Nan's Journey

by Elaine Littau

  She laid the infant in the cradle next to the kitchen table and brought in a basket full of diapers and a few shirts. She laid the shirts across the back of the chair and began folding the snowy white diapers. Sammy watched as she flipped them and snapped them efficiently in the air and then smoothed them into perfect triangles and stacked them on the big wooden table.

  As she folded and smoothed, she looked at the expressive little eyes and though, “I love him so much. Will old Sam teach him to be cruel and mean? Somehow, I must teach him to be kind. Kind? Me teach him to be kind?” Tears gathered in the corners of her faded blue eyes and she tried to piece together a plan. This might be more difficult than being accepted into the town. I have been playing a part for Mr. Dewey and the women of the town, but I have to be in earnest with this innocent little one. I want him to trust me… and I want to be able to trust him too when he grows up. She sat there in serious reflection until a knock to the door started her out of her thoughts.

  “Mrs. Dewey, Mary, are you there?”

  Mary jumped up and opened the door to the voice of her new pastor. “Yes, Parson, please do come in. You will have to pardon the mess, but I have been doing my Monday chores. Do come into the parlor and I will bring you a glass of cool water.”

  “That’s alright, Mary, I just came by to see the little fellow and to remind you that we are having special services tonight. I want you to be there with Mr. Dewey at seven o’clock.”

  “Parson, Mr. Dewey is out of town this week.”

  “Fine, but be sure that you attend tonight.”

  “Is it a business meeting or missions meeting?”

  “No, there is a man who is very special to me coming to speak to our congregation. I want the church house to be full for him. He hasn’t preached for several years and I want him to be encouraged with a good crowd.”

  “I see, well…”

  “I won’t take no for an answer. I must be going. Good day.”

  “Good day, Parson.”

  Mary sank into her chair and stormed inside, “That is just like a man, tellin’ a body what to do! Course, I’ll go! I don’t want Mrs. Waide talkin’ behind my back and I don’t want the new pastor’s wife to get the wrong idea about me.”

  She selected one of her newer dresses that she hadn’t worn much. She was saving it to wear to the next sewing circle, but if this meeting were so all-fired important, she would wear it. She laid out a fresh little smock for Sammy and packed a few diapers into a clean flour sack.

  She would bath him and herself and make a good impression on them all. Why couldn’t a body just be themselves and be accepted? I’m so tired of playing these stupid games. It was so much easier when I didn’t care, but I want the best for my son so the act must continue. I’ll smile all evening if it breaks my face off! They won’t know what I am thinking behind the smile. That will make it easier. I do find myself laughing at how gullible they are and all. Maybe it won’t be so hard. With that, Mary began preparing for the special church service.

  Chapter 22

  Fred was sweating profusely as he unloaded the boxcar for his father. The little store was busy these days and shipments came more frequently. He had asked Pa if he could work for him while he, Nan, and Elmer lived at the old home. Pa had told him that he would be glad to pay him so that they could get into a little house of their own. He straightened his back into a stretch to get a kink out of it when he spotted a face from his past.

  Stepping off the train and onto the platform was a man dressed in his Sunday best black suit. He donned a black hat and would have been mistaken for a riverboat gambler if it had not been for the worn black Bible he held comfortably in his left hand. He carried it as if it were a glove that he wore. There was no thought of it as he made his way through the press of passengers departing the train. His easy gait distinguished him from the rest of the weary travelers. Fred grinned in spite of the catch in his back.

  “Hey there, Parson! What brings you to these parts?”

  The handsome face turned toward the friendly greeting, “I’ll be, if it isn’t the Prophet! What are you doing here?”

  Fred flushed at the reference to his old nickname from Bible school. “I live here now. You tell me your tale now.”

  “I came here from Denver on my way to Campo.”

  “Marcus, are you here long enough to eat some dinner with me?”

  “Sure, my stage doesn’t leave until tomorrow morning.”

  “Then you must eat supper with us.”

