Chasing the Sun

by Melanie Hooyenga

  It’ll be fine.

  Naomi loops her arm through mine and turns us so our backs are to Kit. “I won’t let anything happen to her.”

  Once we’re out of earshot, she unleashes. “I can’t figure Kit out. Is he really that much of a dick or does he honestly not realize what an ass he sounds like?”

  “A little of both?”

  “I mean, seriously. I don’t understand how Theo can stand to spend that much time with him. It’s like it’s his mission to make everyone around him miserable.”

  Her hostility feels out of proportion for his comments, even though he was a bit of a dick right now, but there’s no stopping her until she gets it all out of her system.

  “And that stupid smug smile of his. I can’t believe I—” She clamps her mouth shut so suddenly that mine falls open.

  “Did something happen with Kit?”

  “What?” Her face flames and she walks faster. “No, of course not.”

  I hustle to keep up with her, worries about the crowd pushed aside. “I’d have to turn in my best-friend card if I believed that. When did this happen?”

  She grits her teeth. “I said, nothing happened.”

  “Hey.” I grab her arm to slow her down. “I’m not judging. You’re clearly upset and I want to know what’s going on.”

  Her eyes close and she exhales so hard she blows her hair out of her face. “Against my better judgment…” She peeks at me out of one eye and quickly closes it again. “It’s possible that I’ve been… intrigued by him lately.”

  “What?!” It’s out of my mouth before I can stop it. Several heads turn our way, then quickly back to the sky. I rest my hand on her arm and her eyes stay closed. “Sorry. Not judging. Just surprised. All you do is complain about him.”

  She tilts her head back and opens her eyes, then quickly drops her gaze. “Shit, I keep forgetting we’re not supposed to do that.” After several deep breaths, she continues. “Mom’s books all say there’s a thin line between love and hate, and apparently my stupid brain tripped over the line.”

  My mind spins at the possibilities. Kit lives next door to Neb. We could have BBQs and do other fun double-date stuff. “Three Good Things About Falling for Your Friend?”

  “No.” That one syllable holds as much conviction as I’ve ever heard from her.

  “But if you like him…”

  “Has to be a two-way street.”

  It feels like she kicked me in the gut, replacing my excitement with red-hot anger. “How could he not like you? You’re amazing. And smart. And gorgeous. And funny.”

  She shakes her head. “Shut it. I’m not revoking your card. But I think it’s more than a basic attraction thing.”

  “I don’t follow.”

  Her cheeks go red again. “When I... uhh… made my feelings known he—”

  “Did you try to kiss him?”

  “Omigod, let me finish this.”

  “Did you?”

  “Maybe. But that’s not the point.”

  “It’s definitely a point,” I whisper.

  “ANYWAYS. He said something like it wasn’t personal, that he thinks I’m great, but that I wouldn’t understand. Then he said I WOULD understand, then he walked away.”

  “That makes no sense.”

  “Exactly.”

  “So he just walked away?”

  “Who am I to think I should be giving people advice? I can’t even read the signs if a guy likes me.”

  I grab her arm, slowing her down. “Because you’re amazing at this. You’ve helped me more than you’ll ever know.” A lump catches in my throat and I nudge her to keep walking. “Without your help, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t be anywhere. I’d be locked in my room still believing the garbage Pax spewed for the past two years. So trust me when I say people will love you and will be helped because of you.”

  “Three Good Things About Learning From Heartache.”

  “That’s one everyone can relate to.”

  She weaves around a group of families with strollers and pauses long enough to stare at the toddlers with paper glasses taped to their heads. “People are weird.”

  “They actually taped their babies.” The kids seem happy enough, but the clear packing tape is literally stuck to their hair.

  “I wouldn’t want to be around when that gets ripped off.”

  “So, Kit,” I say.

  “Is a nothing. “

  “I’m sorry.” Suddenly her playful outburst about me and Neb kissing feels more serious. “And I’m sorry I’ve been rubbing Neb in your face. I had no idea.”

