Chasing the Sun

by Melanie Hooyenga

  The fire crackles and the laughter around me feels comfortable. Everyone introduced themselves before slipping into conversations with their friends, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Where I’ve spent far too much time lately.

  I pull out my phone.

  Me: maybe we can still figure something out for the eclipse

  Yoshi: i’ve missed camping with my peach

  Me: would you be up for a trip?

  Yoshi: dude it’s all we talked about for years. yeah

  The familiar ache in my chest relaxes as I take a deep breath. My friends are still my friends. That part hasn’t changed. Yeah, I need to make new friends here, but I’m not completely alone.

  Me: that’d be great

  “Who are you texting?” Tara sits in the recently vacated chair next to me and leans closer to look at my phone. Her cleavage presses against her arm and she smiles when she catches me looking. I’m not interested, but it’s like looking away from an asteroid hurtling toward you.

  “Friend from home.” Another text comes through as I say it but I don’t react.

  Her head tilts. “Girlfriend?”

  “Nah, my friend Yoshi.” Not that I need to explain myself to her.

  She nods at my phone. “That’s not Yoshi.”

  Sage: how’s the bonfire?

  My heart rate picks up. No, it’s not Yoshi. If Sage isn’t going to be here, texting with her would be the next best thing. But I don’t want to reply until Tara goes away.

  “Did you need something?” I keep my voice polite but distant.

  Her lower lip pushes out and she tilts her head so she’s looking up at me through her eyelashes, even though we’re sitting side by side. “I’m just trying to keep you company. You’re not talking to anyone and I felt bad. We felt bad.” She hooks a thumb at Ariana, who waves awkwardly from the chair on her other side, then goes back to texting.

  “You can reply,” Tara says with a glance at my phone.

  It feels like a challenge. I’m sure there’s a right and wrong response, but I don’t care enough about her games to worry about it.

  I take a picture of the fire and send it to Sage.

  Me: burny

  Sage: lol is that a technical term?

  I smile, very aware that Tara is watching me from the corner of her eye.

  Me: it is now

  Sage: I’m impressed. I didn’t think Kit knew how to start a fire

  Me: I helped

  Sage: are there a lot of people there?

  Me: not enough

  Sage: ??

  Heat builds in my chest. I can’t explain why I feel drawn to this girl I’ve never met, especially when Tara’s sitting right next to me, clearly interested, but I am.

  Me: I was hoping to meet you

  It’s a lot easier to be honest when it’s just words on a screen.

  There’s a pause before she replies, a beat that echoes through me. I’m about to make a joke to downplay what I said when her reply comes through.

  Sage: sorry. I had that thing

  Okay, so I need to back off.

  Me: it’s cool. we’ll meet eventually

  Hopefully before school starts.

  Sage: I can’t wait

  “That seems cozy.” Tara’s leaning toward me again, but her smile feels less friendly.

  I rest my phone facedown on my thigh and force a smile. Maybe Tara is only trying to be nice, and as Dad always said, I’m not gonna make friends staring at my phone all night. Kit’s talking to a couple guys on the other side of the fire and when I hear “camping for a couple nights,” my ears perk.

  “Who’s going camping?” I ask before my brain can remind me that maybe it wasn’t an open invitation. Several heads turn my way. It’s the first time I’ve spoken loud enough for everyone to hear me. I give a little wave. “Don’t mind the new guy busting in on your plans.”

  Kit smiles. “Naw, man. It’s cool. A couple teachers are putting together a camping trip to go see the eclipse in a few weeks. Apparently it’s the first time in our lifetime—”

  “That the total solar eclipse will be visible in North America,” I say, sitting upright.

  Now the others are staring.

  “Nerd alert!” Theo shouts. He looks me in the eye and smiles to show he’s teasing, but I don’t even care. I’ve been called nerd, science geek, space boy, you name it—although lumberjack was new—and I fully embrace the labels.

