it.

  I swallow, grimacing as I do.

  “Good girl,” Alex says. He pulls me closer, pressing me against his wet body. “You’re gonna feel good soon.”

  I shut out Eli behind me, don’t think about him. About this. “I don’t want to—”

  “I won’t hurt you.”

  I can’t think. I feel Eli’s hands on me.

  Both of their hands are all over me.

  “You tried to drown me,” I tell Alex, my words slurred.

  “You kind of deserved it. And besides, I didn’t, Zara. If I had wanted to, I would have. But I didn’t. And now, you’re gonna feel good with us, yeah?”

  My eyes flutter closed. The panic is subsiding. I know the Xanax hasn’t kicked in yet, but I also know it’s coming.

  And taking alcohol with Xanax is basically like roofying yourself. Not to mention the molly and the Addie and... What the fuck have I done?