“It’s been a few years, but whenever my dad and I would go places, we’d take public transportation. It’s not bad once you figure out the maps.”
“Well, maps are most definitely not my thing,” Theo says. “I’m putting my safety in all your hands.”
“I wouldn’t mind the bookstore,” Naomi says, winking at Sage. “As long as we make time for doughnuts.”
Sage seems to ignore the wink and whatever it means and wipes her bottom lip. “Omigod. Absolutely yes to doughnuts.”
“VooDoo or Blue Star?” Kit asks.
“VooDoo!” Naomi and Sage say at the same time Theo and I say, “Blue Star!”
Kit rubs his chin. “Interesting. I’m the deciding vote.” He makes eye contact with each of us, a slow smile spreading over his face. “How much is this doughnut worth to you?”
Naomi raises a brow at him. “You know we don’t all need to stay together. You can run off to your second-rate doughnut shop without us.”
He pumps his fist in the air, locking eyes with Naomi. “VooDoo it is!”
Naomi beams, a slight blush coloring her pale cheeks.
Sage bumps her shoulder against my arm. “Sorry.”
I snort. “No you’re not.”
Her smile is so big it makes my heart do weird things. “You’re right, I’m not. I fricking love VooDoo Doughnuts.”
The train pulls into the station, but it doesn’t rumble and screech like most trains I’ve been on. The Portland system is electric and whispers to a stop.
“Grab your buddy!” Mr. Mauro shouts as we step onto the train.
I wrap my arms around Sage and bury my face in her neck. She leans into me, gripping my arms so I can’t let go.
“Oh, god,” Naomi groans. “Is this how it’s gonna be all day?”
Sage swings a leg at her before twisting in my arms and pressing her lips to mine. “Yep.”
Fine by me.
She stays in my arms the whole train ride. I lean against a pole to keep my balance, and try not to get too caught up in the feel of her against me. PDA has never been an issue for me, but if I let my imagination run wild, parts of my body may not cooperate and I don’t need to run around Portland with a hard-on.
“Dude,” Kit says. “What stop did you say we need to take?”
I clear my throat, hoping my cheeks don’t give away my thoughts, and glance at the map plastered above the doors. “Providence Place station. The next one.”
“Sweet. This is gonna be epic.”
Epic in Kit’s mind scares me a little, but I try to give him the benefit of the doubt. He may be obnoxious at times, but Theo and Naomi are cool, and they wouldn’t keep hanging out with him if he wasn’t a decent guy. And he did include me on this trip. No one made him invite me, or drive me, or introduce me to his friends. I stand a little straighter, determined to cut him some slack.
Sage peers up at me, her chin resting on my chest. Her lips curl into a gentle smile. “You ready for an epic day?”
“Should I be nervous when he says that?” I whisper.
Her shoulders lift. “Could go either way. Stick with me and I’ll make sure we get to Powell’s.”
My grip tightens around her waist as the train slides to a stop. Theo rushes to the door, his hands tight on his backpack straps, and jumps out the second the doors open. The rest of us emerge into the sunshine and are hit with the sounds and smells of the living, breathing city. Cars maneuver around pedestrians, food vendors prep for the lunch rush along the perimeter of a park, and the harsher, acrid smells of those living on the streets remind me of when I came here with Dad. He always made sure to not only give food or money to every homeless person we encountered, but he looked them in the eye and asked them about their day.
“They’re human too, son,” he’d say.
I shield my eyes against the sun, the vivid memory catching in my throat.
“Which way, Map Master?” Naomi asks. She’s moved beneath a tree and her normal confidence seems to waver.
I pull up my map and get my bearings. Dad was teaching me celestial navigation when he died, but finding my way purely based on the stars won’t help much in the middle of the day. “Everyday Music and Powell’s are both on Burnside Street, which is a couple blocks north of here. We need to head that way.” I point at the 16th Ave. street sign. “Then we’ll head west toward the river. Should be a ten-minute walk.”
“VooDoo Donuts is that way too,” Kit says with a wink.