  “Us?”

  “Yes, my parents, wife, son, and brother-in-law”

  “I wouldn’t be imposing?”

  “Never! Ma loves to see friends of mine.”

  “I would be much obliged. I will secure a room at the hotel and we can catch up on old times. I have much to tell you and many questions for you also.”

  “Let me help you with your gear and we will get that room taken care of.”

  The hotel clerk peered over his spectacles at the two handsome yet distinctly different young men. One was the familiar face of the hard working Young boy. The other was a stranger to Trinidad and appeared to be an intellectual sort. He had strong features and honest brown eyes, yet the calluses on his hands had softened up some. “How can I be of service, Fred?”

  “George, this is my best friend from Bible school, Marcus Hall. He is a true man of God. If you rent him a room, you will be compelled to come to church every time the door is opened, just because you came near to this man.”

  “I don’t know that I like that so much, Fred. I kinda like my old fishin’ hole on quiet Sunday mornings,” the good-natured clerk whined.

  Marcus grinned at the old man, “We’ll have to have a nice long talk after I catch up with Fred. You might be apt to change your mind.”

  “Here’s your key. It’s the room clean across the building from me. Make sure you don’t come to visit me in room 212 tonight at ten o’clock. I won’t have coffee made and a list of questions that I have been wondering about for years. Nope, you just let me live my life and you live yours.”

  “I’ll make sure to keep that in mind, George.”

  Fred and Marcus made their way to the tiny hotel room and left off the trunk and valise from the train. Marcus opened the window for some fresh air. “I normally would think that it was George that God directed me to town to see, but I do know that I must talk with you also.”

  Fred felt a nervous jerk in his chest. He didn’t really want to open up his soul to this righteous man. “I have been working on ole George for a long time. I know he really needs God…” his voice trailed off.

  “My friend, I knew that you were in this town. The Lord placed you on my heart and I haven’t been able to shake it. Please tell me about yourself.”

  “You know most everything about me, Marcus.”

  “No, I do know that you were a fine minister in one of these small towns. Something happened that hurt you and you took your wife and daughter up to the top of a mountain—somewhere by Silverton. I also know that they died of influenza and you stayed there grieving.”

  “Like I said, you already know everything!” Fred didn’t mean to raise his voice as much as he did.

  Marcus sat down on the bed leaving the one straight-backed chair for Fred. “Sit. You and I have much to talk about.”

  Fred quietly sat on the chair. His body was suddenly weary. His soul was desolate and he didn’t want to open up old wounds.

  “Tell me what happened at your little church.”

  “They just told me to leave. You know the way it goes. Some of the elders ask you to leave so that someone more to their liking can come to pastor them. It was just a matter of business.”

  “I know better! There was a reason that we named you the Prophet. You had zeal that put Elijah to shame!”

  “I was young then.”

  “You are young now! And that was your first pastorate! Don’t try to get out of answering me. I heard that it had something t
o do with Indians and prostitutes?”

  “If you must know, I was going to the alleys where the poor fellows drank themselves into a stupor. I helped them by feeding them and letting them sleep in the barn next to the parsonage. When they were sober I prayed with them and they came to the Lord. Some of them went right back to drinking and I would find them in the alley again and again. I kept bringing them home and some of them got gloriously saved. I mean it! They came to church every Sunday. One of them was in love with a prostitute named Abby.

  He brought her to church one Sunday morning and she came to the front to accept Jesus as her Savior. The look on her face changed from dark to daylight. It was an amazing change. I was so excited that I didn’t notice that some of the people of the church left the meeting before dismissal. Abby went home and told the other girls about the change in her life.

  She had nowhere to go, so she had to stay at the brothel. The man who loved her married her the next day. One by one prostitutes came to the church and found God. The owner of the brothel was angry. I expected that. What I didn’t expect was the anger of the church folks. They didn’t want former prostitutes in their church.”

