ECSTASY

by KV Rose

  I want to kiss him.

  I want to wrap my legs around him and forget I ever messed around with Eli. Technically, it’s not cheating. Technically, Alex had broken up with me. Technically, we still aren’t back together. I’m in the clear. Eli is in the clear. Technically, we’re okay.

  “But I really did miss you and I know you were really fucked up that night and…” He takes a deep breath and I love the way his shoulders move as he inhales. Exhales. Love the veins in his biceps beneath that white t-shirt. Love the one in his neck, too. “I don’t know, Zara. I think we could just, you know, make this work. If we really tried this time.” He meets my gaze. “I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re fun and I don’t just mean when you’re drunk. You’re always fun to me. And I know you love me even if you do some fucked up shit.” He glances at the island I’m sitting on, and says, “And even if I do some fucked up shit. I don’t want anyone else to have you.”

  My mouth goes dry.

  I feel a jolt of something warm in my chest at his words, but I push back on it. It’s just because I’m high. It’s just because I’m drunk. Technicalities where Eli are concerned won’t count, because Eli is his fucking best friend.

  If Alex knew the truth, he’d never forgive me.

  God, my throat feels like sandpaper.

  Speaking of… “I need water,” I blurt out, meaning it. Alcohol and MDMA can dehydrate you fast as fuck, and I feel myself rolling. That’s the only explanation I have for the warm feelings that seem to be filling my brain. My whole fucking body for that matter.

  Alex narrows his eyes. “You need water? After all that, you need fucking water?” I hear the note of anger in his words. That’s the Alex I know.

  I just nod, and almost as if someone took ear plugs out of my ears, I hear the music playing throughout the house. Like my Alex-goggles are momentarily fading.

  Thank fuck.

  I start swaying to Overdose by KAIBA, and Alex just watches me.

  I smile at him, but he doesn’t smile back.

  “Water?” I remind him, hopping off the counter and walking up to him, wrapping my arms around his broad back, rubbing my hands up and down his muscles, slipping underneath his shirt.

  He’s stiff beneath my hands but I know he’ll melt soon. Shit, if he doesn’t, at least I will.

  “What are you on, princess?” he asks me, his voice quiet. I can’t really read his tone, and I can’t stand still either, the music making me sway against him.

  I think about Kylie. About what Eli said. How they’re both conspiring against me to find out exactly what I’m on. But I don’t want to talk about that shit right now.

  That’s my secret with Eli anyway.

  I smile up at Alex. “You,” I tell him.

  A small smile pulls at his lips.

  Someone walks in from the pool outside, dripping water on the floor. She closes the door behind her and looks up at Alex, without sparing a glance at me, running her fingers through her red fucking hair.

  Molly Bachman.

  Her hair is long, down to her very large tits, barely hidden beneath her emerald green bikini. She eyes Alex up and down, but I’ve got my arms around him and she has yet to pay any attention to that shit.

  “Hi,” she says to Alex, still ignoring me. She tugs up the straps on the bottoms of her swimsuit, making them sit high on her curvy hips. “You coming out or what?” Her voice is husky. Pretty damn sexy, actually.

  I dig my nails into Alex’s back.

  He’s just looking at her, and I’m still all over him. If he doesn’t say something, I might offer to fuck them both.

  Molly is hot, even if she doesn’t want to look my way. Even if she doesn’t like that I’m the more recent ex.

  Alex clears his throat, and then he rests an arm around my back.

  Molly’s eyes narrow.

  “I’m good,” he tells her.

  “Didn’t she fuck around with Jamal?” she asks, in a tone full of false innocence, still without looking at me.

  Alex’s arm tightens around me. “Watch your fucking mouth or leave, Molly.”

  She rolls her eyes, biting her tongue, clearly upset with that answer. Then she mutters something under her breath that I can’t hear, thankfully, and goes back outside, slamming the door shut a little harder than necessary.

  Alex looks down at me. “So? What do you think? If she sucks my dick, you gonna be mad?”

