by C. R. Jane
"It's always nice to be out here."
He stopped us and turned to face me, looking nervous.
Caiden slowly pulled a piece of hair away from my face carefully, as if I was liable to run with any sudden movement. "Everly," he whispered, leaving me shaky under the intensity of his voice.
"You know I'll always be with you. You'll never be alone." His hand trailed from the side of my face, down my neck, and then down my arm, leaving a trail of tingles in its wake. "I'm in love with you," he continued.
I didn't understand at that moment how I could feel so much dread and anticipation at the same time. This was Caiden though. He'd been my best friend just as long as Jackson. He was sweet and sunny...and stable. He would never let me down. And I did love him. I loved almost everything about him.
It just wasn't the same as what I thought I'd been feeling about Jackson.
But maybe that wasn't the kind of love I should be going after. After all, it was my dad's passionate personality that led him to kill himself.
Desperate love was dangerous.
What I needed was a steady kind of love. A love that would never let me down.
So when Caiden leaned down to kiss me, I let him. And it was a good kiss. A great one probably. Just not the kind that set my soul on fire.
I told myself that it was okay for it to feel like that.
And I ignored the fact that Jackson's face kept creeping into my mind throughout the kiss.
It wasn't Jackson that was selfish. It was me. Me and my fear of being alone.
I ruined three lives that day.
If only I'd known.
CHAPTER TEN
NOW
I saw Jackson everywhere. And he, in turn, pretended that he never saw me. He ignored me for the whole next week. It was like he hadn't woken up in my bed at all.
No matter what he did though, I wanted him.
Damn heart, I needed a new one, because his one had to be defective. It kept breaking into pieces each time I saw him or heard his voice. I was still reeling from the imprudent feelings my traitorous body insisted upon when he'd wrapped me in his arms that night. I couldn't seem to forget his touch and the butterflies merrily danced in my stomach each time he was near me — even when he was flirting with every girl in the vicinity.
"What's with the long face?" Landry asked me as he set his tray down on my table and slid into the seat next to me.
I couldn't help but smile at the grin he gave me. His eye looked slightly better after a week. It was now more a greenish color instead of the black and blue it had been at first.
"Oh, you know, not getting a lot of sleep trying to keep up with classes. They've already piled on the homework."
"They kill us here, don't they?" he agreed with a smile as he took a bite of his hamburger. "You know, we could study together sometime. I'm sure I've taken quite a few of your classes, and I could help you out."
I grinned at his offer. I'd never gotten below an A in my life, but I also hadn't had a friend to study with since Caiden and Jackson…
Speaking of Jackson, he was standing just a few feet away. He'd been flirting with a black-haired girl for the last fifteen minutes —I was beginning to think intentionally — but now his focus was one hundred percent on Landry and me. And he did not look happy.
That made me angry. Because really. How the fuck, dare he? What right did he have to look upset about me talking to someone? The Jackson that I'd use to know would have wanted me to have as many friends as I could.
Well, maybe as many girlfriends as I could…
But that was beside the point.
"Can you study tonight?" I asked Landry, shooting him a grin. I only felt a little bad about the somewhat ulterior motives I had at the moment.
"Awesome," he said, and a little piece of me melted. Landry really did seem like a great guy.
If only I wasn't hopelessly infected by the asshole staring daggers at me right now.
A group of Landry's hockey teammates arrived at the table, and that was my cue to leave. I wasn't ever going to feel comfortable around large groups of people after what I'd been subjected to my whole life. Parties were a bit easier because people were busy doing their own thing, but there was too much of a chance I'd have them all paying attention to me if I stayed at the table.
"Leaving?" Landry complained as he stuck his lip out in a ridiculous pout.
It was something that Caiden would have done, and my heart clenched.
Landry watched my face, confused. I knew pain was written across it.
"Text me when you're ready to study tonight," I told him hurriedly, wanting to get away fast so I wasn't splayed open in front of him. He'd gotten my number a few days earlier when he'd accosted me in the hallway, but so far, he hadn't used it in a way that made me uncomfortable.
I had to walk past Jackson to get out of the cafeteria, and I happened to trip over someone's backpack that someone had splayed out in the aisle right as I passed him.
I fell to a knee on my bad leg, grimacing as it hit the hard marble floor. And yes, I did attend a school that had a marble floor in its fucking cafeteria.
Suddenly, a hand reached out to help me up. It was Jackson's of course.
"Everly,” he said roughly, as he looked at me through his lashes that every girl would die to have. I'd thought often growing up though that death by Jackson Parker would be a gift. He bit his bottom lip, and I thought about how I would like to replace his teeth with mine.
Damn, this had to stop. The intensity, the feels, the tingly sensation lighting up my spine, all of it, so I quickly pulled my hand away from his after he helped me up and tried to limp out of the cafeteria with a modicum of dignity.
He stayed with me, his hand on the small of my back to guide me past the entry and through a less populated passage of the school hallway.
