by Ellen Joy
She tightened her grip on his hand and said, “I’d like that.”
It took less time then he would’ve liked to walk back to Vivi’s. He kept her hand in his all the way. The soft pitter-patter of snowflakes fell around them. He wanted to tell her everything he was thinking. How the minute he saw her in that minivan on the side of the road, all the old feelings came rushing back. How beautiful she looked in the snow, and on his boat, and standing under the Christmas lights. How he never forgot the last night they were together under the stars when they were kids.
As Katie walked up the driveway, she turned to him. “I had a great time.”
“Me, too. Do you still want to haul those pots tomorrow?”
“Yes. When?”
“Nine?” He walked her up to the front stoop. She nodded and squeezed his hand twice before letting go. She remembered.
“Tonight was really amazing,” she said.
It took all of Matt’s will not to grab her and pull her into him again. Instead, he leaned over and kissed her lightly on her lips. “It’s always amazing with you.”
Her rosy cheeks deepened a shade. “Until tomorrow.”
“Until tomorrow.”
KATE LEANED AGAINST the front door, listening to Matt’s footsteps crunch in the snow as he left. Her heart pounded inside her chest.
“Wow.” She grinned.
One. Two. Three. Four. She counted his footsteps as they faded away. She stayed propped against the door, her knees a bit wobbly. Her fingertips traced her tingling lips.
What was she doing, kissing Matt? She had committed her life to Eric less than a week ago, and now she was making out like a teenager in the middle of the street. The whole thing was absolutely crazy, especially since she liked it so much, wanted him so badly, and knew if she had stepped foot in his apartment, she wouldn’t have stopped again.
“If it gets your mind off of Eric, why not?” her sister Jen said later, over the phone.
“The last thing I need right now is more complication in my life.” She said it mostly to herself. “Eric just left me. And Matt just went through a divorce. Not to mention all the distance between us.”
“Did you like kissing him?”
“Yeah...” She touched her lips again.
“Then as long as you’re okay, who cares?” Jen paused. “You are okay
right?”
If her sister had asked her that a couple of days ago, or even yesterday for that matter, she might have said “no”. But today, right now, she was better than okay. She was the happiest she’d ever been. “I don’t know what it is about this place. Maybe it’s all the good memories, but it’s exactly where I want to be.”
“Then go over there with a bottle of wine. Maybe the best way of getting over Eric,” Jen said,” “is by getting under Matt.”
“Jen!” she scolded, but she looked out over the harbor toward his apartment.
“Or at least, to kiss him again.”
She thought back to her first kiss with Matt. It was the Fourth of July, and he had promised to take her out to see the fireworks. That night, he took her to his parents’ place and brought her up into the hay loft. They dangled their feet off the edge and looked out. With the barn doors opened wide, they had a perfect view of the harbor off in the distance.
As they sat, he teased her about her accent, and she teased him about his. Once the fireworks began, she could see the whole village light up in blues and reds and whites, the colors reflecting off the water. She didn’t notice him looking at her until his fingertips gently turned her chin toward him. The fireworks sparkled in his eyes. He didn’t kiss her at first, and she remembered being nervous he wasn’t going to, but then he leaned in. She slowly lowered her eyelids as he kissed her softly on the lips. It was just long enough to make her whole body go numb, but ended so quickly that she wished he’d kiss her again as soon as their lips parted.
Her fingertips traced her lips. She still wanted his kiss.
Even through the thick snow, she could see the light on above The Fish Market. If she was going to live au pif, now was the time.
MATT SANK INTO HIS couch and watched the snow fall outside. Once again, he was completely confused about what to do when it came to women. One minute Katie was kissing him, and then she stopped cold, like the snow falling around them. And what should he have done? Pulled her back in and kissed her some more, to make up for lost time? Her kiss was voracious. Matt knew she craved more, but something had made her stop.
The guy back home, probably.
