by Nella Tyler
Connie sighed. “I know I warned you about Bennett and so did your father, but that doesn't mean that any of this is true!”
“I know.”
“You have been talking about all this crazy chemistry that you have with Bennett. Don't forget that, that stuff can be really hard to fake, so chances are he felt it, too, and it's genuine. Don't let these people get in your head. If you're happy, then be happy. End of story.”
“I can't see him again, Connie. I just can't.”
“Are you really sure you want to do that?”
“No. But I don't have a choice now. I don't want my relationship with him to be tainted by rumors all around us. I don't want people thinking I'm a fool because Bennett is using me. I have a career in the same industry to focus on, and I'm not having the rumor mill do anything to ruin that. Plus, at the end of the day, I don't even know if it's true and I'm not going to be humiliated even further.”
“That makes me very sad because I haven't seen you that happy in a long while.”
“Yeah well, I have bigger issues than that. The newspaper assigned me to cover the Triple A team as a feature.”
“Who's that?”
I laughed. “Connie, stay with me here. It's Bennett's team. I was assigned to write about his team, so I'm going to have to see him again.”
Connie's mouth was hanging open. “You can't be serious? The same paper that assigned someone else to drag your name through the mud also wanted you to write about Bennett? Who are these people? Do they have any integrity at all? I'm furious. I want to walk right over there and give that editor of yours a piece of my mind.”
“No please, I don't need that,” I said, laughing.
“I just can't believe it,” she said, shaking her head.
I sipped at my coffee and wondered about what I should do.
“I think you need to refuse the article. Tell them you're not writing it anymore. I'm sure you won't even have to explain why. The idiots. They probably even expect you to tell them to shove it.”
“I don't know.”
“Come on, Emmi. It's not like they aren't going to understand why. So why would you put yourself through that?”
“I can't. I have to write it. If I wasn't in college for sports, then maybe I could turn it down, but I'm here to be a sportscaster. I need to grab every opportunity that I can to cover not only their team, but any team. It's going to be my job, I can't just run away every time I have to write something I don't want to write.”
“Really? You're going to do that?”
“I have to. I'm a professional and this is my job. I don't want anything on my resume that says I refused to write a sports article.”
“Wow...so when do you want to go for that drink?”
I laughed. “Now is as good a time as any.”
Chapter Two
We managed to find our way to the same burger joint that I had my first date at with Bennett. I'm not sure how wise it was that we went there, but Connie felt that I shouldn't hide my face at this point in time. Show people that there is nothing to talk about, she had said. I could see some truth in it. If I avoided people because I was embarrassed, then maybe the rumors were true. But if I went in there with my head held high and a smile on my face, then people would have to assume the rumors were wrong because why on earth would I be so happy at such a tragic moment in my life. I didn't want to plaster any sort of smile on my face, but I knew Connie was right. So I did as she said and we walked in.
I had worried that when I walked inside, all heads would turn to me and that the room would fall silent. There would be judging stares and looks of pity – I imagined there would even be a few snickers from people that thought I had set my sights a little too high by going after Bennett. I probably got exactly what I deserved. This was a scene I had seen in the movies, oftentimes horror movies.
But that wasn't what happened at all. Sure there were some looks and a few whispers, but nobody stopped their life to take a look at mine. We were all in college, after all, and chances were that my classmates had issues of their own. They were just lucky enough to not have it be front-page news.
We found a booth in the back and Candace showed up quickly to the table. She had a guilty, almost sheepish, look on her face, and I knew instantly that she had spoken to Rebecca about me. My blood pressure rose instantly and I almost told her to beat it. But the truth was, it wasn't her fault, either. She probably just thought she was gossiping about a juicy little tidbit without realizing that it was going to be put in the paper. Candace wasn't malicious; she just had a big mouth.
“Hey guys...can I get you something to drink?”
“Sure, a couple of beers would be great,” Connie said.
I didn't look at Candace at all. I flipped through the menu pretending I had much more pressing issues to deal with. As soon as she left to retrieve our beers Connie snorted. “Yep she was the snitch, for sure.”
“You think so?”
“Don't you?”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“Poor thing. You could tell she feels like an ass. She probably thought she was talking to a friend of hers about the new hot couple in town. She must have died when she saw the paper today.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I bet. She could have offered me an apology, though.”
Connie laughed. “I'm sure she's hoping you don't know. She probably would much rather no one know she talked about you rather than have to give an embarrassing apology to someone.”
“I don't care. It's the least she could do after this.”
“Just let it go, Emmi. You're a million times classier than that girl. You would never do that to someone; she will have to live with her mistake. You never know, you may get an apology, after all.”
“We'll see. I'm not holding my breath, though,” I said laughing.
“Yeah, you might die.”
Candace came back with our beers still looking as sheepish as ever. We ordered a few cheeseburgers with fries and she once again fled our table.
“I think she's relieved when she gets to walk away from the table,” Connie said.
“What a girl,” I commented.
My phone started ringing, and I began to dig through my purse to retrieve it. I looked at the screen to find Bennett was calling me.
“Oh God, it's Bennett.” I stared at the screen as it continued to ring.
