Chasing the Sun

by Melanie Hooyenga

  “See,” Naomi says, as Sage shakes her head next to me. “Weird.” They laugh through the pain, doubled over the handle until Naomi finally yells to stop. “We’re gonna be late!”

  They crawl off the seesaw and collapse on the ground and I can’t hold back my laughter. Tears stream down Theo’s face as he cups his hands over his junk, laughing.

  “Every time,” Naomi says.

  “Totally… worth… it,” he gasps.

  Kit’s in a similar position, but he gets to his feet first. “’Kay, I’m ready.”

  They collect their bags and we head toward the exit, a sense of calm settling over us. Sage keeps her arm looped through mine, and I can’t tell if Kit’s earlier comment is still bothering her. She’s quiet most of the walk, but I’m learning she rarely talks when stronger personalities are around.

  Naomi stops abruptly and I jump out of the way to avoid running into her. “What the hell are they doing here?” She’s staring down the road at the same SUV I saw outside VooDoo. Sage’s hand tightens on mine and I step in front of her.

  Tara and Ariana don’t see us, but Pax does, and his dark eyes lock on mine for a beat before he says something to the girls. They turn as one, and it’s like a showdown from a Western movie. Sage looks like she’s either going to be sick or rip someone’s head off, and I can’t help but be relieved that Tara finally seems to have taken the hint.

  Then they get in the car and with a squeal of his tires, they drive past us and onto the road.

  “Did that really just happen?” Sage asks.

  “Why can’t he fall off a cliff already?” Naomi says.

  Theo loops his arm through Naomi’s. “Let’s go.”

  Everyone’s abnormally quiet as we head for the train station, like Pax sucked the energy out of the group.

  The train is mostly empty and we collapse onto the plastic seats, immediately pulling out our phones. Sage sits next to me but tucks her feet onto the edge so her knees are against her chest.

  After a couple minutes, she swings her bag off her back. “I need to grab my phone.”

  “Even though it’s dead?”

  She nods. “Withdrawal is a real thing.” She pulls it out of the bag, cradles it to her chest, and gives me a sad smile. “My Precious.”

  I smile and she rests her head on my shoulder and leaves it there the rest of the ride. The heat from her skin travels from my shoulder through the rest of my body, and the longer she’s pressed against me, the more I can’t believe where life has led me. I would give anything to have Dad back, to erase that day in the woods and never know what an aneurysm can do to you, but it also led me here. To Sage. And as much as I feel guilty even thinking it, a tiny part of me is glad.

  27

  Sage

  “Did something happen with Kit?” I ask Naomi. We’re in our tent, changing into campfire-appropriate clothes, and even though they seemed fine on the ride home, something must have happened for Kit to get mad like that.

  Her head’s halfway in a hoodie and her voice comes out muffled. She yanks it down and her curls poof around her. “Are we not talking about your stalker?”

  “He’s gotten enough of my attention this weekend.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Fair enough.”

  “So,” I say. “Kit.”

  She bites the side of her mouth. “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know. Theo and Kit both seemed quiet on the way back. Did they get in a fight?”

  “Hard to say. Theo’s sometimes like that when we’re alone. He uses me to recharge after ‘entertaining his fans.’” She air-quotes the last part. “Curse of being an ambivert.”

  “You’re making that up.”

  “No, really. My mom’s got a book on it. It’s like a crossover of introvert and extrovert. You love people and being the life of the party, but then you crash hard and need time to bounce back.”

  I give her a warm smile. “So a mix of you and me.”

  She barks out a laugh. “Basically. But as for if something happened with those two boys, I have no idea. They run hot and cold sometimes. Theo insists Kit’s a decent human being underneath his bravado, but that doesn’t mean I have to tolerate his asshole comments.”

  I zip up my jeans and slip on my sneakers. “I said something kind of asshole-ish to him earlier and he snapped at me.”

  Her eyes widen. “What happened?”

  “He was badmouthing the roses so I said something like maybe he’d have better luck with girls if he cared more about flowers.”