  This trip could be exactly what I need. I’ll get to see the eclipse and go camping, and hopefully make a few friends before school starts.

  “So yeah,” Kit says. “It’s not an official school trip since it’s the summer, but it’s just for students.”

  And like that, my hope deflates.

  He must notice the change in my expression, because his face grows serious. “If you’re interested, I’ll email Mr. Mauro and get you in.”

  “I’d appreciate that.” Almost as an afterthought I add, “Are you going?”

  He and Theo exchange looks. “As long as someone else pitches my tent,” Theo says.

  Tara runs a finger up my arm, pulling my thoughts back to her. “Camping sounds fun.”

  Choose your words carefully so she doesn’t take it as an invitation. “Have you ever been?” If she has, I’m guessing it’s not the type of camping I’m used to, where you hike miles into the woods and don’t see another person for a week.

  “Not since I was a kid. But I love nature and outdoors and all that stuff.”

  Ariana smirks next to her, and Tara swats her arm.

  “What? I totally do!”

  “Yeah, sure you do.” Ariana rolls her eyes at Tara’s platform sandals and I stifle a laugh. Seeing her knocked down a peg by her friend makes her seem more real.

  “We’re in a backyard. It’s not like I’d wear these camping or whatever.” She tucks her feet under her chair and her non-stop confidence seems to waver for a second.

  “A group camping trip does sound kinda fun,” Ariana says.

  “I’ll go if you want to,” Tara says to Ariana, then she tosses her hair over her shoulder and winks at me, and in that split second I wish I could teleport to the other side of the fire.

  “I bet I could get Naomi and Sage to go,” says Theo.

  I try not to look too eager, but everything inside me sits at attention. “That’d be cool.”

  Ariana leans closer to Tara. “If Sage goes, you know my brother’s gonna try to go.”

  Tara turns away from her and whispers, “But they broke up.”

  “I know, but he’s weird about her.”

  Tara mutters something too low for me to hear, then gives a half shrug. “I’ll go if you do. My summer needs a little excitement.” She swivels her head and levels her gaze at me, lashes lowered so she’s looking up at me again. “Whaddaya say, Neb?”

  My hands slide to the edge of my chair and I grip so hard my knuckles turn white. “I might be camping with some friends from back home that weekend.” It’s not a complete lie. We’ve talked about it for over a year.

  She hooks her finger in the front of my flannel. “Isn’t it time you made new friends?”

  I shift so her hand drops to her side. Kit’s laughing with Theo across the fire, and no one else is paying attention to us. Even Ariana is back to playing on her phone. I swallow hard, force a smile, and with a sigh I feel in my bones say, “Probably.”

  5

  Sage

  Me: the eclipse? really?

  Neb: what do you mean really?

  Me: I mean, it’s just the moon blocking the sun right?

  Me: or am I missing something?

  Neb: you can’t see me, but my jaw is on the floor

  Me: so I’m missing something

  Neb: this is a once in a lifetime event

  Neb: a total solar eclipse is like

  Neb: I don’t know what’s happening

  Neb: I’m at a loss for words

  Neb: I’ve been looking forward to this since
I was a kid

  Me: okay, so a BIG deal

  I stretch across my bed and grab a pillow to prop beneath my chest.

  Me: and you also like camping, so extra big deal?

  A smile lifts the corner of my mouth, and I imagine him smiling too. Which is tricky since I have no idea what he looks like, but the thought of making this faceless boy smile makes my heart race.

  Neb: you could say that

  Me: so you’re for sure going?

  Neb: 87% sure

  I love the fact that he doesn’t try to be smooth. That he just throws his geekiness out there and doesn’t think twice about it.

  Me: and tell me again why I should go camping in the woods with a bunch of kids I don’t know?

  Neb: you know them better than I do

  Neb: and then there’s the obvious

  We would finally meet. But not just meet. Spend three days and two nights together. Well not together together, but all in the same space. Without parents.