“What about the Rose Garden?” Sage’s voice is soft, and no one else seems to hear her.
I don’t care one way or the other about roses, but from what I read online it’s a huge garden that covers over four hundred acres and it’s only ten minutes from downtown Portland. I’d rather hang out outside than in a bunch of stores, and not just because Sage wants to go there. “You sure you don’t want to shop?”
She looks down at her T-shirt and shorts and rolls her eyes. “You think I like to shop?”
“I guess I shouldn’t have assumed.” Even though she used shopping as an excuse not to go to Kit’s bonfire. She must have had a reason not to go, but it doesn’t matter now.
She shrugs. “I like the clothes I like, but I don’t like spending a ton of money on them, and I get the feeling all those shops are super overpriced.”
I squeeze her hand. “We’ll get to the Rose Garden. As long as you don’t mind walking.”
She smiles, and my heart gallops.
Kit and Theo lead the way, with Naomi and Sage in front of me. We take our time, checking out shop windows and the street performances on every corner. When we finally hit Burnside Street, the excitement for the eclipse seems to be everywhere. Window displays advertise everything from black-out glasses to funny T-shirts and hats, and every bar and restaurant we pass has a sign out front bragging about a roof deck and ‘The Best Place to Watch the Eclipse!’ The scent of grilled meat wafts from an open door and my stomach growls.
“Would anyone be opposed to some food?” I ask.
Sage pats her belly. “I could go for pizza or tacos.”
The others nod in agreement.
“I vote first one we see,” says Theo. He scans the other side of the street and shouts, “Tacos, right ahead!”
We run across the street, dodging cars and laughing with the freedom that only comes from being unsupervised in a big city, and tumble into the taco shop. The scent of grilled onions and the meat I smelled outside mingles with the salsa music blaring from a radio over the open grill, and my stomach rumbles its approval.
Once we’ve ordered, we cram into a booth by the front window. Sage follows me in, her leg resting lightly against mine, but then Naomi tells her to slide in to make room and Sage presses against me as hard as she was last night. I try to focus on my tacos, but I can’t stop my hand from drifting to her knee. She hooks her foot around my ankle without looking at me, but she smiles before taking a bite.
Naomi and Theo tease each other as we eat, and for the first time since moving in with Mom, I finally feel like I belong somewhere. Like maybe I’ve found my new friends. Even Kit, who keeps them laughing with ridiculous stories about his family vacation earlier this summer. It sucks not seeing everyone back home, but this is my life now and it’s turning out a lot better than I expected. Yoshi would love this—he’d love all of them—but he’d insist on the music store and we’d barely have time for Powell’s unless we split up.
“Where to next?” Theo asks as he reaches for a chip in the center of the table. “Did we already pass the music store?”
I release Sage’s knee and pull up my map. “It looks like Everyday Music is a block back the way we came, and Powell’s is another block west.” I look up at the group. “Are we okay splitting up for those places? Then we’ll still have time for VooDoo and the Rose Garden.”
“Are we seriously going to a rose garden?” Kit rolls his eyes before popping a piece of meat in his mouth. “My mom has roses. They aren’t that exciting.
”
Naomi’s cheeks color as she points at Sage and me. “We’re going. So if you can convince my baby brother to skip it, then we can split up.” Her jaw ticks, then she shrugs and rolls her eyes. It seems like she’s upset, but I have no idea why.
“Dude,” Kit says, leveling his gaze at Theo. “Please tell me you do not want to waste half our day looking at flowers.”
Theo shrugs, and I get the sense he does, but he doesn’t want to push Kit. “I’ll skip it.” He exchanges a look with Naomi that only they seem to understand, and he mouths, “It’s fine.”
We finish our food and head back outside. Naomi gives Theo a hug and pinches his cheek. “Be sure to look both ways before crossing the street, and don’t make bad decisions.”
“Okay, Mom.” He smiles at her, then winks at us and he and Kit head up the sidewalk.
She turns to us. “Sorry you’re stuck with me, but I really do want to see the Rose Garden.