  “Technically you were rubbing him in your face.” She smirks, and I’m grateful for the joke. Being rejected by someone you like, regardless of the reason, sucks.

  “Touché.” I want to ask when it happened, but now’s not the time. Although if it was at the Rose Garden, a lot more things would make sense.

  The bright blue porta-potties sit shoulder-to-shoulder along the far edge of the track. There’s a dozen in a row in front of us, with another row on the backside facing the other way.

  We join the handful of people waiting in line, and when one opens in front of us, Naomi gives me a nudge. “Go ahead.”

  “You sure?”

  “Go before someone else snags it.” She pushes me toward the open stall. “I’ll meet you at the end of the row.”

  “Okay, thanks!” I rush inside, and instantly regret it. The smell isn’t as bad as I expected, but the sticky floor is covered with toilet paper, candy wrappers—who eats in here?!—and other trash whose origins I don’t want to think about. I pee without touching anything and get out of there as fast as I can, dousing my hands with hand sanitizer as I fling open the door and burst onto the grass.

  The line has grown, but Naomi isn’t there.

  “It’s okay. She’s peeing. It’s okay.”

  I weave around the line to the end of the row where Naomi said to wait, and it’s like time stands still. Nobody moves, not a single door opens. I swear crickets chirp in the distance.

  “You excited for the eclipse?” A guy a little older than me with frizzy hair and eclipse glasses dangling from around his neck smiles at me before nodding to his friends a little farther away.

  My pulse stutters. “I—I’m waiting for my friend.”

  He steps closer, breaking the invisible boundary that’s supposed to keep strange men from getting too close. “I gotta be honest. I didn’t get what this was about but my buddies said it’d be a big party, so he we are!” He spreads his arms wide, gesturing at the crowd around us, and something in his eyes sends a chill down my back. It’s the focused, calculating look Pax would give me if I ever dared question him.

  A wave of nausea rises to the back of my throat. What if Pax is here? He’s clearly staying nearby if he keeps showing up. I don’t understand why he keeps showing up, but what if he’s angry I’m with Neb?

  Where is Naomi? A couple stalls have opened but she hasn’t emerged.

  The guy leans closer and I take a step back. “Do you like to party?”

  The edges of my vision darken. I shuffle farther away, breaking eye contact. Anything to keep him from thinking I’m interested. “I think my friend must have already gone back.”

  “Let me walk you. It’s the least I can do.” His body language says he’s a regular guy talking to a girl, but everything inside me screams to get away.

  To run.

  I’ll just go back to the group on my own. Naomi will understand. Trying to ignore the panic that’s making it almost impossible to breathe, I reach for my phone but come up empty. I force a deep breath but it doesn’t reach my lungs.

  “Are you okay?” Concern laces the guy’s words, but I know better than to trust that.

  Without another word, I turn and run toward the center of the field.

  No one’s paying attention to me as I push through them, but I whisper “sorry” with every person I bump. A few glance away from the sky, but most ignore me. Little ki
ds knock into my legs. A couple people pat my shoulder as I pass.

  “You’re gonna miss the eclipse, honey.”

  “Do you want to look through my glasses?”

  “Want to go for a ride on my scooter?”

  I’m doing my best to avoid guys, but that makes me pause despite myself. Maybe it was the fake British accent. But he can’t actually have a scooter here. Don’t look, don’t slow down.

  My cheek collides with someone’s elbow, and I gasp.

  “Sorry!” the person calls, and I make a sharp turn the other way.

  My heart’s pounding so hard it drowns out whatever else they say. My pulse roars in my head. A sudden chill sweeps through the air and I take a deep breath, but it stops before reaching my lungs. Everything starts to go black, then I realize it’s the sky. The sky is actually getting dark. There’s an eerie cast around the edges of the sun and I quickly look away.

  I need to find my friends.