"Haven't gotten any more graceful over the last few years," he commented dryly, but I could almost sense his smile, even though I kept my gaze firmly focused in front of me. And I was pretty sure that smile was ending with a dimple that broke hearts everywhere.
"Ignoring me?" he asked, sounding amused. And that did it. I whirled around to face him, gritting my teeth because my leg hurt like a bitch. I was furious. Furious because he was impossible to ignore. Furious because I'd never before felt anything close to the longing he'd built deep within my heart, and furious because he was such an asshole.
I took a deep breath before I spoke because I knew that he’d been trying to get a rise out of me. "I'm pretty sure out of the two of us, you're the one who's been ignoring me," I responded calmly, even as I devoured the planes of his face.
He stared at me just as intensely.
Jackson stepped closer to me, taunting me with the heat radiating from his chest. “You’ve missed me. Haven’t you, little devil?” he said, holding me firmly with his gaze while our bodies remained a millimeter apart.
“What do you want, Jackson?” I responded desperately.
“For some reason, I can’t stay away from you. I’ve tried, Everly. I have, but each time I see you, I’m drawn back in, even though I know I should stay away. You’re like the sweetest poison.” His head dipped, and my knees weakened. Without thought, I reached for his hair. The silken length slipped through my fingers, and I fisted it. Oh, fuck. I pulled, drawing him closer still, and the connection felt… right, like my hands were meant to live in the soft waves.
A low rumble vibrated into me, and he lowered his lips to hover directly over mine. He inhaled deeply, slowly and methodically, taking my breath into him as if I was the last whisper of oxygen to fill his lungs. Moving a fraction, his lips brushed against my cheek, and my heart galloped. I couldn’t think—the only thing running through my head was please, please kiss me.
“Everly.” He murmured my name as his nose ran along the line of my jaw, rubbing delicately against my skin. His hands, which had remained by his side, moved to my nape. His fingers dug into my hair to hold me steady, but even
without them, I wouldn’t move, I couldn’t move. Everything was so soft, light, a teasing need. He was on a slow, deliberate path, tracing his lips and nose along every inch of my face, breathing in every minute detail as his thumbs drew a delicate line along my lips.
“Jackson, please.” To my horror I’d whispered it out loud, and although it was barely spoken, the words seemed to echo throughout the hallway. For the briefest moment, he pressed his lips against my forehead, holding me tight against him.
“I’m sorry,” he said, pulling away. My hands fell indelicately to my sides, empty and wanting. “I won’t ever forgive you for what you’ve done. This… us… can’t happen.” His lids fell closed for the briefest second, as if the words hurt him as much as they did me.
And then he was gone, and I was left trembling in the hallway.
Jackson Parker would never stop ruining me.
It felt like people were staring at me in the library. And it didn't seem like it was because I was with Landry...who was, by the way, still a sweetheart. He'd brought snacks. How could I not like him?
"We may need to book a new study room in the future," commented Landry as he looked around. And I was glad he'd just confirmed I wasn't going crazy.
"There needs to be a little more studying and not so much staring," I agreed, glaring back at a group of girls who were sitting a few tables over, obviously gossiping about me.
"You know, we could study at the hockey house sometime, too," he commented casually, as if he was just throwing out the idea.
I gritted my teeth. "I doubt I would be able to study there."
He made a non-committal sound. "Well, what if we didn't study...and we just hung out?" he asked.
My shoulders clenched, because I had really been hoping that he would hold off on asking me out for a date and I could enjoy having another friend for a little while longer.
I opened my mouth to shut him down, but then I snapped it shut. Why should I say no? Because of another round of hot and cold with Jackson? The fact that we had history wasn't going to stop him from hating me. Maybe it would be good for me to get out there. To see what life was like outside of a Parker boy.
I was just about to say yes when my phone buzzed in my pocket. "Hold that thought," I told him with what I hoped looked like a sexy smile.
My smile quickly faded though when I saw who it was. Jackson.
He hadn't texted me in two years, and I almost dropped my phone.
I need to see you. Meet me on the side of Stanton Hall.
My heart raced. I shouldn't go. I knew that, especially after what he’d done to me earlier. I had just gone through the reasons why I should be saying yes to a date with Landry and getting off the crazy train that was anything to do with Jackson. But my stupid, stupid heart wouldn't listen.
"I've got to go. I need to talk to a professor during her office hours," I told Landry, packing up my books. He seemed shocked, and a bit crestfallen.
I started to walk away, and then I whirled around. "Hanging out sounds good though, Landry," I said softly, and his face melted into a grin.
"Okay, sweetheart," he responded. And then I was off.
I walked across campus, shivering as I went. The nights were growing cool and I would need to start taking a jacket with me if I was going to be late. I looked at the text Jackson had sent again, wondering why he wanted to meet up with me. Had that confession earlier been an opening for us to actually talk about everything? My heart leapt hopefully at the thought.
When I got to the side of Stanton Hall, he wasn't there though. There were a few bags of trash on this side of the building, and a small set of doors encased by concrete on the ground that looked like they led to a cellar or something under the building. I grew uneasy.
