Secret Things

by Andrews, Nazarea

  “Hey, KP. Sorry to disturb your Friday night.”

  “Shut up,” she says crisply. “Are you okay?”

  I nod. “Yeah. Fucking aces.”

  “Tell me what’s going on,” she says, and the sharp no-nonsense tone is what I need to knock the nerves down.

  “There was a six-month stretch in high school. Victor was gone, doing some touring with a band. And I was alone. I fucked around. Vic knew, so it wasn’t a big deal—he was doing the same fucking thing. We were kids. But someone we went to school with—well. They didn’t like it. Victor was popular. And I was this nerdy little shit who somehow ended up with him. And then I had the nerve to cheat on him.”

  Camden is silent by my side, but I can feel the tension coming off him in waves. “They sent me pictures. In my locker. To my house. There was an implied threat that they’d send them to Vic. I never took it seriously because he knew about it. About me.” I shrug. “The night I graduated, Victor and I went to a party. I was trashed, and high. We fooled around and I lost his ring. I never found it again. But the pictures stopped and a few weeks later, we were on tour with Silence and everything changed pretty quickly after that.”

  “You think it’s the same person.”

  “It is,” Camden says. He looking at the pictures, his hands tight on them, his expression furious. “They sent the ring.”

  My stomach pitches again. I want to throw up, and I want to curl up in Camden’s arms and I want to hear Victor’s voice.

  Shit.

  I scramble for my phone, ignoring KP and Camden, and dial without thinking.

  Jace’s voice is rough and sleep scratched when he answers, and that answers a lot of questions. Confirms what I already knew.

  “Jace, I need to talk to Vic,” I say, my voice tight with worry.

  “Dude, he’s sleeping.”

  “It’s eleven at night. He hasn’t slept that early in years. Give him the fucking phone.”

  I wait until my ex is on the line, and then, without preamble, “We’ve got a problem, Vic.”

  Chapter 15

  The Slow Courtship of Dimitri Blackwood, a Victri fic, originally posted on EndersHollow

  The first time Victor played for Dimitri, they were both high. He was a skinny kid at seventeen, and Victor was so far out of his league Dimitri wasn’t really sure what was happening.

  That maybe was the weed.

  Vic had been worming closer, teasing and generally making a nuisance of himself, for weeks. But today felt different. It had since the moment they woke up, Dee curled around Vic in his bed, and the world shifted on its access.

  That was the day Dimitri decided he didn’t want to wake up without Victor ever again.

  ---

  Dimitri is a tight ball of worry by the time we hang up with Vic and KP. She agrees to send someone to talk to Vic in the morning, and calls Jeb to increase Dimitri’s security at the con. I can tell she’s pissed that Dimitri didn’t share this, and I can’t say I blame her—I’m a little pissed to be hearing about it now.

  But I also get it. Ancient history is ancient, and easy to dismiss.

  Frankly, it’s not my problem right now. Dimitri curls on his side of the bed, still wearing the jeans and loose t-shirt he wore to dinner. He looks rumpled and worried and gorgeous and I want to sooth some of it away.

  I want to tear apart anything that ever hurt him or threatened him and I can’t.

  This isn’t something I can fight and the feeling leaves me helpless and angry.

  “You still hungry?” I murmur.

  “How did they know where I was?” he whispers.

  I pause, processing that question. “Cam, we didn’t even know which room I’d be in. How did they know? How did they get this here.”

  “Do you think they work for Covenant Days?”

  He groans. “Then they have access to me. Anytime we fucking travel or do an event.”

  “Unless it’s a volunteer. You know they use those at these things.”

  He seems to settle at that, the furrow in his brow smoothing out and he shivers a little.

  “Hey. Nothing is gonna happen to you,” I whisper.

  “What do they want?” he growls. “I don’t understand what the endgame is. You’d think they’d be happy Vic is single. Or they’d be going after Jace, for god’s sake.”

  “Jace?”

  “Yeah,” he says, distracted. “They’re fucking.”

