Chasing the Sun

by Melanie Hooyenga

  A whoop echoes through the trees and we both jump. Kit bursts through an opening along the creek, followed by Theo and a couple other guys from the campsite.

  “There you are!” Kit shouts, coming to a stop a few feet away. “We figured you went back to your tent.” He rocks his hips back and forth and nods at me like I’m supposed to confirm his assumptions.

  “And you wonder why you don’t have a girlfriend,” Sage says.

  Kit makes a show of straightening a non-existent necktie. “I don’t want a girlfriend. I like to keep my options open.” He gives me a knowing look, but we don’t know each other well enough for the message to come through.

  Sage’s hand is still in mine when the rest of the group appears on the trail. Naomi gives her an excited smile, but no one else seems to care. Which is exactly how I want it. Being the center of attention is the last thing I want, especially at a new school.

  We fall in step with the others, and I push away the frustration that settles over me like a wet blanket. We’ve got two whole days. Plenty of time to be alone.

  As if sensing my mood, Sage smiles up at me, her brown eyes shining. “You okay?”

  Most guys would play it cool and keep her guessing, but that feels like a waste of energy. Energy I’d rather focus on her. “I wasn’t ready to be back with the group.”

  Her smile gets bigger. She slips her hand from mine and slides it through my arm, settling on my bicep.

  Which I flex. Just for a second. I swear it’s a reflex to her touching me, but she doesn’t pull away, so I’m good.

  “Me neither,” she whispers.

  We’re quiet the rest of the way back to the campsite. I don’t know if I’ve ever been this content just being with a girl. Or maybe I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t gossip about other people, who’s comfortable enough in her own skin to simply be. Conversations fill the air around us, but she makes no attempt to join them.

  When we get back to the campsite, disappointment hits me in the chest. But I don’t expect her reaction. She stiffens next to me, then yanks her hand from my grip. Her breathing quickens and her eyes go wide. I track where she’s looking and my gaze lands on a guy our age leaning against a red SUV that wasn’t here earlier. He’s talking to a guy who was ahead of us on the path, and he keeps looking over the guy’s shoulder like he’s looking for someone.

  Naomi whirls around to face us, alarm clear on her face. “What is he doing here?” Her voice comes out a furious whisper. Kit and Theo seem surprised too, and when I try to catch Kit’s eye, he avoids me.

  Alarm bells ring in my head, and I hate that I don’t know why.

  Sage is still frozen next to me, angry red streaks coloring her cheeks. It’s different from when she blushed earlier. The expression on her face now—she looks like she wants to murder someone.

  17

  Sage

  Pax notices me when I’m still a few feet away. He lifts a hand to wave and his casual smile shifts from happiness to surprise to something I hope is fear. His hand freezes in a ‘stop’ gesture. “I thought you’d be happy to see me.” His deep voice used to send shivers down my back, but now it sparks a fury unlike anything I’ve ever felt.

  “What. Are. You. Doing. Here.” My voice is low, each syllable trembling through me. The little voice in my head reminds me that people are watching—that Neb is watching—and I take a deep breath. I don’t make scenes, and Paxton Juarez no longer has the right to provoke any emotions from me. I take a step closer and fight the urge to slam my hands into his chest. He’s only a few inches taller than me—something that always irritated him when we were together—so I can stare him in the eye without having to look up.

  Without feeling submissive.

  He glances over my shoulder before giving me the puppy-dog eyes that used to get him out of trouble.

  Used to.

  “Tara asked me to bring some stuff for her.” He hooks a thumb at his car like that’s all the explanation he needs.

  “You’re here because of Tara.” A high-pitched ringing in my ears drowns out his response. Why would he drive all the way here for her? Unless…

  “Is something going on between you two?”

  His eyes narrow. “She’s Ariana’s friend. You know that.”

  Whenever I was at Pax’s house, I always felt like Tara was watching me. Pax insisted I was imagining things, that she was jealous of what we had. But was she really watching him?

  He reaches out a hand like he’s going to grab my arm, but he lets it fall to his side.