  A pair of hands grip my shoulders and spin me around. “Let’s dance!” A guy a couple years older than me pulls me against his chest and grinds on my leg. Every atom in my body screams to get away. I claw at his hands, but his grip is unrelenting. Then he tries to twirl me so I elbow him in the chest. He’s either too drunk to feel it or too I-don’t-know-what to care and pulls me closer again.

  No one else seems to care. Everyone’s too busy staring at the sky.

  “Relax, baby. I’m tryin’ to have fun.” His breath is hot on my face and I want to throw up. When he tries to spin me again I swing my leg back and knee him in the balls as hard as I can. He doubles over with an “oof” and crumples to the ground. My blood sears hot through me and I want to kick him and punch him and stop him from ever touching another woman. But instead I turn to walk away.

  “That wasn’t nice, bitch.” His hand snags my ankle and I stumble into a group of women staring at the sky.

  One catches me by the arm. “You okay, sweetie?”

  “This guy. He’s—I don’t know him.” Why, in this moment of panic, am I afraid to say anything bad about him?

  Another woman who’s almost as tall as Neb yanks her glasses off her face and glares at the Dance Boy, who’s still got a grip on my leg. “You let go of her now or I’ll make you.”

  He scrambles away on all fours without another glance.

  “Can we get someone for you?” the first woman asks.

  My pulse skitters all over the place. “No. Thanks. I just need to find my friends.” But it’s getting darker, too close to night, and I’m so turned around I don’t know where they are.

  The tall woman crosses her arms over her chest. Now that I’m not being attacked I look at them for the first time. They’re older than my parents and don’t look particularly intimidating, but right now they’re my heroes. “We’ll walk you.”

  I hold up a shaky hand. “No, really. You’ve done enough. You didn’t come here to help me.” I nod at the sky. “Enjoy this. I’ll be fine.”

  They look like they want to stop me, but I run away before they can change my mind. Once I find my friends, everything will be fine.

  But with every step I take, the crowd closes in, making the already dark sky nearly impossible to see.

  32

  Neb

  Naomi shoves into our circle, bumping Theo into me. She’s always been a little high-strung, but energy practically radiates off her. “Where is she?”

  My stomach drops without even hearing Sage’s name. I pull off my glasses and rest a hand on Naomi’s arm. Her face is pale, and her eyes scan everyone around us like she’ll find Sage if she looks hard enough.

  Theo grabs her other arm. “How did you lose her?” Panic edges his voice, and something unspoken passes between them.

  My voice catches in my throat. “Where—where did you last see her?”

  She turns in a small circle, searching the nearby faces. “When I came out of the bathroom she was gone. I waited for what felt like forever and finally decided she must have come back here.”

  “She wouldn’t just leave,” Theo says.

  Her eyes practically bug out of her head at him. “I know. Why do you think I’m freaking out?”

  “We’ll find her,” Kit says.

  Naomi turns sharply and something different passes between them.

  “I’ll go,” I say. “You all stay here in case she comes back.”

  “She’s my best friend. I’m coming too.”

  Theo grabs her hand and pulls her to his side. “No, you’re not. Neb’s taller than all of us. He’ll find her faster.”

  I’m not really sure about that logic, but I don’t waste time arguing. “Just point me in the right direction.”

  Naomi points at the north end of the field but grabs my arm before I can leave. “You don’t think Pax…” She looks between me and Theo. “Could he have come here?”

  Theo shakes his head. “No. He left. And he’s not stupid enough to try something with all these people around.”

  Naomi’s grip on my arm tightens. “I’m not so sure.”

  I inhale through my nose to try to slow my galloping heart. “What didn’t she tell me about him?”

  “It was bad. She swears nothing physical, but still bad.” Naomi’s green eyes brim with tears. “But I don’t think that’s it. She… she freaks out around crowds.”

  I open my mouth to tell her I already know but she keeps talking.