“So...are you going to answer it?”
“Are you kidding me? I'm seething inside, and he's the cause of it.”
“Now, now,” Connie said laughing. “You don't actually know that the article is true, remember. He could be just as innocent in this as you are.”
“I don't care. Even the thought of talking to him makes me angry. There's no point – besides what am I going to say? Do I tell him about the article? Or pretend it never happened? No, I can't do that.”
The phone went silent, and I hoped I wasn't going to get a voicemail message.
“Well, for all you know, he may have been calling for that very reason.”
“You think that he knows?”
“I think there's probably a very good chance he knows. He goes to college, too, Emmi. The fact that he's out of town means nothing. I guarantee you one of his friends got wind of that and sent it to him. It's probably on Facebook.”
“Oh God, I didn't even think about that.”
“Well, you know some idiot was sure to post that on their page this morning, so I'm afraid it's probably viral at this point.”
I groaned with frustration. My day was just getting better and better. Viral! Oh God, there would be no hiding it from my father. I was doomed – everyone would know about it, not just college kids. All I wanted was a date! And maybe some kisses! How did this happen?
And I had slept with him. I put my head in my hands. What if that got out? I would be doomed for sure. Would Bennett have told anyone? Isn't that what guys did, brag about their conquests? If he was using me, then that information was bound to become public in
formation sooner than I would like. How could I have been so stupid? It was appalling to me how foolish I had been about the whole situation. Why couldn't I have just waited until he was signed with someone? Why did I have to go on that date? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
My phone dinged, notifying me that I had a voicemail message. I groaned again.
“What am I going to say to him? Especially if he knows. It's just so embarrassing.”
“I know, Emmi, I know. This whole thing completely sucks. But I don’t think you should ignore him, even if you don't see him again. At least give him the benefit of the doubt and hear what he has to say. He may be able to explain the whole thing and ease your mind. Wouldn't that be great?”
“Sure. It would also require me to believe what he has to say and I'm not sure I can at this point.”
I knew I probably shouldn't assume that Bennett was the jerk the papers were implying that he was, but I couldn't help it. I was just so angry about the situation and the position I had put myself in. Besides, what was I going to do about it now? I couldn't possibly date him when the whole city thought he was using me to rise to the top. No, thank you. So what was the point in talking to him then? I just didn't see the point at all. I didn't even want to hash it out with him. Talk about humiliating, having to discuss whether someone you had slept with was just using you to get on your father's baseball team. Oh, I just couldn't take it. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got.
I picked up my phone and looked at the voicemail message icon. I didn't even want to hear his voice at that moment. Just forget it. I refused to listen to the voicemail. There was no point.
Connie looked sadly at me. “Are you sure that was the right thing to do?”
“It's over, Connie. I just want to put all this behind me.”
Chapter Three
The cheeseburgers were just the thing to put me in a better mood – juicy, delicious mouth-watering pieces of meat with real cheese and a mess of toppings. Yum! It wasn't just the beer talking, although we had already drank three of them in a short period of time. That's five times now that Candace had come to our table and not said she was sorry. The girl needed a lesson in etiquette.
We had blown off our classes for the day, but it was just one day and hey, I was having a crisis here. Besides if any of my professors saw the paper that day, they would probably understand completely. In fact, they would probably be having a beer with me to in support of my crisis.
I was determined to let beer and girl talk erase all my worries for the day. I did not want to have to think about it any longer. I just wanted to forget the whole world for the time being and the fact that I was the talk of the school that day. Ugh!
It was easier said than done, however, because even though I wanted to forget the world, Bennett, and the front cover of the school newspaper, I couldn't do it. I was mortified, yes, and a little hurt, but I still felt something for Bennett. I would have liked to see if our relationship, or lack thereof, would have gone anywhere. I wanted so badly to see where things may have gone with us, but how could I now? That cover photo had been devastating to me. That kiss had been wonderful and deeply personal. It was something that should have stayed between us – not something that people could point and laugh at. Nobody had any idea what was truly going on in the hearts of the people in that photo and to accuse...it was just so unforgivable. And there in the middle of it were Bennett and I, and things were too new too fresh to determine what was the truth at that point. I really didn't know Bennett at all, so how could I possibly determine whether he was capable of lying to me?
I couldn't help but think about his phone call, however, and that voicemail message. What did he say? Was he apologizing? Asking for forgiveness or had he just been calling to say hello and tell me that he was thinking of me?
I kept checking my phone periodically. I wasn't sure why. He didn't call back, nor did he send any messages. He was probably wondering why I hadn't returned his call by now. He could be completely confused about the whole situation. But was that really my problem?
Who was I kidding? I felt terrible at the thought that he could be just as confused by the situation as I was. Maybe he wanted to reassure me that everything was going to be okay and I could trust him. Or maybe he had just called to make sure the rumors weren't going to ruin his chances with my father.
A message came in and I practically snatched the phone up. Disappointed, I realized it wasn't Bennett, just one of my classmates letting me know she got me notes for the class I missed. I quickly texted her back, thanking her for doing that for me.
“I thought you weren't going to talk to him?”
