Out and Proud

by Lisa Young

  When their interest was piqued, they would disappear briefly through the open doors of small boutiques, and they would weave between the outdoor displays of tourist souvenirs picking up trinkets to remember their trip.

  The afternoon ended and Alice pulled Lottie gently onward. She smiled patiently as she reminded Lottie they had until later that evening before they had to get back to the coach.

  Happy to be led, and invested now in the romance of their trip, Lottie moved forward with Alice as she led them on a small detour to a small back street.

  Aware that Alice had mentioned a place for dinner, Lottie was happy to be guided to a pleasant eatery, where she hoped to rest her throbbing feet for a while. As they descended into the quaint side street, she spotted a beautiful bistro called Le Paname, which sat snugly between a shabby chic furniture shop and a handmade silver jewellery emporium.

  Smiling, Alice led her by the hand through the petite entranceway, and Lottie noticed that the shabby shutters were opened and fixed against the cool stone walls to expose the front of the eatery to the cobbled street outside. A waiter waved to Alice, who waved back, before coyly turning to Lottie. “It’s almost as if they were expecting us!” she said as she drew Lottie in.

  Lottie giggled. “You must have spent hours on travel sites finding this little gem. It’s lovely!”

  Alice didn’t respond, instead she smiled broadly in greeting to the waiter, who graciously responded by treating them like long lost friends. Insisting on serving them himself, he irritably waved away the other servers and, with a grand flourish he produced his own menus.

  Lottie mumbled about being full from the picnic, but despite the disappointment of the day, the quaint interior of the restaurant and the enticing smell of onion and garlic drifting through from the kitchen stimulated her lost appetite. She felt a small thrill of excitement run though her as Alice, being surprisingly fluent in the language, ordered confidently for them both. The waiter reappeared with two champagne flutes and a bottle of very expensive champagne, which Alice tasted briefly before confidently nodding at him to pour.

  Greedily, Lottie glugged at the cold liquid, although the irony of drinking champagne after a failed marriage proposal was not lost on her. Reaching for her refilled glass, she relaxed as she soaked in the pleasant atmosphere, and a quiet rumble of unfamiliar language around her lulled her into a full state of contentment.

  She returned her attention to Alice who grinned and reached forward, gently slipping her hand into Lottie’s before circling her remaining hand with hers as she prevented Lottie from taking another glug of the effervescent liquid. Alice ran a finger lazily up inside Lottie’s warm palm, and meeting her eyes, Lottie noticed that Alice’s eyes were shining brightly.

  “Before you drink that, sweetie, can I propose a toast?”

  Nodding silently, Lottie released her hand and grasped the cool base of the long stemmed of her glass which she rose to meet the lip of Alice’s untouched glass. With a gentle chink the glasses clipped and parted.

  “This toast is for my amazing girlfriend, who is my soulmate and my lover. In this beautiful city, on this beautiful evening I would very much like to propose this toast to our future together. I would like to celebrate our lives as they unfold together, and I would like you to answer this question.”

  Leaning towards her, Alice’s eyes misted with tears. “I would like to ask you, my funny, sexy girlfriend. Would you do me the huge honour of being my wife for the rest of our lives?” Alice sighed deeply and leaned back in her chair as she waited for Lottie to answer.

  Lottie’s glass was frozen in mid-toast, “Are you p-p-pproposing?”

  Alice chuckled before looking at her seriously. She nodded, and meeting Lottie’s confused gaze, she nodded in the direction of a small box slipped onto the table by the eager waiter. It lay unopened on the red, chequered tablecloth.

  Lottie gasped, excitement and shock rushed through her. “Oh, my God!”

  Grabbing the box, she firmly clicked it open to reveal a beautiful white gold band with a set of three diamonds glinting in the fading light.

  “Yes, yes, bloody yes!” Lottie shrieked, as they both jumped up and fell into one another’s arms, to a round of applause from their fellow diners and the beaming waiter.

  “Oh, Alice, you are so full of surprises! You’ve no idea what my plan was for this trip and yet you’d obviously had your own plan all along. Hilarious, you are just bloody wonderful!”