  I blink and then, cautiously. “You okay with that?”

  “Why the fuck would I care? Jace is good for Vic. They fit together. I’m happy for him. Unless Jace hurts him, then I get to rip his throat out.” Dimitri smiles, this feral thing, and I finally ask. I’ve been avoiding it.

  “What the fuck happened with you two?”

  He shrugs. “We grew up. I mean. I know it should be more than that, but it’s not. I love him. And I need you to get that he’ll always be one of my best friends. I’ll always care about him. But we didn’t want the same things anymore. Or maybe we did, and that was the problem. I couldn’t support him without giving up my dreams and he couldn’t support me without giving up his, and love isn’t supposed to make you smaller. It’s supposed to make you better.”

  I stare at him, and I know I should give him space. I know I should let him deal with the shock of tonight. But I shove into his space, and he groans, meeting me, surrendering everything to me as I take his mouth rough and desperate. His body is loose and pliant under me, an offering, and I take it.

  I fucking take all of it.

  I strip him fast and then kiss him slow, worshipful as I lick over his nipples and press wet kisses down his smooth chest, into the curve of his groin. Down the long, thick spread of his thighs and up again. Until he’s panting and arching into me, wordless whimpers breaking the silence, and I slide up his body, giving him the friction he’s begging for.

  “I’ll never make you small, Dimitri,” I whisper and his eyes fly wide as I thrust against him.

  It’s not those three little words. But as I whisper that promise, press it into his skin with kisses and tiny nips of my teeth, he gasps and his body goes tight, arching off the bed, and pressure is building in me, as he comes, a wordless noise filling the room.

  I haven’t said those words. He did, that night I fucked him.

  And I’ve almost said it, a few times. I don’t know what’s holding me back.

  But as he whispers my name, broken and hoarse, his body limp and spent, and I come against his hip with his hand wrapped around me, I ache with the longing to say them, and the pressure of them, unspoken, behind my teeth.

  Chapter 16

  Posted on EndersHollow Message Boards

  @FarleySecretSister Why the hell were the autographs with Dimitri cancelled?

  @FarleySecretSister All photo ops were cancelled too!

  @FracturedFairytale Fuck, security is actually a thing here? What the hell, they’ve never had this kind of security at a con.

  @CovenantEnt We regret to inform you due to an ongoing security concern, we will not be accommodating any autograph sessions or photographs.

  @CovenantEnt Cariden Autographed pics are available for everyone with an autograph voucher, and I heard there will be others.

  @BlackdenTrash Who gives a fuck. Do we know what the hell caused a ‘security concern?’

  --

  The con is a shit show.

  I think there’s no way to avoid that, but I still hate it, and feel responsible for it. We cancel everything but the panels, and even that, I think Cam considers pulling out of. KP says it’ll cause more problems than it would solve, so we do them.

  And I’m shadowed by Jeb and a security guy the organizers find.

  “No fucking way,” Cam snaps. “The threat is coming from the con.”

  “Cam,” I say, tired, because we’ve been arguing all morning, with Covenant, KP, Jeb, and each other.

  “I’m not leaving him,” Jeb says, firmly. The new guy be damned.

&
nbsp; Which is the only reason Cam backs down.

  I lean deeper into the shadows. The entire audience is focused on Cam now, and he’s working the room in that way he does—bashful and a little shy, with a naughty smirk that begs you to join him in the fun. I lean against the wall and watch him work. I don’t get to do that often, and I love it.

  Cam is different when he’s with fans. He slides on this persona that isn’t Josef Grimm, and it’s not Camden Martin, but it’s some weird hybrid of the two.

  “I thought you weren’t going to go public?” Cari murmurs, and I glance at her. She’s got a security guard behind her that I don’t recognize, and it makes me tense, until Jeb grins at him and nods in greeting. She follows my gaze. “Apparently they went to war together, which means Andre is competent to be my babysitter.”

  Jeb gives her a quick smile, “Don’t scare him away, princess. I’ve been trying to talk Andre into working with me for months.”