  I shrug, smiling up at him. “Can I suck it too?”

  He cocks a brow, definitely surprised. Our failed threesome with Eli was the closest we ever got to consensual sharing. He clears his throat again and he can’t hold back his smile either. “You’re dirty, princess.”

  “You have no idea.”

  The smile dims a little. “Yeah, I’m not sure I wanna know. Forget it. I think you’d want to get back at me after that. And you’ve already done enough of that shit to last me a lifetime. Fuck that.” He pulls out of my reach, grimacing.

  “Alex, come on, don’t—”

  “Don’t what?” he asks me, clearly pissed.

  He shouldn’t have asked me to come here. I shouldn’t have agreed to come here. He rounds on me, stepping closer. My back hits the kitchen island and he cages me in, hands on either side of me as he leans down close. “Did you fuck Jax, too, huh? You fucking him for drugs?” He runs a hand through my hair, yanking my head back, his mouth over mine. “I guess the better question probably is who aren’t you fucking, Za?”

  “Alex, don’t do this.” I can’t fight back. Not because I literally can’t, but with the drugs in my system, I just don’t want to. I want a truce. I want to just relax. I just want to chill with him. “Alex, please.”

  His fingers only tighten in my hair as he runs his mouth over mine, but then he sighs, pulls away, letting me go and running a hand through his hair. “Look, I’m gonna get you some water,” he tells me. Then he leans down close again, wraps his strong arms around me, jerking me away from the island and molding my body to his. He presses his lips to my ear. “And then I’m gonna take you upstairs.”

  I feel my body heat up with his words. I can feel them against my skin. I’m almost humming with the safety I feel, right here in his arms.

  I know Alex isn’t bad. I know he isn’t the asshole he pretends to be. He’s something else entirely. He’s good. He’s pure. He isn’t a criminal. He didn’t hurt anyone.

  “And I’m going to fuck you good, princess, and you’re going to show me just how big of a whore you really are.” He presses a kiss to my neck and then pulls away, out of my arms. I feel his absence with the sudden rush of cold where his body was against me, but I lean against the counter, watching him, his words echoing in my head.

  I start swaying again to the music and as he pulls a glass from the cabinet, opens the fridge and gets water from the big pitcher inside, I can’t stop thinking about it. How good he is. And then I can’t stop the question that comes out of my mouth either, all fast and quick like if I don’t get it out in a rush, I won’t have the nerve to ask it at all.

  “Alex, what happened at that party? With that girl?”

  I see him tense, his back muscles knotting up under his shirt as he flips off the spout for the water pitcher.

  For a moment, he doesn’t move. He only says, “What party and what girl?” with an edge to his voice.

  I think about wrapping my arms around him. Turning him around. Kissing his gorgeous mouth.

  I don’t answer him though. We both know what party.

  He closes the fridge door, turns to face me and extends his hand, offering me the full glass of water.

  I take it greedily, gulping down the ice-cold liquid, humming as I do. Halfway through, I tell him what I know to be true: “You didn’t hurt her. You didn’t hurt anyone.”

  “How do you know?”

  I eye him over the rim of my cup but drink again.

  “How do you know I didn’t hurt her?” he clarifies.

  I keep drinking, unabl
e to stop even if I wanted to. It’s just so damn good. Or maybe I don’t want this conversation. Maybe I’ve lost my nerve all over again.

  Finally, I finish the water and exhale my contentment, setting the glass on the island at my back.

  I turn back to face him. I watch him staring at me as I sway back and forth, unable and unwilling to stop. The music is just flowing through me and it’s as if it’s a part of me. I can’t stay still.

  “You’re too good,” I tell him.

  He crosses his arms over his chest. “I almost drowned you.”

  “I know.” I twirl around, bringing my hands up in the air as I dance.

  “I’m the reason that video exists.”

  I drop down low, turning back to face him. “I know.”

  He comes closer, but doesn’t reach for me and I don’t stop dancing. This time, though, I grind up on him, my ass against his cock, which is already hard.

  “I almost broke your teeth with a bottle.”