Sage slips her arm through Naomi’s. “Getting a break from Kit is a bonus.”
“Can I ask about that?”
They both face me. “You mean Kit?” Sage asks.
“It’s just…” How do I ask about how he fits in with their group without making it seem like I don’t like him? Or that I’m not grateful he included me with them?
“A little case of one of these things is not like the other?” Naomi laughs. “Believe it or not, he’s mellowed since we started high school. He was always this high-strung, obnoxious brat that was in every one of our classes, but he and Theo balance each other out.”
“And he’s got a good heart,” Sage says.
“And then there’s Sage,” Naomi says, “who always finds the good thing about people and ignores the rest.”
Sage pushes her arm and laughs. “I’m not that bad.” Then she purses her lips. “Three Good Things About Always Seeing the Good in Other People.”
“Three Good Things About Looking Out for Yourself. I don’t mean to imply your empathy is bad, but it wouldn’t hurt you to look out for you more.” Naomi pokes Sage in the sternum, and Sage’s smile fades.
“I’m trying.”
An uncomfortable silence falls over us, and I clear my throat to push away thoughts of Sage’s ex. Because that has to be what Naomi’s talking about. I thought everything was cool between us after that thing with Tara, but maybe Naomi’s still waiting to pass judgement.
Before I can dwell any longer, Sage smiles up at me. “Let’s go to Powell’s.” Those four words seem to push away whatever thoughts were clouding her mood. Her smile feels a little forced, but she grabs my hand and nothing else matters.
25
Sage
Powell’s is everything I imagined and more. Bookshelves line the walls and create narrow rows throughout the sprawling room, then a doorway leads to another room where more shelves hold more books than I’ve ever seen at one time. Handwritten notes recommending different titles flutter from the edge of the shelves as we pass and I want to touch everything. Everywhere I turn, people are reading. Crouched on the floor, perched on the steps, cuddled in a small grouping of overstuffed chairs. A collection of reading paraphernalia at the end of a row catches my eye.
“Don’t you already have those socks?” Naomi asks from behind me.
I run my finger along the ones that say ‘Shut Up I’m Reading.’ “These ones, but not these others. And I could use another bookmark or twelve.”
Neb’s hand caresses my lower back and he laughs softly. “And I thought I was dragging you all here.”
Naomi smirks. “I can’t get this one out of books. But I love to read too, so it all works out.” Her gaze drifts to where Neb’s hand rests lightly on my back, and I’m glad she can’t see the effect he’s having on my insides. “I’m gonna go find the self-help section.”
The pressure from his hand grounds me. “You don’t seem like the type who needs help,” Neb says to her.
“It’s for my mom,” Naomi says, pointedly staring into my eyes like she’s trying to send me a secret message. “She’s obsessed with understanding her true self, and in turn, Theo’s and my true selves as well. They might have some hard-to-find books here.” She taps her finger to my nose. “Meet at the front in twenty minutes?”
My mouth goes dry and I nod. I finally get to be alone with Neb, even if it’s in the middle of a busy bookstore.
“See you then,” Neb says. He doesn’t move, but his presence suddenly feels bigger, like I could get lost in him. His free hand moves under my chin, lifting my face to his, and he kisses me. A quick brush of his lips over mine, but it reignites the heat from last night and I lean into him. “I’ve been wanting to do that for hours,” he says.
“Me too.” I push to my toes to kiss him again, feeling bold without Tara or Ariana lurking around every corner. I didn’t realize how much their presence was affecting me, but I feel lighter without them around. A little girl giggles at us and my cheeks flame. I grab his hand and smile up at him. “Okay, Starlord. We’ve got twenty minutes and I’m guessing you don’t want to spend it looking at socks.”
He smiles. “The science section is this way, plus there might be something good in the used section.” He kisses my forehead. “Thanks for humoring me.”
My pulse races but I play it off with a casual smile and ignore the sinking feeling in my gut. We’ll have plenty of time to check out the YA books. He’s so excited about the eclipse that it’d be cruel to rush him. “Lead the way.”