  She turns an affronted glare on the new guy and I laugh. “You should give the girl what she wants, Andre,” I say and he smirks, lazily.

  “Is she used to getting what she wants?” he drawls, eyeing Cari. Her eyes narrow and something predatory fills her for a heartbeat, before a wave of laughter distracts her and draws both of our attention back to the stage.

  “I had the most interesting conversation with Crystal this morning,” she says, leaning into me. I wrap an arm around her, tucking her more firmly against my side. “She seems to think you and Cam are a thing. And I thought you were keeping that quiet.”

  “She’s a smart kid, Cari. I didn’t tell her. She figured it out.”

  “If you two don’t quit staring at each other like you hung the damn moon, everyone will figure it out. Jax asked about y’all, yesterday.”

  I feel a little cold, and turn my gaze down at the top of her head. “When?”

  “On the flight. Said y’all’d been spending more time than usual together and what was up.” She makes a face. “Dimitri, I don’t like lying to our co-workers.”

  “I don’t either,” I say. “But this is at his pace and comfort. And right now, I think it’s safer for him if the world doesn’t know I’m with him, don’t you think?”

  She makes a face but she doesn’t argue any further. But I can feel her watching me, the same steady gaze I’ve felt for weeks now. I finally turn to look at her, and she gives me this bright, unfettered smile.

  It’s approval. Something I didn’t realize I wanted until I’ve got it and she leans back against me.

  The weekend is long and awful. Fans are pissed and I can’t even blame them because they’re being cheated.

  It goes against everything in me to treat them like this.

  And because the fans are pissed and I’m helpless, I’m being a dick. I snap at the handlers and I snap at Cari until we’re both at each other’s throats and the green room is tense and furious. I even snap at Camden, when he drags me away.

  “You gotta relax, Dee,” he mutters, pushing me into my room a step ahead of him.

  “You relax,” I snap back, petulant. He raises an eyebrow and I pause for a heartbeat, weighing my words. Frown.

  “That sounded ridiculous.”

  “Because you’re being ridiculous, you ass. Cut it out.”

  The words are harsh, but he’s smiling and he’s holding me close, kissing me as he says them.

  “I think I have the right,” I huff and he kisses the words from my lips.

  “And I think you need to fucking relax. Wanna let me help?” I glare at him, pushing him lightly away.

  “Camden,” I whine, as he tugs me toward the bed. He sits down and pulls me into his lap, until I’m straddling him and his lips are still on mine, pressing soft and deep and fucking intoxicating. His hips roll and he grins at me when he pulls away. “You need to relax.”

  I groan as he kisses down my throat, tugging the collar of his shirt aside to suck bruises into my collar bone. I groan as his teeth scrape over my skin, and then his lips tug again.

  “Love your marks on me, Camden.”

  His head snaps up and he stares at me with wide eyes that look shocked and pleased and disbelieving. I smile at him, and kiss him.

  “Want the world to know I’m yours,” I whisper.

  He moans and I push him down on the bed with my weight.

  We’ve got a plane to catch and a mountain of problems, and I can’t have what I want. I can’t let the world know anything.

  But for the moment, with his lips on me, and his fingers digging delicious pressure into my hips, and his teeth digging bruises into my skin, I can forget that.

  In this hotel room, where the rain pelts the glass and the sheets smell of us, and the light catches in his eyes—here we’re together and the rest of the world doesn’t exist.

  Chapter 17.

  The Extraordinary Girl, a Fractal Ends fanfic, first posted on EndersHollow.

  Annie Yarros knew she was special.

  Not because the world told her. She was, by all accounts, painfully ordinary. She wasn’t particularly pretty or talented or lucky or smart. She was average in all ways, except that she had a rich and heartbreaking backstory.

  She also possessed a remarkable sense of humor and HE told her that would serve her well, in the future.

  No, the world thought Annie Yarros was ordinary. But Farley Anders wasn’t the world and he had whispered to her all her life that she was special.