  I glance over my shoulder, my eyes connecting with his. “I know.”

  He still doesn’t touch me, but I see his gaze darken. I feel him growing harder against my ass, and I don’t stop grinding against him.

  When I feel like I can’t take it anymore, when I feel like if he doesn’t put his hands on me, I might explode, he grabs my hips, yanks me back against him. His arms come around my front, caging my back against his chest, hands splayed around my torso.

  “You’re fucking perfect, you know that?” he says against my ear.

  Some people come into the kitchen, staring at us as they head outside to the pool. We don’t pay them any mind.

  I rest my head against Alex’s chest, my eyes closed. I feel so warm and safe in his arms, it’s like I’m under a blanket of pure love.

  I know, somewhere deep down, that’s just the molly talking, but it doesn’t change the feeling.

  “You are,” I tell him.

  He laughs against my ear, runs his lips against my neck. I shiver, my core tightening with his mouth on me. I want nothing more than to go upstairs and fuck him. Let him fuck me. Take turns exploring each other.

  “I’m not even close, princess,” he tells me and my heart almost aches with those words because they’re not true.

  I tell him that, my eyes still closed as I drown in the feel of him against me.

  He sighs, his breath against my neck. “You’re mine, you know that?”

  I think about Eli. This bad secret between us. I don’t want to, and I definitely shouldn’t say it, but I feel like maybe it would be best. Maybe if I just came clean to Alex, maybe if we just told each other our worst secrets, we could start over. We could start over and we could be like this, always. We wouldn’t fight or scream or yell, but we would be good for one another.

  “I do bad things,” I tell him, testing the water, pressing further back against him, still swaying in his arms.

  He tenses but holds me tighter. “I know.”

  “Do you?” I counter, my words a whisper.

  “Yes.” His every breath makes my nerves light up, and that warm, peaceful feeling in my chest expands.

  I raise my arms up, wrap them around his neck. He runs his hands up my shirt and the feel of his warm skin on mine lights a fire in my core.

  “Take me upstairs.”

  His fingers dig into my skin. “Zara, what are you on this time?”

  “Take me upstairs,” I say again, more urgent this time. “Take me upstairs, Alex, please.” I can feel his erection against my back, but I need it touching me, no clothes between us. I want him in my mouth, his hands all over my bare skin, completely naked with him inside of me.

  I want him again. Always.

  He takes a deep breath. I feel his chest rising and falling behind me, hear his indecision in the sound against my ear. But finally, as I keep swaying against him, feeling as if it’s just us at this party, no one else, not even Eli, he says, “Okay.”

  And then I spin in his arms, eyes flying open, and he picks me up. I wrap my legs around him, cup his face in my hands and kiss his lips. His grip on my thighs tightens and he kisses me back, opening his mouth for me.

  It’s intoxicating, this kiss. I almost don’t want to go upstairs. I almost want to love him right here, right in this kitchen. But he breaks away from our kiss and I lay my head against his shoulder as he carries me down the hall. There’s a lot of noise coming from the living room. I hear people shouting his name and someone whistling, but the music is really loud, too, and I focus on that, swaying in his arms as he carries me up.

  I don’t think about Eli. Don’t look for him.

  Alex takes me down the hall, toward his room. He shoulders open the door, kicks it closed behind us.

  He sets me on my feet but keeps an arm around my shoulders as he slides up the dimmer on the lights, a soft, dim glow barely illuminating the room.

  His bed—decked in Caven-blue—is opposite a flat screen TV mounted on the wall, and angled beside his bed is a loveseat, but otherwise, the room is clean and empty.

  I glance at his nightstand.

  The Bible is still there.

  Alex steps toward me, his hands moving down to my hips as he stares at me, blowing out a breath. “I’m glad I got you away from everyone,” he says, his voice rough.

  I smile at him, gripping his biceps. “You can invite some people up here if you—”

  He puts his hand over my mouth, startling me. “I’m not like you,” he informs me, taking another step toward me, forcing me to concede one. My mouth is dry again and I think maybe I should have had more water but it’s a little late for that now.