The guy who left her. The guy who let her fly across the country by herself. The guy who didn’t call to make sure she was alright. The guy who didn’t care if she spent the holidays alone. The guy who didn’t deserve her.
Matt stood. He wasn’t going to let another donkey take something wonderful away from him. He grabbed his coat and opened the door just as Justine’s knuckles were about to touch the wood. It took him a second to register her standing there.
“Hi, Matt.” She was alone, her purse clutched in her hands. “Can I come in?”
“Now isn’t the best time.” He zipped up his coat, ready to step outside and close the door behind him.
“It’s really important that we talk.”
Matt looked across the harbor toward Vivi’s house and saw the lights were all out. He was too late. He blew out a deep breath, but didn’t say anything, just backed himself inside and opened the door for her to come in. He unzipped his coat and threw it on a chair.
Justine circled the room, the heels of her boots clicking against the wooden floors. “This place looks the same.”
He held in a snide remark about her being dressed, but stopped himself. He walked toward the fridge. “Want something to drink?”
“Sure, that’d be great.” Justine rubbed her hands together. She was nervous, he could tell. He grabbed two beers. “So... who’s the girl?”
Matt rolled his eyes as he opened the fridge. “A friend from out of town.”
“She’s very pretty.”
Matt twisted off the cap and took a sip of his before handing her one. “To what do I owe the pleasure, Justine?”
“It’s about the lines being cut out near Perkin’s Island.”
Matt paused before taking another drink. He wasn't expecting her to say that. “What about the lines being cut?”
Justine sat on the couch and placed her purse on the coffee table. “I heard about traps being cut out near Perkin’s Island.”
“Yeah, so?”
Justine played with the strap of her purse. "I overheard Freddy talking with one of his friends about your territory."
Matt thought back to what his brother told him about Freddy’s buddy O'Malley being back in town. “What does this have to do with lines being cut?”
“Freddy gave them money to cut yours.”
Matt sat down and put his beer on the coffee table. It felt like the wind had been knocked out of him.
“Are you kidding me?” Matt looked at his ex-wife and thought about all the misery she had caused him, and now this. Now, Freddy was trying to ruin his business, too? “Why are you telling me? Why not go to the police with your suspicions?”
Justine shook her head. “I shouldn’t even be here.”
“No, you shouldn’t.” He didn’t say anything at first, his teeth grinding. He clenched his hands into fists by his sides. “If something happens, Justine, and Freddy’s involved in this...”
He didn’t finish the threat.
Justine moved closer to him, grabbing his hand. Tears formed along the edges of her lids. “I haven’t stopped loving you, you know.”
Matt looked down at the new engagement ring, the diamond covered her finger. Not like the half carat Matt could afford. “You need to go.”
She wiped away a tear before it fell. She pressed herself against him in an embrace, but he didn’t return the gesture. He stayed still and didn’t look at her.
“I made mistakes, I can recognize that,” she said, p
ushing her hand away. “But you made mistakes, too. I know you still love me, deep down.”
He didn’t move. He said nothing, just looked out the window, over the walking bridge toward Katie’s grandmother’s house, where all the windows were dark.
SOMEHOW, KATE SURVIVED climbing over the bridge. In the harbor below, bells on the boats rang out as they rolled back and forth in the waves. By the time she reached Matt’s apartment the snow was so thick, she could barely see in front of her. As she reached his door, she wiped off the ice and her eyes caught him inside. But he wasn’t alone. He stood embracing a woman.
Justine.
A strange mix of emotions swept over her as she stood there in the snow with a bottle of wine in her hands. She watched for a second, frozen, then rushed toward the steps. She needed to get out of there as fast as she possibly could.
She clunked down the wooden staircase in her winter boots, tears falling down her face. How could she be so stupid? She didn’t know Matt Williams any more than the next guy. He could’ve been using her, showing her off in front of his ex-wife at the tavern to get her jealous. Well, it must’ve worked.