  “You never answered my email,” he says, a hint of uncertainty in his voice.

  The entire time we were together, Pax was always in control. I stopped counting the number of times he made feel stupid or insecure or crazy. Because it didn’t matter. He was always right, always knew best. Eventually I gave up arguing, gave up defending myself or my opinions or the hope that I might feel happiness again. When we broke up, I thought my life was over because he had convinced me that he was my life.

  Well, now I know better. I made a vow to never ever let a man dictate anything for me again. A pulse of excitement beats through me because this is the first time I get to flex this new determination.

  I step closer to Pax and his cologne hits me, triggering a thousand memories of his room, his bed, his world. No, I say to myself and stand my ground, clearing my throat. “I don’t want anything to do with you!”

  My words echo off the trees. Everything falls silent, but I don’t care.

  I. Am. Done.

  I cross my arms and his eyes flick to my chest. I uncross them and my hands settle on my hips. “Did you really think I’d answer your asinine questions?”

  He nods, and pulls the edge of his lower lip between his teeth. Ahh, today I get adorable, sincere Paxton.

  Nope.

  “Yes,” I say, and he looks confused. “That’s my answer. Yes!” I tilt my head back. Soft clouds and blue sky peek through the trees. “YES!” A maniacal laugh escapes me, taking the hurt and anger and resentment with it. My pulse thuds in my ears and I feel lighter than I have in years.

  I straighten my head and meet Pax’s gaze. He must see that he no longer controls me. His brows furrow, making the skin crease between his eyes, and his lips form a thin line. I can’t remember why I was ever attracted to him. With the charm gone, it’s like a curtain pulls back, revealing his ugly soul and locking the door on anything I once felt for him.

  “I think you should go.”

  His head droops, the last shred of hope in tatters on the ground between us. “If that’s what you want.”

  Furious laughter bubbles in my throat. “Oh, now you care what I want?”

  “Amor, I never meant to make you feel bad.” His eyes soften, but my body doesn’t react. It’s like I’m dead inside. He takes a step toward me, his hand reaching for mine.

  My hands clench into fists. I refuse to step back. To concede.

  His lower lip pushes out again. “Don’t be like this. I know you still care about me. Can’t you find it in yourself to give me another chance?” His words are like butter, melting over my soul, filling the cracks he caused when he tore me down until I was too weak to stand up for myself.

  I shake my head to clear it.

  “If I’d known you weren’t coming back, I never would have let you go.” His voice breaks, a practiced move that has always worked in the past.

  But I have no more words for him. I shake my head and close my eyes, unable to look at him until I hear the crunch of gravel as he walks away. I glare at his back until he joins Ariana at his car. Tara sashays over to him, a huge smile brightening her face as he opens the backseat and pulls out a hot pink duffel bag. She leans into his personal space to grab the bag, and suddenly I’m rewriting all the times I’ve seen them together.

  Arms wrap around me from behind, snapping me out of my rage. “I’m so proud of you,” Naomi says. “Three Good Things About Speaking Your Truth.”

  “Three G
ood Things About Telling Off Your Ex.” Exhaustion creeps through me and I lean into her embrace. Exhaustion and embarrassment. “Oh, god.” I press my face against her head. “Did everyone hear that?”

  “Heard. Saw. Clapped.”

  I risk a glance over her shoulder. “Clapped?”

  She nods. “A slow, silent clap, but yes.”

  Not everyone clapped. I can still see Tara rushing to his side with that barracuda smile. The same smile she gave Neb earlier.

  Naomi grips my shoulders and makes me stand straight. “I cannot believe Asston showed up here!”

  Naomi’s nickname for him feels one hundred percent appropriate right now. I lean my forehead on her shoulder and don’t look up until Pax’s engine starts. A cloud of dirt follows his SUV as he speeds away from the campsite.

  “I really didn’t need an audience for that.” Especially one particular person. I scan the faces around us. In unison, a dozen pairs of eyes look away, all suddenly interested in anything but me.

  Including Neb.

  My heart, which I thought had turned to ice, gallops in my chest. “Did I totally screw things up with him?”

