This Time Around

by Walker, Aimee Nicole

  Milo whistled. “They weren’t prepared for Mama Mason, were they?”

  I snorted. “Not at all. In hindsight, leaving would’ve been better for me. No one had the balls to say anything to my face, but they didn’t hesitate to leave hateful messages outside my dorm or locker. My roommate insisted on reassignment because I was a pervert who couldn’t be trusted. It was my first real run-in with homophobia, and the one person I came to count on was gone.”

  “Coach abandoned you completely?”

  “It was part of the agreement between the attorneys, the school, and me. I was to have no further contact with him. Depression hit me with the strength of a tsunami, Milo. I’d somehow managed to keep my pain pill addiction hidden from Coach while—”

  Milo snorted. “Somehow? Honey, it was easy for him to overlook it when he was so focused on fucking up your life and his career. Then abandoned you when things got tough for him.”

  “Milo, you’re not being fair to him.”

  “Let’s just agree to disagree about precious Coach,” Milo said. “We’ll move on, and I’ll spend the rest of my life undoing all his mind-fuckery.”

  I loved that Milo had pretty much agreed to spend the rest of his life with me, but I had barely scraped the surface of my relationship with Coach.

  “There’s more to the story, isn’t there?” he asked hesitantly. I nodded. “Lay it on me, Slugger. I can take it.”

  “Pain pills and alcohol aren’t a great mix. I passed out in a diner about thirty minutes from school. I don’t even remember how I got there, Milo. I was fucked up. I don’t know why the waitress didn’t call the cops, but she called the last number I had dialed on my cell phone instead.”

  “Coach?”

  I nodded. “I apparently called and texted him when I got high. He avoided me. I don’t know what finally made him answer my call, but he did. Then he took me back to his house and let me sober up. The next morning, he drove me to an NA meeting and that began my long journey back to sobriety.”

  “It didn’t happen overnight, huh?”

  “Not even close,” I admitted. “The first thing I did was leave my toxic environment. My parents weren’t too excited when I dropped out of college and moved into Coach’s guest room. God, Milo, they were so fucking pissed when they first found out about the affair. They rallied around me when the school tried to fuck me over, but I had disappointed them so much. Our relationship was strained afterward, and it only added to my isolation. They eventually came around when they realized my relationship with Coach was purely platonic by that point. Coach remained my good friend and helped me through the darkest time of my life. He gave me a roof over my head, helped me get clean and stay that way, and he got me a job with his brother who owned a construction company.”

  “Let’s erect a statue to honor his sainthood,” Milo said sarcastically.

  “Okay, I can see that you’re still not a fan.”

  “Nope, and that’s not likely to change. So, moving on,” Milo prompted. “Did you stay away for so long because you were ashamed, Andy?”

  “Yes,” I admitted. “I put so much pressure on myself when I left town to make something big of myself. I was so sure that I was heading to the majors, and the little kids in this town would collect my baseball cards and ask me to sign them when I came home for a visit. There might even be a parade in my honor. And you,” I said, lightly poking his chest. “I couldn’t wait to make you sorry you broke up with me. I was going to drive into town in my sports car and act like I didn’t recognize you.”

  Milo snickered. “This sounds like a really cheesy rom com, Andy. You couldn’t come up with better musings while stoned?”

  “It wasn’t all that it’s cracked up to be,” I replied, shrugging my shoulders. “Some people write Pulitzer award-winning novels or songs to change a generation, but not me. I imagined revenge fucks.”

  “Oh, I see how it is,” Milo said, grinning from ear to ear. “Fantasy Milo came up with sexy ways to make you remember him.”

  “Yes, indeed.”

  “So, now we’ve ventured into porn,” Milo teased. “Was there cheesy music? Did I show up at your door looking for a cup of sugar?”

  “Something like that. Anyway, all I ended up making of myself was a big mess. I disappointed my family, and it hurt to see that in their eyes, so I avoided it by not coming home.”