The snow fell harder than before, shooting down, pecking at her face. She trudged over the snowbank, stepping onto the street, and heard the familiar scraping of metal rubbing against pavement. The oversized plow pushed the snow until it was at the corner of the road and created a pile so high it blocked the entrance to the footbridge, making it impossible to climb over safely. She was going to have to walk back the long way through town.
She waited in the square as the plow made its way down the street. The same square where only hours ago she was kissing Matt. The Christmas tree was still lit up. She walked past La Patisserie and threw the bottle of wine in the trash bin by the public parking lot. The wind picked up and blew against her as she passed the town library. By the time she made it to the Congregational Church, the snow had become hard pellets bouncing off her face, and she couldn’t feel her toes. When she finally made her way to Vivi’s cape, her rented minivan could no longer be seen under a frozen pile of snow.
She slammed the front door and had an urge to call Jen back and scream at her for suggesting such a foolish thing to do. A risk she would never have taken without some sort of push. The French could have their au pif.
Thirteen
Kate woke on the couch with Vivi’s cordless phone next to her ear. Before she fell asleep, she had tried calling all the airlines to get a flight out, but once again the snow prevented any available seats.
Everything was gray around her. Even from the couch, she could feel the blustery day. The rawness outside penetrated its way in as the freshly fallen snow whipped around, biting at the window. The shrilling wind drowned out the waves she longed to hear.
Then the image of Matt holding his ex-wife flashed through her head.
She immediately sat up and reached for the remote. She noticed a chill in the air as she tried turning on the television to check the weather, but it didn’t turn on. As she stood up, she wrapped the quilt around her shoulders and stuck her hand under the lampshade, twisting the switch. Nothing. She walked into to the kitchen. All the clocks were blank. The power must have gone out while she was sleeping.
She looked out the kitchen window at the driveway. The minivan was covered in snow. The road didn’t even seem to have been plowed yet. Even if she wanted to get a flight, she was completely snowed in.
She couldn’t believe this was her life.
She walked back to the living room. Her journal sat on the coffee table. All her new lists and plans. All her righteousness. I am woman, I don’t need a man, notes. Her fake monologue of believing in herself and making her own happiness saturated those pages.
One by one, she ripped the pages from the binding, crumpling them up and throwing them into the fireplace. All her hopes and plans for the future crushed into tiny balls.
Was it so bad that she wanted to have it all? The career, and the guy, and the happily-ever-after? She opened the side table drawer where Vivi left the matches and lit the red matchstick. She stuck the match underneath the papers. Sulfur stung her nose as she watched her dreams go up in flames.
As soon as the flames took hold, so did Kate’s regret. She grabbed the burning paper from the flames and pulled out what she could before it caught. She blew out the embers that hung on, burning her hand and dropping the papers onto the wood floor. The flames quickly died, and she tried flattening the crumpled paper, tears streaming down her face as she willed them back to life, but only a few pages were salvageable. The rest were bits and pieces of blackened paper and ash.
Was this how she was going to live from now on? Wanting to burn the past, but too chicken to face the future?
As the wind howled, Kate could just make out the sound of the waves, but she had no use for their soothing repetition today. She looked down at the empty journal. Torn fringes edged the binding and she stared at the blank pages before her.
Kate took the burnt rubble and the pieces of ash and threw it all in the fireplace. She was no longer going to sit and wallow. She would not fall apart. She was not broken because she didn’t have a man, because she didn’t need one. Cinderella wasn’t real, and neither was true love.
And she was going to live au pif, but by her darn self.
MATT WAITED AROUND the bakery until nine-thirty before he decided to head over to find Katie. He wouldn’t risk going out on the water with the storm still lingering. Hauling pots wasn’t a risk he was willing to take, especially with Katie.
He kept calling Vivi’s house, but the number wasn’t working. Like his parents, she must’ve lost power in the night. The longer he waited, the more concerned he became.