  Naomi’s normally carefree expression is replaced with uncertainty. “No. But maybe a little chat about the glory that is Paxton might be in order. You can’t undo what happened, so focus on how much you’ve grown since you’ve been apart.”

  “I don’t think I’m ready to throw all that at Neb.”

  “Maybe not, but you can’t pretend it didn’t happen.”

  I bite my lip and try to catch his eye, but his attention is on Tara as she walks toward him. His jaw ticks as she approaches, but maybe he’s deciding that my drama isn’t worth it.

  That I’m not worth it.

  And she is.

  18

  Neb

  How did everything get so messed up so fast? I thought Sage and I had a real connection on the hike, and while she didn’t seem exactly happy to see that guy, she screamed ‘yes’ so many times that I’m doubting myself. Then she ran off with Naomi and I haven’t seen her since.

  And now Tara’s got her missile lock zeroed in on me. The way her hips swing would be enough to distract most guys from anything but her, but from what I know of her she’s only worried about her own needs and getting what she wants.

  “Ne-e-e-e-e-e-b.” She purrs my name as she comes to a stop, fully invading my personal space. “Where were you on the hike? I could have used your strong arms to—”

  “Who was that?” I try to keep my voice level but her eyebrow shoots up.

  “Aww, are you jealous?”

  I don’t answer, and she rolls her eyes.

  “Ariana’s brother.” She taps the strap of her bag. “He brought my sneakers.”

  Her words hit me in the chest. That was Sage’s ex. I clench my jaw and hope she doesn’t notice how her words affect me. “He drove all the way here for your shoes?”

  She trails a finger down my chest before I can move. “It’s not like he came here for her, despite what she may have told you.”

  Jealousy rips through me, but not for the reason Tara would like. I keep my focus on Tara but all I want is to find Sage.

  “I think you are jealous.”

  “Tara, I don’t have time for this.”

  Her smile flashes to a scowl and she tosses her hands in the air. “All we have is time. Can you believe there isn’t Wi-Fi here?” She hovers too close, her floral perfume making me sneeze, which makes her reach for my arm again. “Is the fresh air too much for you?”

  “Something like that,” I grumble, pushing past her to where Kit and Theo are chatting with a group of guys. A few of them have already set up camp chairs around a fire. They nod in the universal guy-greeting and Theo gives me a wide-eyed look and juts his chin away from the guys. I follow him to the edge of the campsite, still scanning the area for Sage. “What’s up?”

  Theo steps close, but it doesn’t feel intrusive like it did with Tara. Maybe because he doesn’t try to crawl up my arm. “I know how that probably looked with Sage,” he nods in the direction of where their blowout was. “But you have nothing to worry about.”

  My shoulders stiffen and I clench my jaw. I’ve hung out with Theo a couple times, but I can’t always tell when he’s being sincere. “I don’t know you mean.”

  “Dude, you’re all they talked about on the ride here.” He runs a hand through his hair and scowls. “Paxton is an ass and she was hot-pissed to see him. If anything, this will work even better for you.”

  I inhale and hold it for a moment, deciding if he’s being honest or just playing me. He didn’t have to tell me any of this, and he is friends with Sage. I exhale. “So what was with all the ‘yes’ stuff?”

  A smile creases his face. “Get this. Dude emailed her a bunch of questions asking if he was a dick when they were together. That was her answer.”

  I snort a laugh. “Wow. That takes balls.”

  He shrugs. “We don’t call him Asston for nothing.” He fist-bumps my shoulder. “Come sit with us and grab an extra chair. Sage and Naomi will come back soon and then…” He winks and I push his shoulder.

  “Hey, maybe you can help me with something.” Tara’s lingering near the guys by the fire, talking with Ariana. She seems really into whatever Ariana is saying, but her eyes find mine and her face brightens.

  “You’re a little tall for me, but sure, man.”

  “Can you keep Tara away from me?”

  He looks across the campsite until he spots her, then faces me. “This might be a radical idea, but have you considered telling her you’re not interested?”