We wind through books and books and more books, and just when I’m so turned around I might never find my way out, he comes to an abrupt stop. “This is where I learned about black holes.” He gets a faraway look on his face, like he’s remembering that day.
“With your dad?”
He nods, and when he looks at me, his eyes shine with tears. “It’s stupid, right? To get upset at a bookstore?”
I slide my arm around his waist and pull his side against me. “No. God, if one of my parents died, I’d be a blubbering mess every time I visited a place we’d been together. He obviously had a huge impact on who you are and it’s okay to miss him. I’d be worried if you didn’t.”
He runs his hand over a section with titles like A Brief History of Time, Pale Blue Dot, and Death by Black Hole and lets his hand fall to his side. “I still can’t believe he’s gone. That I’ll never get to come home and tell him about my day, or about something like this trip.” His eyes find mine. “Or about you.”
My heart stutters and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. It’s like I don’t want his dad to think poorly of me in this fictitious world, although based on the way Neb’s looking at me, I don’t think he’d have anything bad to say. He lowers his head toward mine and presses his cheek against the side of my head.
“He would have liked you.”
My eyes close as I smile. “What was he like?”
He straightens. “He was a genius, but he didn’t rub it in people’s faces or make them feel inferior. He believed all knowledge was attainable and tried to make it accessible for everyone.”
“Wow,” I whisper.
“He loved being outside, so it’s pretty obvious where I got that from. And he was super easy to be around.”
My fingers trail over his arm. “Some might say the same about you.”
A warm smile spreads across his face. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“That’s how I meant it.”
“A lot of people say we look alike. Same height and hair color and all that, but I got my mom’s eyes.” He blinks his dark brown eyes at me and the corner of his mouth lifts in a smile. “Dad always said it was like looking into a black hole.”
I place a hand on either side of his face and look deeply into his eyes. My stomach does a slow roll at the intensity I find, but I hold his gaze. “There’s definitely a lot to be discovered in there.”
He stares back at me, then whispers, “That’s what she said.”
I feign shock, but that
lasts half a second before I burst out laughing and I smack him in the chest. “Oh my god! You’re such a boy.”
He places his hand over mine on his chest and laughs. “Come on! Michael Scott! The Office?”
“Yeah, yeah. Let’s go find your books, Michael.”
We’re on the floor surrounded by books when Naomi finds us twenty minutes later. “I thought we said we’d meet at the front?” She’s got a mix of self-help titles and books about podcasts in her arm, and she’s tapping her foot on the floor like she caught us staying out past curfew.
Neb pops to his feet. “Sorry! That’s my fault.” He waves at the pile of space books. “I can’t decide.”
He’d been debating between books his dad read to him as a kid and new releases, and he seems so torn, like this is the only thing keeping the memory of his dad with him.
“What about one sentimental book, and two new ones?” I say.
He picks up a slim book with a photo of an exploding star on the cover—which I only know because he told me—and stares at it like it holds the answers to the universe. “This one. For sure.” He crouches closer to the pile and pushes them around.
“What about you?” Naomi asks. “You’re not buying anything?”
We spent all our time looking for Neb and never made it to the books I like. I shrug, trying to ignore the tightening in my chest. It’s not like he made me stay with him while he browsed. I chose to skip my section. “I don’t need more books.”
Naomi stumbles back and her jaw drops. “I’m sorry, Ms. Readaholic doesn’t need books?”
“Sage!” Neb says. “You should have said something. I didn’t mean to take up all our time.”
Naomi pulls out her phone. “You’ve got ten minutes. Go.” She nods her head across the store and gives me a stern look that doesn’t leave room for argument.
I scramble to my feet. “Are you sure you don’t mind waiting?”
She gives me a gentle smile. “Ten minutes or you’re dead to me.”
Our eyes lock for a beat longer. Does she see through my playful flirting with Neb to the thing twisting my gut? That once again I’m putting the needs of a guy before my own? Neb probably would have happily gone with me to another section of the store, but I didn’t even consider asking. I just followed after him like a puppy, waiting for scraps of his attention.
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