  “They might’ve been upset about the choices that you made, but they would never stop loving you, Andy. They—we—missed you so much.” Then, as if to lighten the somber mood, he said, “I’m going to need a demonstration later of what happened when Porn Star Milo showed up at your door asking for sugar. For now, let’s hear the story about your recovery. Tell me about your local NA chapter and meetings.”

  “We meet each week for a few hours, and then get a bite to eat afterward. We talk about something other than our addictions and share some laughs. I’ve made some great friends, and I’d love to introduce you someday if you’re willing.”

  “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine. Except Coach. He won’t be getting a Christmas card from Milo Miracle, I can promise you that.”

  “Fair enough,” I agreed.

  “About that food…”

  I leaned in for one more grateful kiss before I set up my sandwich shop on the other side of the stove from Milo so that he wouldn’t get burned from the steam coming from the small griddle. Milo hummed happily as he watched me put together our sandwiches then brown them to perfection.

  “You are the panini king,” Milo said after his first bite. “And your mom’s ham and bean soup is still the best I’ve ever had. This is so damn good.”

  “You want another sandwich?”

  “Heck no, but I need to get one of those for my house. I bet you can make all kinds of things on there? French toast, waffles, and sausage and egg sandwiches on an English muffin. Yum.”

  “Still a foodie, I see.”

  “I haven’t changed that much in fourteen years,” he said sheepishly.

  “You’ve changed a lot, Milo. I really like what I see too.”

  “I haven’t shown you anything yet, baby,” Milo said suggestively.

  Oh, but he had. Milo showed me he could be trusted with my secrets and my heart again. Eating panini and soup in my kitchen while wearing nothing but jeans and goofy grins was the happiest I’d been in fourteen years.

  As much as I would’ve liked to spend the night at Andy’s house, I had responsibilities at home that I couldn’t ignore.

  “Here, pretty kitty. Daddy’s home,” I called out when I came through the back door. Andy raised a brow at the cajoling voice I used on my cat. “I’m late and she’s pissed. Therefore, she’ll make me work for it. I’m hoping not to die in my sleep tonight.”

  “What about me?” Andy asked then flushed with embarrassment from assuming he was spending the night. As much as I wanted to feel Andy’s arms around me all night long, he’d revealed a lot of things to me that I needed to process. I preferred to do that alone.

  “We’ll know more when she decides to come out of hiding and greet you.” I walked further into the living room. “Where’s my pretty baby? Come let Daddy pet you.”

  “My dick thinks you’re talking to it,” Andy said.

  “I’ll sweet talk it later,” I told Andy then went in search of my feline.

  “I like your house, Milo,” he said as he followed behind me. “It’s cozy and inviting.” I’d worked hard picking furniture and a color scheme that would make the house feel stylish and cozy. I sure as hell didn’t let Peach pick out the décor. There wasn’t a disco ball or sequined pillow in sight, much to her chagrin. I chose neutral, light-gray furniture with plum and black accent pieces.

  I flipped on the bedroom light switch and saw that Alli Cat was sleeping in a ball on my bed. She raised one eyelid and there was so much attitude in that oddly colored orange eye that I couldn’t stop myself from grinning. That cat was born to be mine.

  “What the fuc
k is that?” Andy asked when he saw her lying on my bed. “That’s not a cat, that’s a…”

  “She’s part calico and part Maine coon. Her size comes from the Maine coon heritage, but you can see the calico in her black and orange spots mixed in with the stripes.” I approached the bed, but Alli Cat paid no attention to me. She raised her head and met Andy’s shocked gaze.

  Of course, she loved his attention. Alli Cat slowly stood and stretched her big body dramatically so Andy could see how tall and long she really was.

  “Amazing,” Andy said in awe. “I’ve never seen a cat like this. She’s bigger than a lot of dogs.”

  “Sassier than any human to ever live too.”

  Alli Cat pinned me with a glare, making Andy chuckle.

  “I see you’ve met your match, Milo,” he said. Then he lowered his voice and said, “Come here, pretty baby. Let me pet you.”