  My eyes close as I take a deep breath. “I did, but she doesn’t seem to care. And I don’t want to be a dick.”

  “You might have to.”

  I meet Theo’s eyes and sigh. “You won’t do it for me?”

  He claps a hand on my shoulder. “Sorry, my bi-tinerary’s full. Besides, middle school was the worst years of my life and I happily left it behind me. I’ll do my best to run a little interference, but you should tell her yourself.”

  “Thanks, man.”

  He walks ahead of me and slides into Tara and Ariana’s conversation. If I set up the chairs now, she’ll sit down and I’ll never be rid of her, so I head down the narrow road to my tent. I collapse onto my sleeping bag and stare through the open roof flap to the sky. Fate was on my side when we picked spots because there aren’t any trees above, giving me the perfect view to the world beyond us. Tonight’s supposed to be clear, and we’re far enough away from the city that the stars should put on a good show. That’s when I feel closest to Dad. When the constellations practically step out of the sky and tell their story right in front of me.

  My phone buzzes in my pocket.

  Kit: all clear

  Me: you sure?

  Kit: Theo distracted them

  Me: thanks man

  I switch to my thread with Sage. My fingers hover over the keyboard. Do I say anything about her ex, or pretend nothing happened? It’s just a text, man. I take a deep breath and go for it.

  Me: meet you at the fire in 15?

  Her reply is almost instantaneous.

  Sage: we were about to head over. Save me a seat?

  My limbs relax as I exhale.

  Me: you got it

  I text Yoshi to kill a few minutes. No matter how into me she might be, I can hear Kit saying I don’t want to look too eager.

  Me: you get set up okay?

  We left around the same time this morning but they had a longer drive to get into the path of the total eclipse.

  Yoshi: yeah. finally

  Yoshi: this might be the most i ever missed my princess peach

  I wait a beat for the punchline I know is coming.

  Yoshi: coulda used your height putting the tent together

  Me: funny. mine went up no problem

  Yoshi: at least I can stand up in mine

  Me: got me there

  Yoshi: how’s the
girl

  Me: very cool

  Yoshi: i’m glad man. you deserve a cool chick

  I smile.

  Me: you’re gonna make me cry

  Yoshi: no crying in front of her

  Me: I’ll do my best

  That ate up five minutes.

  I grab a hoodie and a couple bottles of water from my bag, then tuck my camp chair under my arm. When I get outside, Sage and Naomi are already set up in the circle around the fire. There’s a space next to Sage and she waves me over.

  If she’s still upset by the fight with her ex, she’s hiding it well. She smiles up at me as I approach. “Ready for s’mores and hot dogs?”

  “My stomach hurts just thinking about it.”

  “I’m sure they’ve got a tofu-dog in there,” Kit calls over the fire.

  “You’re anti hot dogs?” Sage asks.

  “More like anti beef.”

  Kit laughs. “I don’t think beef is an actual ingredient in these dogs.”

  “Hey!” Mr. Mauro throws a marshmallow at Kit, who catches it and pops it in his mouth. “Are my culinary tastes not to your satisfaction?”

  Kit shakes his head as he swallows. “I’ll eat anything. Mister Nature over there is the one watching his figure.”

  My eyes roll. Taking care of the inside of my body is important. Something most people in Oregon seem to get.

  “Kit, quit being an ass,” says Ms. Kim. “We’ve got turkey dogs, too.”

  “Ooh, burn!” a guy on the other side of the fire shouts.

  Kit pouts. “You’re a teacher. You can’t call me an ass.”

  She laughs, her hands on her narrow hips. There’s an intelligence in her eyes that dances when she smiles. “I can if you’re being one.”

  Several people laugh and I relax—until my chair slips from my arm and drops with a clink of metal on metal. I cringe. Dad splurged on fancy weightless chairs that swivel to let you lean back and look at the sky, and the first time we brought them camping we both fell asleep beneath the stars. He’d strangle me if he saw me throw it on the ground like a Walmart knock-off. I unfasten the latch and set it up next to Sage.