I glanced up, embarrassed that Connie knew me so well. “I know. I'm acting ridiculous, aren't I?”
“Well, if I have to remind you, it was your decision to never see him again. You broke things off, so why are you looking at your phone as if you're are wondering why he's not messaging you?”
“Maybe I should have listened to that message.”
Connie chuckled, “Yes, maybe you should have. At least you would have known what he had to say. But you chose not to and that's probably a good thing. So you need to stop worrying about it. You have had a rough day, it's okay to have a meltdown – just let it go for now.”
“What if I'm wrong?”
“I don't know, Emmi, I can't answer that for you. I have no idea if Bennett is capable of this. I hope he isn't.”
“I'm so confused.”
“Well, that is exactly why you need to take a breather. Not to mention you’re currently in the process of getting drunk. Not exactly the best time to make a phone call. Do you really want to end up crying on the phone because you're drunk?” She laughed. So did I, though the thought of that was a little frightening.
“Yeah, you're probably right.”
“Of course I'm right. You need some time to think and calm down. If at that point you still want to talk to him, then you can call him back. But right now, I think it would be a mistake.”
I laughed. “Could you imagine if I called him drunk? God, I might as well end my life at that moment. One minute he would think I was this charming and beautiful woman, and the next he would think I was a hot mess. That's not good at all.”
“Nope. It would be an amusing story to tell me the next day for sure, but probably not worth it.”
“What do you think guys think of drunk texts?”
Connie smiled. “Well, it depends. If it's for a booty call, I think they are all over that, unless you’re sloppy.” We laughed. “If it's just messages sent while you're drunk, I think it depends on the kind of messages. My ex used to tell me he thought my messages were super cute and he always knew that I was thinking about him. But this one guy used to tell me that a girl messaged him all the time when she was drunk and her messages were so bizarre, he thought she was a candidate to be a stalker and he just stopped talking to her.”
I burst out laughing. “Seriously? Wow, yeah I guess it really does matter.”
Connie was probably right. Becoming more of a fool wasn't exactly what I wanted at that moment. I took another swig of my beer and ignored my phone.
Chapter Four
The drunker I got, the more I wanted to listen to that message. What is wrong with me? Why was I so obsessed with finding out what the message said? I should have been able to let it go, but I couldn’t. There was a part of me that wanted to know what he had to say, even if it was bad. Or maybe I just want to hear his voice, I wasn't too sure. Either way, the more I thought about it and the more I drank, the more I wanted to not only hear his message, but talk to him. Maybe that was why I shouldn't listen to the message. If I heard his voice, then I would really be in trouble. I would want to talk to him, I would call him, and then maybe I would be able get out of this mess. I had been determined to let him go, to never talk to him again, to move on with my life and not have to deal with any more rumors. So why on earth was I still thinking about that voicemail message? I was becoming obs
essed and it was a little embarrassing. Why couldn’t I just move on? Hadn't I been humiliated enough? Apparently not because all I wanted to do was here that stupid voicemail message.
I looked up at Connie and decided I was going to do it, I was going to listen to that message. Maybe it did make me an idiot. But I was gonna do it anyways. At least I would know one way or the other. I hated wondering – at least this way, good or bad, I would know what really happened. I would know what he had to say. And then I could make a conscious decision from there about what I really want to do.
“I think I'm going to hit the ladies room for a minute, too many beers you know?”
She laughed. “No problem.”
I got up from the booth, my head feeling a little dizzy. I maneuvered around tables and waitresses as I walked to the bathroom. Maybe I should really cool it on the beer because things were gain a little bit fuzzy for me. Once inside the bathroom, I went into one of the stalls and sat down on the toilet. I had no intention of going to the bathroom, I just needed a place to sit for now. I open up my voicemail messages and clicked on Bennett's to take a listen to it. I couldn't believe how nervous I was. It was just a message, after all, and I had already decided to end things. So what was the big deal?
The moment I heard his voice, I wanted to cry. I wasn't sure why, but maybe hearing his voice made it all that much more real. The hopes that I had for the relationship, the fact that I liked him so much, and now the article that I would have to deal with every day for the rest of my life – it was all too much to bear at once. I shouldn't have to deal with any of these things. I had done nothing wrong – I had just been living my life, minding my own business. And now this, I hated having to do this stuff. And I didn't want to end things with Bennett. Our date had been marvelous, but it all got tainted because of the article, and I felt that he was at least partially to blame.
“God, Emmi, I wish I could have got you on the phone. My friend Brad just called me about this ridiculous article he saw. Is that why you aren't answering my call? I just need you to know that I had nothing to do with what they are saying; in fact I am completely appalled by reporting so terrible as that. I cannot even believe they printed that garbage, it's just tabloid fodder, Emmi, and it's completely untrue. I just need you to know that, I would never do anything like that to anyone, never mind someone like you. You're father has nothing to do with our dating, and I would love it if we didn't let this get in the way of us seeing each other again. I'm going to be travelling, Emmi, and then we have a game, and so I won't be able to talk right away. But please call back and let me know when it would be a good time for me to call you tomorrow. Good-”