  Me: explain why I need to see this eclipse

  I picture faceless Neb cracking his knuckles and taking a deep breath. Then he floods my phone with links to websites about the eclipse, followed by more facts than I learned in Earth Sciences last year.

  Neb: sorry. I geek out on this stuff

  Me: I think it’s cool you’re so into it

  There’s a pause and I imagine him in his room, door closed, thinking about me the way I am about him. Does he get excited when I text? He still replies in the group thread, but not like this. I feel like I’m getting to know him in a way I didn’t think you could without seeing the person, and I like it. There’s no pressure for my hair to be perfect, no games or calculated looks, just us getting to know each other.

  Me: it would be fun to watch the eclipse with someone who knows all about it

  Me: besides the teachers

  Ugh, why did I add that? The first comment was perfectly flirty and I diluted it with—

  Neb: so you’re considering going?

  I really really really like that he isn’t pressuring me. That he’s asking politely and letting me decide for myself.

  Me: I’m like 56% sure

  Neb: I’ll take those odds

  My face drops to my pillow and I smile into the pillowcase. I’m not imagining this. He’s flirting with me too.

  My phone dings and I lift my head to read his text, but it’s not him.

  Naomi: I’m here

  Me: be right there

  I scramble downstairs and shout “Naomi’s here” before opening the door. Her red curls are twisted into a bun on top of her head and she adjusts her backpack on her shoulder. “Come on in.”

  She gives me an appraising look.

  “What?”

  “What were you doing?”

  I press my hands to my cheeks. They’re warm, which means they’re red. “Nothing.”

  She follows me to my room. “Does this nothing have to do with a certain boy?”

  “Maybe.”

  We settle on my bed and I grab my phone. As if on cue, I get another text.

  “Don’t let me interrupt.”

  “We’re just talking. He’s trying to get me to go on that eclipse camping trip.”

  “I think it sounds fun.” Her bright eyes sparkle and she leans against my arm. Her head hits mine with a thud.

  “Not you too.”

  She exhales slowly. “A weekend without parents. In the woods. And I heard there’s gonna be a day trip into Portland. You know what that means…”

  “Powell’s,” I breathe. The infamous bookstore is my nirvana. My parents took me there when I was a kid and my spotty memories have morphed the store into a land of unicorns and rainbows—but with books. Their social media posts keep my daydreams alive. Whoever manages the account has struck the perfect balance of event and book posts and other pics of the store that make me want to live there forever.

  “You could spend hours there,” she says.

  “I didn’t realize you were that into the eclipse.”

  She shrugs, but it lacks her usual nonchalance. “The trip sounds fun.”

  “You okay?” Something’s going on, but one thing I know about my best friend is she won’t share until she’s processed it on her own. But that doesn’t mean I won’t ask.

  “Just thinking through some things.”

  “About the podcast?”

  “Yes.” Her eyes glaze for a second, then she shakes it off and smiles. “Yes. I’m working on a schedule and outlining content for the first dozen episodes, and I should be ready to start recording before school starts. Editing is going to be the hardest part since I’ve never done that, but I’ve convinced Theo to help.”

  “It’s really cool you’re doing this.” Most kids our age spout off about all the things they could do, but never follow through. Naomi has some internal drive that pushes her to go after what she wants. “I want to be you when I grow up.”

  She snorts.

  “Can I help?”

  “I’ll probably have you edit my outlines.” She flicks my phone. “Nice sidetrack. Are you going to answer that boy or what?”

  “Let’s go help with dinner.”

  Downstairs, while Naomi leans against the counter and Mom chops veggies and Dad carries a tray of chicken to the grill on the back deck, I check my phone.

  Neb: no pressure

  Neb: I just think it sounds fun

  Neb: and I haven’t been to Portland since middle school

  Neb: I’ll stop now ;)

  The winky face at the end of his last text gets me. A flutter of butterflies stirs in my belly and heat races through me.

  “What’s that smirk for?” Mom wipes the knife with a towel and turns on the stove, her eyes never leaving mine.