  I ran over and threw myself on the foot of the bed where Andy waited for Alli Cat. “I’m here.” My cat wasn’t having any of that crap. She walked over top of me to get to Andy, swishing her big tail in my face and purring louder than a small engine. “Get your furry ass out of my face.”

  “Well darn, I was hoping you liked to shove your face in a furry ass,” Andy said. I raised my head and saw he was wearing a cute pout as he scratched Alli’s ears.

  “I need to feed the beast then lock her out of the room. I can’t have her stealing all your attention,” I told him.

  “Oh, I don’t think that will be a problem.”

  I rolled out from under the cat and went into the kitchen. I knew as soon as she heard me open the can she’d abandon Andy and come running. I turned and expected her to be at my feet, but she was nowhere in sight.

  “I don’t believe this,” I said, marching back to the bedroom. “She never misses a meal.”

  “I think your cat has a crush on me,” Andy said proudly. “Let’s go eat, pretty baby.”

  He started walking to the kitchen, leaving Alli Cat and me to follow behind him like little pied pipers. I wanted to be called pretty baby too. Fuck, I could purr and arch against him. I’d already done it twice that night, but I’d go a third time if needed.

  “How much do I give her?” he asked, taking the can and spoon out of my hand.

  “A little scoop of dry food on the bottom, and then a generous helping of the soft food. She’s very spoiled.”

  “You don’t say?” Andy asked, gesturing to where the cat wove in and out of his legs. “I’m glad that I won’t have to sleep with one eye open.” He again eluded to spending the night, and I had to admit that I was warming up to the idea. The last thing I needed to do was get lost in my own headspace.

  Andy handed me the can of food, and I placed a plastic lid over the top and set it in the refrigerator. I expected him to grab my hand and drag me back to the bedroom, but he leaned over to pet the cat.

  “She doesn’t like to be touched when she’s eating,” I said. “It must remind her of her days at the shelter.”

  “She doesn’t, huh?” Andy said, rubbing a hand over her long back. Alli Cat arched her back like a slut beneath his touch instead of hissing at him.

  “That’s a first,” I announced.

  “I was your first in many ways,” Andy said, straightening up to look at me. His pale-blue eyes appeared lighter, almost iridescent, the more aroused he became. “You learned to trust me with your body, Alli Cat trusts that I won’t hurt her either.”

  “Now, I just need to trust you with my heart again.” I meant that to sound lighthearted and teasing, but I knew it fell short when Andy flinched. Hurting Andy was the last thing I wanted to do. He’d bled his soul for me, and that was a shitty way to repay him for his trust.

  “How do you suppose I do that?” Andy inquired as he walked to me.

  “Time and patience,” I said just as he placed his hand on my waist and pulled me to him.

  “You’re not the only one afraid to trust again. I think there’s more that you haven’t told me about why we broke up. Care to tell me now, Milo?”

  “All right, fine. Tit for tat, it’s only fair.” I blew out a nervous breath because I hated to relive this memory. I only dug it out when I felt myself weakening toward Andy after his return home. This time, I was digging it out to hopefully excise the painful reminder for good. “We’ve already discussed that you turned into an arrogant asshole after you were offered the scholarship.” Andy rolled his eyes. Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best lead-in, but I wanted to let him know where my headspace was. “You had explained to me that you couldn’t be out to your team, and I really did understand your reasons, even if it hurt really bad. You said we would find a way to make it work, but your actions said otherwise.”

  “What actions?”

  “Well, you deactivated all your social media accounts because you were afraid that someone at your college would see our photos and figure out that I was your boyfriend. That made it impossible for me to feel connected to you every day, and I felt cut out of your life. You didn’t just delete your social media presence, you deleted my existence,” I explained.

  “Yeah, I can see why you felt that way.” Andy leaned forward and kissed my forehead. “I promise you that wasn’t my intent though.”

  “Hindsight and all that,” I told him. “And—”

  “There’s more?”

  “Isn’t there always more with me?” I asked Andy.