  Slipping the ring onto her finger, a perfect fit, Lottie stuttered through words to fill in the astounded Alice on her botched proposals one and two, leaving Alice initially stunned for words and dumbfounded at the catalogue of errors that had led to a non-proposal and a lost ring.

  “Oh, Lottie, you really are an absolute gift, do you know that?”

  Alice grabbed her phone. “Come on. Let’s put the boys out of their misery. I’m getting ten texts a minute from Robbie!”

  Lottie squealed with delight. “Those little sods! They knew all about this? But they knew I was going to propose to you too, so I bet they’re laughing their heads off!”

  Grabbing hold of Lottie, Alice laughed and firmly whirled her around, planting a round of kisses across her glowing cheeks. “Daylight robbers more like! They both had twenty-pound notes off me to keep quiet!”

  Lottie laughed. She was engaged!

  Dirty Talk

  SMILING TO HERSELF, Lottie carefully placed the miniature metal Eiffel Tower replica on the shelf above the TV, not that she really needed a physical reminder of how amazing the trip had turned out to be.

  She glanced at the understated sparkling ring which sat proudly on her engagement finger, and sighing with contentment, she reluctantly returned to the task in hand.

  While she and Alice had been inadvertently competing to propose in Paris, the kittens had been at home creating a far more sinister outcome. Largely left to their own devices apart from regular feeding and checks from their well-meaning neighbour, the kittens had managed to unleash untold havoc in the small cottage.

  Keeping her promise to Alice, Lottie had managed to get Pru to collect Sappho well before their few days away. Despite her reported attachment to her cat, Pru had invented a multitude of excuses for prolonging Sappho’s stay. However, Alice had reminded Lottie that the longer Sappho co-habited with Boots, the more likely a new brood of furry nightmares would be on the horizon. This had spurred Lottie on to stand firm, and dispatch Sappho back to her rightful owner.

  When Alice and Lottie had arrived back in Pennan earlier that morning, they had been met at the door by their unusually sheepish neighbour, Lisa. Without the usual pleasantries about their holiday, Lisa had failed to make any eye contact and hurriedly handed back the spare key. Looking considerably shamefaced she had mumbled something largely indecipherable although Lottie had managed to make out the words “demonic” and “evil”.

  Keen to see her furry little bundles, Lottie had forged her way through the door in blissful ignorance, only to be instantly repelled by the overwhelming acrid stench of cat urine. Turning to Lisa for an explanation, she was met only by the swift closure of the front door.

  Venturing inside with trepidation, Lottie gasped in horror. The living room was littered with small but pungent mounds of cat excrement which she felt would largely explain the meaty smell which had stuck in her throat. Her eyes burned and she noticed the curtains were now non-existent. She could only surmise the kittens had used them to clamber up to a higher viewing point or possibly, for no reason at all, other than that they might have fancied the journey.

  As if on cue, Stripe, the largest of the brood, swaggered nonchalantly into the living room. Eyeballing Lottie with unashamed pleasure he casually glanced around, surveying the mayhem he had undoubtedly orchestrated. Joining Stripe in surveying the chaos, Lottie was aware that Alice was making a break for it. She disappeared upstairs, muttering about e-mails and drug company orders, leaving Lottie alo
ne to tackle what would undoubtedly be a lengthy clear up.

  Thankfully, she was saved by the sound of her mobile phone ringing, and she dashed into the kitchen avoiding for the moment, the presents the kittens had left on the floor.

  She answered the call from Mel.

  “Hey, stranger! How did it go? I saw the ring picture on Facebook, I thought you’d bought a different ring. Where did that one come from?”

  Laughing, Lottie filled her in on the saga, but was interrupted as the front door slammed and the noise of the boys and an over-excited dachshund filled the front room. Anxious to avoid anybody stepping in the mess, she hurriedly ended the call, “Sorry, Mel, the boys are back. Pop round tomorrow and we’ll have a glass of wine and a proper catch up.”