It was a bad idea to come; I did have some sense of self-preservation. But some piece of me that belonged to Jackson no matter what he did had made me do it. I leaned against the wall of the building and tried to calm down, even as my heart threatened to leap out of my chest.
There was only one small floodlight on this side of the building, and even though it wasn't all the way dark yet, it still made me uneasy to be all alone. I had pulled out my phone to text Jackson and ask where he was when I heard something crash behind the dumpster, making me jump.
"Jackson," I called out uneasily, turning to see if I could see anything. I was going to run out of here in about two seconds if he didn't appear.
The sounds coming from behind the dumpster distracted me until it was too late. I'd just heard the footsteps coming from behind me when a bag was thrown over my head and at least one pair of hands scooped me up and started to walk with me while I screamed and cursed and tried to get away. My backpack and phone were ripped away from me.
This was not happening to me. I was not about to get kidnapped because of my hapless obsession with a boy.
But whoever had me didn't seem interested in kidnapping me. They had something else planned for me that honestly...might have been worse.
A heavy set of doors thudded against the ground as someone opened them up, and I shivered. Because I knew exactly where those doors were and what these creeps had planned for me. Whoever had me started to walk down a set of stairs, and I could feel the air getting cooler as we went underground. I began to thrash even harder. My nails managed to gouge into my captor's chest, breaking their skin, and I heard a muffled "Fuck" from a voice I didn't recognize.
I was thrown to the ground, shocks of pain once again shooting through my poor leg. The person started to climb back up the stairs and I tried to scramble behind them blindly. I tripped on something though and fell back to the ground, and that was enough time for the person to get up the stairs, and the doors to the room to slam closed above me.
I ripped off the bag on my head and gasped as I realized that the room was just as dark as the bag had been. I was locked in a fucking cellar of some kind.
Tears raged down my cheek as I forced myself to crawl up the stairs to the doors so that I could try and open them. Had Jackson done this? He had to have been a part of it, even though obviously, he wasn't working alone.
He knew I hated the dark. He knew about the nightmares I’d had as a child. How my mother used to throw me in a dark closet for punishment, and how I’d scream and scream to be let out.
I beat on the door, screaming until my voice was hoarse for someone to let me out. At first, there was laughter from the other side, but it had faded as they had left. I tried to beat on the door more, but eventually, the fear of not being able to see what was behind me pushed me to try and find a wall to sit against so that at least nothing could approach me from behind.
I rocked back and forth against that wall, the dark slowly trying to drive me mad. It was so dark in this room that we must have been underground. The dirt floor I sat on reinforced that, and I shivered to think of what creepy crawlies were scuttling around me. It was so dark that I couldn’t even see how big the room was.
That obsession that I'd felt for so long about Jackson...it started to fade in that dark room, until it resembled something that felt a lot like hate.
It was a long night. Maybe the longest one of my life.
I was scared of the dark because of what my mother did to me growing up, but I was also scared of the dark because that was where every bad thought I’d ever had took cover.
Most of my bad thoughts consisted of my father and the twins. Caiden was behind every shadow, my father was in every one of my nightmares, and Jackson...he was the devil in the corner that used to be an angel.
Like I said, I hated the dark.
The cold of the ground eventually seeped into my skin until I was a shivering, shaking mess.
I'd been bullied all my life. I'd developed quite the tough skin. But whatever was happening here was a kind of psychological torture I wasn’t prepared for.
The night was endless. Every creak and groan I heard made me jump. I prayed to God for the first time in years, when a small sliver of daylig
ht finally peeked in between the crack of the two doors. But at this point, my throat was too hoarse and sore to muster anything but a faint "Help me." It was definitely not loud enough to actually do any good.
I was in that cellar for so long that I started to wonder if this went beyond bullying. What if I was just left down here permanently, and they found my body years down the road when someone happened to come down here for a miscellaneous tool?
Would Jackson kill me if given the chance? Just like how I basically killed his brother?
I'd started to spiral even more when suddenly, there was a clanging sound from up above me, and one of the cellar doors suddenly opened with a loud crash.
A shocked looking man dressed in a school janitor's jumpsuit appeared, and he almost jumped out of his skin when he saw me sobbing at the foot of the stairs.
"What are you doing down there, girl?" he cried out, rushing down the stairs to help me up. My limbs were numb from sitting on the cold ground, and my leg was worse than it had been in a long time.
"I was locked down here," I explained in between stuttering sobs. He led me up the stairs and then pulled out his walkie-talkie to ask someone to get someone from the administration to meet us at the nurse's office.
“There’s my backpack,” I sniffled, pointing a few feet away where it had been thrown. I was never going to put my phone in my backpack again.
He offered to carry me when he saw how badly I was limping, but students were already starting to mill about for breakfast before the first classes of the day started, and I didn't want to garner even more attention than I already was in my bedraggled, limping state.
My whole goal upon coming to school was to stay under the radar, get my classes done, get into the university, and start the future that I hoped was waiting for me somewhere out there.
My goals were quickly being blown to bits.