  Besides, when my legs bump up against the bed, all I want to do is tell Alex to lie down on it so I can ride him. So I can make him feel good, because he deserves it. We deserve it.

  “I don’t want to share,” he keeps talking, his warm hand still clamped over my mouth. “I’m not going to. Ever again.”

  I stroke my hand lightly up his forearm and he lets his hand slide down over my lips, to my throat, resting it there gently. “No sharing,” I lie to him.

  He smirks at me, his eyes trailing down over my chest and his hand following. He cups my breast over my tank top. “No sharing?” he repeats, gaze finding mine again.

  I bite my lip and nod, slipping my hands under his shirt. He’s all hard muscle and sharp lines but his skin is so fucking smooth. I want it on mine.

  “Zara,” he says, my name a whisper on his lips. “Are you sure you’re not going to regret this? Your eyes…” He trails off, staring into my eyes.

  I know they must be dilated right now, but I know what I want.

  “I’m not going to regret it. I know what I’m doing.” It’s true. I do. MDMA doesn’t impair judgement in the way the shots of tequila I chugged down will. It just makes everything better.

  He still looks unsure, and I can’t help but think it again. He didn’t hurt that girl. I need to find her. I need to know what happened. I need to ask her. Maybe someone hurt her, but him? I don’t think so.

  Either way, I know he won’t hurt me right now.

  He’s not even moving. He’s just staring at me with this pained expression on his face like he’s torn between fucking the shit out of me or running the fuck away.

  I vote for the former.

  I grab his shirt and pull him, spinning us. He moves with me, amusement flickering in his eyes. When I get him where I want him—his back to the bed—I plant both hands on his chest and shove him.

  He sinks down onto the mattress, in a seated position, trying to bite back a smile but he can’t quite do it.

  “God, I’ve fucking missed this.” His hands come to my thighs but he’s still staring into my eyes.

  “Take off your shirt,” I tell him.

  He flicks up his brows. “Commanding, huh?”

  I grab his wrists, make him drop his hands from my thighs as I take a step back and then let go of him. I want to pounce on him. I want to feel him everywhere. But
right now, I want to watch him take off his shirt.

  I cross my arms, still swaying slightly even though the music is just the sound of the bass up here. I want to change that. I know there are wireless speakers in his bedroom, we always had something playing when we were fucking around in here.

  Did Eli listen, then? He said he heard us, and he saw me…

  I push him from my mind. Not because I don’t like thinking about him, but because if I think about him too much, I’ll go find him and bring him up here and I’m positive Alex doesn’t want that.

  And right now?

  I want to give Alex everything he wants.

  He crosses his arms, lifts his shirt over his head. I swear to God my mouth starts watering when he drops his white shirt onto the floor, rests his hands on his thighs and stares at me, almost defiantly.

  I find every freckle over his long, lean torso, his abs still visible and defined even though he’s sitting down. Those veins in his biceps are like another fucking drug, and even though I meant to make him strip down completely, I can’t stop myself.

  I kick off my socks and shoes, unbutton my jeans, tug them down my thighs. I go to slide my fingers under my bright green lace panties, but Alex reaches for my wrist, stopping me.

  He doesn’t wait for permission anymore, doesn’t ask me if I want it.

  Instead, he holds my gaze while he leans forward and uses his teeth to pull down my underwear, his mouth scraping against my skin. His thumb pulls down the other side until the lace just falls to the floor and I step out of it as Alex sits back, watching, one hand still on my thigh.

  I wonder why he never noticed my scars.

  Now’s not the time to ask. I don’t want him to notice. I didn’t want Eli to, either.

  Eli seems to have a habit of noticing things he shouldn’t.

  “Your turn,” I tell Alex, smiling brightly as he takes in every inch of my skin from the waist down.

  His touch lingers, but slowly, he slides his hand away from me, reaching for his belt. He undoes it and flicks open the button of his pants.

  But he’s moving too slowly for me.