“Frank,” he said, pulling his collar up before stepping outside, “I’m headed over to Katie’s. Will you tell her to wait here if I miss her?”
“Sure thing.” Frank said.
Even with four-wheel drive, the roads were a mess. He should’ve just gone to the house first and checked on her. He knocked on the front door, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he stood in the cold. The snow had tapered off, but the plow hadn’t come yet, and from the looks of the streets around town, it would be awhile.
He waited, then hit the doorbell, but he didn’t hear anyone inside. He checked his watch, trying to figure out what to do. With his hands covering his eyes, he peeked through the side window, but didn’t see anyone. Where was she?
He’d leave a note. He made his way toward his truck and pulled out his phone. He’d text his friend Dan to be sure to swing by Vivi’s with the plow.
Just as he opened his truck’s door, he heard the garage door being manually opened. As it lifted up, Katie’s feet emerged, and then he saw the rest of her. Once again, his breath was swept away. She didn’t see him at first, grabbing a shovel and stepping out into the driveway.
When she did see him, she stopped, but then averted her eyes as she headed to the heap of snow on her car.
Matt shut his truck’s door and walked toward her. Glad to see she was home and alright. “Good morning.”
Katie didn’t say anything. Instead, she walked past him and shoveled the snow behind the minivan. Something was off. He could feel it right away. Was she ignoring him?
“I have a plow coming to take care of the driveway, but it’s going to be a while before someone comes,” he said. He patted his jacket pockets for gloves, but he’d left them in his truck. “Got another shovel?” He wished he’d thrown one in the back of his truck before leaving. “I can help.”
She didn’t respond, but appeared to put more effort into digging out the snow. Then as quickly as she started, she staked the shovel into the ground before stomping back toward the house. She came back with a broom and dusted off the snow piled on the roof. What was going on with her?
When finally she looked at him, her eyes were narrow, almost suspicious.
He decided he’d rather be shoveling than standing there and looking like a fo
ol. He grabbed the shovel and started to dig when she stomped over and said, “Stop. I don’t need your help.”
Matt straightened up and leaned his weight on the shovel’s handle. He was equally amused and confused by what was happening. “Well, it appears you’re bent on getting your car out.”
“I don’t need anyone to help me.” She brushed the broom’s bristles against the back window, spraying Matt with the fresh powder.
The snow melted against his face as he wiped it off. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.” She stomped toward him again and swiped the shovel from his hand. “Perfect. Now if you don’t mind, I have things to do.”
Having lived with enough women in his life, he knew what fine meant. Matt couldn’t wrap his head around what was wrong. Did he do something, or say something to upset her? Because she was anything but fine. When he left last night, things seemed good, really good. Now it was as if she couldn’t stand the sight of him.
“Are you upset with me?” Wasn’t she the one who blew him off this morning? “I came to tell you we shouldn’t go out on the boat.”
She huffed. “Figures, you’d cancel.”
“It’s not really the perfect day for a boat ride.” Matt held up his bare hands, making an obvious gesture at the snow.
She twisted her face before she said, “Why don’t you take Justine instead?”
“What?” Matt was taken aback, shocked by her use of his ex-wife’s name. Either he was in the twilight zone, or she had gone completely mad.
She returned her attention back to cleaning off the van, getting nowhere fast.
“What’s going on, Katie?” Matt knew two things. Something had happened between last night and that morning, and he was the object of her contempt. “What’s making you so upset?”
Fire burned in her eyes as she threw the shovel down, sinking it into the snow. “Did you plan on taking me home before or after you saw her at the Tavern?”
He thought back to the night before. He had tried so hard to behave nonchalantly in front of Justine and Freddy. As though being around his ex-wife and the man she slept with for months during their marriage was no big deal. He guessed he was more transparent than he thought. But how did being uncomfortable around his ex-wife have anything to do with her being upset?