  “I’m sure that’s all that happened. She, like, panics when there’s too many people.” Naomi waves at the endless sea of people around us and tears fill her eyes. “I told her to wait. I told her. I went as fast as I could.”

  Theo puts his arm around her shoulder and hugs her to his side. “Hey, you can’t always protect her.”

  Her lips tighten as she nods. “She’ll kill me when she finds out I told you.”

  “She already told me.”

  Her eyes widen, then she grips my arm. “Please find her.”

  I give her what I hope is a reassuring smile. “I will.”

  “But you’ll miss the eclipse!” Kit says, waving at the rapidly darkening sky.

  My pulse steadies as I look at each of them. “She’s worth it.”

  “Dude, he can see it from anywhere,” Theo whispers loud enough for me to hear.

  I pull my glasses out of my back pocket and wave them at Kit. As I push through the crowd of people staring at the sky, I try not to think of all that could have happened. If Pax is here. If he found her. Because she wouldn’t have just disappeared. Something must have happened. Especially since she doesn’t like crowds.

  And she doesn’t have her phone.

  I hope she’s not scared.

  My breath chooses that moment to lodge in my chest. I double over, hands on knees, and try to force air into my lungs. She has to be okay. She has to. I can’t lose another person I care about.

  “You okay, man?” A guy asks.

  I straighten and blink away tears. “Yeah. Thanks.”

  The guy doesn’t look like he believes me but I don’t have time to worry about him.

  “Just excited, you know?” I glance at the sky and quickly look away. The faint orange glow of the sun behind the moon means there’s not much time before the full eclipse. I reach for my glasses in my back pocket but they aren’t there.

  They must have fallen out of my pocket.

  I really am going to miss the eclipse.

  All this time of waiting and anticipation and, I don’t know, a childish hope that I’d somehow feel closer to Dad during the eclipse and I lost my fricking glasses.

  I just have to find her faster.

  I weave through bodies until I reach the bathrooms, but Sage isn’t here. She isn’t anywhere. Or if she is, she’s not making it easy to be found.

  In a moment of desperation, I pull out my phone and pull up the picture we took yesterday. “Have you seen her?” I ask anyone who will listen. Some glance at my phone through their glasses, but the lenses are so dark they can’t
see.

  “Sorry, man.”

  “Naw, I’m here for the moon.”

  “Want to go for a ride on my scooter?”

  “What? No.”

  The guy dances away and I keep moving. She’s got to be here somewhere.

  At this point I’m moving without direction, hoping I’ll stumble across her. Most people ignore me, too enthralled with the awesome display in the sky to notice what’s going on around them here on earth. But I refuse to give up. If she hates crowds, it’s unlikely she’s wandering around. She has to be hunkered down someplace.

  But where?

  I move in wider and wider circles across the field until it’s so dark it feels like the edge of night. Everywhere people are laughing and singing, some even dancing, and my heart aches for everything I’ve lost. Dad. My life back home. This moment that feels so close but is slipping from my grasp. I hope Sage isn’t added to that list.

  A woman bumps into me and drops her binoculars. “Oh, sorry!”

  I bend over to pick them up and through a forest of legs I see her. Huddled on the ground. Legs pulled against her chest. Head down. Alone.

  “Here you go.” I shove the binoculars in the woman’s hands and run toward Sage, but am stopped by a wall of middle-aged women standing shoulder to shoulder, arms crossed and glaring down their noses at me.

  “Oh, no you don’t,” one of them says. “You go around.”

  “But I’ve been looking for her.”

  Another steps closer to me. “You look for someone else.”

  They form an impenetrable wall, but as Theo pointed out, my height gives me an advantage and I peer through the gap between their heads. Sage looks up and when our eyes lock, everything inside me relaxes. Tears streak her face but she’s here. If something really bad had happened she’d be with security, so she must be okay.

  “Sage.” Her name comes out on an exhale, and the corner of her mouth curls up.

  “It’s okay, Rheba. He’s with me.”