  I slip my phone in my back pocket without replying. “Oh, nothing.”

  She sets the skillet of veggies on the stove. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen that smile.”

  “Right?” Naomi says. I shoot her a wide-eyed look but she cocks her head and returns her own wide-eyed look. “There’s this sort-of school camping trip in a couple weeks and we’re trying to convince Sage to go.”

  “We?” I mouth. When did Neb become part of we?

  Now Naomi is full-on ignoring me. “A couple science teachers are chaperoning. Ms. Kim and Mr. Mauro. It’s for the solar eclipse on the 17th so it’s, like, educational. And there’s a day trip to Portland so we can—"

  “Go to Powell’s!” Mom’s smile grew wider as Naomi talked and now she’s clapping her hands. “Oh, sweetie, I’ve felt so bad we haven’t taken you back there. This trip sounds like a lot of fun.”

  “What trip?” Dad asks, stepping through the open sliding glass door.

  “The girls are going on a school-sanctioned science camping trip to see the eclipse!”

  Mom’s enthusiasm makes me laugh, but a bubble of panic fills my lungs. As much as I’d love to go to Powell’s, going into a big city means being surrounded by people. Lots of people. “Won’t it be crowded?” I whisper to Naomi.

  She squeezes my hand. “I’ll be with you.”

  Dad gives me a serious look. “Sweetie, it shouldn’t be too crowded during the day. And Naomi will look out for you, right?”

  Naomi nods, and the three of them watch me with measured concern. I appreciate that they take my phobias seriously, but in moments like this I want to hide in my room and never come out.

  Mom steps closer to Dad and gives me a gentle smile. When they’re standing side by side, it’s easy to see where I get my light brown hair and brown eyes—MOM—but it’s Dad’s temperament that dictates so much of who I am. The three of us are the same height and I’m proof that mixing DNA takes parts of each person to create someone entirely different, but it’s moments like this that prove how very different I am. Neither of them have anxiety or phobias or something that makes it hard to live their lives.

  “I understand that you’re nervous,” Mom says. “But you haven’t
been yourself since you and Pax broke up. Maybe this trip will be good for you.” They don’t know the full story about Pax and I’m content to keep it that way.

  Naomi waggles her brows at me and I snort despite myself.

  Dad grins and gives Mom a side hug. “I think there’s more to this story.”

  “There most definitely is not!” Heat flames my cheeks and they nod at each other. “Not really,” I add unconvincingly.

  “Just think about it,” Naomi says softly.

  If I truly want to be free from Pax and his mind games, I need to live my life. Seventeen-year olds aren’t meant to hide in their house all summer. They’re supposed to hang out with friends and have adventures and fall in love with people they barely know. Even if the thought of adventures and love terrifies me a bit. I take a deep breath. “It has been a pretty boring summer.”

  Naomi’s eyes go wide. “Is that a yes?”

  “It’s an almost-yes.”

  She grabs my hands and dances me around my parents. Soon we’re all laughing, smiling, having the kind of picture-perfect day that only exists in books.

  Naomi sees through my smile to the thoughts brimming beneath the surface. “It’ll be good. I’ll make sure of it.”

  When Dad heads outside to get the chicken, I pull out my phone and send a text.

  Me: 83%

  And try not to think about why I’m so eager to tell Neb that I’ve almost decided to go.

  6

  Neb

  Me: what changed your mind?

  Sage: Naomi. my parents

  The dots bounce as she types.

  Then stop.

  Then start up again.

  Sage: you

  I’m really glad she can’t see me. It’s been cool getting to know her without the pressure of looking at each other. We don’t even know what the other looks like—not that I haven’t tried. But her profile picture is a sage plant and the only hint Kit gave about her appearance is she’s not supermodel gorgeous, but also not a troll. So super helpful.

  But right now I can’t stop smiling. Yoshi’s always making fun of me for not having a poker face, and if Sage were sitting across from me there’d be no denying that I like her.