  Marcus gave a knowing nod, “‘The people of God’ are some of the most callous folks around, that’s for sure.”

  “They were also enraged about the young Indian families that started attending after I prayed with them at their camp. They said that they were afraid for their lives.”

  “What happened then?”

  “They called me in to a special meeting with the elders. The jist of the meeting was that there were getting to be more ‘dirty sinners’ saved and attending than ‘decent people’ who had founded the church. They told me to start a mission church for the riff raff on Sunday afternoons and let their tidy congregation attend with like-minded people.”

  “Did you do it?”

  “No! I told them that they were to be the godly examples as identified in I Timothy. They were to nurture these new babies in Christ. They said that if I would not do as they asked that I must leave the church and take ‘those people’ with me.”

  “How did that play out?”

  “The next day was Sunday and I wanted to address the congregation to tell them I was moving on. The church was packed with most of the town’s people, most of which had not come to Christ yet. I stood at the pulpit and spoke on the Great Commission. I told them that I was not going to be their pastor anymore and that God would send them someone soon.

  People began to cry. Some who were not schooled in church decorum, shouted out, ‘No!’ I reassured them all that God loved them and that Claire and I loved them too.”

  There was a long period of silence as the two sat in the tiny hotel room. Fred’s cracking voice broke the silence, “One of the elders stood and informed the crowd that a new mission would be established for all the new converts to attend on Sunday afternoons. Sinners are not stupid, Marcus, they are just away from God. One of the store clerks, a new convert, stood and asked me, ‘Fred, are you going to be preaching at the new mission?’

  I had to answer him and I hated to answer him. The sentence was forming on my mind when one of the ‘decent’ church ladies stood up and declared that if it hadn’t been for the ‘Injuns and riff raff’ the little church would be doing just fine. The church was stifling as most of the new converts stood and quietly filed out of the church. I have to tell you my heart broke then and there. I looked at Claire and she looked like death herself.”

  “Did they start a mission church?”

  “No.”

  “While Claire and I were packing to move to the mountain, I went to each new convert and tried to pray with them. Some of them allowed me to pray, but most of them were so hurt by the ‘good church people,’ they didn’t want anything to do with their God either. I couldn’t blame them. I was angry at God too.”

  “So you moved to a mountain. Did you find healing there?”

  “Claire was very despondent. I guess I was too. Our little girl was our only joy at that time. We had become cynical and disheartened. We were so hurt. We hadn’t been there long before they came down with influenza. I nursed them as best as I could. They didn’t last a day. I laid next to them waiting to die with them. I never got sick. I prayed for death! How I prayed for death! When I dug their graves, I dug mine too. I knew that God would answer this prayer. I laid them in the ground and covered them up. Then I lay down in the bottom of my grave too.

  “I must have slept for a couple of days in there. I heard someone calling my name. It was one of the Indians who was a new convert. James carried me to his camp and cared for me as if I were a newborn. I grew stronger, yet the grief was more than I can explain. I convinced them to let me go back to the cabin.

  “After a few nights alone, I decided to go to Silverton. I shook God off like an old blanket as I went into the saloon. I saw a few familiar faces sitting at the tables. Some of them were the drunkards who I had fed, and some of them were prostitutes that Claire and I had taken in. They all looked down and headed for the door. I yelled for some whiskey. I cursed God. I pronounced to the whole group that I was through with religion and all of its trappings. I told them I had nothing to live for and that my family was dead and God was too as far as I was concerned.

  “One of the girls that Claire had reached out to, Betsy, came over to me and put her head on my shoulder. It made me think of Claire. I drank and got good and drunk. I let her take me to her room. I stayed with her for days. I paid her gold for her love. When I went back to the cabin I was as low as a man can get. Whenever the memories became too hard for me, I went to Silverton and to Betsy. Every time I came back to the cabin I heard God’s voice telling me to come to Him and He would give me rest, but I didn’t want Him anymore.”

  “Is your new wife the… a… girl from Silverton?”