  Arrangements made, she headed for the front room where the kids were desperate to revel in the fact they had held both hers and Alice’s secret proposal plans. Archie was beside himself with excitement when Lottie showed him her ring, but his moods soon dampened when he discovered that Lottie’s proposal had not been such a success. Reassured though, that Alice would also have a ring after Lottie had rung the shop to claim another one on the insurance she had luckily taken out, he had disappeared upstairs to check on Lucky the hamster, whom he had sensibly barricaded into his bedroom cupboard for the duration of his stay away. An anti-demonic kitten tactical plan that Lottie now wished she had taken more notice of.

  In order to avoid the cleaning for a little bit longer, Lottie decided to check her e-mails. An message from Pru, entitled Urgent! drew Lottie’s attention.

  Clicking to open it, she was pleased to note that it was a long and friendly message which concluded by reminding Lottie that it was group this Thursday. Commenting on the drop in numbers, Pru had requested that Lottie should try to get anybody else to attend who she thought would benefit from the group. She promised that she would waive the subscription charges for this week only.

  Lottie was astonished at Pru’s assumption that it would be easy to bring along newcomers to her group. While Lottie had grown used to Pru’s alternative methods, the group was really about gay women who wanted a sense of belonging within their own small Highland community. It wasn’t exactly an inclusive group and Lottie was pretty sure that anyone not defining themselves as a lesbian would feel the wrath of Pru’s scathing views on bi-sexuality.

  Deciding not to dwell on the finer points of Pru’s discriminatory philosophies, Lottie shut down the computer and sent a quick text to Mel.

  Hi, forgot its bloody group tomorrow, we’ll have the wine early and you can come with me. I think Pru’s past her crush for you now so you’ll be safe, promise! xx

  The smell of cat offerings brought her back to reality, and she reluctantly started on the task of restoring their home to some semblance of normality.

  AFTER GOING TO work the next day, Lottie arrived home still glowing from the excitement of the day, where most of her colleagues had been overjoyed and congratulated her on her engagement.

  She noted that Leonard had managed to make an inappropriate comment on his card.

  To the happy couple, long may you suckle! LOL, lots of love-and thinking about you always LOL Leonard xx

  She shuddered as she recalled the short conversation with him beside the water cooler after she had studiously avoided him all day.

  “Lottie, whoa there! Congrats and all that, dude!”

  Lottie smiled politely but didn’t volunteer any small talk.

  Undeterred, he blundered on. “I bet there were some long lie-ins after you popped the question, if you know what I mean, eh?” Without waiting for a reply, he continued. “Anyway. I thought marriage was off the cards for you ladies. Isn’t it called something like civic partnership or something?”

  Lottie stared frostily at him trying to convey her dissatisfaction, as he headed into dangerous territory. “Well, I won’t tell the big G man if you don’t,” Leonard sniggered. “Don’t forget my invite!”

  Pushing in front of her he filled his paper cup before turning to give her a protracted and salacious wink. “Sly dog, eh? Sly old dog!”

  Later, at home, Lottie gave an involuntary shudder at the memory of his comments, and briefly wondered how his wife tolerated such a complete and utter sleaze. Shaking her head to dispel the memory, she dashed upstairs for a quick change before Mel arrived.

  Mel was clearly not happy about being pressured into attending group again. “The last bloody time I was in a room with that woman, she chased me down like a sick dog!”

  Lottie giggled. “Oh Mel, I’m so sorry. It was just such a manic party. Alice did tell me I had done you a horrible disservice, but I promise I’ll protect you with my life tonight, and if we don’t get this wine finished, we’ll sneak it in!”

  Reassured by the promise of an alcohol-fuelled evening, Mel relaxed and enjoyed a full viewing of the Paris photographs and the accompanying commentary by Lottie, as she recounted her doomed proposal attempts followed by Alice’s far more classy effort.

  “Bloody good job one of you can pull something like that off!” Mel commented as she reluctantly pulled on her jacket and settled herself into Lottie’s car for the journey to the village hall.

  AS THEY ARRIVED at the hall, Lottie saw the familiar wisp of smoke coming from the back entrance. She bit back her disapproval and wondered again why Mim spent so much time with Pru, who treated her so badly. She was clearly enterprising in terms of her cannabis empire, and so Lottie wondered what drew her to Pru and her hokey-pokey antics.