  “That’s a bit harsh.”

  “He totally called me out for it.”

  “Did you apologize?”

  “Yeah. Right away. But he was pissed.”

  She wrangles her hair into a ponytail and her eyes narrow as she considers my words. “Something’s going on with him.” Her voice is more subdued than normal, but before I can question it, she shakes her head. Naomi can be determined when she sets her mind to it, and I get the feeling whatever upset Kit won’t be a secret for long. “In the meantime, things seem to be progressing nicely with you and Neb.” She waggles her brows and I bury my face in my hands. “Don’t get all shy now! Three Good Things About Telling Your Best Friend Everything.”

  It’s not that I don’t want to talk about Neb—he’s all I can think about—but I’m so afraid to trust myself that it’s like I’m frozen in place, unable to make a decision one way or the other. “I’m not being shy. It’s just…” I drop my hands. My eyes burn with unshed tears and my chin wobbles. “This is how things started with Pax. He was wonderful and thoughtful and sweet and—”

  “And he turned out to be a shitbag,” she finishes for me.

  A laugh gets caught on the lump in my throat. “Yeah.”

  She rests her hand on my shoulders and stares into my eyes. “Look, I can’t promise you things will work out and you’ll live happily ever after, but you’re not the same person you were then.” My gaze dips to the floor and she pushes my chin up with a gentle finger. “You’re not. You’re stronger, you’re smarter, and hell, you’re sexier.” She gives me a once-over, nodding with a look that would be creepy on a guy, and I reward her with a wobbly smile.

  “Yes, this hoodie really shows off the ladies.” I run my hands down my sides and flutter my lashes. “Three Good Things About Keeping Them Guessing.”

  “We’re camping, what do you want? I’m just saying, you can’t know for sure that Neb won’t turn into a jerk, but you can know what to do if that happens.”

  “Run?”

  “Run fast.” She smiles, then presses her forehead to mine. “Your instincts are good, but they’re a little rusty. Now let’s get out there so you can canoodle with your hot Starlord.”

  My belly flips at the thought of getting close with Neb. I reach for my phone, but stop with my hand midair. “How long will it take for me to remember that my phone’s broken?”

  “Until it’s fixed? Come on, where we’re going you won’t need a phone.”

  We climb out of the tent and I breathe in the evening air. A hint of campfire lingers on the edges, along with the promise of what’s to come. Maybe my instincts aren’t broken. It’s not like I just met Neb—we’ve been texting for almost a month—and he’s only given me reasons to trust him. As long as I keep my wits about me and don’t get too swept up in the fantasy of a romance, I should be fine.

  “I need to go to the bathroom first,” I say. “Meet you there?”

  “Like I’d let you go to a bathroom unaccompanied.”

  We’re almost there when Naomi asks, “What exactly are you afraid of with Neb?”

  “Getting hurt.” The words come out automatically, without hesitation. “Repeating the same mistakes and losing myself again.”

  “Well, no one can guarantee you won’t get hurt. That’s part of life. But if you’re too afraid to put yourself out there you’ll spend your life alone.”

  We step inside the bathroom and each enter a stall.

&nbs
p; “And I’m guessing you don’t want that,” Naomi says.

  “No. I’m like ninety-six percent certain I can trust Neb, and that four percent is really me not trusting myself.”

  “Four percent seems like a small risk. They launch space shuttles with less certainty than that.”

  I snort. “Is that a fact?”

  She laughs. “No idea, but it sounded good.”

  “And on brand with the weekend.”

  “Exactly.”

  When I exit the stall, I’m surprised to see Ariana leaning against the counter.

  “Hi.” I turn on the water to wash my hands but she doesn’t move. How long has she been in here? And what did she hear? And how the hell did they get Pax to bring them to Portland?

  Naomi joins me at the sink and says hi, and Ariana shifts from one foot to the other.

  “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

  Naomi dries her hands on her jeans and moves toward the door. “I’ll wait outside.”