  “Nan? No. That is a story in and of itself. I was planning to go away, far from my Mother and Father and anyone else who had ever heard of me. I was tired of the saloon patrons calling me ‘preacher’ when I was living so far from God. I wanted to lose myself in the wilderness and never come back to civilization, when my Pa came up the mountain with this little girl and her brother who were in terrible need.”

  “Little girl?”

  “She looked a bunch younger than she was.”

  “How did you come to marry her?”

  “When I found out that she was sixteen years old and had been living up on the mountain with me for months, I decided that marrying her was the only decent thing I could do to save her reputation. I didn’t want any of those religious gooses to have anything bad to say about an innocent girl.”

  “Did you love her?”

  “Not at first, but she has my heart now and she loves me too.”

  “You are not living on the mountain anymore?”

  “No, since our child was born, I wanted him to be close to doctors if the need arises. I also wanted to let Ma and Pa get to know him. I realize that they suffered loss at the death of Claire and Joy too…”

  “It will be good to meet your new family.”

  “They are probably wondering what has become of me by now. Let’s go.”

  *****

  Fred was nervous. “Pa, I don’t think I will be able to go through with this tonight! “

  “Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, boy.”

  “Walking isn’t my problem. Talking to these people is.”

  “Fred, you won’t be talking to them. You will be preaching to them. There is a difference.”

  “How did I let Marcus Hall talk me into this?”

  “As I recall, it wasn’t exactly Pastor Hall that worked on you so much as it was the Lord.”

  “Pa, I haven’t preached since before Claire and Joy died! How can I just up and preach now?”

  “So, don’t do it then.”

  “What?” Fred cried.

  “Don’t preach tonight.”

  “I have to preach toni
ght!”

  “Why?”

  “God has given me a message for these people.”

  “Talk to me, son. Tell me how you know that you have a message for this particular group of people.”

  “Let me see… How did it begin? I was praying one morning and reading the Bible when a Scripture passage just burned into my soul as I was reading it. I thought it was meant for Nan and was going to go show it to her when the Lord impressed me to be still. It was burning inside me so hot that I felt I must share it with Nan.

  It was a Scripture meant for her. I knew it! But…I knew that I was not to share it with her at that time. I began praying and asking God to show me why He was giving me all these things to say and why He was making this particular passage so alive to me. I read it again and knew that first, it was for me; and then it was for others. Who? I asked. I didn’t get an answer for days.”

  “Is that when you saw Mark Hall?” Nate asked.

  “Yes, I was helping unload one of the boxcars of supplies for the store and I saw Mark. I was surprised to see him. I hadn’t seen him since we were at Seminary together. He was startled when I called him by name. We embraced and swapped stories. He said that God sent him to talk with me. He asked me if I would come down to Campo and preach at his church. He wouldn’t take no for an answer.”

  “Let’s look at your tie. Is it straight?” Nate fumbled with the string tie.

  “It is as good as it’s gonna get.”

  Fred entered the small kitchen. Nan was sitting in the cozy room rocking the baby as Martha was describing the nuances of cooking the perfect angel food cake. Nan had a contented smile tugging at the corner of her lovely mouth. She looked relaxed and happy. Health had come to her and she looked like a young school maid. Today she had chosen to braid her shiny black hair. Each braid was held together with a blue ribbon. Wisps of curls that had escaped the braids framed the pretty face. “Love, are you going to be alright while I go down to Campo? Are you sure you don’t want to come with me?”

  A small shadow crossed Nan’s brow briefly as she contemplated going to the town from which she and Elmer had escaped so long ago. “No, dear one, I will stay here and keep your Ma company.” The truth be told, Nan was still struggling with going back to the old hometown with all of the memories attached to it. She was unsure of what she would say or do for that matter if she ran on to Mr. or Mrs. Dewey. She knew that as a married woman, they had no hold on her. She was not sure about Elmer. She was not willing to risk letting him fall into their hands.