  “Very true. Please continue.”

  “Do you remember that meet and greet for the baseball team, their families, and the coaches?”

  “Of course,” Andy replied. “You rode down with my family. It was the last time I saw you for twelve years. I had hoped to sneak off for some alone time, but we never got the chance.”

  “I’d found a secluded, vacant spot far enough away from the banquet hall where we could’ve snuck away to talk,” I said, earning a smirk. “I mean it, Andy. I just wanted to be alone in the same room with you. Of course, I would’ve loved the opportunity to kiss you, but I was willing to just hear your voice and look into your eyes.”

  “So what happened?” he asked.

  “I returned to the gathering and went looking for you,” I told him. “And I found you.”

  Andy’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Your tone suggests that you caught me doing something wrong.”

  “It wasn’t so much what you did but what you didn’t do.”

  “You’re talking in riddles, Milo.”

  “You were surrounded by your baseball bros having a conversation about me.” I knew Andy remembered it when he briefly closed his eyes. He wanted to know why I sent that text ending our relationship in the back of his parents’ car on the way home, and I would tell him. “They were too busy making fun of the fairy that came with your family to notice I was standing nearby.”

  “God, Milo. I’m sorry.”

  “Them disliking me because I was obviously gay, wasn’t the worst part.”

  “It wasn’t?” Andy asked.

  “Not by a long shot.” I stepped away from Andy needing space. “One of the knuckle draggers asked who I was, and you told them I was Faith’s best friend. Even though it was true, and I knew the score, it hurt that you wouldn’t even claim my friendship. That’s when I knew we were truly doomed to fail. I could’ve let it play out, or I could end things with you and find someone who was proud of me.”

  “I was such a dick,” Andy admitted.

  “Then Maegan got sick, and my whole world shifted. I didn’t have time to wallow in misery over our breakup.”

  “Then Tucker stepped in to save the day. Now he’s a firefighter. Always has to be a hero,” Andy said. “Tucker the Heroic Fucker.”

  I snorted. “Tucker does like to save people, even if it’s from themselves. I’m sure he’ll find the right guy for him. I’m not it.”

  “Fuck no, you’re not.” Andy closed the gap I’d put between us. “Tonight was a great start toward building that trust again. I am very sorry for h
urting you, and not being a friend when Maegan was diagnosed with cancer. I should’ve put my pride aside and reached out to you. Time and patience,” Andy said, repeating my words back to me.

  “That’s what it will take for us to fully trust one another again. If that’s what we truly want. I mean, now that you scratched your itch—”

  Andy captured my lips in a long, hungry kiss. “I’ll never get enough of you, Milo.”

  “Why don’t you take off your clothes and stay awhile,” I suggested, running my hand beneath his shirt to feel his heart pounding in his chest. So much for wanting time alone to process.

  “I really want to stay with you.”

  “But, and I mean the word with one T.”

  “I have a lot of paperwork to do that I keep postponing, and I need to get my reports together for Maegan. I promised her that I’d have it ready tomorrow since she’s working against a tough deadline.”

  “You really think Maegan should buy the house?” I asked. “It’s not a money pit, is it?”

  “I think most of the work on my end is cosmetic, but it really depends on what Mike, Chris, and Simon have to say about the mechanicals. That’s going to make or break the deal.”

  “Did they give you an impression one way or the other?” I asked.

  “You sound nervous, Milo. Do you not want Maegan buying the house?”

  “It’s cloaked in so much mystery,” I replied. “The founder of our town disappeared without a trace, and then the most recent owner’s son gets murdered in the cellar a few months ago. It just doesn’t seem like the kind of place you want to build a family in.”

  “Maegan is a very intelligent woman. She won’t let her love of antiques and stories cloud her judgment.”

  “I know, but it would just be easier if she found a different historic home that didn’t have as much tragedy associated with it.”

  “When has easy ever been the right way?” Andy teased. “Look how hard you made me work for it.” He had a point. “Kiss me. I need to get back home.”