  “Thanks,” Ariana says. She bites her lower lip and crosses then uncrosses her arms over her chest. Her long dark hair is pulled back into a low ponytail and even without makeup, her skin seems to glow.

  “What’s up?” The scene feels familiar, reminiscent of us hanging out in her kitchen when Pax would send me downstairs to get him a glass of water or something to eat. We always got along, even if we weren’t the type of friends who talked at school. But now something has shifted between us. Alarm bells clang in my head, warning that nothing good can come from this, but I blink them away.

  “Tara would kill me if she knew I was doing this, but I wanted to explain about...” Her voice trails off, her dark eyes on the tiled floor between us.

  “What’s her problem with me?”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “It can’t be that complicated. I’ve never done anything to her.”

  She gives me a weak smile. “She thinks you have.”

  I lean against the wall across from her and wait. Sometimes I’d sneak into her kitchen when Pax would fall asleep watching a movie and Ariana and I would share their mom’s homemade empañadas. That feels like a lifetime ago.

  “She’s not a bad person.”

  My eyebrows rise.

  “Sometimes she sets her mind on something, or someone,” she grimaces and closes her eyes for a beat. “And kind of forgets about how it might affect other people.”

  “So this is about Neb.”

  “And you,” she smiles again, but her eyes look sad. “You two are really cute together, and it’s obvious he likes you.”

  “Is that why you’ve been reporting back to your brother?”

  Her jaw drops. “What? I haven’t!”

  “Then why did he show up here?”

  “Tara forgot sneakers and begged him to bring them up. She’s had a thing for him forever and—" She stops suddenly.

  Nausea rolls through me. “Did something happen with them? While we were together?”

  “No! I mean, I don’t know. I don’t think so. Like I said, she’s not a bad person. And with Neb,” she shrugs. “You can’t help who you like, right?”

  “Is that what this has been about?”

  Her smile drops and she shoves her hands in the pockets of her jeans. “Oh, god, yes. She and Neb know each other through their moms and when they hung out at Kit’s she thought he was into her. Then you showed up and he’s all over you, and then he told her he’s not interested. So of course she’s pissed.” Her accent is stronger when she talks faster, whereas Pax’s comes out when he’s trying to be sweet. Or when he’s angry. “So like I said, she’d kill me if she knew I was saying this to you.”

  “Why do it then?”

  She rolls her eyes and a dimple creases her cheek. “Because I’m a romantic. Neb seems like a nice guy and I’d hate for it to get messed up because of someone else. And…” She bites her lip. “You deserve someone nice.”

  Her honesty surprises me. It’s like she’s acknowledging what I went through—how her brother treated me—and it’s the last thing I expected when we started talking. “Thank you for saying this.”

  “I know it’s a stretch for us all to be friends, but…”

  “We’re cool,” I say. She takes a step forward like she wants to hug it out, but I move toward the door. “I’ll see you around.”

  “And you won’t tell her I said anything?”

  “As long as you stop reporting back to your brother.”

  “Sage, I swear I’m not.”

  “Then I won’t say anything to Tara.”

  “Thanks.”

  I leave her in the bathroom and step outside. Naomi’s pacing in small circles and jumps at me with a whispered shout.

  “What was that about? I couldn’t hear anything out here.”

  “Just clearing the air about Tara.” I fill her in as we walk back to the campsite, leaving out the part about Tara and Pax. Even if something was—or is—going on with them, I refuse to think about it right now.

  “That was cool of her,” she says, then nudges my arm. “Does that raise your percentage for Neb?”

  “Maybe,” I say. Because while I appreciate everything Ariana said, and I’m glad he did tell Tara how he feels, it doesn’t erase the four percent of myself that’s afraid. That’s something I need to figure out myself.

  At the fire pit, Mr. Mauro’s poking a couple logs with a long stick. Only a handful of the chairs around the stone pit are occupied, and I zero in on the one with my Starlord. He’s wearing a vest over a hoodie and seems lost in the book in his lap. My heart aches with a yearning to know what he’s thinking and feeling, but also with the knowledge that he’s suffering. Losing his dad obviously still affects him a lot and I’m filled with the urge to take his mind off his loss. I make a vow to push Pax and Ariana and Tara out of my brain and focus on Neb.