  Lottie shot Mel a reassuring smile, before firmly guiding her into the hall.

  Upon entering, Lottie was struck by the large pieces of obscure artwork which adorned the walls.

  Squinting to examine the welcome splash of colour on the otherwise drab walls, she noted that there was no obvious form to the pictures which appeared to be pink and red and resembling sugar puff cereal. Mel was also engrossed in trying to fathom out the content of the pictures, tilting her head sideways she walked the length of the hall squinting and peering, oblivious to the rapturous delight on Pru’s face as she registered Mel’s presence. Determined not to fail in her friend-protection duties Lottie hurried to intercept Pru as she homed in on the unprotected Mel.

  “Hey there, Pru. Thanks for the e-mail!”

  Pru glanced her way in irritation as she was forced to halt in her tracks. “Yes, yes, marvellous, dear. Glad you got it. Kittens okay? Good, good.”

  Without waiting for a reply, she deftly skirted Lottie, who was left openmouthed as Pru caught Mel by the shoulder, spinning her around before bringing her into a full embrace— leaving Mel to surrender helplessly as Pru gushed. “Lovely, simply lovely to see you, Melanie, and what a wonderful opportunity! We’re doing vaginas today, my dear, yes, we all have one and they’re simply marvellous!”

  Pru let out a high-pitched cackle as she attempted to flirt, and Mel grimaced at the unpleasant noise, failing to hide her shock as she sought out Lottie with her eyes. Ashamed, Lottie was proceeding with stealth, backward, towards an empty seat. Mel shot her a look of pure hatred and Lottie shrivelled away to a sitting position, mouthing her apologies as Mel was helplessly swept towards a seat closer to the front of the room and next to Pru’s throne of power.

  Pru was unnaturally giddy as she brought the room to order. “Now, ladies, let’s get started. By the time you leave our gathering tonight, you will have an intimate knowledge of yourself. Before we start I want to draw your attention to group rules, always important to show respect to one another, and no mobile phones!”

  Lottie observed the inevitable rustling in bags, as people hurried to mute their phones in order to avoid the wrath of Pru. The baby-dykes, now regular attenders, were often phone offenders, but they still caught Lottie’s eye giving her a simultaneous grin as she nodded in acknowledgement.

  Pru coughed impatiently, before leaning towards an uncomfortable Mel to roll her eyes dramatically in an attempt to demonst
rate her patience of the intolerable persons within the group. Mel was studiously examining a piece of thread which she was nervously working back and forth between her fingers, avoiding all unnecessary eye contact with the over-eager Pru.

  “Okay,” Prudence asserted with authority. “The usual chance for you to put forward any suitable names for the group. Although we’re currently under a working title of Pru’s Group we are all participants and this is a collective decision.”

  Pru paused to scan the room. A few hands rose hesitantly and the baby-dykes were waving to attract her attention. Appearing to scrutinise the attendees, she studiously avoided the owners of the raised hands before nodding with mock modesty and a forced laugh. “Oh, goodness. At this rate it’ll become a permanent title!”

  Lottie shook her head in irritation at the sheer arrogance of Pru. It was something she found increasingly difficult to tolerate. It was perfectly evident to all concerned that she positively revelled in the working title which blatantly demonstrated her ongoing ownership of the group. The regular façade of a mock survey for alternative names never failed to strike Lottie as an insult to the group. Scanning the room, she saw a few shaking heads and a ripple of tuts, suggesting she wasn’t alone in her view.

  She tuned out Pru’s droning voice which she found quite monotonous and once again glanced around at the pictures which Pru had hung on the walls. What the bloody hell are those? She craned her neck to get a better look at the painting nearest to her.

  A large woman sitting next to her, bearing a plunging cleavage, gave her a conspiratorial nudge. “Fannies, love!” she murmured.

  Choosing to ignore her, convinced that she must have misheard, Lottie tried to create a non-existent space between them, but became horribly conscious of a bulging arm which was sticking to her own as it encroached into her own personal body space. “Excuse me?” she stuttered, forced to engage with her.