  And Annie might not be a genius, but neither was she stupid.

  She believed him.

  And that was her first mistake.

  --

  I wake up one morning, a few days after we get back from the con in Atlanta, and my house has become headquarters for a masque. Jessica Collins takes up almost full time residence. She’s here in the mornings, no matter how early our call times, and she’s there when we stumble home. Sometimes she’s even in Cari’s trailer, talking on her cell phone and organizing a million details that made no sense to me.

  I like JC. She’s bubbly and efficient and she almost singlehandedly keeps Small Things running on a daily basis. I’m fully aware that Dimitri and Cari would be lost without her.

  But I hate the month she invades our house, and we descend into a kind of barely controlled chaos as she and Cari and Dimitri huddle in a month long prep for the Enders Gala.

  Still. Cari is grinning and Dimitri is distracted—finally—from the stalker no one has heard anything else on, and I’ll take both of those wins.

  “Have you got a dress yet?” Dimitri asks over dinner. We have two weeks until the Gala and it's the first night in almost a month that JC hasn't been at the table shoving plans at Cari and Dee.

  I wonder, distantly, if it's because I've been growing more and more grumpy with her constant presence.

  I like the girl. I really do. But if there's people around besides Cari and Dee, I'm nervous and I don't like being nervous in my own home. It makes me irritable.

  “No. JC arranged to have some dresses sent over for me to look at.” Cari eyes me briefly. “And you need to have your suit fitted.”

  I make a small face. I don't mind the suit or even the Gala. I'm used to dressing up and playing the part at events for publicity, and the Gala is actually enjoyable. It's the shit that comes first that is annoying.

  “Where is she tonight?”

  Cari glances at me and grins, “Her son has a homecoming dance.”

  I blink. That is surprisingly...normal. I’m not sure what I expected, but that...was definitely not it.

  “Does this mean I get to make out with you in the kitchen while we clean up dinner?” I ask, grinning at Dee and he shakes his head.

  “No, but it does mean you can make out with me on the couch when you finish. I’ve got to make some calls first.”

  I grin and lean across the table to kiss him quickly before I grab some of the dirty dishes and retreat to the kitchen.

  It’s been quiet, since we returned home from Atlanta. Quiet i
n a way that was hectic and busy and full of plans, but also calming and needed. Even with JC here constantly and Jeb rotating in and out of the house, and on set with Andre--it was quiet.

  And for the first time in I couldn’t remember how long, I was happy. I was with my best friends, doing what I enjoyed, and at night, I fell into bed with someone I loved.

  People were still talking, speculating about what the hell happened in Atlanta, but the con staff put out a statement that was more bullshit than it was substance, and it calmed people down.

  Not completely. But enough.

  I finish the dishes and grab a beer then wander into the living room. Zed and Gil are curled around each other. Mochi and Buttons are sprawled on the couch.

  “Where is Cari?” I ask, sliding into the oversized chair behind Dimitri. He huffs a little, his laptop bobbling as I situate myself behind him. I stretch my legs out on either side of him, and then tug until he’s resting against me. He leans a little and tilts his head up, arching an eyebrow. “Are you comfortable?”

  I nod, and kiss him quickly. “Go back to work, babe. Don’t mind me.”

  He mumbles something, low enough that I don’t quite catch it, and turns back to his computer. Gradually, his weight settles against me and I let my hands rest on his hips, gently. Hold him close.

  I fall asleep like that, while he clacks away at his computer and our dogs snore on the ground.

  “But why do I have to go?” I whine.

  I actually fucking whine.

  Cari and I are standing on our marks on set, one of the girls from makeup standing between us, brushing powder onto Cari’s face. Someone is fucking with my hair, and I’m covered in freaking vines because we’re headed to Faerie, of all goddamn places, and this is when Cari announces we’re going shopping.

  I love Cari.

  I would happily walk through fire for her. But the idea of facing down a fucking dress store? No. That’s my hard limit.

  She turns her gaze on me, all steely blue and I wilt.