  “Hey,” I say, bumping my knee against his.

  His smile when he looks up from his book chases away any hesitation I felt. He must see something in my expression because his gaze becomes more intense, like I’m the only person in the world and he needs to be with me. Now. My breath catches in my throat as he touches his fingers to mine.

  He nods at the two chairs next to him. “I grabbed your chairs from outside your tent.” His voice comes out husky, like he hasn’t talked in awhile. Or like maybe he’s caught in the same wave of emotion I am and feels the irresistible draw between us.

  My fingers trail over his hand to the underside of his wrist. His eyes follow my movements and his knees part, inviting me closer. When my thigh grazes his, he twists his hand around so our fingers intertwine. His book falls against his belly, his full focus on me.

  “I really want to kiss you,” he whispers. His tongue grazes his lower lip and his other hand slides over my hip, anchoring me against him.

  I instinctively look over my shoulder. A few people glance our way, including Kit and Tara, who seem deep in conversation, but most are busy with their own conversations. Except for Mr. Mauro, who nods at us from next to the fire. “I do too,” I whisper back. “But if we kiss here, he’ll be watching us all night.” Naomi’s pep talk to try to trust Neb and see where this goes makes me bold. “And I have plans for later.”

  Someone behind me laughs and when I turn around, Ariana looks up from her phone and gives me a tentative smile, followed by a scowl from Tara.

  “Actually, can you hold that thought?” Before he answers, I move around the circle of chairs and stop next to Tara. “Can I talk to you?” She gives me a withering glare, complete with an eye-roll and flick of her hair before turning back to Ariana, but I don’t give up. “Just for a minute.”

  Ariana’s eyes widen and I try to give her a look that says I’m not going to bust her. But I need to do this.

  Tara stands with a huff and another eye-roll. “Whatever.”

  I lead her away from the fire until we’re at the edge of a circle of light from the streetlamp. I take a deep breath and try to relax m
y hands at my sides. “I’m not really sure what I did to make you not like me, but that’s not what this is about.”

  She crosses her arms and watches me, the steely look in her eyes almost making me lose my nerve.

  “It’s about Pax.”

  Her jaw clenches and her nostrils flare. “Of course it is. One guy isn’t enough for you?”

  My jaw opens and closes. “What? No. It’s—no.” Where did she get the idea I still want him? “I want nothing to do with him, but I—”

  “Just can’t handle seeing me happy?” We’re several feet away but she jabs a manicured finger at me like she wants to knock me over. “You swooped in when things were finally about to happen with him. Do you know how it made me feel having to see you two all over each other any time I wanted to hang out with my best friend?”

  “Tara, I—I’m sorry. I didn’t know you liked him. We just, kind of fell into each other.” More like he swept me away into his web of manipulations, but potato potahtoe.

  She looks over my shoulder toward the fire and I try not to think about who might be watching us. “So if you’re not here to gloat, what do you want?”

  “I wanted to tell you to be careful. With Pax.”

  She snorts and rolls her eyes again.

  “I’m serious. Woman to woman or whatever. He’s not a good person.”

  “Why don’t you worry about yourself and let me live my life?"

  If only it were that easy. “Please be careful.”

  “Neb made it clear he’s not interested, so how about you pretend I don’t exist.”

  “Tara…”

  She holds up a hand as she brushes past me and sashays back to the fire. A dozen scenes play through my mind—of Pax belittling me, making me doubt myself, being afraid to voice my opinion—and I hope it never gets to that point with Tara. She seems stronger and more confident than I am, but maybe I used to be like that too.

  Maybe I still can be.

  When I return to my chair, Neb and Naomi wear equally alarmed expressions. I give Naomi a quick nod to assure her I’ll fill her in later, then reach for Neb’s hand as I sit.